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I'm a mess right now. Got off my medication because I thought things were better, but a lot of stress at work and some stress at home has sent me spiraling down again. Suicidal thoughts creep in and I've flown off the handle over little things more than a few times now. Work is starting to become too much for me and logically it really shouldn't be, but I just get locked up and can't make myself do anything.

I'm so sick of this. My worst fear is that I'm going to not be able to do my job again. I can't go through that again. This job is too great of an opportunity. Best job I've ever had and it landed in my lap.

I have an appointment with a doctor and need to get back on something soon.

Basically, today has been rough due to a fight with the wife and I just needed to vent for a second. Feeling things heading in the wrong direction and I can't let that happen.

gl, peas.

If you're still in public accounting, get out. A good private accounting position is a million times less stressful. And in my experience, less overall hours and better pay.

Regardless, good luck with everything. Breathe and take it 1 day at a time.

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I'm a mess right now. Got off my medication because I thought things were better, but a lot of stress at work and some stress at home has sent me spiraling down again. Suicidal thoughts creep in and I've flown off the handle over little things more than a few times now. Work is starting to become too much for me and logically it really shouldn't be, but I just get locked up and can't make myself do anything.

I'm so sick of this. My worst fear is that I'm going to not be able to do my job again. I can't go through that again. This job is too great of an opportunity. Best job I've ever had and it landed in my lap.

I have an appointment with a doctor and need to get back on something soon.

Basically, today has been rough due to a fight with the wife and I just needed to vent for a second. Feeling things heading in the wrong direction and I can't let that happen.

gl, peas.

gl, jay. damn- I can empathize on ALL fronts. been a rough couple of weeks for me too.

with your work- is there any small, however stupid thing you can power through to unlock yourself? and then keep finding those things to build momentum? ideally, micro items that can lead you to a macro goal?

I've got a project I thought I had set myself up in good shape with as I was developing it... but now that it has to go out, I'm realizing I'm behind and starting to feel overwhelmed. I start pushing through one thing, but it makes me think about 30 other things that it either affects or that just need further development too.... and then no matter how fast I'm paddling, it feels like I'm getting nowhere. Or I'm just doing what I usually do- which is stress out when the project needs to leave my hands and is taken over by the contractor. either way, I've run out of time and the #### has to go out... but the stress level is through the roof for me- barely seen my kids and what little I see of the wife is cliched nagging/negativity instead of support. I'm sure she feels the same way. ugh.

sorry to bogart your post, jay- just venting too... and procrastinating on a Sunday when I need to be working.

gl.

JFC FML

in my stressed out, exhausted state- I essentially erased all the work I did over the weekend. work that was desperately trying to get myself caught up (and I was feeling a lot less stressed about where I was for the coming weeks as a result). now... :cry:

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I'm a mess right now. Got off my medication because I thought things were better, but a lot of stress at work and some stress at home has sent me spiraling down again. Suicidal thoughts creep in and I've flown off the handle over little things more than a few times now. Work is starting to become too much for me and logically it really shouldn't be, but I just get locked up and can't make myself do anything.

I'm so sick of this. My worst fear is that I'm going to not be able to do my job again. I can't go through that again. This job is too great of an opportunity. Best job I've ever had and it landed in my lap.

I have an appointment with a doctor and need to get back on something soon.

Basically, today has been rough due to a fight with the wife and I just needed to vent for a second. Feeling things heading in the wrong direction and I can't let that happen.

gl, peas.

If you're still in public accounting, get out. A good private accounting position is a million times less stressful. And in my experience, less overall hours and better pay.

Regardless, good luck with everything. Breathe and take it 1 day at a time.

I only spent a year in public accounting and it was during my darkest time. I've been in private for 3 years now. This job is just going through a phase where everything is coming up at once.

We've quadrupled in size over the last year, my bookkeeper is moving, we are going through an audit and a 3rd party due diligence review and this is my first year on the job. I know it is just for a time, but I'm struggling to survive it.

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Can you request an Accounting temp to help out with some smaller things to free you up to do your higher level stuff? Any decent executive should accommodate you and realize that's too much for one person. Hell, they should be suggesting it to you, for your health and the good of the company.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. I take it as a sign of self-awareness, not weakness. GL.

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Can you request an Accounting temp to help out with some smaller things to free you up to do your higher level stuff? Any decent executive should accommodate you and realize that's too much for one person. Hell, they should be suggesting it to you, for your health and the good of the company.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. I take it as a sign of self-awareness, not weakness. GL.

They are aware and last week I let them know I had too much on my plate. We are trying to hire someone with accounting credentials above bookkeeping, but that will take a few weeks at least. I've never even thought about a temp. I may explore that if we don't have a new hire soon.
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Posted this in GMTAN and probably elsewhere. Its helped me somewhat. Maybe it can help someone else or a family member or friend you know. Still pretty down, but I'm trying.

I have battled depression on and off over the years to the point where these past few months have been the darkest I can remember. I started reading The Depression Cure. I am not all the way through it yet but it is a great read. I am on and will continue to be on Effexor (Venlafaxine) for OCD symptoms and depression, but this book is giving me some other ideas/anchors.

Talks about 6 steps of Therapeutic Lifestyle Changes (TLC)

1. Omega-3 fish oil. Pretty much everyone needs to take these and it just so happens to help greatly with depression for many people.

2. Recognizing and reversing rumination. Essentially cognitive therapy..recognizing when your mind leads you to downward spiral and reversing the pattern.

3. Exercise! Finally got my fat bbq ### in the company gym few times over the last week or so.

4. Light therapy - we need sunlight. My depression worsens in Jan/Feb..work from 7:30-5:30 and have lunch at your desk..you won't see the sun for a while. That's not good. There are also seasonal mood type of lights now available that can replicate what the sun offers.

5. Social interaction - Haven't read this chapter yet but I am assuming to means talking to real people too and not just you idorks. ;)

6. Healthy sleep - I got my CPAP pressure adjusted and have slept better recently. Losing 20 pounds would be awesome as well if I can do it.

Lot of common sense stuff but I didn't know the omega 3 data and overall I like the book's approach. Everyone knows someone or experiences depression points somewhere in their life. Good luck to you GD and Jayrod. Love you all.

Hang in there my brother.

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I'm a mess right now. Got off my medication because I thought things were better, but a lot of stress at work and some stress at home has sent me spiraling down again. Suicidal thoughts creep in and I've flown off the handle over little things more than a few times now. Work is starting to become too much for me and logically it really shouldn't be, but I just get locked up and can't make myself do anything.

I'm so sick of this. My worst fear is that I'm going to not be able to do my job again. I can't go through that again. This job is too great of an opportunity. Best job I've ever had and it landed in my lap.

I have an appointment with a doctor and need to get back on something soon.

Basically, today has been rough due to a fight with the wife and I just needed to vent for a second. Feeling things heading in the wrong direction and I can't let that happen.

gl, peas.

gl, jay. damn- I can empathize on ALL fronts. been a rough couple of weeks for me too.

with your work- is there any small, however stupid thing you can power through to unlock yourself? and then keep finding those things to build momentum? ideally, micro items that can lead you to a macro goal?

I've got a project I thought I had set myself up in good shape with as I was developing it... but now that it has to go out, I'm realizing I'm behind and starting to feel overwhelmed. I start pushing through one thing, but it makes me think about 30 other things that it either affects or that just need further development too.... and then no matter how fast I'm paddling, it feels like I'm getting nowhere. Or I'm just doing what I usually do- which is stress out when the project needs to leave my hands and is taken over by the contractor. either way, I've run out of time and the #### has to go out... but the stress level is through the roof for me- barely seen my kids and what little I see of the wife is cliched nagging/negativity instead of support. I'm sure she feels the same way. ugh.

sorry to bogart your post, jay- just venting too... and procrastinating on a Sunday when I need to be working.

gl.

JFC FML

in my stressed out, exhausted state- I essentially erased all the work I did over the weekend. work that was desperately trying to get myself caught up (and I was feeling a lot less stressed about where I was for the coming weeks as a result). now... :cry:

you know what goes great on top of all of that... a call from the tax man just now saying I owe more money than I have- for previous years, when I haven't even paid this year yet. and of course since I lost multi-day's worth of work, I don't have time to go home and dig through my files to see if they're wrong (which they just were with my wife's filing).

feels just dandy.

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My wife (33) had a colonoscopy today since she had some odd symptoms, which revealed tumor(s) in the colon by the abdomen. The Dr said there is a medium sized tumor that is suspicious, although I saw a sketch he had done that showed about 4 tumors. We have a 27 mo old son and an 11 mo old daughter. We find out Thursday if it is malignant or benign, but based on the urgency of the Dr and his demeanor and calling it "suspicious" when asked if he had an inclination, we are not feeling too great about it. CAT scan tomorrow on the abdomen.

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:(

you, your wife and kids will be in my thoughts walkmen. so incredibly sorry to hear the news- really hoping for best possible outcome for you guys Thursday and ongoing if need be.

please let us know if there's anything we can do... besides ##### and moan (which I'm getting good at the last couple of weeks).

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My wife (33) had a colonoscopy today since she had some odd symptoms, which revealed tumor(s) in the colon by the abdomen. The Dr said there is a medium sized tumor that is suspicious, although I saw a sketch he had done that showed about 4 tumors. We have a 27 mo old son and an 11 mo old daughter. We find out Thursday if it is malignant or benign, but based on the urgency of the Dr and his demeanor and calling it "suspicious" when asked if he had an inclination, we are not feeling too great about it. CAT scan tomorrow on the abdomen.

#### sorry to hear my brother. :(

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A GB died this morning. He had a full life but I didn't see him in the hospital this week. I was just so busy we work. I can't believe he went so fast.

He looked like and had the #### you demeanor of this guy which always makes me laugh. He was (is) a Marine in WWII too. He never hesitated to give me ####. RIP John

Edited by St. Louis Bob
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My wife (33) had a colonoscopy today since she had some odd symptoms, which revealed tumor(s) in the colon by the abdomen. The Dr said there is a medium sized tumor that is suspicious, although I saw a sketch he had done that showed about 4 tumors. We have a 27 mo old son and an 11 mo old daughter. We find out Thursday if it is malignant or benign, but based on the urgency of the Dr and his demeanor and calling it "suspicious" when asked if he had an inclination, we are not feeling too great about it. CAT scan tomorrow on the abdomen.

any update? :(
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My wife (33) had a colonoscopy today since she had some odd symptoms, which revealed tumor(s) in the colon by the abdomen. The Dr said there is a medium sized tumor that is suspicious, although I saw a sketch he had done that showed about 4 tumors. We have a 27 mo old son and an 11 mo old daughter. We find out Thursday if it is malignant or benign, but based on the urgency of the Dr and his demeanor and calling it "suspicious" when asked if he had an inclination, we are not feeling too great about it. CAT scan tomorrow on the abdomen.

Jesus this is my worst nightmare. I don't care if anything happens to me but I'm not sure what I would do if I ever lost my wife or baby boy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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My wife (33) had a colonoscopy today since she had some odd symptoms, which revealed tumor(s) in the colon by the abdomen. The Dr said there is a medium sized tumor that is suspicious, although I saw a sketch he had done that showed about 4 tumors. We have a 27 mo old son and an 11 mo old daughter. We find out Thursday if it is malignant or benign, but based on the urgency of the Dr and his demeanor and calling it "suspicious" when asked if he had an inclination, we are not feeling too great about it. CAT scan tomorrow on the abdomen.

Jesus this is my worst nightmare. I don't care if anything happens to me but I'm not sure what I would do if I ever lost my wife or baby boy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

wow - same here. T&Ps

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My wife (33) had a colonoscopy today since she had some odd symptoms, which revealed tumor(s) in the colon by the abdomen. The Dr said there is a medium sized tumor that is suspicious, although I saw a sketch he had done that showed about 4 tumors. We have a 27 mo old son and an 11 mo old daughter. We find out Thursday if it is malignant or benign, but based on the urgency of the Dr and his demeanor and calling it "suspicious" when asked if he had an inclination, we are not feeling too great about it. CAT scan tomorrow on the abdomen.

any update? :(

:goodposting:

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A GB died this morning. He had a full life but I didn't see him in the hospital this week. I was just so busy we work. I can't believe he went so fast.

He looked like and had the #### you demeanor of this guy which always makes me laugh. He was (is) a Marine in WWII too. He never hesitated to give me ####. RIP John

I was just thinking about one of the more "famous" stories about John, at least that I would tell here.

John, even though he was about 5'2, was a total bad ###. Just used to beat the hell out of guys who thought they had an easy target at the bar.

My cousin saw one of his old drinking GB's about 10 years ago, grisly old guy, and he asked him if he was Bill, John's GB. Bill replied "I am. I've never heard John say a kind word about anybody, God I love that man!".

Edited by St. Louis Bob
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Thanks for asking for an update. The good news is the scan come back clear, so there are no tumors any where except for in the colon. The Dr confirmed there is only 1 tumor. The bad news is it is cancerous. Surgery is set for Thursday to remove it. Our outlook and thoughts are positive. I will update more as I find out more.

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positive and healthy thoughts heading your way. best of luck to you guys.

what about you, floppy - recover from last wkend snafu?

thanks for asking wp.... not really- but doing the best I can. and even that is a BIG difference from the days when the depression would win out and bury me. I'm full of stress (just yelled at my son, which I never do), working again this weekend despite having a birthday yesterday. but since the kids- other when we had the fire and I was just overwhelmed- I've done my very best to keep on top of it... the thought of the kids makes me fight through and keep moving forward, where previously I would get consumed and frozen in place.

eta: also the reality of things relative to potential tragedy... if not for cliched money related issues, my life is pretty ok. health all around is great, kids are great, life- aside from bs money... great.

Edited by El Floppo
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I just found out my friend and coworker has cancer. I've finally stopped crying long enough to post this. She is in the upper 1% of the greatest people in the world to me. I've known her for 20 years I guess and have NEVER seen her anything but sweet and positive. Ever. She NEVER has a down day. #### she knew yesterday and I was running shtick on her and we were laughing together. And she knew she had cancer. She wasn't going to bring me down. No, that isn't how she operates. I'm dying over here.

Sorry to hear this, keep your head up Bob.

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positive and healthy thoughts heading your way. best of luck to you guys.

what about you, floppy - recover from last wkend snafu?

thanks for asking wp.... not really- but doing the best I can. and even that is a BIG difference from the days when the depression would win out and bury me. I'm full of stress (just yelled at my son, which I never do), working again this weekend despite having a birthday yesterday. but since the kids- other when we had the fire and I was just overwhelmed- I've done my very best to keep on top of it... the thought of the kids makes me fight through and keep moving forward, where previously I would get consumed and frozen in place.

eta: also the reality of things relative to potential tragedy... if not for cliched money related issues, my life is pretty ok. health all around is great, kids are great, life- aside from bs money... great.

Keep on keepin on, palo'mine. Remember, you can't always control what happens to you but you have complete and utter control of how you feel about what happens to you.

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positive and healthy thoughts heading your way. best of luck to you guys.

what about you, floppy - recover from last wkend snafu?

thanks for asking wp.... not really- but doing the best I can. and even that is a BIG difference from the days when the depression would win out and bury me. I'm full of stress (just yelled at my son, which I never do), working again this weekend despite having a birthday yesterday. but since the kids- other when we had the fire and I was just overwhelmed- I've done my very best to keep on top of it... the thought of the kids makes me fight through and keep moving forward, where previously I would get consumed and frozen in place.

eta: also the reality of things relative to potential tragedy... if not for cliched money related issues, my life is pretty ok. health all around is great, kids are great, life- aside from bs money... great.

Keep on keepin on, palo'mine. Remember, you can't always control what happens to you but you have complete and utter control of how you feel about what happens to you.

other than the depression... yeah.

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positive and healthy thoughts heading your way. best of luck to you guys.

what about you, floppy - recover from last wkend snafu?

thanks for asking wp.... not really- but doing the best I can. and even that is a BIG difference from the days when the depression would win out and bury me. I'm full of stress (just yelled at my son, which I never do), working again this weekend despite having a birthday yesterday. but since the kids- other when we had the fire and I was just overwhelmed- I've done my very best to keep on top of it... the thought of the kids makes me fight through and keep moving forward, where previously I would get consumed and frozen in place.

eta: also the reality of things relative to potential tragedy... if not for cliched money related issues, my life is pretty ok. health all around is great, kids are great, life- aside from bs money... great.

Keep on keepin on, palo'mine. Remember, you can't always control what happens to you but you have complete and utter control of how you feel about what happens to you.

other than the depression... yeah.

Depression is merely an abstraction of our old, animal, starvation-mode shutdowns. Once the organism stops seeing the human contrivances that get us all worked-up as "lost food", it stops using the shutdown as a defense. Happy to talk about it with you anytime - you know where to find me.

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Thanks for asking for an update. The good news is the scan come back clear, so there are no tumors any where except for in the colon. The Dr confirmed there is only 1 tumor. The bad news is it is cancerous. Surgery is set for Thursday to remove it. Our outlook and thoughts are positive. I will update more as I find out more.

####, hang in there GB. :(

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  • 2 weeks later...

Anyone have advice for handling self negative thoughts caused by irrational thinking? The past few weeks I've been overwhelmed by handling to pay off student loan debt while living paycheck to paycheck.

The extremism of highs/lows caused by ADHD medication is emotionally draining.

Edited by bosoxs45
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Just got a text from a friend regarding my GB who has apparently started trying to drink himself to death. He got put on leave from his job and now isn't returning anyone's calls. He does have a live in gf so at least he's not completely alone, but I am stuck as to how to reach out in a successful way.

:(

Hello Thorn

What do you mean by that last sentence?

Will the live-in gf not allow him to talk to you?

Are you trying to figure out a way to talk to him?

Maybe an impromptu visit to his house should be in order, with said friend who texted you

about the GB who is slowly killing himself.

I guess what I was getting at was just the helpless feeling. Since that post we have talked a bunch and hung out a couple times. I feel like he's on a tightrope. He admitted that it was his fault he got put on leave, but he still views his situation as some epic battle between good and evil, when in fact it is just that he got drunk and sent out a bunch of emails about his superintendent to basically all the teachers. What he said about the super was correct, but obviously the forum was wrong. Anyhow he called me today pretty worked up.

He's stopped drinking and started again a couple times since. I don't get depressed in the way that he does, so I'm not sure how to impress upon him that this ain't nothin but a thing. He's already gotten an offer to work in a different school district. Maybe the answer is that I can't impress anything on him.

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Anyone have advice for handling self negative thoughts caused by irrational thinking? The past few weeks I've been overwhelmed by handling to pay off student loan debt while living paycheck to paycheck.

The extremism of highs/lows caused by ADHD medication is emotionally draining.

I really wish I did, man. My oldest son takes ADHD meds and I see him going through the same thing. Best of luck to you.

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Anyone have advice for handling self negative thoughts caused by irrational thinking? The past few weeks I've been overwhelmed by handling to pay off student loan debt while living paycheck to paycheck.The extremism of highs/lows caused by ADHD medication is emotionally draining.

I really wish I did, man. My oldest son takes ADHD meds and I see him going through the same thing. Best of luck to you.

Thank you. The first step I did yesterday was reach out to my college's counseling center for help.

Best thing to do really is try and stay positive.

Edited by bosoxs45
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Anyone have suicidal thoughts regardless if things are good or bad? Or just feel like, man, I'm looking forward to that vacation in June, but catching a stray bullet tomorrow... :wub:

I know by now that I'd never go through with it, but still have a warm feeling when I think about kicking the bucket.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Anyone have suicidal thoughts regardless if things are good or bad? Or just feel like, man, I'm looking forward to that vacation in June, but catching a stray bullet tomorrow... :wub:

I know by now that I'd never go through with it, but still have a warm feeling when I think about kicking the bucket.

I have those thoughts daily. I keep thinking that I don't want to fight for this life anymore.

I figure it would be better if I was no longer around. It's a constant thought.

The past week have been very very hard on me.

I am at work, in my office, tears in my eyes, wondering if I should try to power through this and work, or

just clock out and leave work.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Any stories by FBG's dealing with a spouse that is depressed? Over the last couple of years, my wife has become increasingly negative, filled with pent up anger and any other number of symptoms of depression. My oldest daughter and I have talked about what we can do to help, but she has friends that are on medication and I know she takes pride in the fact that she is not. She needs help, but I am struggling on the best method to get her to see that this is not who she is. I am sure it grabs your brain and you can forget how you should feel. I am thankful the search engine at least found this for me to see if any FBG's had advice and/or experience here.

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Any stories by FBG's dealing with a spouse that is depressed? Over the last couple of years, my wife has become increasingly negative, filled with pent up anger and any other number of symptoms of depression. My oldest daughter and I have talked about what we can do to help, but she has friends that are on medication and I know she takes pride in the fact that she is not. She needs help, but I am struggling on the best method to get her to see that this is not who she is. I am sure it grabs your brain and you can forget how you should feel. I am thankful the search engine at least found this for me to see if any FBG's had advice and/or experience here.

I don't want to oversimplify this but how is her diet/health? Does she exercise regularly? Does she work? If yes, is this adding to the stress level?

In my opinion, medication should be a last resort if the solution is something more natural like diet/exercise/meditation/etc.

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Any stories by FBG's dealing with a spouse that is depressed? Over the last couple of years, my wife has become increasingly negative, filled with pent up anger and any other number of symptoms of depression. My oldest daughter and I have talked about what we can do to help, but she has friends that are on medication and I know she takes pride in the fact that she is not. She needs help, but I am struggling on the best method to get her to see that this is not who she is. I am sure it grabs your brain and you can forget how you should feel. I am thankful the search engine at least found this for me to see if any FBG's had advice and/or experience here.

I don't want to oversimplify this but how is her diet/health? Does she exercise regularly? Does she work? If yes, is this adding to the stress level?

In my opinion, medication should be a last resort if the solution is something more natural like diet/exercise/meditation/etc.

agree.

but I would keep therapy on the ready, if these don't produce results.

therapy doesn't have to mean pills. aside from the money, there's nothing but benefit to it... particularly if an end game is figured out ahead of time (and not just endless, woody allen lifetime of sitting on a couch blabbing... but hell- even that has benefit).

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Any stories by FBG's dealing with a spouse that is depressed? Over the last couple of years, my wife has become increasingly negative, filled with pent up anger and any other number of symptoms of depression. My oldest daughter and I have talked about what we can do to help, but she has friends that are on medication and I know she takes pride in the fact that she is not. She needs help, but I am struggling on the best method to get her to see that this is not who she is. I am sure it grabs your brain and you can forget how you should feel. I am thankful the search engine at least found this for me to see if any FBG's had advice and/or experience here.

I don't want to oversimplify this but how is her diet/health? Does she exercise regularly? Does she work? If yes, is this adding to the stress level?

In my opinion, medication should be a last resort if the solution is something more natural like diet/exercise/meditation/etc.

agree.

but I would keep therapy on the ready, if these don't produce results.

therapy doesn't have to mean pills. aside from the money, there's nothing but benefit to it... particularly if an end game is figured out ahead of time (and not just endless, woody allen lifetime of sitting on a couch blabbing... but hell- even that has benefit).

No work. Runs about 5 times a week. I would welcome anything. I know she has said she feels on edge because our oldest is graduating and going to college, but the fact is this has been ongoing for probably 2 years by my estimation and I am sure this is just ramping it up. It is hard to think of a day without a blow up. I feel like I could keep an OSHA sign in the house with X many days since last irrational blow up and someone and it would never get past 5.

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Any stories by FBG's dealing with a spouse that is depressed? Over the last couple of years, my wife has become increasingly negative, filled with pent up anger and any other number of symptoms of depression. My oldest daughter and I have talked about what we can do to help, but she has friends that are on medication and I know she takes pride in the fact that she is not. She needs help, but I am struggling on the best method to get her to see that this is not who she is. I am sure it grabs your brain and you can forget how you should feel. I am thankful the search engine at least found this for me to see if any FBG's had advice and/or experience here.

I don't want to oversimplify this but how is her diet/health? Does she exercise regularly? Does she work? If yes, is this adding to the stress level?

In my opinion, medication should be a last resort if the solution is something more natural like diet/exercise/meditation/etc.

agree.

but I would keep therapy on the ready, if these don't produce results.

therapy doesn't have to mean pills. aside from the money, there's nothing but benefit to it... particularly if an end game is figured out ahead of time (and not just endless, woody allen lifetime of sitting on a couch blabbing... but hell- even that has benefit).

No work. Runs about 5 times a week. I would welcome anything. I know she has said she feels on edge because our oldest is graduating and going to college, but the fact is this has been ongoing for probably 2 years by my estimation and I am sure this is just ramping it up. It is hard to think of a day without a blow up. I feel like I could keep an OSHA sign in the house with X many days since last irrational blow up and someone and it would never get past 5.

sounds like she could use an unbiased professional to listen and advise.

insurance often covers mental health too. I think this is an obvious next step for her.

But does she have preconceived biases/stigma about therapy that would keep her from going or participating? Our friends who seem to need the most help feel that way- and refuse to even consider going that route. there's also the consideration of how to intervene with her without making her feel defensive and irritated (maybe impossible not to?).

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Any stories by FBG's dealing with a spouse that is depressed? Over the last couple of years, my wife has become increasingly negative, filled with pent up anger and any other number of symptoms of depression. My oldest daughter and I have talked about what we can do to help, but she has friends that are on medication and I know she takes pride in the fact that she is not. She needs help, but I am struggling on the best method to get her to see that this is not who she is. I am sure it grabs your brain and you can forget how you should feel. I am thankful the search engine at least found this for me to see if any FBG's had advice and/or experience here.

I don't want to oversimplify this but how is her diet/health? Does she exercise regularly? Does she work? If yes, is this adding to the stress level?

In my opinion, medication should be a last resort if the solution is something more natural like diet/exercise/meditation/etc.

agree.

but I would keep therapy on the ready, if these don't produce results.

therapy doesn't have to mean pills. aside from the money, there's nothing but benefit to it... particularly if an end game is figured out ahead of time (and not just endless, woody allen lifetime of sitting on a couch blabbing... but hell- even that has benefit).

No work. Runs about 5 times a week. I would welcome anything. I know she has said she feels on edge because our oldest is graduating and going to college, but the fact is this has been ongoing for probably 2 years by my estimation and I am sure this is just ramping it up. It is hard to think of a day without a blow up. I feel like I could keep an OSHA sign in the house with X many days since last irrational blow up and someone and it would never get past 5.

sounds like she could use an unbiased professional to listen and advise.

insurance often covers mental health too. I think this is an obvious next step for her.

But does she have preconceived biases/stigma about therapy that would keep her from going or participating? Our friends who seem to need the most help feel that way- and refuse to even consider going that route. there's also the consideration of how to intervene with her without making her feel defensive and irritated (maybe impossible not to?).

Both are concerns. Preconceived bias as well as how to approach. It has been weighing on me pretty much constantly for a few months. It has gotten to the point where there is so much deflection and defensiveness that it just feels like it would be counter productive. Things will go well for a few days, then bam, out of nowhere it is gone for a few days. I try to mitigate known stressers as much as possible such as stress of things to do and things that frustrate her to get to a point where I could try to address it, but in the mean time, I am working 50 hrs a week and trying to reduce things that might cause a blow up and it is exhausting.

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sounds like you're doing everything you can- and ultimately it's going to be her fight to fight. do you think she thinks she's unhappy?

if mental health carries negative biases... how about clergy? I've known people to talk to their priest, rabbi whatever once or twice to try to sort through things. I still think therapy is the way to go- as these people are trained to deal with every manner of mental health issue out there. Clergy just aren't. plus- IMO- these things take time to get through... just figuring out that you're unhappy takes a while, let alone getting to any causes. eta: the people I've know go this route only got to talk to them a couple of times

Edited by El Floppo
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sounds like you're doing everything you can- and ultimately it's going to be her fight to fight. do you think she thinks she's unhappy?

if mental health carries negative biases... how about clergy? I've known people to talk to their priest, rabbi whatever once or twice to try to sort through things. I still think therapy is the way to go- as these people are trained to deal with every manner of mental health issue out there. Clergy just aren't. plus- IMO- these things take time to get through... just figuring out that you're unhappy takes a while, let alone getting to any causes. eta: the people I've know go this route only got to talk to them a couple of times

Yeah, I think she realizes it, but it has been easy to rationalize it as other things, which I am guessing as common.

Clergy, not sure. Up to 6 months ago, I was the clergy. I was released from my serving as bishop in our congregation after 5 years doing that. I do not know if she would feel comfortable with the man that took my place in doing it, but of course she for darn sure wasn't going to talk to me as clergy.

Is there any prudence in a multi-prong attack, as it were? Involving her close friends to encourage on their end? I am very close with all of their families and their husbands, but it would feel like betrayal to some extent going behind her back to consult with them. It has gotten to the point where I know the conversation needs to happen, and I have looked at resources that tell how best to do it, but at the same time, I want to make sure I do all I can to do it right, with the best possible chance of success and positive outcome.

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sounds like you're doing everything you can- and ultimately it's going to be her fight to fight. do you think she thinks she's unhappy?

if mental health carries negative biases... how about clergy? I've known people to talk to their priest, rabbi whatever once or twice to try to sort through things. I still think therapy is the way to go- as these people are trained to deal with every manner of mental health issue out there. Clergy just aren't. plus- IMO- these things take time to get through... just figuring out that you're unhappy takes a while, let alone getting to any causes. eta: the people I've know go this route only got to talk to them a couple of times

Yeah, I think she realizes it, but it has been easy to rationalize it as other things, which I am guessing as common.

Clergy, not sure. Up to 6 months ago, I was the clergy. I was released from my serving as bishop in our congregation after 5 years doing that. I do not know if she would feel comfortable with the man that took my place in doing it, but of course she for darn sure wasn't going to talk to me as clergy.

Is there any prudence in a multi-prong attack, as it were? Involving her close friends to encourage on their end? I am very close with all of their families and their husbands, but it would feel like betrayal to some extent going behind her back to consult with them. It has gotten to the point where I know the conversation needs to happen, and I have looked at resources that tell how best to do it, but at the same time, I want to make sure I do all I can to do it right, with the best possible chance of success and positive outcome.

It would feel a bit like a betrayal to me as well- but that's knowing how my (private) wife deals with things.

sounds like a simple conversation (even though it never is) about this is the way to start- but not putting things on her... "seems like you've been more stressed out or unhappy lately. is there anything I can do to help?... ok- I'll do X, Y, Z... how about on your end? segue... shuffle... shuffle... have you ever thought about talking to somebody about these things? I completely support you if so."

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