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Suicide


johnjohn

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On August 21, 2016 at 9:53 AM, shadyridr said:

Found myself thinking about what I would write in a note last night

I find myself there at times.  Especially around anniversaries of some difficult times in my life.

 

I was was going in for surgery the day you lost her.  And in recovery thereafter after some weirdness. And I'm so sorry.  

Many people think about it.  Or even write the note as an exercise.  If you ever find yourself making a plan, please make sure you talk to a professional.  It's worth it.  And helpful. 

I still wish you hope.

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  • 1 month later...

Always hate to see this thread bumped. I worry more about suicides now that Trump is the new president.

8 transgender youth have taken their lives since...the event. Another is on life support. My heart just broke. Please be kind to each other. It's tempting to crawl into a hole and lick our wounds. Call a friend right now. You have no idea how much your voice might help right at this moment. If you can, suicide prevention hotlines need support now. Let's keep being human together.

How many of you Trump voters are pro-life? What about their lives? You think you have nothing to do with their deaths? You ignored it when we told you he was a bigot. You voted for him anyway. Reflect on that, and remember the fallen. You have no idea what it's like for these beautiful souls, just trying to be accepted for who they are.

/end rant

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1 minute ago, CurlyNight said:

Always hate to see this thread bumped. I worry more about suicides now that Trump is the new president.

8 transgender youth have taken their lives since...the event. Another is on life support. My heart just broke. Please be kind to each other. It's tempting to crawl into a hole and lick our wounds. Call a friend right now. You have no idea how much your voice might help right at this moment. If you can, suicide prevention hotlines need support now. Let's keep being human together.

How many of you Trump voters are pro-life? What about their lives? You think you have nothing to do with their deaths? You ignored it when we told you he was a bigot. You voted for him anyway. Reflect on that, and remember the fallen. You have no idea what it's like for these beautiful souls, just trying to be accepted for who they are.

/end rant

Didn't vote for Trump but this is WAY out of line.

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5 minutes ago, CurlyNight said:

Always hate to see this thread bumped. I worry more about suicides now that Trump is the new president.

8 transgender youth have taken their lives since...the event. Another is on life support. My heart just broke. Please be kind to each other. It's tempting to crawl into a hole and lick our wounds. Call a friend right now. You have no idea how much your voice might help right at this moment. If you can, suicide prevention hotlines need support now. Let's keep being human together.

How many of you Trump voters are pro-life? What about their lives? You think you have nothing to do with their deaths? You ignored it when we told you he was a bigot. You voted for him anyway. Reflect on that, and remember the fallen. You have no idea what it's like for these beautiful souls, just trying to be accepted for who they are.

What Bulls**t.

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8 minutes ago, McGarnicle said:

Feels like the whole country is losing their minds right now. It's getting difficult to consume any media whatsoever about current events, this forum included.

sad that people feel the need to drag partisan bs around with them into threads that should have nothing to do with it.

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7 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

sad that people feel the need to drag partisan bs around with them into threads that should have nothing to do with it.

There was an avalanche of media about Trump's narcissism and unfitness to be president, and the dangers he would pose. But there was also such a slim chance of him winning that public anxiety was at a minimum. Now that it's happened, it's going to be extremely difficult for many people to deal with the fear and despair. There's a perception that he could fly into a rage over something trivial and start a nuclear war. Someone's opinion of that perception being valid or ludicrous is a partisan question, but the mental health crisis is real.

Obviously the CN post is way out of line though and a lot of people already have her on ignore.

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  • 4 months later...
9 minutes ago, badmojo1006 said:

Just a note, won't be around for a while. Scared myself last night and I don't want to be alone right now. SO I am checking myself into the local Behavioral Hospital today to get help. 

good thoughts and prayers will be greatly appreciated.

You got it. good decision to check in. 

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12 minutes ago, badmojo1006 said:

Just a note, won't be around for a while. Scared myself last night and I don't want to be alone right now. SO I am checking myself into the local Behavioral Hospital today to get help. 

good thoughts and prayers will be greatly appreciated.

so sorry you're going through this rough time, gb... please let me/us know if there's anything we can do here for you. anything at all. and don't forget to PM shuke.

such a good decision to get some help- Ts, Ps, and more heading your way. When you're up to it, please check back in to let us know how you're doing....

Good luck- you've got this!

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9 hours ago, badmojo1006 said:

Just a note, won't be around for a while. Scared myself last night and I don't want to be alone right now. SO I am checking myself into the local Behavioral Hospital today to get help. 

good thoughts and prayers will be greatly appreciated.

I just want to echo the thoughts that others have expressed here. Making this move took great courage, it's a lot easier to hide and hope things get better than to be proactive and seek help. Please keep us posted, you're gonna come out on the other side of this. 

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1. Definite thoughts and prayers to you BadMojo. I'm so glad you are getting help. Keep up the good fight!

 

2. I've been dealing with a suicidal family member as of late. This person has suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, and admitted to a timeline of when to do it many years down the road. (When their youngest child finishes high school). They've been under the care of a psychiatrist, but is in the process of getting a new one due to the lack of success in treatment. This sucks. 

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11 hours ago, badmojo1006 said:

Just a note, won't be around for a while. Scared myself last night and I don't want to be alone right now. SO I am checking myself into the local Behavioral Hospital today to get help. 

good thoughts and prayers will be greatly appreciated.

Good call getting help. We'll be here when you get back.  Good luck and do the hard work - you deserve the time to do it.

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7 hours ago, Ketamine Dreams said:

1. Definite thoughts and prayers to you BadMojo. I'm so glad you are getting help. Keep up the good fight!

 

2. I've been dealing with a suicidal family member as of late. This person has suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, and admitted to a timeline of when to do it many years down the road. (When their youngest child finishes high school). They've been under the care of a psychiatrist, but is in the process of getting a new one due to the lack of success in treatment. This sucks. 

I've been struggling with my own thoughts on the subject. Is it normal to have regular suicidal thoughts but at the same time knowing you'll never go through with them?

Edited by shadyridr
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2 hours ago, shadyridr said:

I've been struggling with my own thoughts on the subject. Is it normal to have regular suicidal thoughts but at the same time knowing you'll never go through with them?

I'd say you went through a pretty extreme trauma which might knock your compass sideways. Have you been talking to anyone professionally?

i don't know what's "normal" but I can say I've been in your shoes. But it's still good to talk it out, you don't want one bad day to get away from you. Hang in there buddy. 

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2 hours ago, shadyridr said:

I've been struggling with my own thoughts on the subject. Is it normal to have regular suicidal thoughts but at the same time knowing you'll never go through with them?

Doesn't hurt to go talk to somebody.  I would consider it.

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2 hours ago, shadyridr said:

I've been struggling with my own thoughts on the subject. Is it normal to have regular suicidal thoughts but at the same time knowing you'll never go through with them?

I think so and have been there (recently and since childhood).  There's no way I'd actually do it, couldn't imagine leaving my sons without a dad.  But like you, the thought does creep in every so often.  I think it's fairly common but it's best to have a support network.  

You know the times the thought doesn't come in?  When I'm doing something for other people.  So that's my therapy.  Also while exercising, that works too.

Edited by -OZ-
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42 minutes ago, -OZ- said:

I think so and have been there (recently and since childhood).  There's no way I'd actually do it, couldn't imagine leaving my sons without a dad.  But like you, the thought does creep in every so often.  I think it's fairly common but it's best to have a support network.  

You know the times the thought doesn't come in?  When I'm doing something for other people.  So that's my therapy.  Also while exercising, that works too.

Exercise, video games, joined the board of a non-profit for her genetic condition, and volunteered to manage my son's little league team. Those are my distractions but the thoughts do creep in regularly. I have not talked to anybody professionally. I just dont know how they are going to help but that could be my own stubborness. I asked my wife if she wanted to goto a support group with me but she has no desire so either I go alone, drag her with me, or dont go. Its very frustrating when nobody understands the thoughts in my head including my wife.

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25 minutes ago, shadyridr said:

Exercise, video games, joined the board of a non-profit for her genetic condition, and volunteered to manage my son's little league team. Those are my distractions but the thoughts do creep in regularly. I have not talked to anybody professionally. I just dont know how they are going to help but that could be my own stubborness. I asked my wife if she wanted to goto a support group with me but she has no desire so either I go alone, drag her with me, or dont go. Its very frustrating when nobody understands the thoughts in my head including my wife.

Understood.  At the least they can help by giving an outlet.  Recommend going to one yourself and assess after giving it a try.  

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31 minutes ago, shadyridr said:

Exercise, video games, joined the board of a non-profit for her genetic condition, and volunteered to manage my son's little league team. Those are my distractions but the thoughts do creep in regularly. I have not talked to anybody professionally. I just dont know how they are going to help but that could be my own stubborness. I asked my wife if she wanted to goto a support group with me but she has no desire so either I go alone, drag her with me, or dont go. Its very frustrating when nobody understands the thoughts in my head including my wife.

That's precisely why you should talk to a professional. Highly recommend it.

I'm glad to hear you know you'll never go through with it.  Just keep vigilant - the moment you have a plan, an actual decision as to "how you'd do it" please, please go directly to a professional.

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It's the same but it's not the same, i know, but i been a widower for 20 yrs, shady, and the hole dont go away. Sometimes i'll be talking and i dont even know i'm thinking of my Mary and i'll choke up or break down in the middle of a sentence and embarrass the crap outta myself. Sometimes i'll be doing something really positive & proactive and a wave of utter uselessness will sweep over me and tell me no matter what i do it'll add up to nothing cuz we all die and none of us really do that much when it comes right down to it so why bother. Sometimes i just dont have to bother cuz i know that even lifting an arm will be painful and worthless.

After a while, though, you come to see it as your inside weather, and you know to enjoy the sunny days more, not to board up the windows for every storm that passes but maybe keep the umbrella close for a while, just flat give yourself a snow day sometimes. And i remind myself that i hurt so much because i loved so much and what a beautiful thing that is. Then i live, love, leave it better than i found it like i'm supposed to do every day and remember that the chance life provides to do and feel great things is worth it all. GL -

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I know this might sound stupid and doesnt belong in this thread but we're talking so please indulge me. I find my depression creeping in places I never would have imagined. Take the NCAA tournament for example. For the last 20 years of my life I so looked forward to this time. Every year I would take the Thu and Fri off, fill out numerous brackets, scour scouting reports, and try and watch every game. This year? Zero interest. I had no desire to take today or tomorrow off. I didnt fill out a single bracket. Not even sure Ill watch a game. It just brings me no joy. Few things do. Except my son and my nephews and nieces. I wish something brought me joy again.

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4 hours ago, shadyridr said:

I've been struggling with my own thoughts on the subject. Is it normal to have regular suicidal thoughts but at the same time knowing you'll never go through with them?

I would think so.  Might want to talk to someone..no need to mention suicidal thoughts but maybe speak a little about depression.

The last 10 years or so I have had a few down periods and never could figure out why.  I was Driving back from our place in Northern MI with just my Labrador and me I was overcome by a feeling a depression for no apparent reason.  My wife and I both had good jobs and we get along great, money was not an issue, kids were doing fine, had a nice home and drove nice cars and I kept thinking.."What could you possibly be depressed about" I never told my wife and was able to easily hide it.

I know a clinical doctor at U-M who is a friend and talked to her a little and actually it is pretty common but most people can hide it well. It came back to a number of things that I always kept in the back of my mind.  Both my dad and mom died horrible deaths at young ages.  My dad died when I was 18 but it was after my mothers death that I started feeling this way at times as I always tried to block her death out of my mind like it never happened and I would never talk about it..as she was my best friend and mother. I was the youngest in the family so it made it easy.

  We had nothing growing up yet now their kids are living the life's they always wanted for us...but they were never able to really see how we turned out..how their grand kids turned out.  For me it was always wanting my parents to see that we did turn out good..that their efforts paid off.

I still get this feeling but it is fewer and farther between and it does not last long thankfully. I would try to find someone to talk to though as you may discover things that will help.

Edited by Da Guru
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29 minutes ago, shadyridr said:

I know this might sound stupid and doesnt belong in this thread but we're talking so please indulge me. I find my depression creeping in places I never would have imagined. Take the NCAA tournament for example. For the last 20 years of my life I so looked forward to this time. Every year I would take the Thu and Fri off, fill out numerous brackets, scour scouting reports, and try and watch every game. This year? Zero interest. I had no desire to take today or tomorrow off. I didnt fill out a single bracket. Not even sure Ill watch a game. It just brings me no joy. Few things do. Except my son and my nephews and nieces. I wish something brought me joy again.

You just gotta remind yourself that a lot of that's physical - indigestion of the id, sciatica of the soul. As i've said in this thread before, depression imitates the physical mechanism within us for dealing with starvation. It shuts down, makes every effort feel useless because it burns calories when there is nothing available to replace them with. Pain, grief starves the heart, so to speak. It's physical, not moral, not your fault any more than gas is, none of that - there is no need to take it personally. You can win over this by remembering it's the same as a cramp - it will pass, you can treat it, can take measures to make it happen less. It only harms the next moment and the moment after that if you let it. Again, GL -

Edited by wikkidpissah
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1 hour ago, shadyridr said:

I know this might sound stupid and doesnt belong in this thread but we're talking so please indulge me. I find my depression creeping in places I never would have imagined. Take the NCAA tournament for example. For the last 20 years of my life I so looked forward to this time. Every year I would take the Thu and Fri off, fill out numerous brackets, scour scouting reports, and try and watch every game. This year? Zero interest. I had no desire to take today or tomorrow off. I didnt fill out a single bracket. Not even sure Ill watch a game. It just brings me no joy. Few things do. Except my son and my nephews and nieces. I wish something brought me joy again.

It is called growing up and realizing that there are many many things that are more important than sports.

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3 hours ago, shadyridr said:

Exercise, video games, joined the board of a non-profit for her genetic condition, and volunteered to manage my son's little league team. Those are my distractions but the thoughts do creep in regularly. I have not talked to anybody professionally. I just dont know how they are going to help but that could be my own stubborness. I asked my wife if she wanted to goto a support group with me but she has no desire so either I go alone, drag her with me, or dont go. Its very frustrating when nobody understands the thoughts in my head including my wife.

hey gb... I feel like therapy or counseling is a fantastic outlet- wish I could afford to do it regularly... or even at all.

and I haven't gone through anything like what you've gone through. I think you should get yourself into either personal or maybe even better, group sessions about loss.... mostly so you don't have to feel like nobody gets what's going on in your heart and head.

eta: ideally it's something you and the wife could do together, but solo is better than nothing from the sound of it. and if she's ready to hear or talk about it and you think it's relevant, maybe you can bring some of the discussions and ideas home. (but tbh, with a therapist or group, it's going to feel a safer place to have these kind of discussions... no hot-button word/topics/facial-expressions/whatever to get in the way of what you're really trying to say or feel)

Edited by El Floppo
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  • 2 weeks later...
On 3/15/2017 at 9:58 AM, badmojo1006 said:

Just a note, won't be around for a while. Scared myself last night and I don't want to be alone right now. SO I am checking myself into the local Behavioral Hospital today to get help. 

good thoughts and prayers will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for the. Kind thoughts. I am in a halfway house called IRIS House. I feel safe here and can get my life in order.  30 day program. Limited net connection will check in as often as I can

 

 

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21 minutes ago, badmojo1006 said:

Thanks for the. Kind thoughts. I am in a halfway house called IRIS House. I feel safe here and can get my life in order.  30 day program. Limited net connection will check in as often as I can

 

 

Was thinking about you all week. Really glad you checked in here, and iris house. Wishing you all the best.

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2 hours ago, badmojo1006 said:

Thanks for the. Kind thoughts. I am in a halfway house called IRIS House. I feel safe here and can get my life in order.  30 day program. Limited net connection will check in as often as I can

 

 

Wishing you the best. We are all rooting for you! xx

Edited by CurlyNight
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Looking at those knives I want to cut my skin 

But the thought of one more whiskey pulls me back in

Why have I done the things I didn't know I did 

Some unkind evil inside me causing skid after skid

That February morning when the fateful decision was made 

To rest my friend Anthony was too early laid 

Why was I chosen, why did I survive? 

Sometimes I feel I shouldn't be alive

I know this is why I've chosen to let the demons win

Falling further and never letting anyone in

They all say nothing is wrong, I'm just experiencing life

But I know no one else deals with this kind of internal strife

So I sit here alone again with my trio of glasses.  

Shot, lemons, beer... alone in the masses

Crying on the inside with my phone my only willing ear

The darkness of the bar is where the time will disappear 

But hey, like they say, this is just life

But my eyes will again revert to the knife 

This is not who I am and this is not what I will be

When you peel off the layers I just love my family

The knife will never take me, nor the pills nor the booze

It was once nothing to gain but now it's everything to lose

Please God support me as I claw my way back 

Because it is only love from myself that I seem to lack 

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On 3/26/2017 at 0:55 PM, AAABatteries said:

I'm no expert but for those struggling remember some basics - get good sleep, eat a healthy diet, exercise and avoid alcohol.  

Also therapy... there may be a stigma attached to it, but try not let that bother you.  It has helped me a lot.  Believe it or not, I got the "courage" to go listening to Howard Stern.  He's a big proponent, and he said something that struck a nerve with me... "Everyone can benefit from therapy"

I really do agree... we've all got places we can improve ourselves.  Some more than others, and each will benefit in different ways.  I have been able to trace some of my biggest issues back to their root causes, and am learning to let go.

Strongly recommend.

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