The Lawyer Thread Where We Stop Ruining Other Threads

[Ditkaless Wonders 16,249]

Lawyers united... is this guy giving good advice? Seems like it on the surface but then I think of the times I've talked to a cop about a crime and wonder how they'd ever solve anything if non-suspects refused to talk to them.

It is a very good lecture.

[Yankee23Fan 9,289]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

[Henry Ford 60,520]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

[Yankee23Fan 9,289]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....

[NCCommish 7,522]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

I say door number 2.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....

By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?

[Henry Ford 60,520]

Really, the first thing is clearly going to be calling opposing counsel and playing that voicemail for him. Maybe it's worth just stopping by and listening to it together, so you can get his whole reaction.

[NCCommish 7,522]

Really, the first thing is clearly going to be calling opposing counsel and playing that voicemail for him. Maybe it's worth just stopping by and listening to it together, so you can get his whole reaction.

This does sound fun

[Thorn 3,027]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....

By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?

I don't get who would be sanctioned and why.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

"Jim, I'm going to play you a voicemail. But when I do it, I want to sit on your lap and cuddle up to you. It's going to be a special moment."

[Henry Ford 60,520]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....

By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?

I don't get who would be sanctioned and why.

The contractor. Some states - don't know about his - contacting another party's expert regarding the case and attempting to intimidate him/her is a sanctionable offense for either the lawyer or the party. It's considered "witness intimidation."

Edited June 27, 2014 by Henry Ford

[Thorn 3,027]

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....

By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?

I don't get who would be sanctioned and why.

The contractor. Some states - don't know about his - contacting another party's expert regarding the case and attempting to intimidate him/her is a sanctionable offense for either the lawyer or the party. It's considered "witness intimidation."

Interesting. I don't think a non-lawyer can be sanctioned in my state.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

Interesting. I don't think a non-lawyer can be sanctioned in my state.

"Sanction" just means "impose a penalty" anywhere I've practiced, and under the Federal Rules.

[Yankee23Fan 9,289]

I doubt sanctions would come. And given I just finished an appearance on a dog of case that isnt going to pay I think I am just going to savoir the possibilities on this one for now and count some chickens. Just because I can.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

I doubt sanctions would come. And given I just finished an appearance on a dog of case that isnt going to pay I think I am just going to savoir the possibilities on this one for now and count some chickens. Just because I can.

"Motion to Strike Opposing Counsel In The Face"

[Yankee23Fan 9,289]

I doubt sanctions would come. And given I just finished an appearance on a dog of case that isnt going to pay I think I am just going to savoir the possibilities on this one for now and count some chickens. Just because I can.

"Motion to Strike Opposing Counsel In The Face"

Not his fault. Nice guy. We've been on the opposite side of the table a few times. It's his client that is a putz.

[eoMMan 5,663]

I'm in Florida. I'm getting a real estate attorney/lawyer to change the deed on our house (long story short, house is just in my wife's name and it's in her maiden name.....we need it changed to show us both and with her correct, new name).

How much? $2,000?

[Yankee23Fan 9,289]

I'm in Florida. I'm getting a real estate attorney/lawyer to change the deed on our house (long story short, house is just in my wife's name and it's in her maiden name.....we need it changed to show us both and with her correct, new name).

How much? $2,000?

If I got paid $2000 for every deed I write I would have more money than Bill Gates. And I'm not kidding.

If it costs you more than $150 find someone else. Unless there are like 10 people on the deed and the title call is 5 pages long, it is almost no work. I charge 100-150 plus the recording which is usually 50 unless, again, there are more than the usual number of pages.

[krista4 23,667]

Apropros of Judge Smails' post, the company I left a year ago had its IPO this week, and the stock that the company repurchased from me is now selling for about 40% more than what I was paid (not to mention the options I let expire and would have been in-the-money by about 180%).

That said, I don't regret leaving for even a second.

Edited June 28, 2014 by krista4

[Thorn 3,027]

I'm in Florida. I'm getting a real estate attorney/lawyer to change the deed on our house (long story short, house is just in my wife's name and it's in her maiden name.....we need it changed to show us both and with her correct, new name).

How much? $2,000?

If I got paid $2000 for every deed I write I would have more money than Bill Gates. And I'm not kidding.

If it costs you more than $150 find someone else. Unless there are like 10 people on the deed and the title call is 5 pages long, it is almost no work. I charge 100-150 plus the recording which is usually 50 unless, again, there are more than the usual number of pages.

I charge $200 plus recording!

[Judge Smails 3,590]

Apropros of Judge Smails' post, the company I left a year ago had its IPO this week, and the stock that the company repurchased from me is now selling for about 40% more than what I was paid (not to meant the options I let expire and would have been in-the-money by about 180%).

That said, I don't regret leaving for even a second.

I'm going to have a really tough decision to make. Expect the offer to come in the next 2 days and I'll have 2 weeks in Cabo to ponder it. Tequila will help.

[Joe T 1,254]

Asking this for a friend:

If you get subpoenaed for documents and you don't comply, how much trouble can you actually get in?

[krista4 23,667]

Apropros of Judge Smails' post, the company I left a year ago had its IPO this week, and the stock that the company repurchased from me is now selling for about 40% more than what I was paid (not to meant the options I let expire and would have been in-the-money by about 180%).

That said, I don't regret leaving for even a second.

I'm going to have a really tough decision to make. Expect the offer to come in the next 2 days and I'll have 2 weeks in Cabo to ponder it. Tequila will help.

They will give you two weeks to decide? That's awesome. Did the offer come in?

My situation was a bit different from yours, I think. I hated my company and my job by the time I left; it was truly a miserable existence. Whatever extra money I might have made (which is unknown at this point anyway as I likely would have been subject to a lock-up for a while) was not worth it.

[Joe T 1,254]

Also, how much can you generally ask for "document processing fee" ?

[Henry Ford 60,520]

Asking this for a friend:

If you get subpoenaed for documents and you don't comply, how much trouble can you actually get in?

That's the fun part. Failing to comply is contempt of court - the possibilities are endless!

[Henry Ford 60,520]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

[NCCommish 7,522]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

You have my permission if it helps.

[bigbottom 10,931]

http://abovethelaw.com/2014/06/if-you-dont-hate-pharrell-yet-biglaw-firm-makes-happy-music-video/#more-324545

I apologize in advance on behalf of:

1) Biglaw

2) The City of Houston

3) The legal profession

4) Music

5) Dancing

[Ramsay Hunt Experience 19,263]

http://abovethelaw.com/2014/06/if-you-dont-hate-pharrell-yet-biglaw-firm-makes-happy-music-video/#more-324545

I apologize in advance on behalf of:

1) Biglaw

2) The City of Houston

3) The legal profession

4) Music

5) Dancing

6) Law puns (don't be that guy).

Also, in the embarrassing song/video category everybody is playing runner-up to Nixon Peabody.

[bigbottom 10,931]

http://abovethelaw.com/2014/06/if-you-dont-hate-pharrell-yet-biglaw-firm-makes-happy-music-video/#more-324545

I apologize in advance on behalf of:

1) Biglaw

2) The City of Houston

3) The legal profession

4) Music

5) Dancing

6) Law puns (don't be that guy).

Also, in the embarrassing song/video category everybody is playing runner-up to Nixon Peabody.

Link to the delicious song RHE is referencing (though I imagine many of you have already heard it in all its glory).

[Henry Ford 60,520]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

[NCCommish 7,522]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.

[NCCommish 7,522]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.

More time to practice

[Otis 13,325]

http://abovethelaw.com/2014/06/if-you-dont-hate-pharrell-yet-biglaw-firm-makes-happy-music-video/#more-324545

I apologize in advance on behalf of:

1) Biglaw

2) The City of Houston

3) The legal profession

4) Music

5) Dancing

Saw this the other day. Face palm.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.

More time to practice

This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.

[NCCommish 7,522]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.

More time to practice

This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.

The curse of being good. Happens to me all the time.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.

More time to practice

This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.

The curse of being good. Happens to me all the time.

In this case, it cost me and the client a chance to poison the judge in this trial - we'd severed a single issue to be tried before everything else, and the outcome would have severely prejudiced the judge against them in the rest of the case. They conceded, and now all of that is probably going to waste.

Once the other side realized what it looked like on paper, they just gave up the issue.

Edited July 2, 2014 by Henry Ford

[NCCommish 7,522]

If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

God #### it.

You had the all clear for the junk kick.

I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.

More time to practice

This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.

The curse of being good. Happens to me all the time.

In this case, it cost me and the client a chance to poison the judge in this trial - we'd severed a single issue to be tried before everything else, and the outcome would have severely prejudiced the judge against them in the rest of the case. They conceded, and now all of that is probably going to waste.

Well that sucks.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

But conceding now means my client gets his back surgery paid for before he gets any worse. And with appeals, it could otherwise have been a year.

[NCCommish 7,522]

But conceding now means my client gets his back surgery paid for before he gets any worse. And with appeals, it could otherwise have been a year.

Well that sounds like a win then.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

I take small comfort in the fact that many years ago, when I needed a job badly, the attorney on the other side interviewed me, told me he wanted to hire me but had to talk to his partners, and then never contacted me or took my calls again.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

But conceding now means my client gets his back surgery paid for before he gets any worse. And with appeals, it could otherwise have been a year.

Well that sounds like a win then.

Yeah. I knew when I read his briefs and mine that this was going to happen.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.

[NCCommish 7,522]

Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.

So now it's a little bit less of a win then.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.

So now it's a little bit less of a win then.

"Your honor, I'd like to spend a little time talking to you about seamen."

[NCCommish 7,522]

Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.

So now it's a little bit less of a win then.

"Your honor, I'd like to spend a little time talking to you about seamen."

Already entertaining and we haven't even gotten started.

[Henry Ford 60,520]

Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.

So now it's a little bit less of a win then.

"Your honor, I'd like to spend a little time talking to you about seamen."

Already entertaining and we haven't even gotten started.

"An employer has been required by written law to care for his seamen since at least 1160 CE, when the Roles D'Oleron described in great detail the employer's relationship with his seamen. Eleanor of Aquitane demonstrated her love of seamen by promulgating these laws." Edited July 2, 2014 by Henry Ford

[NCCommish 7,522]

Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.

So now it's a little bit less of a win then.

"Your honor, I'd like to spend a little time talking to you about seamen."

Already entertaining and we haven't even gotten started.

"An employer has been required by written law to care for his seamen since at least 1160 CE, when the Roles D'Oleron described in great detail the employer's relationship with his seamen. Eleanor of Aquitane demonstrated her love of seamen by promulgating these laws."

That Eleanor was quite the little minx.

[Yankee23Fan 9,289]

Lol