Jump to content
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing


Recommended Posts

3 minutes ago, Epic Problem said:

Yesterday’s diet consisted of an English muffin, 3 fried eggs and what some would consider an offensive amount of beer and whiskey. 

The scale today is 7 poinds less than yesterday.

my diet book will be released next week 

“Dehydration and alcoholism - how much does water weigh?”

by Epic Problems

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 87.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Officer Pete Malloy

    5008

  • General Malaise

    4491

  • El Floppo

    4251

  • kevzilla

    3115

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Moo.

HELLO FROM REHAB!!!!   Not sure if anything's been shared but Sunday dinner at my parents' a couple weeks ago was in fact an elaborate ruse to stage an intervention.  Actually it wasn't very

Everybody take a minute tonight (or today) to raise a glass to HeckDad.  My sister just called to tell me that he passed away at home.  Don't have details other than he fell, but he was 94 with a bad

Posted Images

I also woke up this morning on a friend’s couch. No recollection of how I ended up there. Phone was dead.  I did the walk of shame home. Once I got back to stately Epic Manor, Mrs Epic was epically upset with me. It appears that I never told her that I wasn’t coming home. 

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

Once phone easy recharged, this was read

 

When you get this (and if nothing bad has happened to you) please know I am disappointed. No desire to get into it when you re appear but I think you know i would never not come home without a text or a call. That along with the fact that I specifically asked you to behave in light of today's events etc. Think it may be best if you do your friend thing on your own and give me a little time to have a few drinks and a better attitude toward you. We can meet up later at (insert cousin’s name here) thing. Love you very much, just dont like how I'm feeling.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Epic Problem said:

I also woke up this morning on a friend’s couch. No recollection of how I ended up there. Phone was dead.  I did the walk of shame home. Once I got back to stately Epic Manor, Mrs Epic was epically upset with me. It appears that I never told her that I wasn’t coming home. 

So now you’re posting this here to leave a supporting trail of posts for when she finds out this friend is a nymphomaniac supermodel with a fetish for whiskey/egg farts? Smart. 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Henry Ford said:

“Dehydration and alcoholism - how much does water weigh?”

by Epic Problems

Which is so weird. I mean beer and whiskey is basically just fancy water, right? 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Henry Ford said:

So now you’re posting this here to leave a supporting trail of posts for when she finds out this friend is a nymphomaniac supermodel with a fetish for whiskey/egg farts? Smart. 

Just wait until you see the sex tape

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Epic Problem said:

It may even be epic

I bet you could channel the extra money and time from quitting into really expensive prostitutes. Sex addiction feels way better. Plus you remember it the next day. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, Epic Problem said:

Which is so weird. I mean beer and whiskey is basically just fancy water, right? 

American beer is like making love in a canoe.  Both are ####### close to water. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Reg Lllama of Brixton said:

My wife loves to tell the story about asking her mom if she could go see The Blue Lagoon.  My wife was about 10 at the time.  Her mom said no, of course, since the content was fairly mature.  Wife wasn’t happy.

The next day wife’s stepdad takes her younger brother to the movies. Brother was like 8.  They come home and wife and her mom found out they saw The Blue Lagoon.  Both of them “What the hell?”

Stepdad shrugs “I thought it was about dolphins and ####”.

I remember the local video store letting me rent Bachelor Party in 5th grade

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
54 minutes ago, Epic Problem said:

Once phone easy recharged, this was read

 

When you get this (and if nothing bad has happened to you) please know I am disappointed. No desire to get into it when you re appear but I think you know i would never not come home without a text or a call. That along with the fact that I specifically asked you to behave in light of today's events etc. Think it may be best if you do your friend thing on your own and give me a little time to have a few drinks and a better attitude toward you. We can meet up later at (insert cousin’s name here) thing. Love you very much, just dont like how I'm feeling.

was this from you or her?

48 minutes ago, Epic Problem said:

Just wait until you see the sex tape

:reported: 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Epic Problem said:

Once phone easy recharged, this was read

 

When you get this (and if nothing bad has happened to you) please know I am disappointed. No desire to get into it when you re appear but I think you know i would never not come home without a text or a call. That along with the fact that I specifically asked you to behave in light of today's events etc. Think it may be best if you do your friend thing on your own and give me a little time to have a few drinks and a better attitude toward you. We can meet up later at (insert cousin’s name here) thing. Love you very much, just dont like how I'm feeling.

Are we just going to slide right by this part?

Edited by krista4
  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, El Floppo said:

not furley's wife.

:goodposting: if i failed to come home one night she'd just change the locks and that would be that.

Edited by mr. furley
Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, mr. furley said:

kids are at my mom's for the night

wife asked, last night, if i wanted to order in Indian for dinner tonight

i assented

she eats one thing from this restaurant

she has been home for 45 minutes, staring at the online menu trying to decide what to eat

she just phoned in the order

she ordered the same thing she always gets

"i didn't have enough time to decide! i panicked!"

24 hours

not enough time

Mine is caught completely off-guard EVERY TIME when the server asks what she'd like to drink.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Ignoramus said:

Mine is caught completely off-guard EVERY TIME when the server asks what she'd like to drink.

Mine gets that deer in the headlights look anytime she has to order an alcoholic beverage with no drink menu

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Epic Problem said:

Once phone easy recharged, this was read

 

When you get this (and if nothing bad has happened to you) please know I am disappointed. No desire to get into it when you re appear but I think you know i would never not come home without a text or a call. That along with the fact that I specifically asked you to behave in light of today's events etc. Think it may be best if you do your friend thing on your own and give me a little time to have a few drinks and a better attitude toward you. We can meet up later at (insert cousin’s name here) thing. Love you very much, just dont like how I'm feeling.

I've gotten a version of this text before. Shocking, I know right? They forgive. But they don't forget. Godspeed

I also see Krista has addressed the big fat elephant in that text.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife is probably more decisive and capable than me regarding most things, so I can't really empathize. But if #### isn't the exact thing she wants and exactly how she wants it, everything is ruined. Getting stuff at a bar or restaurant on the fly or for shirts and giggles isn't happening. So if we're looking fo a random spot, the menu is poured over for exactly the right thing before going in.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Wife has been gone at a hair appointment for probably two or three hours and I’m guessing It’s going to cost at least $150 and I just got a text that says  “I hate my hair” :mellow:

Oh well at least she didn’t have to fly to New York for it.  @Chemical X

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Dan Lambskin said:

Wife has been gone at a hair appointment for probably two or three hours and I’m guessing It’s going to cost at least $150 and I just got a text that says  “I hate my hair” :mellow:

Oh well at least she didn’t have to fly to New York for it.  @Chemical X

You could have her stay home, mail me $50 to NY and I'll text you to say it's hideous. Win/win.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Dan Lambskin said:

Wife has been gone at a hair appointment for probably two or three hours and I’m guessing It’s going to cost at least $150 and I just got a text that says  “I hate my hair” :mellow:

Oh well at least she didn’t have to fly to New York for it.  @Chemical X

pfft, mine spends $100 to get a haircut.. then comes home and "fixes it" for at least an hour with her own salon scissors.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
34 minutes ago, Ignoramus said:

Mine is caught completely off-guard EVERY TIME when the server asks what she'd like to drink.

this too

she gets the same item at any restaurant we have been to more than once. she picks something the first time and never varies ever after. but still.... every time we go back..... 20, 30, 40 minutes mulling the options.... turning away the server a couple times.... then finally steps up and "uhh..... you know, i'm not sure.................. (awkward silence for several minutes)......... i'll just have (the same thing i always have)"

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, El Floppo said:

My wife is probably more decisive and capable than me regarding most things, so I can't really empathize. But if #### isn't the exact thing she wants and exactly how she wants it, everything is ruined. Getting stuff at a bar or restaurant on the fly or for shirts and giggles isn't happening. So if we're looking fo a random spot, the menu is poured over for exactly the right thing before going in.

My wife almost always ends up wanting what I ordered. 

I'm fairly protective of my food and not a good "sharer" when it comes to my restaurant meals.  So it becomes a bit of a pout and complain from her while asking for yet another bite and how good it is - and how she should have ordered it.

I have suggested that she order what I order for over 30 years now.  

Edited by Binky The Doormat
  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

my wife rarely has her hair done, a simple trim is all.  hell, sometimes i do it.  

we often tell the waiter to bring us whatever is the best thing in the restaurant.  otherwise, quick decisive orders.  a lot of the time, we share 2-3 apps and one entree.

i am the one, when faced with a huge ###### menu, i am often stumped by too many choices, none of them appealing.  think cheesecake factory style menu (we never eat there)  but that style.  everything from eggs benedict to kung pao shrimp and everything between.  in my mind, i think that none of it must be good.  or that fresh. :X 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Dan Lambskin said:

Wife has been gone at a hair appointment for probably two or three hours and I’m guessing It’s going to cost at least $150 and I just got a text that says  “I hate my hair” :mellow:

Oh well at least she didn’t have to fly to New York for it.  @Chemical X

Yep she’s gonna have a different stylist fix it :wall:

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

So we've now spent a MONTH deciding on the color of new hardwood flooring. (While not having a master bathroom to use)

The rep has been to our place twice with samples. Four times we have been to their showroom and brought home samples. Nothing matches our cherry cabinets. 

It's total insanity.  On the fourth and last visit to the showroom Thursday, we had half of the showroom floor strewn with samples and she brought in our kitchen cutting board because the end of the piece matches our cabinets.   And she still couldn't decide.   To be fair, we had decided FOUR times before and she changed her mind.

So I just gave up.  I found a nice, comfortable chair and plopped myself down and asked them if they had any alcohol. They gave me a beer. Then they said they needed a beer also and joined me.  We all threatened to make her take shots until she decided.  Ten minutes later, I signed the contract.

Edited by Getzlaf15
  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites

Worked all day swapping out old washer/dryer for a like-new set my sister’s friend was selling. Got all that settled, have an empty house, and sat down to watch the game. Phone rings and it is somebody wanting to come get our old dryer. Hang up and head back to the couch (I pace around when I’m on the phone), to find the puppy has knocked over my Yuengling (had to buy it because it just became available this week) and nearly drowned two iPads and every conceivable remote in the house. 

 

Switching to bourbon. This could potentially turn out to be a point in the dog’s favor, but right  now the end table and the floor reek of Pledge and beer, so I’m still aggravated.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, kevzilla said:

Professional drunks like the ones in this thread know better than to go out on NYE or St. Patrick's Day. Too any amateurs. But here I am. :oldunsure:

Try tripping anyone wearing a stupid hat

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Getzlaf15 said:

So we've now spent a MONTH deciding on the color of new hardwood flooring. (While not having a master bathroom to use)

The rep has been to our place twice with samples. Four times we have been to their showroom and brought home samples. Nothing matches our cherry cabinets. 

It's total insanity.  On the fourth and last visit to the showroom Thursday, we had half of the showroom floor strewn with samples and she brought in our kitchen cutting board because the end of the piece matches our cabinets.   And she still couldn't decide.   To be fair, we had decided FOUR times before and she changed her mind.

So I just gave up.  I found a nice, comfortable chair and plopped myself down and asked them if they had any alcohol. They gave me a beer. Then they said they needed a beer also and joined me.  We all threatened to make her take shots until she decided.  Ten minutes later, I signed the contract.

Cherry Cabinets was the name of the first girl to give me a handjob.  It happened behind the Wood Shop classroom.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Reg Lllama of Brixton said:

wtf all day?

 

Three hours on Saturday during March Madness is all day.

Had to pick them up, get them home, yadda yadda yadda, disconnect the old stuff, scrape 13 years of clothing tags and old pennies off the floor, etc., run an empty load to make sure it was all working, etc.

The real delay was that my dryer hookup  is a 3-prong, and the new one had a 4 prong. Would have been easy to swap the cords except whoever put the 4 prong cord on had way overtightened one of the wire connections, to the point where the threaded nut on the back was broken loose, and stripped,  which made it ridiculously complicated to remove and reattach to the other cord.

My grandpa would have had that done in an hour, and probably drank 3 PBR’s. My dad would have taken 2 hours, counting at least 1 trip to the hardware store with no beer. Took me 3 hours, but I fixed it with stuff from my own workbench and have moved onto the bourbon stage of the day. My 16 year old son would probably be fine with never washing clothes at all.

 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Rustoleum said:

 

Three hours on Saturday during March Madness is all day.

Had to pick them up, get them home, yadda yadda yadda, disconnect the old stuff, scrape 13 years of clothing tags and old pennies off the floor, etc., run an empty load to make sure it was all working, etc.

The real delay was that my dryer hookup  is a 3-prong, and the new one had a 4 prong. Would have been easy to swap the cords except whoever put the 4 prong cord on had way overtightened one of the wire connections, to the point where the threaded nut on the back was broken loose, and stripped,  which made it ridiculously complicated to remove and reattach to the other cord.

My grandpa would have had that done in an hour, and probably drank 3 PBR’s. My dad would have taken 2 hours, counting at least 1 trip to the hardware store with no beer. Took me 3 hours, but I fixed it with stuff from my own workbench and have moved onto the bourbon stage of the day. My 16 year old son would probably be fine with never washing clothes at all.

 

I thought for a minute that they were Netflix.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
30 minutes ago, Reg Lllama of Brixton said:

Cherry Cabinets was the name of the first girl to give me a handjob.  It happened behind the Wood Shop classroom.

Wood Shop was the best class ever. Our Mr Freeman had a lisp and we all imitated him during class. And when it was our week to be on clean up crew, we'd quickly make several wooden hockey pucks and shoot them all over class while trying to clean. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Getzlaf15 said:

Wood Shop was the best class ever. Our Mr Freeman had a lisp and we all imitated him during class. And when it was our week to be on clean up crew, we'd quickly make several wooden hockey pucks and shoot them all over class while trying to clean. 

Wood shop teacher ordering five beers

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Rustoleum said:

Don’t have to make the grueling 5 minute trip across the river any more. They just started distributing in KY this week. Probably will diminish the appeal, truth be told.

Oh.  I thought you were in Ohio. 

It still sucks.  /beersnob

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.


×
×
  • Create New...