2 days ago my brother went to the hospital because he had a sore on his back. Yesterday they got test results back and found that his cancer had spread to his liver, lungs and all over. They said he had a couple weeks to live. Today at about 3, i talked to a nurse who said he might not make it through the weekend. Before I even finished the 3 hour drive they had downgraded him to won't last through the night.
He was able to open his eyes and talk a little, and I brought him a craft beer because that's one of his things. His eyes lit up and for a minute he was happy and lifted himself up for the only time of the day so he could hold it and sip it without help. Mostly he's just having difficulty breathing and falling into and out of sleep while my mother and I sit with him.
I've talked about his bouts with mental illness and homelessness and the police and just trying to get him home and to a safe place. He's had a tough run in life and he brought some of it on himself but he deserved a lot better than what life gave him. I am going to miss the kid I looked up to when I was young, the brilliant young man who scored 1470 out of 1600 on his SATs and graduated from one of the top schools in the world, the adult I used to visit at the mental hospital and take him out to play magic the gathering at a Chinese buffet into they went John pinette on us, and the adult who came back after life kept kicking him down and became my friend again. I wasn't always the best brother but I always tried and I know you did your share of trying too. I know these next hours are going to be difficult and I can't help you with that but I'll be here with you while you go and that's the best I can do.
There will be no funeral, no mass. I'll drive my mom home when this is done and we'll look at pictures and tell stories and cry but his friends from here have moved across the country, my dad is in Florida and there's very little in the way of extended family left. He'll have a small plot with a stone for his ashes and only a few of us will know who he was.
I love you buddy. Once again i wish there was more I could do. You've lived a tough life and after 45 years you've earned some rest.