GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing

[McJose 9,395]

We’re doing Easter vids/pics now?

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/88stcu/my_mate_sent_me_an_audio_recording_of_a_massive/

[bostonfred 31,924]

Just wanted to say thank you again to all of you who posted in the thread Friday. It helped. 

I was able to get his last words on paper and on video. They were confused as those things tend to be, but I think he had a story he'd been working on in his head because he was explaining it to me like someone telling you a dream.  I am going to try to use it as a writing prompt and maybe help him finish that thought.

He died Saturday morning with my mom holding his hand. We took care of the immediate stuff and then I drove her home, stopping at all the places we used to go as kids and telling stories.  We went to the small lake where we swam as kids.  We drove by our old house and criticized all the changes they'd made to it.  We got lunch at the pizza place that used to be the only place in town. We drove by our old high school and i told her about some of the shenanigans she'd never heard before, like the time my brother as his friend stole playboys from the rich kids because who would they tell, and then I stole them from my brother because who could he tell.  

Then I drove home another hour and a half, calling all of the secondary family to tell them the news, and when I got home i slept more than I'd slept in two weeks.

I've been looking forward to having a mid life crisis and having my only brother die at 45 made me realize it's never too early.  I'm curious what the next few months will look like - I was thinking I'd drown my sorrows today after Easter dinner with my in laws, but after giving up all alcohol for sober February and all the way through lent, I didn't have the taste the way I'd expected I would.  I flipped on a movie and it was alien covenant but i couldn't get through it and it had nothing to do wth them inexplicably casting Danny McBride.  I love science fiction but my whole life whenever I've read or watched it, at least part of me was apparently imagining sitting there with my brother watching it or talking to him about it, because for all his flaws he was one of the smartest guys I've ever known. 

Maybe I'll make some positive changes instead and just not let my wife know that this is my mid life crisis so I don't use it up.  I guess they don't let you have two of them usually.  I don't know.  But I do know that having a ton of you drop in to say nice things helped the other night, so thank you all for that. 

[Binky The Doormat 13,110]

2 hours ago, Ignoramus said:

Yeah, I've taken like eight of mine in the last six months. I'm horrible about taking meds.

does this stuff have side effects?  Years ago I took some naicin powder and it felt like my veins were on fire ...itching ...and it doesn't go away for quite a while.  Horrific.  

[Thomas The Skank Engine 517]

10 minutes ago, bostonfred said:

Just wanted to say thank you again to all of you who posted in the thread Friday. It helped. 

I was able to get his last words on paper and on video. They were confused as those things tend to be, but I think he had a story he'd been working on in his head because he was explaining it to me like someone telling you a dream.  I am going to try to use it as a writing prompt and maybe help him finish that thought.

He died Saturday morning with my mom holding his hand. We took care of the immediate stuff and then I drove her home, stopping at all the places we used to go as kids and telling stories.  We went to the small lake where we swam as kids.  We drove by our old house and criticized all the changes they'd made to it.  We got lunch at the pizza place that used to be the only place in town. We drove by our old high school and i told her about some of the shenanigans she'd never heard before, like the time my brother as his friend stole playboys from the rich kids because who would they tell, and then I stole them from my brother because who could he tell.  

Then I drove home another hour and a half, calling all of the secondary family to tell them the news, and when I got home i slept more than I'd slept in two weeks.

I've been looking forward to having a mid life crisis and having my only brother die at 45 made me realize it's never too early.  I'm curious what the next few months will look like - I was thinking I'd drown my sorrows today after Easter dinner with my in laws, but after giving up all alcohol for sober February and all the way through lent, I didn't have the taste the way I'd expected I would.  I flipped on a movie and it was alien covenant but i couldn't get through it and it had nothing to do wth them inexplicably casting Danny McBride.  I love science fiction but my whole life whenever I've read or watched it, at least part of me was apparently imagining sitting there with my brother watching it or talking to him about it, because for all his flaws he was one of the smartest guys I've ever known. 

Maybe I'll make some positive changes instead and just not let my wife know that this is my mid life crisis so I don't use it up.  I guess they don't let you have two of them usually.  I don't know.  But I do know that having a ton of you drop in to say nice things helped the other night, so thank you all for that. 

God bless.

[El Floppo 30,260]

So sorry for your loss Fred.

I was going to ##### about some inane home front bs, but your words and loss put all that in perspective. Too much ####### perspective.. /tap

 

[facook 5,839]

42 minutes ago, bostonfred said:

Just wanted to say thank you again to all of you who posted in the thread Friday. It helped. 

I was able to get his last words on paper and on video. They were confused as those things tend to be, but I think he had a story he'd been working on in his head because he was explaining it to me like someone telling you a dream.  I am going to try to use it as a writing prompt and maybe help him finish that thought.

He died Saturday morning with my mom holding his hand. We took care of the immediate stuff and then I drove her home, stopping at all the places we used to go as kids and telling stories.  We went to the small lake where we swam as kids.  We drove by our old house and criticized all the changes they'd made to it.  We got lunch at the pizza place that used to be the only place in town. We drove by our old high school and i told her about some of the shenanigans she'd never heard before, like the time my brother as his friend stole playboys from the rich kids because who would they tell, and then I stole them from my brother because who could he tell.  

Then I drove home another hour and a half, calling all of the secondary family to tell them the news, and when I got home i slept more than I'd slept in two weeks.

I've been looking forward to having a mid life crisis and having my only brother die at 45 made me realize it's never too early.  I'm curious what the next few months will look like - I was thinking I'd drown my sorrows today after Easter dinner with my in laws, but after giving up all alcohol for sober February and all the way through lent, I didn't have the taste the way I'd expected I would.  I flipped on a movie and it was alien covenant but i couldn't get through it and it had nothing to do wth them inexplicably casting Danny McBride.  I love science fiction but my whole life whenever I've read or watched it, at least part of me was apparently imagining sitting there with my brother watching it or talking to him about it, because for all his flaws he was one of the smartest guys I've ever known. 

Maybe I'll make some positive changes instead and just not let my wife know that this is my mid life crisis so I don't use it up.  I guess they don't let you have two of them usually.  I don't know.  But I do know that having a ton of you drop in to say nice things helped the other night, so thank you all for that. 

Thanks for this Fred.  Way to go on the "healthy MLC".  I had one about 8 years ago and really messed up life.  Cost me a lot, not THE most important things but nearly.  Actually would make a pretty great thread on this site but I'm not willing to take the crap that would be flicked.  Anyway, kudos for channeling it positively.  Hopefully you'll inspire me not to have a second negative one.  

[McJose 9,395]

Wife manages a restaurant attached to the mall.  Because it’s god’s birthday, the mall was closed. Her restaurant closed at 6PM.

She said it was fun watching people all day long park in an almost empty parking lot, and then be completely shocked when the doors to the mall wouldn’t open.

The restaurant has two entrances...one from outside the mall and one from inside the mall.

One woman tried yanking on the main doors to the mall for a good 20 seconds then went into the restaurant.  Then she tried to enter the mall via the restaurant/mall door.  

My wife tells her “Ma’am?  I’m sorry but the mall is closed today.  You can’t use those doors.”

The woman says “Oh I know but I’m just going to Cinnabon.”  She was rather surprised to learn that when the mall is closed so are the businesses located within the mall.

Another guy called up at 6:15 to see if the restaurant was open.  Wife tells him. “I’m sorry but we closed at 6:00.”

Guy says “So if we get there in the next 20 minutes we probably couldn’t get a table?”

[McJose 9,395]

Oh...wife and I went to a local open mic stand up thing a couple of weeks ago.  About 12-15 dudes mostly local and what seemed like a few guys from the LA area just trying stuff out.  Very hit and miss.  A LOT of jerking off jokes.  

Anywho...I’ve been writing some stuff.  I might give it a shot.  Nothing to lose I guess.

I think I might have 5-6 mins of bits.

3 of those minutes are ranting against super hero movies.  The rest is about Oildale putting up a “welcome to Oildale” sign.

 No idea how they will play.  Stay tuned.

[McJose 9,395]

Sample bit.  Spoilers because whatever

...and who is this Thor guy? [insert bit about imitating a nerd deschibing how Thor hasch been around since the schixties] So his super power is that he has a hammer that when he puts it down nobody else can use?  His superpower is that he’s a d|ck about who can use his tools?  So basically he’s my dad in the 1970s?  [insert bit about my dad pissed that he can’t find his Phillips head screwdriver in the junk drawer]

[Thomas The Skank Engine 517]

5 hours ago, McJose said:

Oh...wife and I went to a local open mic stand up thing a couple of weeks ago.  About 12-15 dudes mostly local and what seemed like a few guys from the LA area just trying stuff out.  Very hit and miss.  A LOT of jerking off jokes.  

Anywho...I’ve been writing some stuff.  I might give it a shot.  Nothing to lose I guess.

I think I might have 5-6 mins of bits.

3 of those minutes are ranting against super hero movies.  The rest is about Oildale putting up a “welcome to Oildale” sign.

 No idea how they will play.  Stay tuned.

I have some Ovaltine material you can borrow.

[Ignoramus 5,794]

9 hours ago, Binky The Doormat said:

does this stuff have side effects?  Years ago I took some naicin powder and it felt like my veins were on fire ...itching ...and it doesn't go away for quite a while.  Horrific.  

Get the kind labeled "flush-free." It won't do that.

[Black Box 604]

On 3/30/2018 at 8:18 PM, GroveDiesel said:

My parents came to visit this weekend to celebrate my daughter's birthday. Apparently they are cleaning out some stuff and brought a big box of old stuff of mine. Some of it was stuff I kept, some awards stuff, some old toys, old photos, etc.

One of the items was memorabilia that I had purchased. I know it will never be worth any money, but my box of Flutie Flakes makes me happy. Only, when I picked it up, the box was way too light. My mom said "I had to open it and toss the cereal because I didn't want rodents to get into it."  It's been 20 years! Nothing was getting into that after 20 years! My freaking mint condition unopened box of Flutie Flakes now just an opened husk of a cereal box. 

I blame @Black Box

I wish she had tore up and burned that blasted box of Flutie Flakes.

[Stoneys 263]

17 hours ago, bostonfred said:

Just wanted to say thank you again to all of you who posted in the thread Friday. It helped. 

I was able to get his last words on paper and on video. They were confused as those things tend to be, but I think he had a story he'd been working on in his head because he was explaining it to me like someone telling you a dream.  I am going to try to use it as a writing prompt and maybe help him finish that thought.

He died Saturday morning with my mom holding his hand. We took care of the immediate stuff and then I drove her home, stopping at all the places we used to go as kids and telling stories.  We went to the small lake where we swam as kids.  We drove by our old house and criticized all the changes they'd made to it.  We got lunch at the pizza place that used to be the only place in town. We drove by our old high school and i told her about some of the shenanigans she'd never heard before, like the time my brother as his friend stole playboys from the rich kids because who would they tell, and then I stole them from my brother because who could he tell.  

Then I drove home another hour and a half, calling all of the secondary family to tell them the news, and when I got home i slept more than I'd slept in two weeks.

I've been looking forward to having a mid life crisis and having my only brother die at 45 made me realize it's never too early.  I'm curious what the next few months will look like - I was thinking I'd drown my sorrows today after Easter dinner with my in laws, but after giving up all alcohol for sober February and all the way through lent, I didn't have the taste the way I'd expected I would.  I flipped on a movie and it was alien covenant but i couldn't get through it and it had nothing to do wth them inexplicably casting Danny McBride.  I love science fiction but my whole life whenever I've read or watched it, at least part of me was apparently imagining sitting there with my brother watching it or talking to him about it, because for all his flaws he was one of the smartest guys I've ever known. 

Maybe I'll make some positive changes instead and just not let my wife know that this is my mid life crisis so I don't use it up.  I guess they don't let you have two of them usually.  I don't know.  But I do know that having a ton of you drop in to say nice things helped the other night, so thank you all for that. 

Sorry for your loss.

 

[General Malaise 28,116]

17 hours ago, bostonfred said:

We drove by our old high school and i told her about some of the shenanigans she'd never heard before, like the time my brother as his friend stole playboys from the rich kids because who would they tell, and then I stole them from my brother because who could he tell.  

 

Might be one of the best things I've ever read before. 

 

[Bob Sacamano 10,388]

On ‎3‎/‎31‎/‎2018 at 4:51 PM, Mr.Pack said:

YOU tell my wife. It's like you don't understand women

I've told her numerous times, and told her it's a waste to drive 20+mins for it.

So, for the cost of fish oil, you get the better part of an hour to yourself?

[Bob Sacamano 10,388]

On ‎3‎/‎31‎/‎2018 at 8:08 PM, Mr.Pack said:

The best part is, before we left, she knew I was against it, but tried to change my mind by telling me we could get some snacks for me, because now that my company was sold, us remaining employees had to move out of our office, and into a new office. There are no vending machines in the new digs, so she said I should get some to take.

So we get there and are walking around, come upon the big boxes of chips, and I pick one out, as I'm grabbing the box, she says "Do you really need that? You're trying to eat healthy and probably shouldn't get that stuff' 

Me: 

Her: "Just sayin"

Me:  Throw the box in the basket  

You went with her?

I do not understand some of you people.

[tommyboy 4,629]

11 minutes ago, Bob Sacamano said:

So, for the cost of fish oil, you get the better part of an hour to yourself?

I'd love to subscribe to your newsletter

[mr. furley 12,948]

14 hours ago, McJose said:

Oh...wife and I went to a local open mic stand up thing a couple of weeks ago.  About 12-15 dudes mostly local and what seemed like a few guys from the LA area just trying stuff out.  Very hit and miss.  A LOT of jerking off jokes.  

Anywho...I’ve been writing some stuff.  I might give it a shot.  Nothing to lose I guess.

I think I might have 5-6 mins of bits.

3 of those minutes are ranting against super hero movies.  The rest is about Oildale putting up a “welcome to Oildale” sign.

 No idea how they will play.  Stay tuned.

in my experience, Oildale jokes kill.

[Mr.Pack 2,619]

That would have been heaven if it worked out that way

 

[Ignoramus 5,794]

1 hour ago, Mr.Pack said:

That would have been heaven if it worked out that way

 

You still talking Oildale jokes?

[RC94 2,136]

I want to tell you guys a story about an old man who lived alone in New Jersey.  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard.  His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. 

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described the predicament:  “Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year.  I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  I know if you were here my troubles would be over.  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.  Love, Papa”… 

A few days later he received a letter from his son:  “Dear Papa, Don’t dig up that garden.  That’s where the bodies are buried.  Love, Vinnie.”…  At 4am the next morning FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.  They apologized to the old man and left.  That same day the old man received another letter from his son:  “Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.  That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.  Love, Vinnie”

[Bob Sacamano 10,388]

Were they purple heirloom tomatoes?

I love a good purple heirloom.

[belljr 11,498]

2 minutes ago, Bob Sacamano said:

Were they purple heirloom tomatoes?

I love a good purple heirloom.

They were Jersey Tomatoes you swine

Edited April 2, 2018 by belljr

[Bob Sacamano 10,388]

11 minutes ago, belljr said:

They were Jersey Tomatoes you swine

Passed through 8 unnecessary levels of distribution, overpriced, slathered in makeup, slutted up, and then murdered in front of their cursing offspring?

[mr. furley 12,948]

 

[McJose 9,395]

17 hours ago, Bob Sacamano said:

Were they purple heirloom tomatoes?

I love a good purple heirloom.

That joke is an heirloom for sure.

[McJose 9,395]

Animosity

[McJose 9,395]

Great thread today, folks.

 

Volume warning 

 

[Thomas The Skank Engine 517]

57 minutes ago, McJose said:

Great thread today, folks.

 

Volume warning 

 

I did not see that coming.  And I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[McJose 9,395]

Page 3.  Shut it down?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_five

scroll down to “too slow”

[Dan Lambskin 13,749]

My boss wanted to grab lunch at 11:30.  It’s now 45 minutes later.  30 minutes ago he needed 10 more minutes

 

[mr. furley 12,948]

12 hours ago, McJose said:

Page 3.  Shut it down?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_five

scroll down to “too slow”

auconfrere, mon amy, this is exactly why we need wikipedia

[kevzilla 8,405]

Because I'm going to be at a conference on Saturday, I'm taking today off. Spent an hour on the treadmill this morning. Seriously considered lunch at the jiggle joint, but decided that money would be better spent in Vegas next month. I don't suppose anything is preventing a little light day drinking though. Who wants a Dark and Stormy?

[Bob Sacamano 10,388]

4 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

 Who wants a Dark and Stormy?

Trump?

[tommyboy 4,629]

2 hours ago, Dan Lambskin said:

My boss wanted to grab lunch at 11:30.  It’s now 45 minutes later.  30 minutes ago he needed 10 more minutes

 

Should have left 20 mins ago. You're not a slave

[Osaurus 9,406]

6 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

Because I'm going to be at a conference on Saturday, I'm taking today off. Spent an hour on the treadmill this morning. Seriously considered lunch at the jiggle joint, but decided that money would be better spent in Vegas next month. I don't suppose anything is preventing a little light day drinking though. Who wants a Dark and Stormy?

You still up for going to Absinthe on 5/13 (Sunday)?  Was thinking 8 pm show.  

[kevzilla 8,405]

7 minutes ago, Bob Sacamano said:

12 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

 Who wants a Dark and Stormy?

Trump?

Blonde and Stormy, totally different.

[kevzilla 8,405]

4 minutes ago, Osaurus said:

You still up for going to Absinthe on 5/13 (Sunday)?  Was thinking 8 pm show.  

Sure. I'm changing hotels that day, but I'll be up for anything in the evening.  

[Henry Ford 60,520]

On 4/2/2018 at 5:51 PM, Bob Sacamano said:

Passed through 8 unnecessary levels of distribution, overpriced, slathered in makeup, slutted up, and then murdered in front of their cursing offspring?

I thought they were the really soft tomatoes that feel like sweatpants.

[Bob Sacamano 10,388]

25 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

Blonde and Stormy, totally different.

Flip her over.

[Osaurus 9,406]

57 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

Sure. I'm changing hotels that day, but I'll be up for anything in the evening.  

[mr. furley 12,948]

Nicklaus's grandson just dropped a hole in one at the Masters par 3 tournament today.. with Jack looking on.

amazing

[Aaron Rudnicki 9,063]

13 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

Nicklaus's grandson just dropped a hole in one at the Masters par 3 tournament today.. with Jack looking on.

amazing

Nick O'Leary?

[McJose 9,395]

16 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

Nicklaus's grandson just dropped a hole in one at the Masters par 3 tournament today.. with Jack looking on.

amazing

Berkeley alumnus as well?

[mr. furley 12,948]

5 minutes ago, Aaron Rudnicki said:

Nick O'Leary?

Gary, Jr.? 

apparently the kid is 15

[mr. furley 12,948]

then there's what Tony Finau did to his ankle

[McJose 9,395]

5 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

Gary, Jr.? 

apparently the kid is 15

It was an "unofficial" shot during the par 3 contest.  

 

 

[McJose 9,395]

6 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

then there's what Tony Finau did to his ankle

 dummy

[Epic Problem 2,778]

6 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

then there's what Tony Finau did to his ankle

So you have a link to this but not Jack's grandkid?

[Binky The Doormat 13,110]

23 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

then there's what Tony Finau did to his ankle

now must change my masters line-up.