I don't think you should be discouraged, at least relative to the situation that I believe you're attempting to discuss. Others are looking at a bigger, broader picture than you, which is where is does become discouraging.
I think you're limiting the discussion to basic interactions between neighbors and friends, between acquaintances, or even between strangers. In your average, non-political interaction, you're absolutely right, what you refer to as empathy and grace (or what some might call basic civility) are the proper behavior. By way of example, one of my best friends is a staunch Trump supporter. I think his information sources are questionable, and I think he's falling for the big con, but at the end of the day, I still text him to ask if he wants to smoke some ribs and drink a couple beers on Friday night. Basic civility costs me nothing, and my friend works the same way in reverse. However, hypothetically, that particular course of action comes to an end if the empathy and grace isn't a two way street. It's important for me to clarify here, as you have harped on "this shouldn't be conditional". My initial offer (or vice versa) doesn't have to be, and shouldn't be, conditional, in that it shouldn't require the other side to proffer something/anything first. However, should several attempts at basic civility be met with scorn and not reciprocated, the attempts on my side (or vice versa) would rightly come to an end. But, back to clarification, that doesn't mean I should actively seek to denigrate the other side, but rather that an appropriate course of action would be to simply ignore the other person. Back to my original example, if I reached out to my friend several times to ask about watching basketball, smoking some food, drinking a beer, etc., and each one was answered with something akin to "Screw you, damn socialists are ruining this country," it would be entirely appropriate for me to simply stop asking. I think the relevant saying here is "The opposite of love is indifference."
Separately, there's another area where your hypothesis (empathy/grace/healing shouldn't be conditional) falls apart, and here is where you're discouraged because most have focused on this and you and others are simply talking past each other. When you refer to "moving forward", most here are interpreting it as "moving forward politically and attempting to govern". In that area, as opposed to basic interactions with neighbors, one can't simply stop trying if one receives scorn or derision in return. Governing still needs to happen regardless. This is the sense that I (and presumably most others) in the thread have been discussing. At some point, if "the other side" doesn't want to work together, or even acknowledge that governing needs to happen at all, it is incumbent on "my side" to move forward without them.