What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

What Does "The Birds and The Bees" Talk Mean With Women? (1 Viewer)

What Does Talk About "The Birds and The Bees" Mean With Women?

  • Nothing

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Welcome to the Friend Zone, Population: You

    Votes: 18 36.0%

  • Could Mean Something Down the Road

    Votes: 6 12.0%

  • This Person Is Totally Into You

    Votes: 13 26.0%

  • Need More Information

    Votes: 9 18.0%

  • Other

    Votes: 4 8.0%
  • Total voters
    50
C

Clucking Flu

Footballguy
In general, if you don't know a female all that well and then there suddenly is a lot of talk about "The Birds and The Bees," does that mean much of anything?

As for back story, I've known someone casually for 5 years. Met on a short term project and stayed in touch. We hung out and a few times over the years (probably 5 or 6 times). Definitely some chemistry, nothing beyond talking. Just someone fun to hang out with.

Hadn't heard from her since the plague started. She called out of the blue and announced she was single. Talked for hours on the phone . . . texted for hours after (we had never texted before). In getting caught up, there was a lot of talk about her personal life and her after hours activities. I have no idea why she "went there," but once we were there she didn't hold back. It started with her venting about men and getting dumped recently, which turned into her full dating history, which turned into a pretty graphic discussion about her nighttime activities. 

At the beginning of the conversation (before hearing all of the above), I asked if she wanted to get together again. She mentioned she really wanted to, but she couldn't in the short term due to her schedule. Jump from early morning to the evening, and things finally ended with her reiterating she really wished we could get together again . . . but she offered no alternatives / suggestions about when we could get together. Me afterwards:  :confused:

I admit that, on a good day,  everything I know about women would only fill up half a thimble. And women just don't disclose what happens in their bedrooms to me . . . as in it just doesn't happen. I am completely out of the loop on how women operate these days. Just trying to figure out if this sudden development means anything, if she just needed a friend to talk to, if this was just a random discussion, or if she is actually interested in me. Female perspectives encouraged. Please keep all responses PG / clean to not get the thread locked.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
There's something your old dad would like to say. You see... ...there comes a time... ...in every young man's life when he enters... ...the fragrant garden of beautiful flowers. And he wants to enter that garden with a knowledge and... ...a mulch... ...to let the flowers bloom more brightly, rather than...

 
There's only 2 options:

1. She absolutely wants to have nighttime activities with you immediately. Lots of signs- calling you right away to say she is single, wants to hang out, talking about sex. If you interested in her,  you would be foolish not to pursue this.

2. She doesn't have any friends or family she is remotely close with and she thought of you as the only person she could vent to about her ex. In this case, you are probably screwed (or not screwed depending how you look at it). But even then just proximity alone sometimes is enough. 

 
Clucking Flu said:
I asked if she wanted to get together again. She mentioned she really wanted to, but she couldn't in the short term due to her schedule. Jump from early morning to the evening, and things finally ended with her reiterating she really wished we could get together again . . . but she offered no alternatives / suggestions about when we could get together.
Click to expand...


🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

 
Runkle said:
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Click to expand...
I definitely thought this was a red flag as well.

To flesh things out, she doesn't think I am gay. Last time we got together (2 years ago), she was totally into me and said if she wasn't married she'd be all over me. But she was committed to her marriage and while tempted she was preemptively going to say no.

When she called, she was the one that asked to get together. I said I could see her right away or that weekend. But her kid was sick and she had to stay with him over the weekend. She suggested maybe next weekend when she doesn't have her kid. That was all at the beginning (before any details emerged).

Then came the data dump of the past two years. Her husband had a GF. She filed for divorce. She ended up hooking up with guys from work. She thought she was in a serious relationship but just got dumped. She tried to convince him she'd be perfect for casual hook ups and he wasn't interested. She's upset she has a reputation as the girl from work that will do anything and you can throw away like a dirty dish towel.

As I said, I was lost the longer this went on. If she just wanted to go out or take things to another level, why review all this? It also put me in a tight spot, as I couldn't really ask her to be a hook up when she's fretting that all she has become is hook up material.

I'm not a big texter, and she drove the text conversation for another 6 hours. I texted her pics from me at happy hour, and she again mentioned she really wanted to get together again and was jealous that I went out without her. I again suggested name the time and place and she said "soon."

The next day I texted her to see how her son was doing, and she said it wasn't anything serious but she couldn't get together that weekend because it was her weekend with the kid. But not many texts from her. Yesterday, I checked in again to see how her weekend ended up. She mentioned the kid felt better, so she ended up going to a concert last minute. I don't know much about the world of texting, but she sent me a couple hundred texts the first day but a handful the next two days (only after I reached out to her). It's been my observation that always being the person to engage a text conversation probably isn't great. She mentioned the BF that just dumped her said never contact him again and she's really upset still. That was last night. That's where we're at.

Getting together came up probably 4 times over the last few days and all I got was "I really want to but can't this weekend" with no attempt to set anything up. Was thinking of either waiting for her to text me or trying to set up an actual outing next weekend, but I have gotten a little more gun shy.
 

 
Dezbelief said:
Didn't get past this, ask her out before it's too late.
Click to expand...
I did. Four times. I got 1) can't this weekend, 2) wish I could, 3) jealous I can't go out with you tonight / wish I could have drinks with you, and 4) soon for answers. How many times do you ask before it gets awkward (or you look desperate)?

Also, she was in a relationship which she thought was going great to start the week and dumped by the end of the week. Is that not an issue of its own?

 
You talked to her for hours on the phone?

Sorry, I agree with the others about her thinking you might be gay. 

 
She's feeling lonely and she likes you but she's also confused after her divorce and recent hookup experiences so she's kind of floundering right now.  If you hook up she probably won't be ready to date seriously yet but she also is upset with herself for casual hookups.  Friends with benefits is possible.  This is a difficult transition for her and she doesn't know what she wants so anything more would be pressure and anything less would make her feel cheap and bad about herself which is why she was venting about it.  That, and she was probably halfway through a bottle of some pink bull#### wine

 
eoMMan said:
You talked to her for hours on the phone?

Sorry, I agree with the others about her thinking you might be gay. 
Click to expand...
There is no way she thinks I am gay. This part is not a thing. She knows about relationships I have had with women.

I talked to her that long on the phone because she was really upset. I wasn't going to not listen / ignore her / tell her to go away. Maybe she wanted a shoulder to cry on, who knows? Not sure why I got the call for the outbreak of emotion and if that is a plus or a minus. (Although we have spent a lot of time talking in the past . . . that part isn't all that unusual.)

Now that I think about it, a similar thing happened years and years ago. Almost exactly the same. A young woman I knew from work called me from left field all upset saying her BF dumped her cold and left her stranded. I went and picked her up and drove her home. Lots of emotional / hard to follow blathering followed once I brought her home. She definitely would have done something, but I told her it was she was upset, it was artificial, and it wouldn't be a good idea. Once she settled down, I gave her a hug and left. Wasn't going to hit low hanging fruit. We are still friends 25 years later. 

 
Last edited by a moderator:
bostonfred said:
She's feeling lonely and she likes you but she's also confused after her divorce and recent hookup experiences so she's kind of floundering right now.  If you hook up she probably won't be ready to date seriously yet but she also is upset with herself for casual hookups.  Friends with benefits is possible.  This is a difficult transition for her and she doesn't know what she wants so anything more would be pressure and anything less would make her feel cheap and bad about herself which is why she was venting about it.  That, and she was probably halfway through a bottle of some pink bull#### wine
Click to expand...
Like I said, she's fun to hang out with. I am not the hook up / hit-it-and-quit-it type (although I suppose I can learn to be). I probably would try to take things slow for all the reasons you mapped out. Lots of drama and histrionics at the moment. As for the wine, I hope not as she called me at 10 AM. Not unless she was up all night drinking (which I suppose is possible and something I didn't even think of).

 
Clucking Flu said:
There is no way she thinks I am gay. This part is not a thing. She knows about relationships I have had with women.

I talked to her that long on the phone because she was really upset. I wasn't going to not listen / ignore her / tell her to go away. Maybe she wanted a shoulder to cry on, who knows Not sure why I got the call for the outbreak of emotion and if that is a plus or a minus. (Although we have spend a lot of time talking in the past . . . that part isn't all that unusual.)

Now that I think about it, a similar thing happened years and years ago. Almost exactly the same. A young woman I knew from work called me from left field all upset saying her BF dumped her cold and left her stranded. I went and picked her up and drove her home. Lots of emotional / hard to follow blathering followed once I brought her home. She definitely would have done something, but I told her it was a bad idea, she was upset, and it wouldn't be a good idea. Once she settled down, I gave her a hug and left. Wasn't going to hit low hanging fruit. We are still friends 25 years later. 
Click to expand...
Nice guys finish last and with a lot of missed birds and bees opportunities.  I unfortunately know from experience. 

 
by telling you in very specific details about what happened with her husband and recent hookups, how she is perceived, etc. she is letting you know what she doesn't want ahead of time...she is setting you up so if things go sideways between you two (and when you finally figure out she is bat ### crazy)....she can drop the "you are just like every other guy, I told you this ahead of time, blah blah blah" stuff on you.....she is kind of treating you like a gay friend with all the talk/dumping.....she should have other friends for that....it doesn't need to be you....she probably sees you right now as an option outside the workplace or her normal group circle that she might be able to hide her crazy with.....(shes not doing a very good job tho)....I would take the direct approach with her...."look, sounds like you have been through some crap and if you want to have some fun with no commitment, I'm your guy"...wouldn't put a ton of energy into it, let her drive the bus....tap out when it's not worth it to you anymore....doesn't make you a bad guy.....

 
A possibility is she’s seeking an ego boost. She had a divorce and then got dumped by the new guy. So she’s feeling low.

She had you on the back burner knowing that you liked her in the past. You asking her out and flirting with her makes her feel wanted again. However, she’s playing you by being “busy” even though she had time for the last guy and to be able to go to a concert at the last minute. If she wanted to see you, it sounds like she could find a way.

 
Capella said:
I haven’t spent a couple of hours on the phone in the last 5 years combined. 
Click to expand...
:shrug:

I went back and looked. It was a smidge over two hours on the phone from when she called to when she switched to texting . . . which lasted about 6 hours off and on. Since then, no calls and 9 texts in 3 days.

 
Clucking Flu said:
:shrug:

I went back and looked. It was a smidge over two hours on the phone from when she called to when she switched to texting . . . which lasted about 6 hours off and on. Since then, no calls and 9 texts in 3 days.
Click to expand...
she may have gotten pollinated by a big old bee after the concert.....

 
Stinkin Ref said:
she may have gotten pollinated by a big old bee after the concert.....
Click to expand...
As Kevin Garnett says, "Anything is possible!" However, she sent me pics from the concert . . . which she went to with her daughter last minute when the tickets were marked way down. Given the long list of other things she told me, to lie about who she went with seems pretty unlikely.

At this point, I was thinking of texting her tomorrow / Wednesday. No small talk . . . only asking to get together on the weekend (which she suggested and mentioned not having kids to worry about). One thing I think I have learned over the years is any answer to a question that isn't a YES has to be treated as a NO. Short of a yes or her presenting an alternative time to get together, at that point I would just punt. I have better things to do (probably not, but I am sure I could come up with something).

 
bostonfred said:
She's feeling lonely and she likes you but she's also confused after her divorce and recent hookup experiences so she's kind of floundering right now.  If you hook up she probably won't be ready to date seriously yet but she also is upset with herself for casual hookups.  Friends with benefits is possible.  This is a difficult transition for her and she doesn't know what she wants so anything more would be pressure and anything less would make her feel cheap and bad about herself which is why she was venting about it.  That, and she was probably halfway through a bottle of some pink bull#### wine
Click to expand...
:goodposting:

Are any of the work guys she hooked up with in the office bowling league?

Anyway, you've focused/speculated on what she might want.  What do you want?  Are you possibly interested in a serious relationship to a woman who is recently divorced and has a child?  Or do you just like her as a friend and have interest in reigniting that friendship?

 
Clucking Flu said:
As I said, I was lost the longer this went on. If she just wanted to go out or take things to another level, why review all this? It also put me in a tight spot, as I couldn't really ask her to be a hook up when she's fretting that all she has become is hook up material.
Click to expand...
Wha?  I wouldn't have felt I was in any tight spot over this.  

 
tri-man 47 said:
:goodposting:

Are any of the work guys she hooked up with in the office bowling league?

Anyway, you've focused/speculated on what she might want.  What do you want?  Are you possibly interested in a serious relationship to a woman who is recently divorced and has a child?  Or do you just like her as a friend and have interest in reigniting that friendship?
Click to expand...
TBH, I don't really know. Hadn't really given it much thought until the other day. Definitely not sure what I would be looking for.

The kid stuff doesn't bother me. Her being a bit all over the place isn't necessarily a deal breaker either . . . I would only care how she acts with me (ie, what she did in the past is in the past so I can overlook that).

While this may be hard to convey in a thread on a message board, what I like is both of us can act a certain way with each other that is raw, unfiltered, and uncensored. Bottom line, I can act more like the "real me" that seems to have disappeared over the years. Don't have to be politically correct, don't have to act appropriately, can 100% speak my mind about anything, and no topic is out of bounds. That may not sound like much, but after years of having to play the part and having to act a certain way, to be free and open with someone is really appealing.

There is definitely an attraction, we definitely get along really well, she's intelligent and articulate, and our world views seem pretty aligned. That's the best I can tell as of today. Probably worth exploring . . . who knows where things would lead?

 
Just be honest with yourself and with her. Do you like her? Do you feel like you are getting the runaround?

Tell her straight up. Quit playing games with my heart. Love is a battlefield. Put em on da glass.

 
johnnycakes said:
Wha?  I wouldn't have felt I was in any tight spot over this.  
Click to expand...
Let's try again. She explained she wanted to be heading toward a real relationship, and not just be somebody's wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. Seemingly, several recent guys have told her straight out that she is great as a hook up but they don't care about her and have no interest in dating her seriously. Basically, several men told her to call them if she is in the mood, but other than that go away. So for me to then be like . . . hey, let's get together and I just want to hook up and have no intention of anything else, that would 100% go against everything she was so upset about. Doesn't seem like she has trouble finding guys to hook up with . . . not sure why she would contact me after two years for a hook up when her dance card seems pretty full already. I guess I am still trying to put together the puzzle pieces to explain why she called me now. Although a few posts up where someone suggested that me being out of her circle likely made me someone safe to talk to that isn't in her orbit.

 
I voted friend zone based on the OP stating that: “she really wanted to, but she couldn't in the short term due to her schedule. Jump from early morning to the evening, and things finally ended with her reiterating she really wished we could get together again . . . but she offered no alternatives / suggestions about when we could get together.”

But then you have mentioned later on in the thread that she had kids this past weekend, which is a big deal. Child care is not easy to come by. 

Honestly, if I were her, I’d question if you were worth getting into a relationship with if you kept pushing it last weekend when she said she could not because she had the kids. Kids are going to be the priority and will have to get used to that.

Maybe they are with the ex this weekend. If so, maybe chances are better.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Chadstroma
Yet More Proof Women are Impossible to Please
4 5 6
Replies
261
Views
8K
Terminalxylem
Terminalxylem
Anarchy99
At a loss for words . . . the vacation that never happened (apparently)
2
Replies
77
Views
2K
ghostguy123
ghostguy123
B
Daughters Apartment - Water in her bedroom from rain - what to do
2
Replies
55
Views
1K
b-snatchers
B

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 2 (members: 0, guests: 2)
Top