Websites suck these days. There is the headline and then no article or content. Great job yahoo!!
Click the left arrow in the window. I think the good Judge linked to the end.
My bad..
http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/marriage/signs-your-marriage-is-in-trouble-and-how-to-fix-it/ss-AA3cNvf#image=1
Thanks for the link. There are quite a few signs in there that reflect where we've been and where we are now. It's been awhile since I first started this thread, so here's an update.
We've found some time to talk (2 or 3 times where it's just us). We both agree there are issues and we both feel that each other needs to take steps to resolve them. That's a good sign, and we've seen a little change over the last few months. Christmas is always a bad time for me as I have typically been on the recieving end of a Christmas Eve argument where we ended the night with her talking about a divorce. This year, that trend broke and it was never brought up. It gave me a little hope that things are moving in the right direction.
She admitted that she is not feeling like herself - she's upset and does not want to think about having a relationship until she loses weight and gets back to "feeling normal". I picked up a treadmill and a fitness class membership for her as she dropped hints about these for the holidays. Both have gone unused. She talks about what she
wants "needs" to do, and yet there is no movement.
I have started to lose weight and work out again. I'm down 10 lbs over the last 5 weeks. I'm also seeing a therapist just to get out my own frustrations and talk to someone. I felt that I needed to work through issues on my own and get to a good place. If she can't take the steps to feel better about herself, I can't make her. But I'll at least do all I can to get myself there.
Aside from that, I'm staying involved with the kids and being there for all of their practices, games, lessons, and school activities. Sometimes we go as a family, other times I may go without her. But the big thing is that I'm not giving up and I'm not going to let it impact my kids lives.
The coming month will be telling for me. If she doesn't start doing something for herself - then that will show me a lot about how she views this relationship. We still argue/fight at times - but not as openly as before. As for the checklist from the Judge's link:
You've become roommates - check
One spouse feels resentful - I don't, yet she has hinted saying we have "different priorities" in life
Emotional cheating - I don't see this yet
Zero communication - We've broken this barrier for now. But it was there for awhile
Intimacy is a thing of the past - check
One spouse doesn't care to try - I've been doing what I can, she says she has noticed and will try more on her end (time will tell)
Serial cheating - No, and I don't see either of us doing that to the other
You fight constantly - check
You don't make time for each other - Hard to do with 3 kids, yet we try to go on a date night at least once a month
Your fights go unresolved - check
The relationship is unequal - Alot going on to be thinking "is this relationship equal"; let's get past the fighting and blaming first
You avoid each other - check; it's not constant but it happens. I grew up in a household like this (parents in separate rooms) and I swore it wouldn't happen to my family. It's not to that extreme yet, but it's close.
You constantly feel angry - It's not constant, but there are prolonged times of anger/frustration
You don't feel like there's a solution - I feel like one is there, it's more about the work to get to it.
You try to hurt your partner's feelings - I don't feel this way, and she hasn't openly done this (lately)
You've become enemies - No
Constant blaming - Yes, mostly passive aggressive "Someone didn't follow the directions", or saying to the kids, "Someone threw away your school papers". I always get defensive over this crap because I'm the one who cleans around the house. If I ask for her input, it's always "leave it there and I'll go through it" - when I do this I'll hear later in the week "why is this crap still laying around? I thought you cleaned!" Frustrating.
One spouse acts single - No
The bad outweighs the good - I don't think so, at least not yet. The fact that we've began communicating a little more and talking about what we need from each other is a good first step. It's up to the actions that follow to reinforce that communication. I haven't seen much of this yet. It's been brought up in conversations lately, so the awareness is there.
Constant comparing - No
There are definite signs, but hopefully we've turned that corner to work on it. Only time will tell. If I'm writing this same update by Valentine's Day, then it's a good sign things are trending downward and it's time to move on.