Kanil
Footballguy
I've got my 7yo replying to people with "Got all of them cut", now. He's the best.Co-worker: "Did you get a hair cut?"
Me: "Yeah, but actually....I got a lot of them cut."
I've got my 7yo replying to people with "Got all of them cut", now. He's the best.Co-worker: "Did you get a hair cut?"
Me: "Yeah, but actually....I got a lot of them cut."
Reposting the correct response for people who are ruining good shtick.Oooh that's a good one. One of my favorites:
"Did you get a haircut?"
"I got them all cut, it was the same price"
Got this from my sister, can't stop. Kids are starting to do it:
Anytime, anyone asks where something is or comments that they have misplaced something I shoot back "If it were up your butt you'd know".
I'm actually more of a "No, I got my ears lowered", kind of guyReposting the correct response for people who are ruining good shtick.Oooh that's a good one. One of my favorites:
"Did you get a haircut?"
"I got them all cut, it was the same price"
Figures.I'm actually more of a "No, I got my ears lowered", kind of guy
He came out laughing so definite schtick.Now that’s a guy that is dedicated to his shtick! Legend!
https://imgix.ranker.com/user_node_img/50016/1000307823/original/ugly-christmas-sweater-portrait-photo-u1?w=650&q=50&fm=jpg&fit=crop&crop=facesI'm in the planning stage for this, brainstorming for pose ideas. I'll get my daughter to take the pictures so flexibility for action shots, etc. Maybe a karate pose or something on a skateboard. Could go with a nature theme peering through the bifurcation of a tree or something with an animal - could go to a local farm and stage something. Or borrow someone else's kid and push him/her on a swing.
Thoughts?
or it didn’t happenJust got this done. Bought a hideous red turtleneck sweater at TJ Maxx and, lying on my stomach, shimmied all of my lower body under the tree. Then I rested my face between my hands, elbows on floor, and smiled with as much gaiety as I could muster. My youngest daughter was my photographer, she thought it was the "creepiest thing I've ever done."
if I send you a self-addressed stamped envelope would you send me in autographed eight-by-ten?
I've got the postageif I send you a self-addressed stamped envelope would you send me in autographed eight-by-ten?
My best friend's Dad used to share his "knowledge" with me. Back then he would tell me he had this earring on guys thing figured out. His saying was "Left is alright, right is wrong!".i don't know if we're allowed to say this in 2018 but in 1988 if you were a guy with an earring in your right ear it meant you were gay
actually, actually true
My students ask every time I get a haircut. I usually just answer with “no”. If they continue to ask or question me I just keep in denying that I got a haircut. It’s a match of wills. I always win.Co-worker: "Did you get a hair cut?"
Me: "Yeah, but actually....I got a lot of them cut."
Until they respond with, "you wouldn't."Got this from my sister, can't stop. Kids are starting to do it:
Anytime, anyone asks where something is or comments that they have misplaced something I shoot back "If it were up your butt you'd know".
LOOK AT ME I CAN PASS A BACKGROUND CHECK!My students ask every time I get a haircut. I usually just answer with “no”. If they continue to ask or question me I just keep in denying that I got a haircut. It’s a match of wills. I always win.
I like to use:Got this from my sister, can't stop. Kids are starting to do it:
Anytime, anyone asks where something is or comments that they have misplaced something I shoot back "If it were up your butt you'd know".
that stuff stunk so damned bad brohan jeez it was bad take that to the bank bromigoI'd really, really want to channel my inner early 70s man with Hai Karate cologne
ETA: You have to be careful how you use it.
I use this one but only with my wife and use it any time she’s talking.ChiefD said:I like to use:
"If it was in your mouth you wouldn't talk so much."
What's up with the weirdo station at the end, 97.3 ?
I introduce mine as “my first wife”Haven't used this shtick in a while ... might be time to bring it back out;
I LOVE pushing my wifes buttons. It entertains me. Maybe the negative attention is better than no attention? I don't know why I enjoy it so much.
When at a party / social event and we're meeting new people, as we are a pasty white 50 year old couple, I'll sometimes introduce my wife as my baby mama. "this is my baby mama, Carol".
The trick is to pull this off with a straight face. My wife rolls her eyes and tells them that I'm "such an azhat".
Then those new people realize we're the fun ones ... or they have no sense of humor and scurry away from the weirdos.
Either way, cracks me up.
That is OUTSTANDINGGood Posting Judge said:
We'll just call it varsity level. Now, if he knew how to film in landscape, THEN it would be All-Star level.Good Posting Judge said:
They dont have that in Canada.We'll just call it varsity level. Now, if he knew how to film in landscape, THEN it would be All-Star level.
So I've been at it for a few months now. She replaced the batteries in her mouse, got a new mouse and calls IT every couple of weeks. I almost feel bad at this point. Almost.Couldn't find the post in here but I've been pulling the wireless mouse trick on a co-worker for a couple of weeks now. Every few days of or so until she screams about how her computer is freaking out. Wondering how long I can keep it up haha.
Don’t do this. Some drunk ###### on the golf course will drive a ball at your house.Kids want to get an air horn for use at the golf course nearby. Feel like I'm a bad father if I don't do this.
We got a screen, fam. Let 'em do their worst.Don’t do this. Some drunk ###### on the golf course will drive a ball at your house.
Yeah, it's called "lehndscape" there.They dont have that in Canada.
Pretend to know nothing about sports. I was at a clients earlier this week and they had a giant bracket board in their break room. I asked what it was and they looked at me sort of confused and said it was their brackets and was I playing any? So I told them, no, I don't even know who's in the Super Bowl this year. One guy there who was wearing a headscarf and muttering about the weather got wound up real tight over it.
Edit to add: someone filled me in.Pretend to know nothing about sports. I was at a clients earlier this week and they had a giant bracket board in their break room. I asked what it was and they looked at me sort of confused and said it was their brackets and was I playing any? So I told them, no, I don't even know who's in the Super Bowl this year. One guy there who was wearing a headscarf and muttering about the weather got wound up real tight over it.
Or this one...Did you ever let them know you were schticking them or is this gonna go on for a bit?
If you carry the schtick to far, that could be bad. Reminds me of this story: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/598/my-undesirable-talent/act-two