Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on.

[Al O'Pecia 864]

Tell her that there have been several recent break-ins in the neighborhood, and you'd be willing to sleep over to make her feel more comfortable at nights.

[Eminence 1,294]

If you have a motorcycle, pull it into the driveway and start revving it excessively, she'll instantly catch the drift that you're a bad boy.

"I'm just tuning it up."

"You ever take a ride on one of these?"

 

Alternatively, buy a motorcycle.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Eminence

[lakerstan 1,617]

2 minutes ago, msommer said:

Cover you grilling area

Especially on a first date.

[Dan Lambskin 12,846]

Start cutting her lawn and tell her she looked like she could use a man in her life.   Tell her a strong male influence could help keep her daughters off their pole

[Brony 7,106]

When ordering food, find out what she wants then order for both of you. It’s a classy move.

[moleculo 8,109]

Single woman with kids, roughly the same age as yours?  Come on man, this is like shooting fish in a barrell.

[Al O'Pecia 864]

I used to score by cooking for women.  I'd invite them over, have a glass of wine or two, and a little conversation.  Then I'd put on my apron to start cooking, and that would usually get them laughing and a little innuendo going.  Plus it made my hog look that much bigger in comparison when it was unfurled later that night.

[chet 3,525]

I think Oats is still a member of the purse forum.  Have him check to see if there are any threads written by a mother of two who moved to a new neighborhood and found she has a male neighbor who makes her weak in the knees.

[Sconch 4,258]

Quote

Help me woo my neighbor

Started by Nathan R. Jessep, 1 hour ago

 

Every time you see her, grab your junk and yell "WOOOOOOOOOO....WOOOOOOOOOO"

[Getzlaf15 9,485]

1 hour ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

Considered that too. After all, it would be a neighborly thing to do. But seriously, it has rained all but 2 days in the last 2 weeks. I don't have a covered grilling area. 

grill in the living room

[sublimeone 865]

Asking her out is easy. Be subtle, the next time you run into her invite her and the kids over for a BBQ. Keep it casual. Make sure you have some beverages on hand and something to keep the kids occupied. The main thing you need to do is really determine if this is worth the hassle. I'd look for reasons it won't work before I go full steam ahead and have awkwardness forever with my neighbor.

Who knows, maybe once you get to know her you'll realize you guys aren't a great fit but you'll have a great neighbor who can give the kids a lift to school, introduce you to her friends etc... Think long term.

[Capella 25,075]

Stand outside her window holding a boom box in the air 

[msommer 8,851]

Just now, Capella said:

Stand outside her window holding a boom box in the air 

Since it's raining anyway

[Wrigley 3,301]

1 hour ago, Godsbrother said:

Trash day.  Tell her you really admire her cans and ask if it would okay if you could look at them when you take your junk out next week.

[BigSteelThrill 5,180]

1 hour ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

I have a beautiful new neighbor that just moved in a few weeks ago, and I am crushing hard. She's a single (as I've been told from another neighbor) mom of 2 little girls.

I have the exact same thing just happen to me... except I'm not crushing and she is the mother of 1 little girl.  No BS.

 

I have no idea if you are serious in your request though.  You really want to make something happen?

[James Daulton 9,124]

7 minutes ago, BigSteelThrill said:

I have the exact same thing just happen to me... except I'm not crushing and she is the mother of 1 little girl.  No BS.

 

I have no idea if you are serious in your request though.  You really want to make something happen?

The whole scenario seem too wild and unlikely to you? 

Edited August 24, 2016 by James Daulton

[Skoo 7,173]

Check out the movie "The Tao of Steve"

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

GB you guys. Let me wade through the semi-serious replies.

[Limp Ditka 8,962]

Tell her you only use Heinz ketchup. The fanciest of all children's condiments. That should woo her, or, at least her kids

[BigSteelThrill 5,180]

2 minutes ago, James Daulton said:

The whole scenario seem too wild and unlikely to you? 

Not even remotely wild. Sounds legit, but this is the FBG FFA afterall.

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

1 hour ago, chet said:

Are you sure you want to dip neighborhood pen in neighborhood ink?

If so, send her a welcome gift and offer to have the family over for dinner to give her the lay of the land.

It's been a while. I'm ready to write a novel.  

[playin4beer 762]

Ask her "You want to go do Karate in the garage?"

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

1 hour ago, JerseyToughGuys said:

Is she new in town or just the neighborhood? TBD?

If she's new to town there is your in. Ask her what her kids are into and offer suggestions on places to go. Then offer her company.

Not new to town. I know what she does for a living because we did have that brief exchange, but I know nothing else about her. Yet. 

[bushdocda 2,959]

Just be honest and tell her you started this thread. Game over. 

[Andy Dufresne 9,230]

If being sincere doesn't work, have someone kidnap one of her kids and then "rescue" the child.

Profit!

[JHuber77 68]

1 hour ago, Godsbrother said:

By the way... 

Took almost a whole page of replies.  You guys are slippin!  

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

1 hour ago, Andy Dufresne said:

Say something, you know, grown up...

"We both know dating as a single parent is difficult but would you be interested in having just the first one for now?"

Something along these lines is what I've been thinking. And I thought maybe a lunch thing would be informal, good face-time with no kids involved, no babysitter arranging, etc. 

Grilling burgers as several people said also a good idea if it will ever quit raining!

[lardonastick 822]

Just now, Andy Dufresne said:

If being sincere doesn't work, have someone kidnap one of her kids and then "rescue" the child.

Profit!

If you can't be the hero she wants, be the hero she needs. 

[JerseyToughGuys 2,897]

3 minutes ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

Not new to town. I know what she does for a living because we did have that brief exchange, but I know nothing else about her. Yet. 

next time you see her, jokingly tell her you are constantly taking the trash out in hopes of running into her. See how she reacts, roll from there.

[Cliff Clavin 3,182]

Have you taken her a 'welcome to the neighbourhood' gift yet?

[JoeSteeler 2,719]

nokids.com

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

1 hour ago, lakerstan said:

Prediction:  7/10 - Hottest mother of 2 within a single residential block radius.

I'd say 8/10 - Easily the hottest on the block. Great body. Great smile.  

Probably trying to outkick my coverage here, but what the hell.  

I'll see if I can get a pic soon, but I don't want to crash this train before it even gets out of the station by looking like a creeper. 

[chet 3,525]

Who does she look like?  What does she do for work?

[JoeSteeler 2,719]

just say "I am taking the boys to the park, would YOU and your girls like to go with us?"

 

[BigSteelThrill 5,180]

Be yourself.

Some of the worst advice ever in the history of advice giving.  Unless you happen to be incredibly entertaining.

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

2 minutes ago, Cliff Clavin said:

Have you taken her a 'welcome to the neighbourhood' gift yet?

I have not. Gift suggestions?

(Step 1. Get a box?)

[chet 3,525]

Who does she look like?  What does she do for work?

[Statorama 2,855]

Whichever route you go, I'm rooting for you big guy!

[belljr 9,652]

http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/1378864003_ric flair woo.jpg

Edited August 24, 2016 by belljr

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

26 minutes ago, BigSteelThrill said:

I have the exact same thing just happen to me... except I'm not crushing and she is the mother of 1 little girl.  No BS.

 

I have no idea if you are serious in your request though.  You really want to make something happen?

Yep. I'm for serious.  

So hot new neighbor for you too??

[JoeSteeler 2,719]

1 hour ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

Considered that too. After all, it would be a neighborly thing to do. But seriously, it has rained all but 2 days in the last 2 weeks. I don't have a covered grilling area. 

stop the excuses man!

[Capella 25,075]

Tell her you took her picture and posted it on a fantasy football message board 

[Statorama 2,855]

Whichever route you go, I'm rooting for you big guy!

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

7 minutes ago, JoeSteeler said:

just say "I am taking the boys to the park, would YOU and your girls like to go with us?"

 

I do live near a park. This is a good thought. Weather has not been cooperative. Maybe this weekend.

[JoeSteeler 2,719]

5 minutes ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

I have not. Gift suggestions?

(Step 1. Get a box?)

d*** in a box?

NSFW - - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwCbbMgp3Lw

Edited August 24, 2016 by JoeSteeler

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

5 minutes ago, chet said:

Who does she look like?  What does she do for work?

see rating above... Dark hair. Has all teeth. Slender, but great cans (not talking about the trash). I'm not going to disclose her profession at this time. I don't want to Wheelhouse this.

[JoeSteeler 2,719]

Just now, Nathan R. Jessep said:

see rating above... Dark hair. Has all teeth. Slender, but great cans (not talking about the trash). I'm not going to disclose her profession at this time. I don't want to Wheelhouse this.

no way you can know this

[Nathan R. Jessep 5,462]

2 minutes ago, JoeSteeler said:

stop the excuses man!

Good point. I mean, I'd grill in the rain if it'll get me in the door. 

[The Future Champs 2,371]

1 hour ago, RokNRole said:

Have you considered it might not be a good idea to bang your neighbor?

(Shhhh, knock it off)

Pay no attention to this.   It's always a great idea to bang yer neighbor, particularly if you keep us informed on how it goes.

[JoeSteeler 2,719]

Just now, Nathan R. Jessep said:

Good point. I mean, I'd grill in the rain if it'll get me in the door. 

perfect reason to move inside the house...