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The Hug Life Chronicles: :( (1 Viewer)

If she's depressed, her emotions aren't necessarily going to be logical and distancing yourself from people you care about while suffering depression pretty common.  In the depressed person's mind they're protecting you from themselves.

If what happened to you happened to me, I'm not sure I'd ever want to date the person again but if it was someone I truly cared about, I'd make sure they knew I was there for them if they needed me.  Isolating yourself while depressed can lead to real bad ####.

 
Kanil said:
If she's depressed, her emotions aren't necessarily going to be logical and distancing yourself from people you care about while suffering depression pretty common.  In the depressed person's mind they're protecting you from themselves.

If what happened to you happened to me, I'm not sure I'd ever want to date the person again but if it was someone I truly cared about, I'd make sure they knew I was there for them if they needed me.  Isolating yourself while depressed can lead to real bad ####.
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I honestly am not sure how to play this going forward. I am sure she'll reach out to me at some point soon. I do think she cares about me that much. But damn, man, I'm hurting over this. I don't want to say something I'll regret out of raw emotions and hurt feelings. I also don't want to make her feel any worse or feel guilty for being honest with me.  Not that I have to decide a plan of action or anything. I just picture getting a "you ok?" text, and it's going to be hard for me to not be honest with her that no, I'm really not ok with all this. But also I can't change it, so what good would a discussion do? Part of me does want to say "I'm here for you" and I kinda told her that the other night during our talk and the next morning. But the other part of me wants to say "I can't be your friend because it hurts too much." I guess I'll see what happens when emotions die down a little bit.

 
jonessed said:
The real reasons it didn’t work for her are impossible to know.  Don’t beat yourself up trying to figure it out. You did what you felt was right and it didn’t work out.  Get up and move on. That’s really all you can do.
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Could be, but "it just didn't feel right" is weak. As a 41 year old doctor, you have to be more articulate than this. I'd be frustrated as hell if I were NRJ.

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
I honestly am not sure how to play this going forward. I am sure she'll reach out to me at some point soon. I do think she cares about me that much. But damn, man, I'm hurting over this. I don't want to say something I'll regret out of raw emotions and hurt feelings. I also don't want to make her feel any worse or feel guilty for being honest with me.  Not that I have to decide a plan of action or anything. I just picture getting a "you ok?" text, and it's going to be hard for me to not be honest with her that no, I'm really not ok with all this. But also I can't change it, so what good would a discussion do? Part of me does want to say "I'm here for you" and I kinda told her that the other night during our talk and the next morning. But the other part of me wants to say "I can't be your friend because it hurts too much." I guess I'll see what happens when emotions die down a little bit.
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You already told her you're there if she wants. Assuming her problem is depression is not the thing to do as someone suggested above. You need to move on. I missed the fact that this is a long distance relationship. Oy. Should she contact you you'll find out the why. Focus on your family. Keep busy. This will pass. Just don't try and become her caregiver. Long distance relationships don't usually work out. You need to take care of yourself now. 

 
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Nathan R. Jessep said:
I honestly am not sure how to play this going forward. I am sure she'll reach out to me at some point soon. I do think she cares about me that much. But damn, man, I'm hurting over this. I don't want to say something I'll regret out of raw emotions and hurt feelings. I also don't want to make her feel any worse or feel guilty for being honest with me.  Not that I have to decide a plan of action or anything. I just picture getting a "you ok?" text, and it's going to be hard for me to not be honest with her that no, I'm really not ok with all this. But also I can't change it, so what good would a discussion do? Part of me does want to say "I'm here for you" and I kinda told her that the other night during our talk and the next morning. But the other part of me wants to say "I can't be your friend because it hurts too much." I guess I'll see what happens when emotions die down a little bit.
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:shrug:

It sounds like you can’t really be there for her right now without causing yourself harm.  If you are going to be friends it needs to be down the road a ways.  Cut her loose for now.

To be honest, not many people break up without something else on the line, especially in long distance relationships.  She needs to figure #### out and you can’t help her or yourself by being available.  Don’t be a crutch.  This wasn’t a mutual decision.  She need to own it.

This isn’t being harsh.  It’s being real.  Life goes on.  Just let it.

 
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jonessed said:
:shrug:

It sounds like you can’t really be there for her right now without causing yourself harm.  If you are going to be friends it needs to be down the road a ways.  You need to cut her loose for now.

To be honest, not many people break up without something else on the line, especially in long distance relationships.  She needs to figure #### out and you can’t help her or yourself by being available.  Don’t be a crutch.  This wasn’t a mutual decision.  She need to own it.
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Couldn't agree more.  You think you're being the good guy, but in most cases, you end up being the doormat.  I'm not saying she's a bad person, but that doesn't mean she can't take advantage of your kindness.  

It's why they say if you love something, let it go.  

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
jwb said:
Of course, this now opens the door for Marissa II, the Return of Woo to be green-lit. 
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Although it would make a good story, I don't think so. I think I need more than she'll ever be able to offer anyone, if I'm being honest with myself about her. 
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Oh yea, I'm just kidding. She kind of wigged out on you too. 

I hope you get some kind of reason. That's the most frustrating part. 

 
Let me extend my condolences to you for the loss of your relationship, Colonel.  One thing that sucks about getting dumped is that it takes time to accept.  The sooner you can accept the break-up, the sooner you can move on.  You're 42 years young...  plenty of life left for you.   Go to China and get some strange.  

 
johnnycakes said:
Let me extend my condolences to you for the loss of your relationship, Colonel.  One thing that sucks about getting dumped is that it takes time to accept.  The sooner you can accept the break-up, the sooner you can move on.  You're 42 years young...  plenty of life left for you.   Go to China and get some strange.  
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Thanks. I do accept it. Don't have a choice in the matter, unfortunately. But I won't ever quit wondering why. Wondering why people do the things they do and behave the way they do is often an impossible mission I know. It's just the way my mind works. I am aware that I may or may not ever get an answer to my question. Wouldn't be the first time. 

 
And I do appreciate all of the commentary and advice. I always welcome other people's perspective and advice (though I may not always follow it). It helps me to sort through all my thoughts, and there are plenty of those. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Thanks. I do accept it. Don't have a choice in the matter, unfortunately. But I won't ever quit wondering why. Wondering why people do the things they do and behave the way they do is often an impossible mission I know. It's just the way my mind works. I am aware that I may or may not ever get an answer to my question. Wouldn't be the first time. 
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Yeah.  I get it.  I’ve been through it.  These are the times when it would be nice to care a lot less.

It will pass.  Find distractions until it does.

 
jonessed said:
:shrug:

It sounds like you can’t really be there for her right now without causing yourself harm.  If you are going to be friends it needs to be down the road a ways.  Cut her loose for now.

To be honest, not many people break up without something else on the line, especially in long distance relationships.  She needs to figure #### out and you can’t help her or yourself by being available.  Don’t be a crutch.  This wasn’t a mutual decision.  She need to own it.

This isn’t being harsh.  It’s being real.  Life goes on.  Just let it
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This is the way to go, as hard as it is. Perhaps a respectful, but firm, cutting off of contact will put you on the path of healing and moving on. Having constant reminders of her by way of communication will not help.

Put all your focus on work, your kids, DFS or whatever, the Saints (who dat, brother), working out, anything that keeps your mind off of it. You'll be surprised how much this helps.

Real sorry to hear this, man. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
I honestly am not sure how to play this going forward. I am sure she'll reach out to me at some point soon. I do think she cares about me that much. But damn, man, I'm hurting over this. I don't want to say something I'll regret out of raw emotions and hurt feelings. I also don't want to make her feel any worse or feel guilty for being honest with me.  Not that I have to decide a plan of action or anything. I just picture getting a "you ok?" text, and it's going to be hard for me to not be honest with her that no, I'm really not ok with all this. But also I can't change it, so what good would a discussion do? Part of me does want to say "I'm here for you" and I kinda told her that the other night during our talk and the next morning. But the other part of me wants to say "I can't be your friend because it hurts too much." I guess I'll see what happens when emotions die down a little bit.
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I know that feeling.  You need to give yourself a break from all of this.  I'd recommend blocking her from all channels of communication or you'll end up texting/DMing her in a moment of weakness.  I know it's not easy to step away but it's best for your mental and physical health.  She'll likely respect you more from the silence than some emotional soliloquy.  At the end of the day, most women are a bit crazy and you'll never make sense of their decisions or where their head is at.  I've come to peace with this and it has become easier for me to walk away from toxicity.   

You'll get through this. Time is the best healer.  Give yourself a hug and put a few units on the Saints v. Texans this weekend.  Take care Nathan.

 
tonydead said:
Was just going to say, most of the time it's because they found something better. Time to start blowing her off. 
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oh, I'm not naive. That was the first thing I point blank asked her. She promised me she wasn't even talking to anyone else. I have no reason to not believe her. She's told me some difficult stuff about herself. I trust her. And if I were to find out that was a lie, then I guess that makes this whole thing a lot easier. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
oh, I'm not naive. That was the first thing I point blank asked her. She promised me she wasn't even talking to anyone else. I have no reason to not believe her. She's told me some difficult stuff about herself. I trust her. And if I were to find out that was a lie, then I guess that makes this whole thing a lot easier. 
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Dude.  

 
tonydead said:
I was referring to you saying things like your last two posts. It's no wonder. Good luck. 
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I'm not following you. I get you were taking a shot at me thinking I am naive for believing her. I was just saying, I have no reason not to. Every person isn't the same. Trust is a judgment call. I trust her to tell me the truth. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
I'm not following you. I get you were taking a shot at me thinking I am naive for believing her. I was just saying, I have no reason not to. Every person isn't the same. Trust is a judgment call. I trust her to tell me the truth. 
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I dont want to kick you when you are down. You should be at the bar chasing tail instead of making posts like you just lost your first grade school love. 

 
tonydead said:
I tried, he asked. Thus my first sentence.  Plus, it might just help. Few women want men that act like this.  
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I said drop it.   You can agree to disagree with somebody from a community that you are a part of in a civil and polite way.  You did nothing close to that.  If you aren't capable of that--then move on to a thread where you can manage to be nice even in disagreement with somebody. Enjoy your evening. 

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
I said drop it.   You can agree to disagree with somebody from a community that you are a part of in a civil and polite way.  You did nothing close to that.  If you aren't capable of that--then move on to a thread where you can manage to be nice even in disagreement with somebody. Enjoy your evening. 
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Sure thing bossy boss man of the internet, rainbows and unicorns for everyone from now on.  :lol:

 
tonydead said:
I dont want to kick you when you are down. You should be at the bar chasing tail instead of making posts like you just lost your first grade school love. 
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Dude.

Our good hero has shown throughout the course of this thread that he is more than capable of pulling some new hugs when he wants. This just happened to him. And clearly it's someone he has feelings for. Let the man do his own thing and move on when he's ready.

So, yeah, don't be a **** to him right now.

 
Assume she telling the truth. Ignore tonydork.

Women many times don't know what they want, or they have trouble making decisions. I've been through this, best thing is to move on, start dating again when you want to and see what the next chapter brings. Optimism towards the future outweighs the pain of the past. She may be you back, but don't expect it and just assume it's over.

 
It's fine, guys. I don't care about what tony or anybody else with a snippy comment said. I'm secure in myself, so none of that matters to me. I am aware that not all of us are wired the same. It's cool.

I messaged her this morning and told her that I couldn't be just her friend. So it's done. This is a big step for me, personally. So now, I'm going to have another drink. Yes for brunch. I'm off work, don't judge me. This is my day to wallow and get all of the hurt out, for tomorrow is the reawakening.

I appreciate the support. 

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
It's fine, guys. I don't care about what tony or anybody else with a snippy comment said. I'm secure in myself, so none of that matters to me. I am aware that not all of us are wired the same. It's cool.

I messaged her this morning and told her that I couldn't be just her friend. So it's done. This is a big step for me, personally. So now, I'm going to have another drink. Yes for brunch. I'm off work, don't judge me. This is my day to wallow and get all of the hurt out, for tomorrow is the reawakening.

I appreciate the support. 
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YOU CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!!

 
"Marmalard?! Dead! Neidermeyer?!! Dead!! Tonydead?!! Dead!!!"

"Nobody puts the Colonel in a corner!"

 
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Nathan R. Jessep said:
It's fine, guys. I don't care about what tony or anybody else with a snippy comment said. I'm secure in myself, so none of that matters to me. I am aware that not all of us are wired the same. It's cool.

I messaged her this morning and told her that I couldn't be just her friend. So it's done. This is a big step for me, personally. So now, I'm going to have another drink. Yes for brunch. I'm off work, don't judge me. This is my day to wallow and get all of the hurt out, for tomorrow is the reawakening.

I appreciate the support. 
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We all know that you are secure in yourself and we all know that you are fully capable of stepping up for yourself when needed.  I (along with many members) just get annoyed when we see members acting out of line and not treating fellow community members in a manner that Is acceptable.  

With that said--I love that you stepped up and informed her that you fully intend to move on.  That is a big step--and nice job stepping out of your comfort zone and doing that.   That was a necessary move for you to keep moving forward and to come out of this a better and stronger person.   Keep up the good work and keep us posted.  

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
It's fine, guys. I don't care about what tony or anybody else with a snippy comment said. I'm secure in myself, so none of that matters to me. I am aware that not all of us are wired the same. It's cool.

I messaged her this morning and told her that I couldn't be just her friend. So it's done. This is a big step for me, personally. So now, I'm going to have another drink. Yes for brunch. I'm off work, don't judge me. This is my day to wallow and get all of the hurt out, for tomorrow is the reawakening.

I appreciate the support. 
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Good job.

jvdesigns2002 said:
We all know that you are secure in yourself and we all know that you are fully capable of stepping up for yourself when needed.  I (along with many members) just get annoyed when we see members acting out of line and not treating fellow community members in a manner that Is acceptable.  

With that said--I love that you stepped up and informed her that you fully intend to move on.  That is a big step--and nice job stepping out of your comfort zone and doing that.   That was a necessary move for you to keep moving forward and to come out of this a better and stronger person.   Keep up the good work and keep us posted.  
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He took my advice.  You're welcome.

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
It's fine, guys. I don't care about what tony or anybody else with a snippy comment said. I'm secure in myself, so none of that matters to me. I am aware that not all of us are wired the same. It's cool.

I messaged her this morning and told her that I couldn't be just her friend. So it's done. This is a big step for me, personally. So now, I'm going to have another drink. Yes for brunch. I'm off work, don't judge me. This is my day to wallow and get all of the hurt out, for tomorrow is the reawakening.

I appreciate the support. 
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Did she respond?

 
TheWalkmen said:
She’s probably out right now, with some random girlfriend, crying about how she should not have broken it off. Good luck.
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Thanks. Somehow I doubt that she has cried since THE conversation. The one that has already checked out gets the better end of that deal in these things. 

 
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