Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
Sign in to follow this  
eoMMan

Best home defense weapons that are NOT firearms?

Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, Sand said:

Fish bat.  Short, has some heft, can do damage in small spaces and easy to store near/under a bed.

Fish bat is a good idea, but that particular one is just a small aluminum bat with no weight.   You need a weighted one.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, -fish- said:

Fish bat is a good idea, but that particular one is just a small aluminum bat with no weight.   You need a weighted one.  

We used to use a handle from a broken oar, drilled a few deep holes into it, and filled those with lead.  Added that heft you need to knock out a king salmon or a halibut.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, song said:

saw an ad a few days ago for a super bright flashlight and part of the sales pitch was that a blindingly bright setting could be used for self defense.  thought hmmm....

Works great until you run into a blind burglar.

  • Like 1
  • Laughing 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Ron Swanson said:

In the United States, more blunt force trauma injuries resulting from domestic assaults are attributed to blows from a fireplace poker than any other weapon.  Just sayin'. Go with what works.

I heard somewhere that if you have liquor in the front, you also have to have a poker in the rear. 

Edited by Leroy Hoard
  • Thinking 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, top dog said:

From someone who has been pepper sprayed twice,

At least it worked. I tried to pepper spray some big dude back in college after he stiffed me on a bag of pot  and the thing broke when I went to spray him and then all hell broke loose. But that look on his face when I went to spray him....priceless.

 

As for the OP if I was worried about home defense the first thing I would do is find some of those signs which say your house is protected by so and so alarm or guard company. If possible install a camera, does not need to work, just try and put it some place visible. Make sure your yard is well lit and that should go a long way as a deterrent.

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Gianni Verscotchie said:

Gas chainsaw. The noise alone should be enough to scare them away.

Especially if you live in Texas.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whenever I want the house to myself. hard boiled eggs and baked beans works every time. 

  • Laughing 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, -fish- said:

Fish bat is a good idea, but that particular one is just a small aluminum bat with no weight.   You need a weighted one.  

Username checks out.  :thumbup:

There's always a critic.  :P  Yeah - there's weighted ones that will do some damage.  I didn't look too hard at what I linked - just an example.  From my perspective you want something that you can swing in a hallway, that will have some stopping power, and that your kid won't kill himself with if they find it and play with it.  A fish bat like this seems pretty ideal.

 

14 minutes ago, Gianni Verscotchie said:

Gas chainsaw. The noise alone should be enough to scare them away.

And the ladies just love eau de petrol in the bedroom.

Edited by Sand

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Ron Swanson said:

Claymore.

The type of sword or the M18A1 anti-personnel mine?

Though I suppose both could work. Both is good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was thinking of a pet alligator, trained murder hornets, flesh eating geese or land sharks, but I think I am going to dig a moat and fill it with all kinds of poisonous snakes, gators etc  and have the boiling oil at the ready...........

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Ilov80s said:

An extremely well trained pit bull and a flame thrower seem to do the trick.

I don't care how well trained it is, I'm not giving a flame thrower to a pit bull. :oldunsure:

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
  • Laughing 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

:mellow:

Edited by DaVinci

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

:mellow:

Edited by DaVinci

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, DaVinci said:

I don't care how well trained it is, I'm not giving a flame thrower to a pit bull. :oldunsure:

You can say that again. And again.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, Skipdog77 said:

Sack o' doorknobs. 

If you are out of doorknobs, a sack of wheat pennies can be used as a substitute.

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Baseball bat

Edited by Honus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, -fish- said:

Fish bat is a good idea, but that particular one is just a small aluminum bat with no weight.   You need a weighted one.  

agree - and it's too short to be optimal as well. i was an intake tech at an Albq detox center backinday and there was a code among the tribal police of the many surrounding reservations that a man had a right to his blade at all times, so sometimes they'd drop off a vanload of drunken Pueblos with knives to be processed by me and two usually female nurses. my long, nightwatchman's flashlight kept me in good stead disarming these guys - sumn about contact w metal stops even the most crazed and does surprisingly less damage than expected. during this time, tho, i had occasion to deal w a lady friend's crazed ex and her small son's baseball bat was just the right combo of length and weight. a 25"er is as responsive as a sword without killing anyone. In all, 18 months of this work with a couple of knicks and one shallow slice was all i suffered and was never even questioned for undue force. muy optimas

Edited by wikkidpissah
  • Love 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope all you guys saying pepper spray have 100% faith that little can you have had in your purse for 10 years still works.  Back in the day I almost got pepper sprayed but the kids can didn't work.  He had sold me a bag full of schwag and expected me to pay $50 for an eighth.  At first I thought it was a joke, but then I realized the can screwed up.  I pummeled the little twerp and stole the rest of his weed.  

  • Like 1
  • Laughing 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fire place poker - Thanks @Ron Swanson
Golf club - Putter is probably the best club choice
Knives - Gerber Mark II BA2, Assorted kitchen knives
Sling shots - Most fun choice
Brass knuckles - A lot went wrong if I'm reaching for this
MAGA hat - 1st choice as nobody really gets hurt and may work from far away
Dad voice - Similar to MAGA hat

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, brun said:

Fire place poker - Thanks @Ron Swanson
Golf club - Putter is probably the best club choice
Knives - Gerber Mark II BA2, Assorted kitchen knives
Sling shots - Most fun choice
Brass knuckles - A lot went wrong if I'm reaching for this
MAGA hat - 1st choice as nobody really gets hurt and may work from far away
Dad voice - Similar to MAGA hat

 

If I'm going golf club, the best combination of reach and club head that will last repeated whacks, I think I'm going 3 iron or driving iron for the stinger.

If I'm in close proximity to use brass knuckles, I'd rather have a black jack

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Best home defense outside of a firearm or a dog is probably a nice alarm system and surveillance system with cameras.   Couple that with maybe a baseball bat or a taser--that's pretty solid.  Another possiblity is learning a martial art or taking self defense classes.  One can make themselves the "self defense weapon".  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, JaxBill said:

If I'm going golf club, the best combination of reach and club head that will last repeated whacks, I think I'm going 3 iron or driving iron for the stinger.

If I'm in close proximity to use brass knuckles, I'd rather have a black jack

I figure the putter has a stiffer shaft.

A sap or black jack could work well. When I was a kid. A few of us had about a 15" length of garden hose with lead at one end for weight and all wrapped in electrical tape.

Filing under "Discussions I never foresaw happening"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had a break in about ten years ago and they stole a spare key to the M3 I had in the garage.  I was super paranoid they were going to come back for the car so I was keeping a fungo bat next to my bed.

One night I heard a noise outside, grabbed the bat, and ran out on to the patio.   Dude took off as soon as he saw me so I was feeling pretty tough.  Then I looked down and saw the raging morning wood I had and realized he was probably afraid of getting taken to that kind of pound town.    

  • Laughing 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I keep a frost greatsword by the door.  Gives +2 to attack and does 1d8 additional cold damage on a hit.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, brun said:

Fire place poker - Thanks @Ron Swanson
Golf club - Putter is probably the best club choice
Knives - Gerber Mark II BA2, Assorted kitchen knives
Sling shots - Most fun choice
Brass knuckles - A lot went wrong if I'm reaching for this
MAGA hat - 1st choice as nobody really gets hurt and may work from far away
Dad voice - Similar to MAGA hat

 

Pretty good choices. I might add a tire iron (the one with pointy end, not the cross shaped 4-way).

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, brun said:

Fire place poker - Thanks @Ron Swanson
Golf club - Putter is probably the best club choice
Knives - Gerber Mark II BA2, Assorted kitchen knives
Sling shots - Most fun choice
Brass knuckles - A lot went wrong if I'm reaching for this
MAGA hat - 1st choice as nobody really gets hurt and may work from far away
Dad voice - Similar to MAGA hat

 

but not the Scotty Cameron. 

i might go with SW: weighty head with more surface area for contact. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Ministry of Pain said:

Don't Play Games

I keep a can in both trunks and the house. 

I was sure that was going to be a link to this

  • Laughing 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
On 6/2/2020 at 2:37 PM, -fish- said:

Fish bat is a good idea, but that particular one is just a small aluminum bat with no weight.   You need a weighted one.  

Good point.  I love my Aftco. Also fantastic at mincing garlic.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EZ0AW4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Edited by Ron Swanson

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Mister CIA said:

A trained chimpanzee.

Potty trained?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think dog is the easiest answer as they aren't so much a "defense weapon" as they are a deterrent and warning system. 

If I were a burglar, etc. I think I would choose the house without the dog over the house with a dog. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/3/2020 at 8:10 AM, ghostguy123 said:

Forgot about crossbow.  Thanks Darryl Dixon

Friend of mine had a hand crossbow way back when.  That thing was awesome.  Goes along with guns, though.  Actually worse - no way my kids would be able to stay away from something like that.  And they'd shoot me/themselves/the dog...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/2/2020 at 12:29 PM, menobrown said:

At least it worked. I tried to pepper spray some big dude back in college after he stiffed me on a bag of pot  and the thing broke when I went to spray him and then all hell broke loose. But that look on his face when I went to spray him....priceless.

 

As for the OP if I was worried about home defense the first thing I would do is find some of those signs which say your house is protected by so and so alarm or guard company. If possible install a camera, does not need to work, just try and put it some place visible. Make sure your yard is well lit and that should go a long way as a deterrent.

 

 

 

On 6/3/2020 at 2:20 AM, Punxsutawney Phil said:

I hope all you guys saying pepper spray have 100% faith that little can you have had in your purse for 10 years still works.  Back in the day I almost got pepper sprayed but the kids can didn't work.  He had sold me a bag full of schwag and expected me to pay $50 for an eighth.  At first I thought it was a joke, but then I realized the can screwed up.  I pummeled the little twerp and stole the rest of his weed.  

That’s what I always tell everybody, Fantasy Football brings people together.  FBG bridging divides once again.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Ignoratio Elenchi said:
12 hours ago, Leroy Hoard said:

Potty trained?

Trained to wield a flamethrower.

If the chimp can train the Pit Bull too sign me up

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, dkp993 said:

 

That’s what I always tell everybody, Fantasy Football brings people together.  FBG bridging divides once again.  

Wow, that's funny seeing those two stories together because  the guy I tried to pepper spray but my can did not work was over him stiffing me $50 on some pot. And his eyes lit up all big when I went to spray him, then when it did not work for a split second I think he thought it was a joke. Almost similar stories from different angles.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.