A general retirement question - Starting over? (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

 

[Ministry of Pain]

It's huge but in 2000 we jumped from St Pete, FL to Los Angeles, CA and folks thought we were nuts leaving Florida.
-We did really well in California, several of the friends we made there we keep in touch with

I've never really been afraid to move when opportunity strikes but I have a saying about friends if you've never heard it
"Friends are always there when they need you"

You're a man that believes in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, if you retire in a new community my guess is you would make friends instantly in whatever church you joined.
I'm sure you have many friends right now in your community, from what I have gathered you have or had a small business around there and you likely know just about everyone
Maybe you should stay where you are comfortable.

We live in South Florida, gonna enjoy some rental income from property we own but likely we cannot afford to stay here when we reach 65-70+
Our money would go much further elsewhere

 

[NewlyRetired]

One thing social people can never understand about those of us who are anti social is being alone is what many of us crave.

 

[GroveDiesel]

Here’s a bit of what I’m seeing:

-I’m seeing quite a few people moving for retirement but moving closer to family (often kids/grandkids). So while they’re moving away from friends, they’re moving closer to family

-In my parents’ group of friends, they’re all heading to the same general areas kind of together. In my parents’ case, they’re turning into snowbirds where they’re living in Ohio for most of the year near most of our family and their friends, but spending more and more of the winter in Florida around more and more of their friends, some who have moved permanently.

-Calling back to your thread about the loss of third places, I think a lot of people just don’t have strong local connections anymore. People are living in an area, but aren’t feeling like they’re becoming part of the fabric of the community.

MOP’s point about bodies of faith is a good/interesting one. For me, that’s my third place and I’m fairly certain that if we moved I could find another church and make connections. Though that process isn’t necessarily always that easy. But for me, the church I currently attend is MY church. I’m one of the Elders. I feel a heavy responsibility to care for the folks in my church and in my community. I have deep relationships with guys at my church and we love life together. It would take a whole lot for me to move away precisely because of my faith community.

 

[Judge Smails]

I live in So Cal and really have no desire to move. Only way I would is to be closer to grandkids if my kids flock to one area when buying their first homes. But even then I may just get a condo or something there and keep our home here.

I have so so many friends here including 40 or so connected through our Ryder Cup golf outings and fantasy football. We’re talking 30 years of history. We take family vacations together. True friendships. I also belong to a great golf club 8 minutes from my house. Sure So Cal is expensive and taxes are a joke, but house is just about paid off and property taxes dirt cheap. Already have excellent weather. There just isn’t a reason to move.

I’m also one of those extroverted introvert types. I appear outgoing but don’t love the idea of making a whole bunch of new friendships.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

Here’s a bit of what I’m seeing:

-I’m seeing quite a few people moving for retirement but moving closer to family (often kids/grandkids). So while they’re moving away from friends, they’re moving closer to family

-In my parents’ group of friends, they’re all heading to the same general areas kind of together. In my parents’ case, they’re turning into snowbirds where they’re living in Ohio for most of the year near most of our family and their friends, but spending more and more of the winter in Florida around more and more of their friends, some who have moved permanently.

-Calling back to your thread about the loss of third places, I think a lot of people just don’t have strong local connections anymore. People are living in an area, but aren’t feeling like they’re becoming part of the fabric of the community.

MOP’s point about bodies of faith is a good/interesting one. For me, that’s my third place and I’m fairly certain that if we moved I could find another church and make connections. Though that process isn’t necessarily always that easy. But for me, the church I currently attend is MY church. I’m one of the Elders. I feel a heavy responsibility to care for the folks in my church and in my community. I have deep relationships with guys at my church and we love life together. It would take a whole lot for me to move away precisely because of my faith community.

-My reasoning for wanting to return to St Pete/Tampa Bay area is my son lives there and has a house/wife and I want to be a big part of my grandchildren's lives whenever they arrive
I had overlooked that point GD and that was a good one.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

One of my aunts (this is in England) moved to a retirement home with my uncle. It had outings and fun stuff to do. Everyone thought they were nuts, but they thrived on it. Always doing fun day trips and whatnot. So the next younger sister and uncle did the same thing. They moved to a place near their family. They HATED it. They wanted to move back desparately.

I don't think you can generalize about this sort of thing.

 

[Sand]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

There is this huge tractor beam that will be engaged at retirement - grandkids. If we ever did move it would be straight in that direction.

But I told my wife that I would never move again. I cannot think of an activity I hate more. Why subject yourself to that? So, like all good older adults, we'll try to lure the kids to stay close so when they reproduce their young'uns are close at hand.

 

[NutterButter]

I don't have any close friends and don't desire to have them. Being near my kids/grandkids is the only human factor. But even that will have its limits.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

This sort of concern is going to vary a lot from person to person, but it's an interesting problem. My wife and I are both stay-at-home types -- me especially, but her too. We don't have much of a social network right now, and neither of us has any interest in developing one. So the idea of moving to a new state with no connections of any kind isn't that scary for us. It's almost like an adventure.

On the other hand, just because we have a low need for social connection doesn't mean that that need is zero. We're going to lose our workplace connections, and we know that we need to replace those with something. We may not need much, but we're the sort of people who might struggle even to carve out a small little social circle. I think that's part of what's causing us to consider moving into a planned senior community -- it just seems like it would be a little easier to make casual social connections someplace like that.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

Interesting question Joe. Like a few others have said, it’s a very individual preference type of question though.

We’ve moved multiple times (WI, MN, San Fran, NYC, Chicago) in the past 25 years, so while we’ve lived in the Chicago area for most of that time, we’re also really comfortable with that type of change. Mrs APK and I have also talked about how much we miss the adventure of moving to a new city and having to start over again. When we ended up in SF and NY, we had so much fun (along with a lot of stress) building a new life and meeting new people. Was it lonely at times? Sure. But it made us closer as a couple and we made life-long friendships.

The flip side is that there is nowhere we can choose to live now, no possibility, of picking a place where all of our closest friends are together. We have deep friendships scattered across the country. And that’s ok.

 

[Zow]

Joe, your point and question is a good one. I can definitely see why some people wouldn't want to leave for retirement.

While I am nowhere near retirement and, frankly, I believe my wife and I have found the location we want to live out our days, I would have no problems moving for retirement if it made financial sense and the retirement location checked the necessary boxes (good weather, good golf, decent shopping option and restaurants for my wife, etc.). Until our last move, I always assumed I would move to some nice retirement location (or, have a winter location in a place like Phoenix and a summer one in the northwest or something).

As to the friends point, my perspective is:

1. I am one of those people that is very good at making what I'll call activity-centered friends. In other words, I'm fortunate enough to be able to "fit in" with most groups and make friends with just about anybody with a common interest - usually revolving around a sport or a game. For example, I have been an avid baseball/softball player and golfer in my adulthood. Every time I've moved I've been able to pretty quickly find a team or a good golf group in a short period of time. Currently, I love my golf club and my fellow members but I am pretty confident if I moved I could find a very similarly enjoyable club/group. So, that social itch for me is pretty easily scratched.
2. Somewhat in harmony with the above, I am not the type of person who needs close friends. This is going to sound cheesy, but my wife is my best friend and is really all I need for that "close" emotional connection. Accordingly, with having lots of arms-length friends associated with certain activities, I'm honestly good about leaving communities.
3. Technology and means to travel really make it easy to keep those connections. Obviously, this forum is a great example of technology permitting me to have a genuinely positive online community whereby I can talk about ideas with other humans. Similarly, with text messages, Zoom video chat, etc. it's easy to stay connected with friends from afar. Heck, fantasy football is a great tool for keeping in regular contact with friends from high school and college as well. Finally, I am fortunate enough to have the financial means to travel to see friends from prior places pretty often. So, still playing in softball tournaments with a former team based three hours away is pretty easy and I'm still close to my old golf groups even though I moved away because we are able to plan and afford a few golf trips per year to keep that connection going. I imagine this would only be easier in retirement with the additional free time.

 

[Gatorade]

Just the opposite here. For 20 years we talked about retiring and moving to Florida to be close to the beach. Most of our friends were either work or church friends. Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy. Our kids have each moved many times thru the years so that was a factor that did not come into play in our move. We still keep in contact with old friends, but my wife is my best friend so that has not changed.

 

[Joe Bryant]

One thing social people can never understand about those of us who are anti social is being alone is what many of us crave.

Interesting. I don't see much of that. Having different opinions or different desires is far different from not understanding.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I don't think you can generalize about this sort of thing.

Absolutely. It's definitely a personal/individual thing. That's why I asked.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I live in So Cal and really have no desire to move. Only way I would is to be closer to grandkids if my kids flock to one area when buying their first homes. But even then I may just get a condo or something there and keep our home here.

I have so so many friends here including 40 or so connected through our Ryder Cup golf outings and fantasy football. We’re talking 30 years of history. We take family vacations together. True friendships. I also belong to a great golf club 8 minutes from my house. Sure So Cal is expensive and taxes are a joke, but house is just about paid off and property taxes dirt cheap. Already have excellent weather. There just isn’t a reason to move.

I’m also one of those extroverted introvert types. I appear outgoing but don’t love the idea of making a whole bunch of new friendships.

That's pretty much my situation. I regularly have some sort of interaction with people that is somehow connected to being part of a community for 35 years. It's often meeting new people but those people often are somehow connected to existing relationships.

There's also an element of reaping some of what you sow I think. I regularly have nice things happen that are likely the product of things I've done over the years. Obviously, one shouldn't do good things for the purpose of having it come back to you later, but I won't deny it's nice.

I think for me, and for sure this is a personal thing, I just put such a high value on relationships. It's kind of what I talked about in the restaurant thread where I said something about how I'd 10x rather have dinner at Olive Garden with someone I loved than dinner at a fantastic restaurant with someone I didn't.

So for me, people and relationships are miles and miles and miles ahead of anything else when it comes to picking a spot.

But again, fully understand everyone has different desires there. That's why I started the thread.

 

[-OZ-]

The social aspect is a huge reason we’re leaning towards moving just 30-45 minutes away. Then spending months in other areas, maybe half the year in a place we’re starting to make connections now.

 

[belljr]

We always said we'd move because NJ is expensive but my house will be paid off so shrug we like the area in general

 

[Joe Bryant]

I think part of my feeling is how I grew up. We moved a lot as I kid. 4 different places from 2nd grade to High School. So I was regularly the new kid. In many ways, it was great as I learned to make friends. In others, not as great as I never had a friend more than a few years. As an adult, it was important to me to put down some "roots" to hopefully build on. And I've done that.

 

[Joe Bryant]

And the added bonus is with kids all grown and out of the house, and being able to work 100% remotely, we have lots of freedom to travel. I've been in Houston since July 4. To Boston next week. So I get a lot of the new places stuff to go with the "home base" stuff it seems.

 

[steelerfan1]

Our situation is no family here, my 2 closest friends, 1 is in Maine and the other just retired last month and moved to VA. her best friend moved to FL. I’m a big introvert while the wife is a bit more social than I, she’s definitely not a butterfly. I think if we could both move our current jobs somewhere else we’d have been gone already. Nothing really keeping us here but that.

 

[-OZ-]

I think part of my feeling is how I grew up. We moved a lot as I kid. 4 different places from 2nd grade to High School. So I was regularly the new kid. In many ways, it was great as I learned to make friends. In others, not as great as I never had a friend more than a few years. As an adult, it was important to me to put down some "roots" to hopefully build on. And I've done that.

We are almost the exact opposite.
From birth to college in the same house, my parents finally sold that house when I was 40. But I chose the Army, so we moved frequently as adults until retirement. We have friends all over the globe but don’t see most of them.
Even though my parents lived in the same house for over 40 years, they started to grow a bit distant from their friends, and my sister and I were hundreds of miles away. They moved to Arizona for 5 years until deciding they needed to be close to one of us (they chose her and Indiana for multiple good reasons).

Now it’s been 9 years in the same house, and our roots have grown deep. We definitely won’t move until our youngest graduates HS, in 2035. So that will be 20 years in this house. It’s good enough for now but we wouldn’t choose it if not for the kids - schools being the primary consideration. I assume our roots will be even deeper at that point but we’ll probably buy a house on the lake in 5, move there 5 years later. We’ll have a place big enough that one or two of our kids can visit or friends can crash if they want to.

 

[-OZ-]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

 

[tri-man 47]

Eighteen months ago, we moved from a near-west suburb of Chicago to a far-west suburb in order to be closer to our kids and grandsons (15 min vs 40 min). That was adventurous enough for us. We’d been in our home 38 years before moving. We’ve never been big socializers, though, so the change wasn’t difficult …in large part because we quickly became active in a new, larger Presbyterian church.

I feel a lot of the hesitancy of moving to a new locale is just the resistance to change. But as in our case, we really didn’t have deep attachments to the neighborhood or community. Our transition was eased by staying in the Chicago area. My wife’s best friend (and her husband) just moved from NW Indiana to a house they had built in a new community south of Phoenix (also to be closer to family). That’s a much more dramatic change.

 

[QuizGuy66]

Just the opposite here. For 20 years we talked about retiring and moving to Florida to be close to the beach. Most of our friends were either work or church friends. Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy. Our kids have each moved many times thru the years so that was a factor that did not come into play in our move. We still keep in contact with old friends, but my wife is my best friend so that has not changed.

I think different things make sense for different people. What I like about this particular post is that they tried out a place (even if on vacation) and had a window on what it would be like before deciding. I think a hazard with moving for retirement would be to get an idealized vision in your head, moving, and the reality proves different.

Getting a handle on what the social center of a place is important - and to try and notice what is missing that perhaps you take for granted.

I have family that moved to NC (not retirement) but the appeal was never there for me - it feels like everywhere is a drive compared to Jersey where there a lot of little local downtowns right nearby seemingly wherever you are. And NYC is an old easy train ride. Maybe I go elsewhere but a lot of the conventional retirement choices wouldn't be so high on my personal list.

-QG

 

[Joe Bryant]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

 

[Osaurus]

Planning to essentially pre-retire in the western US. The idea is to get established out there and retire (hopefully early). Happy to leave FL behind for a lot of reasons, but I’ll miss a few things too.

 

[NewlyRetired]

One thing social people can never understand about those of us who are anti social is being alone is what many of us crave.

Interesting. I don't see much of that. Having different opinions or different desires is far different from not understanding.

You said in your first post:

"When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?"

The underlined was what I was responding to. Your statement seemed to assume that it would be a "huge negative" to get a fresh start in a place you did not know any one, which to me appeared to show a lack of understanding that it would not be a huge negative for many of us.

I apologize if I misunderstood your comment.

 

[Joe Bryant]

One thing social people can never understand about those of us who are anti social is being alone is what many of us crave.

Interesting. I don't see much of that. Having different opinions or different desires is far different from not understanding.

You said in your first post:

"When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?"

The underlined was what I was responding to. Your statement seemed to assume that it would be a "huge negative" to get a fresh start in a place you did not know any one, which to me appeared to show a lack of understanding that it would not be a huge negative for many of us.

I apologize if I misunderstood your comment.

No worries. Apologies I wasn't clear.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Planning to essentially pre-retire in the western US. The idea is to get established out there and retire (hopefully early). Happy to leave FL behind for a lot of reasons, but I’ll miss a few things too.

This is pretty much what we did. Bought the house we thought would work in the right location. We are now entrenching for the long haul.

Besides, the actual act of moving sucks. I never want to do that again.

 

[-OZ-]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

You married well
It’s possible we’ve stayed in one of those ten lots. Or really close. (We always stay in SP)

 

[Joe Bryant]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

You married well
It’s possible we’ve stayed in one of those ten lots. Or really close. (We always stay in SP)

Marrying way out of my league was one of the best things I ever did.

They've sold all the properties now but we still go back almost every year. My wife knows the SP bike trails like a guide.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Besides, the actual act of moving sucks. I never want to do that again.

Word.

I'm not a hoarder, but I have accumulated a good of stuff. I think if I moved again, we'd just have an estate sale and start over. LOL.

 

[AAABatteries]

My retirement considerations in basic order of importance:

• Elderly parents to take care of
• Kids/grandkids
• Friends
• Finances
• Activities

 

[Gatorade]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

You married well
It’s possible we’ve stayed in one of those ten lots. Or really close. (We always stay in SP)

Marrying way out of my league was one of the best things I ever did.

They've sold all the properties now but we still go back almost every year. My wife knows the SP bike trails like a guide.

Vacationed in SP several times and it was great. Now we stay far away unless it is the off season. We go to the beach and only see maybe four people now.

 

[Gatorade]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

Sounds good. Hit me up then.
But I will be drinking wine

 

[Gatorade]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

Still plenty of gators. They lay in my yard almost every day.
You should have gone to Piggly Wiggly

 

[bradyfan]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

Interesting, so banning people doesn’t happen in your personal life?

 

[Joe Bryant]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

Interesting, so banning people doesn’t happen in your personal life?

What do you mean? What is banning someone in a personal life?

 

[-OZ-]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

You married well
It’s possible we’ve stayed in one of those ten lots. Or really close. (We always stay in SP)

Marrying way out of my league was one of the best things I ever did.

They've sold all the properties now but we still go back almost every year. My wife knows the SP bike trails like a guide.

Vacationed in SP several times and it was great. Now we stay far away unless it is the off season. We go to the beach and only see maybe four people now.

If we decide to buy, I still don’t think we’d see the house (more likely Villa or condo) May - September.

 

[eighsse2]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

What is this "friends" thing you speak of?

 

[SFBayDuck]

nvm, posted in the wrong retirement thread...moving

 

[3C's]

I don't have any close friends and don't desire to have them. Being near my kids/grandkids is the only human factor. But even that will have its limits.

No doubt. One of my adult kids lives with us but we barely see them (being purposely ambiguous). The other lives out of the area and has a kid who I adore. There's a possibility that they'll move back in the area and that's great but could become not as great if they're here constantly.

 

[Rodrigo Duterte]

It's mostly fake, this "friend" thing at our age. We're not in high school or college anymore. Like, what you can gain from each other is what it's really about in this stage.

That should actually be way down on your list. The smaller the "circle" the better. Focus on what makes you guys, and the only ones that matter in your life, happiest. And go there. The rest is mostly a charade. Sad but true.

 

[SFBayDuck]

It's mostly fake, this "friend" thing at our age. We're not in high school or college anymore. Like, what you can gain from each other is what it's really about in this stage.

That should actually be way down on your list. The smaller the "circle" the better. Focus on what makes you guys, and the only ones that matter in your life, happiest. And go there. The rest is mostly a charade. Sad but true.

That’s an “interesting” take. I’ve got friends I hang out with at tailgates. Friends I go fishing and camping with. Friends I hang with around the fire pit drinking whiskey on a Friday night. Friends I talk to about life, work, family, retirement, etc.

What are we gaining from each other? All sorts of things, but in general being around them makes things more fun than they would be doing it alone (or with strangers). And as and extroverted introvert, I love being alone as well! In some cases it’s just someone to bounce things off of. Is that all you’re saying, that we actually get some benefit from having friends? Yeah we do!

Or are you saying it’s more about a quid pro quo or what can you do for me relationship only (which is how I initially read it)?

 

[Don Quixote]

Being near friends is pretty low down the list for me. Live in the DC area now, and both my wife and I grew up in different states (my wife in NM and me in NJ). The only friends that I have by me now are some college and law school friends also in the area, but I still only see each group every six months or so. We’ve had an e-mail chain since the start of the baseball season about finding a date for a Nats game that could work for a quorum — season is halfway over, and we are still trying to figure out that date.

I feel like my wife and I would be down with retiring to a place with less humidity and cheaper cost of living when retire. I’m generally happy as long as have my books. In terms of proximity to others, we have one child and would put being closer to him wherever he ends up in life much higher than being closer to friends.

 

[AAABatteries]

One thing I’m always somewhat amazed by is the number of people who stay in touch with so many friends. Maybe because I have so much family in the area and then longtime co-workers and then neighbors as friends too it would be overwhelming to keep in touch with a bunch of others. I have 2-3 really close male friends plus their wives where we do stuff consistently throughout the year - birthdays, holiday stuff, going to breweries, camping, etc. most everyone else is just friendly acquaintances.

I guess my point is that while I’m not a homebody I would much rather have a small numbers of deep relationships than 10-20 that I’d just do stuff a few times a year.

 

[guru_007]

In my eyes, friends come and go. May sound rough, but family is way more important. I get it. My three closest college friends I haven't seen in 6-7 years now. We still stay in touch and will visit from time to time, but we have families, kids in college or the working world. God willing, grand children one day. I have a group of 7-10 high school friends I stay in touch with on a more frequent basis, but again, getting together in a group setting is always a struggle.
My parents retired to a completely new state as well and they have had plenty of friends over the past 15-20 years. But one of the sad realities of getting older is people pass away. People move away. People have other interests. People have issues with their families or loved ones which require their attention.
When I retire, I'm most certainly moving. I anticipate making new friends/acquaintances, but none of this factors into not wanting to move. My children will always come first. And then my other family members. And I can always travel to meet up with old friends when our schedules align. I've got enough friends, so maybe I'm more fortunate than most.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

Still plenty of gators. They lay in my yard almost every day.
You should have gone to Piggly Wiggly

Ha. That Piggly Wiggly wasn't there in 1960s.

 

[Joe Bryant]

It's mostly fake, this "friend" thing at our age. We're not in high school or college anymore. Like, what you can gain from each other is what it's really about in this stage.

That should actually be way down on your list. The smaller the "circle" the better. Focus on what makes you guys, and the only ones that matter in your life, happiest. And go there. The rest is mostly a charade. Sad but true.

What if being around friends is what makes you happy? Is that still a "charade" in your opinion?