A general retirement question - Starting over? (1 Viewer)

[Mjolnirs]

There are pros and cons.
My wife and I were both born and raised in Charleston. I moved to a small town in the area when I was 10, she lived there all her life.
We lived in that same town until we were both 58. We lived near grade/high school friends and hung out with these people often.
We moved 100 miles away to be near kids/grandkids. We left a house we lived in for 20+ years.

At the time of the move I was working from home, and did so in the new house for 1 year before retiring.
I only met and still only know my neighbors here. I just don't have a social circle. We've been invited to block party type events, but most of the neighbors are younger and have school age kids in common. I miss my friends, I miss game nights at my house with high school friends that would last until 2am ... nobody had kids to rush home to.

An example of the difference:
After we moved, on our first trip back to Charleston we went to Sam's and in the parking lot before getting to the store, we ran into 3 people we know.
I have been here 2.5 years and last week ran into someone I know at the store ... the 5th time that has happened since moving here.

But I am closer to my kids and grandkids. 15 minutes to my daughter, and 2 hours closer to my son.
Two days ago my daughter drove over with her two daughters and we went to the pool.

Pros and Cons

 

[Peggy]

Not really a huge negative because my job required relocating every 5-7 years anyway so we're used to it. Although we've been in the same place the last 13 years it isn't our desired retirement location. Moving away from a suburb of a big city filled with homeless and crime and sub-optimal weather to a glorious low cost of living relatively remote country farm. Sure we'll miss our neighbors that we regularly hang out with, but, wife is pretty good at making new friends and we assume there will be equally cool people that live around our new place.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Sahiull Bloom is a guy I like. He's written a good bit about staying close to your parents if you can. I think it's spot on.

x.com

x.com

And this graphic was good:

x.com

x.com

 

[Peggy]

I also don't regret taking a job that had us relocate multiple times. Some of my childhood friends never left the town we grew up in and I know they have no idea or exposure to the rest of the country. Traveling to a bunch of places isn't the same as moving to a bunch of places either. Spending multiple years in multiple different locations throughout the country really puts a great perspective on America's diversity. I imagine it's even more pronounced for those that have moved across the world. I'm pretty thankful that I got that opportunity and that's another reason why it's not a huge negative for us picking a completely new place to retire to. It's a huge positive and an adventure.

ETA: I should note that all of our parents are dead. Our brothers and sisters are stuck in the town they grew up in as described above. We have no desire to live there.

 

[Joe Bryant]

I also don't regret taking a job that had us relocate multiple times. Some of my childhood friends never left the town we grew up in and I know they have no idea or exposure to the rest of the country. Traveling to a bunch of places isn't the same as moving to a bunch of places either. Spending multiple years in multiple different locations throughout the country really puts a great perspective on America's diversity. I imagine it's even more pronounced for those that have moved across the world. I'm pretty thankful that I got that opportunity and that's another reason why it's not a huge negative for us picking a completely new place to retire to. It's a huge positive and an adventure.

I can see that. I think I did benefit as a kid moving a lot.

I think looking back, I probably had the best of both worlds. I moved a lot from 8 years old to 25. And learned a good bit about the west and the south.

And then put roots down at 25 that have been good. In addition to traveling a lot. I'd agree of course traveling isn't exactly the same as living in a place, but I think traveling is a huge help in perspective.

 

[AAABatteries]

Sahiull Bloom is a guy I like. He's written a good bit about staying close to your parents if you can. I think it's spot on.

x.com

x.com

And this graphic was good:

x.com

x.com

Nothing replaces in person time but I will say many people use FaceTime, Zoom and other video conferencing tools effectively to stay in touch. I don't because basically everyone I want to be around and see in person I do. I'm curious for those who have done that how well they think that works for them. Is 30 minutes of FaceTime a good way to keep the bond going?

On the graphic - it is good and gets the point across but I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad thing. Somewhat playing devil's advocate here but a kid will live 6,570 days with a parent by the time they reach 18. You could do the math however you want but let's say they get 50 more years with their parents (being generous). To balance that would mean seeing them 131.4 days per year for 50 years. That's very uncommon and not required to have a deep relationship with someone. I'm all-in on family > friends in the importance list (for me) but I would also see it as a balance. I know too many people that probably spend too much time with their parents due to a somewhat dysfunctional or co-dependence relationship. I love my parents and see them on average of once a week or so the last 10 years. If that went up to 131 times a year from 50 I think it would drive me crazy and maybe make our relationship weaker.

 

[Peggy]

I also don't regret taking a job that had us relocate multiple times. Some of my childhood friends never left the town we grew up in and I know they have no idea or exposure to the rest of the country. Traveling to a bunch of places isn't the same as moving to a bunch of places either. Spending multiple years in multiple different locations throughout the country really puts a great perspective on America's diversity. I imagine it's even more pronounced for those that have moved across the world. I'm pretty thankful that I got that opportunity and that's another reason why it's not a huge negative for us picking a completely new place to retire to. It's a huge positive and an adventure.

I can see that. I think I did benefit as a kid moving a lot.

I think looking back, I probably had the best of both worlds. I moved a lot from 8 years old to 25. And learned a good bit about the west and the south.

And then put roots down at 25 that have been good. In addition to traveling a lot. I'd agree of course traveling isn't exactly the same as living in a place, but I think traveling is a huge help in perspective.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain
Travel is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer. - Rick Steves

Part of our retirement plans include yearly vacations to countries we haven't visited yet.

 

[gianmarco]

I also don't regret taking a job that had us relocate multiple times. Some of my childhood friends never left the town we grew up in and I know they have no idea or exposure to the rest of the country. Traveling to a bunch of places isn't the same as moving to a bunch of places either. Spending multiple years in multiple different locations throughout the country really puts a great perspective on America's diversity. I imagine it's even more pronounced for those that have moved across the world. I'm pretty thankful that I got that opportunity and that's another reason why it's not a huge negative for us picking a completely new place to retire to. It's a huge positive and an adventure.

I can see that. I think I did benefit as a kid moving a lot.

I think looking back, I probably had the best of both worlds. I moved a lot from 8 years old to 25. And learned a good bit about the west and the south.

And then put roots down at 25 that have been good. In addition to traveling a lot. I'd agree of course traveling isn't exactly the same as living in a place, but I think traveling is a huge help in perspective.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain
Travel is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer. - Rick Steves

Part of our retirement plans include yearly vacations to counties we haven't visited yet.

If all these counties are still in your state, I'd suggest trying to branch out even further......

 

[Peggy]

I also don't regret taking a job that had us relocate multiple times. Some of my childhood friends never left the town we grew up in and I know they have no idea or exposure to the rest of the country. Traveling to a bunch of places isn't the same as moving to a bunch of places either. Spending multiple years in multiple different locations throughout the country really puts a great perspective on America's diversity. I imagine it's even more pronounced for those that have moved across the world. I'm pretty thankful that I got that opportunity and that's another reason why it's not a huge negative for us picking a completely new place to retire to. It's a huge positive and an adventure.

I can see that. I think I did benefit as a kid moving a lot.

I think looking back, I probably had the best of both worlds. I moved a lot from 8 years old to 25. And learned a good bit about the west and the south.

And then put roots down at 25 that have been good. In addition to traveling a lot. I'd agree of course traveling isn't exactly the same as living in a place, but I think traveling is a huge help in perspective.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. - Mark Twain
Travel is the only thing you can buy that makes you richer. - Rick Steves

Part of our retirement plans include yearly vacations to counties we haven't visited yet.

If all these counties are still in your state, I'd suggest trying to branch out even further......

Travel doesn't make you a better speller. - Peggy

 

[Joe Bryant]

On the graphic - it is good and gets the point across but I'm not sure it's necessarily a bad thing.

Of course.

It's up to the individual person to put how much value it is to them to be near a parent.

 

[Gally]

I am not a very "cold caller" type of person. Meaning, I am not the type that will go start up a conversation with some stranger to get things going. But if someone comes to me and initiates I am good with that and usually can talk, laugh, joke, whatever for quite some time if we have stuff in common. One of the things I want to do when we retire (assuming we end up moving away from friends) is to work on that part of myself. Go to a golf club or lake or pickleball or whatever and try and be better at starting up relationships. I have friends like that and when we are out with them it is a great time as he will initiate contacts and then it makes it easier to join in. I want to be able to do that. I am looking forward to the challenge.

 

[Gatorade]

Then, on one vacation we went to Hilton Head Island, SC . We were amazed at the beautiful beaches, fine dining, local activities and friendly atmosphere. Upon retirement, we moved there and have a great church family and plenty of activities to keep us busy.

“I’m not jealous”.
Okay, yeah. A bit. That’s exactly what I want to do. That’s our home away from home, having spent a week there almost every year since 2000. Thankfully an Army buddy lives there now, so that might help if we moved there eventually.
We’re going back in October, would be good to grab a beer with someone who has made that move.

I'm a fan of Hilton Head. My wifes grandparents bought 10 lots cheap and a big house in Sea Pines back in the 60s when you had to go Savannah to the grocery store and there were more alligators than people. So my wife grew up there spending every summer there. Different now but still super nice. I enjoy it a lot.

Still plenty of gators. They lay in my yard almost every day.
You should have gone to Piggly Wiggly

Ha. That Piggly Wiggly wasn't there in 1960s.

Wow. You are right. It opened in 69.

 

[beef]

I live in a small rural lake community. My wife and I are involved in quite a few village committees, so we have some very close ties to our community. We kind of bought this place to be our retirement home, but we're having some second thoughts and might want to travel more. We have quite a bit of land and might subdivide and sell some since it's a lot of work to maintain. We also plan to donate a few acres to the Village to become a park (pond, wetland, w/ lake access) so it doesn't ever get developed. Keep our house for when we want to be here.

We've always talked about getting a Sprinter Van to cruise the country and Canada. We're also starting to talk more about European travels and I'd consider moving there since the healthcare and quality of life in Europe is so intriguing.

I don't really have a big family. My son is trans and doesn't seem to be interested in having kids. He may follow my brother and move to Europe. Not sure about my daughter yet. If they have a family we'd probably buy a place near by. We still have a ways to go so a lot can change, but we seem to be leaning towards not being tied down to any one place.

 

[Peggy]

I am not a very "cold caller" type of person. Meaning, I am not the type that will go start up a conversation with some stranger to get things going. But if someone comes to me and initiates I am good with that and usually can talk, laugh, joke, whatever for quite some time if we have stuff in common. One of the things I want to do when we retire (assuming we end up moving away from friends) is to work on that part of myself. Go to a golf club or lake or pickleball or whatever and try and be better at starting up relationships. I have friends like that and when we are out with them it is a great time as he will initiate contacts and then it makes it easier to join in. I want to be able to do that. I am looking forward to the challenge.

Totally going to join the Country Club down the street from our new place. It's actually affordable where we're moving to.

 

[-OZ-]

It's mostly fake, this "friend" thing at our age. We're not in high school or college anymore. Like, what you can gain from each other is what it's really about in this stage.

That should actually be way down on your list. The smaller the "circle" the better. Focus on what makes you guys, and the only ones that matter in your life, happiest. And go there. The rest is mostly a charade. Sad but true.

To each their own, but our lives are a lot richer due to a close group of friends which have become family over the past few years. When our daughter was in St Jude’s for 6 months, they were my support. With everything she and my wife have gone through, they’ve been there for all of us. The community we’ve been able to build here is phenomenal. And we’re there for them as proven multiple times.
Personally, I am horrible at keeping up with people if we’re not getting together to do things.
That said, even my parents grew apart from friends I used to consider my quasi aunts and uncles. They moved away too.

You have a point, but to say these people don’t matter is a rather jaded point of view.

 

[NutterButter]

I am not a very "cold caller" type of person. Meaning, I am not the type that will go start up a conversation with some stranger to get things going. But if someone comes to me and initiates I am good with that and usually can talk, laugh, joke, whatever for quite some time if we have stuff in common. One of the things I want to do when we retire (assuming we end up moving away from friends) is to work on that part of myself. Go to a golf club or lake or pickleball or whatever and try and be better at starting up relationships. I have friends like that and when we are out with them it is a great time as he will initiate contacts and then it makes it easier to join in. I want to be able to do that. I am looking forward to the challenge.

same. if i have the need to socialize, i'll just join a hiking club. always run into friendly people on my hikes. pickleball is another good one that you mentioned.

 

[MAC_32]

It's some number near 0%. I guess the kids could influence things, but probably only if enough of our friends also move. We'll jump ship for several weeks each Jan-Feb. No interest in being elsewhere for more than 7-10 days at a time between Paddy's and Xmas though.

 

[BlackCrowes]

No kids here. i'm seriously considering a move to Spain and a possible retirement there in 5 or 6 years. Just spent a month there and loved it more than i expected. Still, the thought of leaving the proximity of a tight group of friends that i've made in TX over the last 15 or 20 years, mainly through a local golf club, is difficult to imagine. don't know if i can do it. i'd love to do 6 months here and 6 months there, but financially that could be tough.

 

[bigbottom]

I share the city I live in with my mom, my brother and his family, and a community of friends that we cherish. We also have a charity here that will (hopefully) last beyond retirement. So I don’t see us ever leaving Texas, even in retirement. That said, my son is currently in California and if he ends up starting a family there, that could possibly change things as we have a network of really close friends there as well (college friends we still get together with several times a year). But the bottom line is we will be retiring in a place where we have friends and family.

 

[wlwiles]

My wife and I are still a long ways from retirement (early 40's) but it's going to be interesting to see what kind of compromise we come to when the time comes. We don't have a big social circle right now, mostly consisting of other parents of our daughter's friends for dinners/weekend activities/cookouts/etc. Never been on a multi-family vacation, and don't have any interest in doing one. We're great being alone or with family, and neither of us has a need for a large social network.

We enjoy traveling, but in very different ways. My dad bought a fifth wheel travel trailer and hit the road when he retired, going off for months at a time all over the US and Canada. I would 100% be up for doing that as well. My wife has no interest in "living out of a camper" (her words) more than a weekend at a time. She'd like to retire to the beach. I'm good with beach vacations but have no interest in living somewhere that's a tourist destination.

We're the very definition of "opposites attract", but what they don't tell you is that eventually you have to agree on big stuff Been married almost 15 years so we make it work, but "what to do in retirement" is going to be interesting to figure out when the time comes.

 

[BlackCrowes]

My wife and I are still a long ways from retirement (early 40's) but it's going to be interesting to see what kind of compromise we come to when the time comes. We don't have a big social circle right now, mostly consisting of other parents of our daughter's friends for dinners/weekend activities/cookouts/etc. Never been on a multi-family vacation, and don't have any interest in doing one. We're great being alone or with family, and neither of us has a need for a large social network.

We enjoy traveling, but in very different ways. My dad bought a fifth wheel travel trailer and hit the road when he retired, going off for months at a time all over the US and Canada. I would 100% be up for doing that as well. My wife has no interest in "living out of a camper" (her words) more than a weekend at a time. She'd like to retire to the beach. I'm good with beach vacations but have no interest in living somewhere that's a tourist destination.

We're the very definition of "opposites attract", but what they don't tell you is that eventually you have to agree on big stuff Been married almost 15 years so we make it work, but "what to do in retirement" is going to be interesting to figure out when the time comes.

"she likes the beatles, and i like the stonnnneeeees......."

 

[nirad3]

I live in So Cal and really have no desire to move. Only way I would is to be closer to grandkids if my kids flock to one area when buying their first homes. But even then I may just get a condo or something there and keep our home here.

I have so so many friends here including 40 or so connected through our Ryder Cup golf outings and fantasy football. We’re talking 30 years of history. We take family vacations together. True friendships. I also belong to a great golf club 8 minutes from my house. Sure So Cal is expensive and taxes are a joke, but house is just about paid off and property taxes dirt cheap. Already have excellent weather. There just isn’t a reason to move.

I’m also one of those extroverted introvert types. I appear outgoing but don’t love the idea of making a whole bunch of new friendships.

I am also in SoCal but completely the opposite. The only thing keeping me here is family (kids, aged 13 and 11; and my Mom). Once my kids are out of the house in college I can't get out of here fast enough.

Born and raised here, but spent enough time out of the area (6 years in Austin, 2 in the Twin Cities) to know that it's better elsewhere. I actually want seasons, don't mind the heat/rain.

There's just so much traffic here. So much concrete. No open spaces, no vegetation. It's sad to me.

Heck, even my Mom's contemplating moving out of state. I bet if she's still alive n' kickin in 5-6 years and I decide to move, she will too... even though my sister and her son will still be in SoCal.

As for the OP question, I am a very social person and would find opportunities to make local friends no matter where I go. Plus, I'm contemplating moving back to Austin, where I still have a good group of friends local to the Austin/San Antonio areas. Plus I plan on buying an RV and driving to see friends in Atlanta, Denver, etc., every few months. I'd be fine friends/social-wise.

 

[guru_007]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

 

[Steve Tasker]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

 

[Gatorade]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

My wife watches lots of HGTV and is amazed at how many people moving to Europe need an extra bedroom for guests they expect to come and see them. Her guess is that extra room ends up just being storage. We only moved two states away, but have had very few guests in our guest room from back home.

 

[Ron Swanson]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

My wife watches lots of HGTV and is amazed at how many people moving to Europe need an extra bedroom for guests they expect to come and see them. Her guess is that extra room ends up just being storage. We only moved two states away, but have had very few guests in our guest room from back home.

Try moving to coastal FL. You'll have family and friends visiting who you haven't seen in years. I have two spare bedrooms and occasionally have to also rent an AirBnb down the street.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

My wife watches lots of HGTV and is amazed at how many people moving to Europe need an extra bedroom for guests they expect to come and see them. Her guess is that extra room ends up just being storage. We only moved two states away, but have had very few guests in our guest room from back home.

We needed an extra room. Of course, our visitors were driving over from England.

 

[-OZ-]

Her guess is that extra room ends up just being storage. We only moved two states away, but have had very few guests in our guest room from back home.

That’s part of our thinking - it might be easier to rent the beach house a few months at a time, ask the kids if they plan to visit, then friends, then decide how many rooms are needed. Some years maybe just get a two bedroom condo, other years get the larger house and host the holidays.

 

[NutterButter]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

That's kind of crazy actually considering where they came from. If I was their friend, I'd be in phoenix for the entire winter.

 

[SFBayDuck]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

My wife watches lots of HGTV and is amazed at how many people moving to Europe need an extra bedroom for guests they expect to come and see them. Her guess is that extra room ends up just being storage. We only moved two states away, but have had very few guests in our guest room from back home.

Try moving to coastal FL. You'll have family and friends visiting who you haven't seen in years. I have two spare bedrooms and occasionally have to also rent an AirBnb down the street.

We're empty nesters but when we moved back to Eugene we bought a 3-bedroom house to have those 2 guest bedrooms (my office is in a shed out back). Every year my daughter visits a couple of times (I go to see her 4-5 times), my parents visit a handful of times, and during football season home game weekends we have to keep a calendar to keep track of who will be in town and often have to pull out air mattresses or find other places for them to stay.

To tie it back to the original point of the thread, that was another part of why we moved back here - much of our friend group are from our time here in college, and many of them come back to visit either regularly or at least occasionally. Football games in particular bring people to town. I kept track last year at our seven tailgates, and 27 guys from my fraternity came to at least one (no, they didn't all stay with us!). We've all been out of school for 30-40 years, and while many of them do still live in OR we also had people that came from places like CT, AZ, CA and HI. And that obviously doesn't include my wife's friends, other friends from college or work, a couple of FBGs, new friends we've made here, etc.

 

[Zow]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

That's kind of crazy actually considering where they came from. If I was their friend, I'd be in phoenix for the entire winter.

You'd think so. But my personal experience matches this. My immediate to extended family in both Eastern PA/Jersey and Minnesota don't come out here to visit nearly as much as I anticipated and with both of my parents either retiring or on the eve of retiring there is no inclination that they intend to get any vacation/seasonable home or long-term rentals out my way in AZ.

I think they're nuts because the AZ weather, especially where I am, is arguably perfect most of the year but, hey, people like what they're comfortable with.

 

[WVU Alum]

There are pros and cons.
My wife and I were both born and raised in Charleston. I moved to a small town in the area when I was 10, she lived there all her life.
We lived in that same town until we were both 58. We lived near grade/high school friends and hung out with these people often.
We moved 100 miles away to be near kids/grandkids. We left a house we lived in for 20+ years.

At the time of the move I was working from home, and did so in the new house for 1 year before retiring.
I only met and still only know my neighbors here. I just don't have a social circle. We've been invited to block party type events, but most of the neighbors are younger and have school age kids in common. I miss my friends, I miss game nights at my house with high school friends that would last until 2am ... nobody had kids to rush home to.

An example of the difference:
After we moved, on our first trip back to Charleston we went to Sam's and in the parking lot before getting to the store, we ran into 3 people we know.
I have been here 2.5 years and last week ran into someone I know at the store ... the 5th time that has happened since moving here.

But I am closer to my kids and grandkids. 15 minutes to my daughter, and 2 hours closer to my son.
Two days ago my daughter drove over with her two daughters and we went to the pool.

Pros and Cons

Not running into people you know. To me, sounds like heaven.

 

[bigbottom]

One other story I wanted to add to this thread is it's probably a good idea to be 100% on board with your spouse.
A gb of mine retired a few years ago, lived in Texas, mostly Houston his entire life. Wife is a native Texan, and they have one son who lived in Houston metro area. About a year or two before retiring, they decided to build their dream house in Brenham Texas - about 60 miles NW of where they lived for 35 or so years. Spared no expense, all the luxury add on's as this was their forever house.
Retired and moved to the new house.
About 12-15 months later, my buddy came to Houston and visited and we got to talking. Asked him how much he loved his house and he kind of side way stared at me and I knew I hit a bad spot.
Evidently about 6 months after moving out, his wife was making weekly visits to Houston to visit friends, and well, none of them were reciprocating and making the trek out to the new house in Brenham. She was very unhappy about the situation and finally decided she wanted to move back to Houston. Guy just bought a plot of land and was getting ready for a completely new rebuild to keep his wife happy. He got lucky in that the area he built in just had a new hospital put up and there were a few doctors looking for nicer, newer houses, of which his was one of the few out there so he didn't take a complete bath on it, but building two new houses in less than 3 years took a big hit on his retirement account.
So I guess it's probably best to know what both you and your spouse can handle as far as friends go.

My parents made the jump and moved to the Phoenix area about 5 years ago, leaving western NY where they'd both spent their entire lives. Mom is retired, dad still works because he enjoys it, but he's 64 and he's got a few work years left. Pretty much all of my parents' social circle still lives in western NY. My sister and I still live here, my brother lives in Oregon. My parents are very social and have made many new friends in Arizona, they are seemingly doing great.

But ever since making the move, my mother periodically complains that none of her NY friends ever fly out to visit them. What did you expect, mom? You're the one who packed up and moved literally all the way across the country, not them. It's a trade-off that you made when you chose to move. I end up going out there once a year, and my mother usually comes back to NY for maybe 6-7 weeks every summer, but like....you kinda did this one to yourself.

My wife watches lots of HGTV and is amazed at how many people moving to Europe need an extra bedroom for guests they expect to come and see them. Her guess is that extra room ends up just being storage. We only moved two states away, but have had very few guests in our guest room from back home.

Try moving to coastal FL. You'll have family and friends visiting who you haven't seen in years. I have two spare bedrooms and occasionally have to also rent an AirBnb down the street.

We're empty nesters but when we moved back to Eugene we bought a 3-bedroom house to have those 2 guest bedrooms (my office is in a shed out back). Every year my daughter visits a couple of times (I go to see her 4-5 times), my parents visit a handful of times, and during football season home game weekends we have to keep a calendar to keep track of who will be in town and often have to pull out air mattresses or find other places for them to stay.

To tie it back to the original point of the thread, that was another part of why we moved back here - much of our friend group are from our time here in college, and many of them come back to visit either regularly or at least occasionally. Football games in particular bring people to town. I kept track last year at our seven tailgates, and 27 guys from my fraternity came to at least one (no, they didn't all stay with us!). We've all been out of school for 30-40 years, and while many of them do still live in OR we also had people that came from places like CT, AZ, CA and HI. And that obviously doesn't include my wife's friends, other friends from college or work, a couple of FBGs, new friends we've made here, etc.

What fraternity?

 

[SFBayDuck]

What fraternity?

ATO. Another benefit of being back is I've gotten involved with the current chapter, serving on the Housing Corp. A little work involved but not too much of a commitment, and keeps me up to speed on what the kids are up to these days. And every once in a while a little unexpected benefit comes along, like the time one of the kids working as a bartender at one of the nicer restaurants in town came over to my table with a double pour of Pappy Van Winkle, on the house. I felt a little like Mitch in Old School, "your money's no good here."

 

[nirad3]

What fraternity?

ATO. Another benefit of being back is I've gotten involved with the current chapter, serving on the Housing Corp. A little work involved but not too much of a commitment, and keeps me up to speed on what the kids are up to these days. And every once in a while a little unexpected benefit comes along, like the time one of the kids working as a bartender at one of the nicer restaurants in town came over to my table with a double pour of Pappy Van Winkle, on the house. I felt a little like Mitch in Old School, "your money's no good here."

One of my best college buddy's kid (just graduated from OU) was an ATO there (or as we affectionately called them while I was in college... AT-Zero... )

 

[bigbottom]

What fraternity?

ATO. Another benefit of being back is I've gotten involved with the current chapter, serving on the Housing Corp. A little work involved but not too much of a commitment, and keeps me up to speed on what the kids are up to these days. And every once in a while a little unexpected benefit comes along, like the time one of the kids working as a bartender at one of the nicer restaurants in town came over to my table with a double pour of Pappy Van Winkle, on the house. I felt a little like Mitch in Old School, "your money's no good here."

Ah okay. Just curious. A fraternity brother of mine had two sons in the same fraternity at Oregon. Not ATO however.

 

[snogger]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

I'd have to have friends near to have that as part of the equation.

Saying that, I plan on retiring in the next 6 to 9 years and will be staying where we are.
We have almost 3 acres of land, a matured Vineyard that produces about 30 bottles of Wine a year, a small orchard of 3 apple trees, a pear tree and a cherry tree, and a house that will be paid off before I retire.

Worked too hard to build a home, not about to give it up now.

 

[snogger]

I think part of my feeling is how I grew up. We moved a lot as I kid. 4 different places from 2nd grade to High School. So I was regularly the new kid. In many ways, it was great as I learned to make friends. In others, not as great as I never had a friend more than a few years. As an adult, it was important to me to put down some "roots" to hopefully build on. And I've done that.

Only 4 between 2nd and High School?
We moved that much between 2nd grade and 4th grade.

After 4th we moved and stayed in that city till after 7th.
Then finally stayed in that city till I graduated.

 

[snogger]

One thing I've been interested in when it comes to retirement.

When folks retire and move, isn't starting over making all new friends and relationships a huge negative?

I don't think about retirement but if I ever do retire, I think I'd want to stay where I've lived for the past 35 years and built friendships. And relationships with local people.

How much does that factor in?

Interesting, so banning people doesn’t happen in your personal life?

What do you mean? What is banning someone in a personal life?

Not to go to deep but...

My Mom disrespected my wife one to many times. Haven't talked to her in over 10 years.
And I don't miss the toxicity she brought into our lives.
So, in a sense, she is "banned"

 

[bigbottom]

I think part of my feeling is how I grew up. We moved a lot as I kid. 4 different places from 2nd grade to High School. So I was regularly the new kid. In many ways, it was great as I learned to make friends. In others, not as great as I never had a friend more than a few years. As an adult, it was important to me to put down some "roots" to hopefully build on. And I've done that.

Only 4 between 2nd and High School?
We moved that much between 2nd grade and 4th grade.

After 4th we moved and stayed in that city till after 7th.
Then finally stayed in that city till I graduated.

I was a military brat. Moved every two years (every time to a different state or country) from birth until I left for college. That’s why I’ve been in my current house for 23 years. Tired of moving!

And for those of us who moved around a lot back then, there was no keeping up with people. No social media and long distance phone calls cost a ton of money. So when I left all my friends and basically every one I knew every two years of my childhood, I literally never saw any of them ever again.

 

[snogger]

I think part of my feeling is how I grew up. We moved a lot as I kid. 4 different places from 2nd grade to High School. So I was regularly the new kid. In many ways, it was great as I learned to make friends. In others, not as great as I never had a friend more than a few years. As an adult, it was important to me to put down some "roots" to hopefully build on. And I've done that.

Only 4 between 2nd and High School?
We moved that much between 2nd grade and 4th grade.

After 4th we moved and stayed in that city till after 7th.
Then finally stayed in that city till I graduated.

I was a military brat. Moved every two years (every time to a different state or country) from birth until I left for college. That’s why I’ve been in my current house for 23 years. Tired of moving!

yea.. Moving all the time sucks.. I didn't have any "best" friends until 6th grade.. And then we moved a year later.

I moved to our current city in 1987 and had no plans to stay longer than a year or so.
Until I met my wife, who has lived here all her life, so we've never left.

 

[SFBayDuck]

One of my best college buddy's kid (just graduated from OU) was an ATO there

If he just graduated (from UO/Oregon, not OU/Oklahoma) there's a decent chance I met him over the past couple of years, especially if he was an officer in the chapter. Small world and all.....

 

[SFBayDuck]

And for those of us who moved around a lot back then, there was no keeping up with people. No social media and long distance phone calls cost a ton of money. So when I left all my friends and basically every one I knew every two years of my childhood, I literally never saw any of them ever again.

This is so true and something my kid would never understand. And you didn't have to move to another state or across the country. I moved in 6th grade from one suburb on the west side of Portland to another suburb on the west side. Like 10 miles away! And I basically only ever saw 2-3 of my friends from grade school ever again.....until Facebook. Have since reconnected and seen a handful of them over the past 10 years.

 

[SFBayDuck]

I'd have to have friends near to have that as part of the equation.

Saying that, I plan on retiring in the next 6 to 9 years and will be staying where we are.
We have almost 3 acres of land, a matured Vineyard that produces about 30 bottles of Wine a year, a small orchard of 3 apple trees, a pear tree and a cherry tree, and a house that will be paid off before I retire.

Worked too hard to build a home, not about to give it up now.

Sounds amazing!

 

[Terminalxylem]

One thing I’m always somewhat amazed by is the number of people who stay in touch with so many friends. Maybe because I have so much family in the area and then longtime co-workers and then neighbors as friends too it would be overwhelming to keep in touch with a bunch of others. I have 2-3 really close male friends plus their wives where we do stuff consistently throughout the year - birthdays, holiday stuff, going to breweries, camping, etc. most everyone else is just friendly acquaintances.

I guess my point is that while I’m not a homebody I would much rather have a small numbers of deep relationships than 10-20 that I’d just do stuff a few times a year.

Like others have said, it depends on the individual.

We hang out consistently with three couples on-island, and climb/play games with another half dozen people. We also have an annual ski trip with a group of seven going on 20 years, and yearly trips to UT and CO to meet up with other close friends. Plus, friends don't mind visiting us in HI.

In contrast, our regular family contact is just with my father-in-law. We see him at least once a week, and my wife calls him nearly every day, though they've been interacting less since he remarried. Our only other living first-degree relative is my sister, in NH, whom I call once a year. I have seen her face-to-face maybe a half dozen times in a decade.

So I keep up with 20+ friends, and one family member.

But we don't have kids, nor a big immediate family. So friends are really important. I'd much rather spend time cultivating those relationships, than getting know my wife's second cousins, with whom I share less in common.

As for the OP, we'll probably stay put in retirement, at least until my FIL passes. Even living in the most geographically isolated island on the planet, travel and technology make maintaining relationships much easier. So if we could find a better place to retire, I wouldn't object to moving.

 

[Hoh]

I shudder to think what would happen if I moved somewhere and my wife was the only person I knew.

 

[Judge Smails]

I live in So Cal and really have no desire to move. Only way I would is to be closer to grandkids if my kids flock to one area when buying their first homes. But even then I may just get a condo or something there and keep our home here.

I have so so many friends here including 40 or so connected through our Ryder Cup golf outings and fantasy football. We’re talking 30 years of history. We take family vacations together. True friendships. I also belong to a great golf club 8 minutes from my house. Sure So Cal is expensive and taxes are a joke, but house is just about paid off and property taxes dirt cheap. Already have excellent weather. There just isn’t a reason to move.

I’m also one of those extroverted introvert types. I appear outgoing but don’t love the idea of making a whole bunch of new friendships.

I am also in SoCal but completely the opposite. The only thing keeping me here is family (kids, aged 13 and 11; and my Mom). Once my kids are out of the house in college I can't get out of here fast enough.

Born and raised here, but spent enough time out of the area (6 years in Austin, 2 in the Twin Cities) to know that it's better elsewhere. I actually want seasons, don't mind the heat/rain.

There's just so much traffic here. So much concrete. No open spaces, no vegetation. It's sad to me.

Heck, even my Mom's contemplating moving out of state. I bet if she's still alive n' kickin in 5-6 years and I decide to move, she will too... even though my sister and her son will still be in SoCal.

As for the OP question, I am a very social person and would find opportunities to make local friends no matter where I go. Plus, I'm contemplating moving back to Austin, where I still have a good group of friends local to the Austin/San Antonio areas. Plus I plan on buying an RV and driving to see friends in Atlanta, Denver, etc., every few months. I'd be fine friends/social-wise.

Man for you to consider Twin Cities better with those winters you must really despise CA. And I spent plenty of time with an office in Eden Prairie. What part of CA do you live in? I’m in Thousand Oaks. My backyard looks over the Santa Monica mountains and can hike straight to Malibu. Plenty of open space and beaches are within 12 minutes. Malibu, Ventura etc. But I hear you on traffic. Brutal if you have to commute. Fortunately I don’t.

 

[Terminalxylem]

It's mostly fake, this "friend" thing at our age. We're not in high school or college anymore. Like, what you can gain from each other is what it's really about in this stage.

That should actually be way down on your list. The smaller the "circle" the better. Focus on what makes you guys, and the only ones that matter in your life, happiest. And go there. The rest is mostly a charade. Sad but true.

If your friendships are based on superficial activities, or forced at work, etc., maybe. But shared experiences with friends, with whom you choose to interact based on common interests and values, often provide the most happiness, for me at least.

Somewhat related, values change as we get older. While many of my friends are within 5 years of my age, I have just as many who are 15+ years younger, but none a decade older. While I don't consider myself a social person, I keep expanding my social circle, in part because I think it helps keep me young, but also because I identify less with people older than mid-fifties.

 

[Terminalxylem]

My retirement considerations in basic order of importance:

• Elderly parents to take care of
• Kids/grandkids
• Friends
• Finances
• Activities

My FIL is the first priority, but he's 80, so may not play prominently into long-term retirement plans. And we have no kids, plus finances don't look like they'll be an issue.

So activities may end up being number 1, though friends facilitate much of what we do.

 

[Gally]

I’m in Thousand Oaks. My backyard looks over the Santa Monica mountains and can hike straight to Malibu. Plenty of open space and beaches are within 12 minutes. Malibu, Ventura etc. But I hear you on traffic. Brutal if you have to commute. Fortunately I don’t.

I was born and raised in Newbury Park. I joke with my parents (who still live there) that they now live in LA. Every time I come visit all I can see once I crest the grade are brake lights. It's terrible. I have no idea how so many people are crammed into this area. It really has taken away the greatness of the area.

Plenty of open space and beaches are within 12 minutes.

I find this hard to believe. Every time I visit it amazes me that I can't get anywhere in less than 15 minutes. There is no easy drive in the area.