Am I on the verge of a mid-life crisis.. how do you deal? (1 Viewer)

[Goldminer1]

Look, I'm going to be honest: If he doesn't enjoy teaching HS students I can guarantee you this - he will HATE dealing with people trying to photograph their weddings. Talk to anybody who has tried it as a hobby, it's torture.

Exactly.

I've done a few Senior Portrait Sessions and I've been a second shooter for a "wedding session" where the family did photos in their wedding attire, but not on the day, or at the venue. It just wasn't for me. I know it can be lucrative, but it just isn't what I want to do.

Photography is a really broad field. Dudes taking macro shots of bumble bees on a flower, sports photography (I've dabbled in), fine art, weddings. Those are all photography, but are only the "same thing" because they all involve a camera. It is sort of like saying that a school bus driver, a racecar driver and a semi-truck driver are all doing the same thing.

I appreciate everybody's thoughts so far, though. You've already given me a lot to consider.

 

[Willie Neslon]

If it were me I would definitely quit the teaching job at the end of the school year. You can always get back into teaching down the road if for whatever reason you miss it. Sounds like you're in a solid place financially so you'll have some time to see what happens without too much pressure. From now until the end of the school year you can be looking for opportunities that sound interesting. Doesn't have to be a job. Maybe just a social meet-up kind of thing. Something that changes your perspective a little and gets you moving out of the rut you're feeling. I'm sure leaving a job you've been in for 13 years would feel a bit scary but if you don't like it and don't want to do it there's really no point in staying in it.

 

[NutterButter]

I have ideas of starting my own photography business, trying to sell stuff at art shows, and/or supplementing that by doing Social Media stuff.

Why don't you try doing this as a side hustle initially. Maybe you fail. Maybe you end up hating it. But you learn if that's the case without risking your livelihood. And maybe it works out great. You also learn potentially useful stuff along the way - how to run a business, how to do online marketing, etc.

Also...I've found that at times in the past when I've felt unmotivated about my job, trying to do something on the side helps me feel enthusiastic about my overall work situation.

I like your thought process on this. GM is probably right, but you make some good points about additional benefits of pursuing this.

 

[General Malaise]

FYI: park $200K in a 12-month CD and it'll earn you $8K just sitting there at 4%. Shop around, you might find 5%. That's solid income for doing nothing!

 

[NutterButter]

No advice on your employment, but if I were you, I'd move somewhere that had some good hiking. Get out in nature. I can't emphasis enough how being out in nature is good for the soul. It dovetails nicely with photography. There's plenty of opportunities to meet up with fellow hikers if you desire. You can post your photos in facebook groups if for no other reason than to interact with a community of like minded people. Maybe get a dog to provide you with some companionship. Believe it or not, it sounds like you're in a solid place. Good luck brother.

 

[Goldminer1]

No advice on your employment, but if I were you, I'd move somewhere that had some good hiking. Get out in nature. I can't emphasis enough how being out in nature is good for the soul. It dovetails nicely with photography. There's plenty of opportunities to meet up with fellow hikers if you desire. You can post your photos in facebook groups if for no other reason than to interact with a community of like minded people. Maybe get a dog to provide you with some companionship. Believe it or not, it sounds like you're in a solid place. Good luck brother.

Yeah, I need to do better about putting myself out there. Using photography as a vehicle for that, without looking at it as a way to make money is a good idea. There are a lot of people out there that are into it that I could connect with.

And, I do have friends, they just don't live near me. A few weeks ago 6 of us took a guys trip to Spring Training in Arizona and rented an Air BnB. So, I'm not friendless, just nobody physically near me (currently). We talk to each other all day via apps and stuff, so I am connected with them on a daily basis. But, in-person and online are very different obviously.

 

[hooter311]

Personally, I think the crisis's I've had ever 5 years or so since turning 30 have been good for me. Embrace it!

 

[Atomic Punk]

It sounds like you are in a pretty good place physically, financially and mentally. Incredible place to be. My first piece of advice is to remember not to let work define you … it is a means to an end. You need to figure out what the “end” is. You can go “all in” (sell everything and live in a van), or slow play a few hands (move across country, find some temp work and see how it goes).

Either way, you will still need to find that meaning. For many/most, this is people … sharing life with people. As our good buddy wikkid use to say “the give is the get”. Spend some time giving of yourself and you’ll be surprised how many people will be there to share your life with.

Whatever you do, keep looking after yourself. Take care …

 

[JohnnyU]

It sounds like you have a lot going for you, so concentrate on that. Remember, none of us are getting out of this world alive.

 

[msudaisy26]

You said you lost a lot of weight, was it through exercise? If it was and you enjoyed it maybe you could be a personal trainer or something like that. I don't know about Florida or in the Pacific northwest, but in Michigan it seems like every gym has a helped wanted ad looking for trainers.

 

[Goldminer1]

You said you lost a lot of weight, was it through exercise? If it was and you enjoyed it maybe you could be a personal trainer or something like that. I don't know about Florida or in the Pacific northwest, but in Michigan it seems like every gym has a helped wanted ad looking for trainers.

Not a bad idea. But to be honest. While I absolutely loved the results, and on some level liked the post-workout rush - I'm perfectly happy not spending so much time in the gym anymore.

I lost the weight through diet and exercise. I am doing Nutrisystem. I was in the gym every day for about 6 months straight. I stopped going, simply because I felt like it was just taking up a lot of time and I had originally started going to lose weight, and once I had gotten down to a weight I was comfortable with, spending 90-120 minutes a night in the gym felt like it was just more of a time suck than anything else. Doing other things like photography had sort of taken a back seat, so as of now, I'm still following the diet but not working out.

When I was hitting the gym, I did some light weight work, but to be honest after going at it as hard as I did, one of the takeaways I had, was that guys who are really in shape/ripped, must be unbelievably dedicated and disciplined. I was really strict on my diet and exercise routine, and while my transformation was significant (I ran into a student that I had 2 years ago, just last week, and they literally didn't recognize me.) Going to the lengths to get like fitness magazine ripped, just isn't something I'm interested in attempting to do.

I did do some fitness stuff that for me personally was pretty cool, though. I ran a 5K for the first time in my life, for example. But at this point, I feel like when I'm sort of in this personal limbo, as long as I'm still using the time constructively, I can probably find a way to spend the time elsewhere.

 

[Goldminer1]

It sounds like you are in a pretty good place physically, financially and mentally. Incredible place to be. My first piece of advice is to remember not to let work define you … it is a means to an end. You need to figure out what the “end” is. You can go “all in” (sell everything and live in a van), or slow play a few hands (move across country, find some temp work and see how it goes).

Either way, you will still need to find that meaning. For many/most, this is people … sharing life with people. As our good buddy wikkid use to say “the give is the get”. Spend some time giving of yourself and you’ll be surprised how many people will be there to share your life with.

Whatever you do, keep looking after yourself. Take care …

Great advice. Thanks. Anytime I come across anything from wikkid, I always make sure to take it to heart.

 

[Desert_Power]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Is there any interest on your part in teaching English abroad? Have some property management rent your place (probably profitably) while you explore another culture (and their women). I'm sure you could find a nice gig doing that with your experience, but I'm unsure if what turned you off the profession would be a factor there.

You've got a lot of good advice in here, just wanted to throw that out there. Had some friends do similar at a younger age.

 

[Goldminer1]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Is there any interest on your part in teaching English abroad? Have some property management rent your place (probably profitably) while you explore another culture (and their women). I'm sure you could find a nice gig doing that with your experience, but I'm unsure if what turned you off the profession would be a factor there.

You've got a lot of good advice in here, just wanted to throw that out there. Had some friends do similar at a younger age.

I've absolutely thought about it, and would consider it. I love to travel and see new places. So, if I could figure out how to make that work, its a possibility. I think right now, the best course of action, is to probably head home, even if it is just for a year or two, to sort of get my social connections back in order, but after that? Yeah, it's 100% on the table.

 

[beer 30]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Is there any interest on your part in teaching English abroad? Have some property management rent your place (probably profitably) while you explore another culture (and their women). I'm sure you could find a nice gig doing that with your experience, but I'm unsure if what turned you off the profession would be a factor there.

You've got a lot of good advice in here, just wanted to throw that out there. Had some friends do similar at a younger age.

I've absolutely thought about it, and would consider it. I love to travel and see new places. So, if I could figure out how to make that work, its a possibility. I think right now, the best course of action, is to probably head home, even if it is just for a year or two, to sort of get my social connections back in order, but after that? Yeah, it's 100% on the table.

You should reach out to Shick! then. He's been in China for two years teaching advanced mathematics at an international school. Check out his blog, David in China.

 

[Desert_Power]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Is there any interest on your part in teaching English abroad? Have some property management rent your place (probably profitably) while you explore another culture (and their women). I'm sure you could find a nice gig doing that with your experience, but I'm unsure if what turned you off the profession would be a factor there.

You've got a lot of good advice in here, just wanted to throw that out there. Had some friends do similar at a younger age.

I've absolutely thought about it, and would consider it. I love to travel and see new places. So, if I could figure out how to make that work, its a possibility. I think right now, the best course of action, is to probably head home, even if it is just for a year or two, to sort of get my social connections back in order, but after that? Yeah, it's 100% on the table.

You should reach out to Shick! then. He's been in China for two years teaching advanced mathematics at an international school. Check out his blog, David in China.

Wow, that is really cool.

And, Goldminer1, I believe there are different agencies out there. I'm on some email list for one that does a certification you'd need (I would, maybe not you with your experience).

 

[Gr00vus]

I wouldn't make any huge changes right away. But I'd start making some smaller ones. Change the mindset on the teaching job now that you know it's not what you want to do long term - it's paying the bills for now, do the minimum there and start figuring out what you'd like to do next. I wouldn't go jobless at this point. Write down anything that seems remotely interesting to you and make some plans to try those things out on a limited basis, see what sticks. Then start figuring out if that's a viable vocation. Doing that may lead you in other directions that turn out to be even more interesting / promising.

 

[Dezbelief]

Teaching in the NW might be a totally different experience than teaching in Florida.

 

[mr. furley]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Is there any interest on your part in teaching English abroad? Have some property management rent your place (probably profitably) while you explore another culture (and their women). I'm sure you could find a nice gig doing that with your experience, but I'm unsure if what turned you off the profession would be a factor there.

You've got a lot of good advice in here, just wanted to throw that out there. Had some friends do similar at a younger age.

I've absolutely thought about it, and would consider it. I love to travel and see new places. So, if I could figure out how to make that work, its a possibility. I think right now, the best course of action, is to probably head home, even if it is just for a year or two, to sort of get my social connections back in order, but after that? Yeah, it's 100% on the table.

You should reach out to Shick! then. He's been in China for two years teaching advanced mathematics at an international school. Check out his blog, David in China.

well, that's ****ing awesome

 

[kutta]

You said you lost a lot of weight, was it through exercise? If it was and you enjoyed it maybe you could be a personal trainer or something like that. I don't know about Florida or in the Pacific northwest, but in Michigan it seems like every gym has a helped wanted ad looking for trainers.

Not a bad idea. But to be honest. While I absolutely loved the results, and on some level liked the post-workout rush - I'm perfectly happy not spending so much time in the gym anymore.

I lost the weight through diet and exercise. I am doing Nutrisystem. I was in the gym every day for about 6 months straight. I stopped going, simply because I felt like it was just taking up a lot of time and I had originally started going to lose weight, and once I had gotten down to a weight I was comfortable with, spending 90-120 minutes a night in the gym felt like it was just more of a time suck than anything else. Doing other things like photography had sort of taken a back seat, so as of now, I'm still following the diet but not working out.

When I was hitting the gym, I did some light weight work, but to be honest after going at it as hard as I did, one of the takeaways I had, was that guys who are really in shape/ripped, must be unbelievably dedicated and disciplined. I was really strict on my diet and exercise routine, and while my transformation was significant (I ran into a student that I had 2 years ago, just last week, and they literally didn't recognize me.) Going to the lengths to get like fitness magazine ripped, just isn't something I'm interested in attempting to do.

I did do some fitness stuff that for me personally was pretty cool, though. I ran a 5K for the first time in my life, for example. But at this point, I feel like when I'm sort of in this personal limbo, as long as I'm still using the time constructively, I can probably find a way to spend the time elsewhere.

You’re the perfect person to be a personal trainer to the fatties. It’s intimidating to have a super ripped dude who has never had a weight problem as a trainer when you weigh 300 lbs. But someone who used to be like you and now looks good? That’s perfect. It’s not intimidating and it’s motivating. I think it’s a great idea.

 

[Sand]

No advice on your employment, but if I were you, I'd move somewhere that had some good hiking. Get out in nature. I can't emphasis enough how being out in nature is good for the soul. It dovetails nicely with photography. There's plenty of opportunities to meet up with fellow hikers if you desire. You can post your photos in facebook groups if for no other reason than to interact with a community of like minded people. Maybe get a dog to provide you with some companionship. Believe it or not, it sounds like you're in a solid place. Good luck brother.

Yeah, I need to do better about putting myself out there. Using photography as a vehicle for that, without looking at it as a way to make money is a good idea. There are a lot of people out there that are into it that I could connect with.

And, I do have friends, they just don't live near me. A few weeks ago 6 of us took a guys trip to Spring Training in Arizona and rented an Air BnB. So, I'm not friendless, just nobody physically near me (currently). We talk to each other all day via apps and stuff, so I am connected with them on a daily basis. But, in-person and online are very different obviously.

I'm no expert here, but I'll excerpt an 85 year long Harvard study that researched happiness. The overall conclusion is that humans are intensely social and interactions with the people you love are what creates happiness. IMO, sell the place, move to be with your people, and go from there.

Or if you don't want that my nephew relocated to Sapporo to teach English. He seems to be enjoying it.

 

[General Malaise]

No advice on your employment, but if I were you, I'd move somewhere that had some good hiking. Get out in nature. I can't emphasis enough how being out in nature is good for the soul. It dovetails nicely with photography. There's plenty of opportunities to meet up with fellow hikers if you desire. You can post your photos in facebook groups if for no other reason than to interact with a community of like minded people. Maybe get a dog to provide you with some companionship. Believe it or not, it sounds like you're in a solid place. Good luck brother.

Yeah, I need to do better about putting myself out there. Using photography as a vehicle for that, without looking at it as a way to make money is a good idea. There are a lot of people out there that are into it that I could connect with.

And, I do have friends, they just don't live near me. A few weeks ago 6 of us took a guys trip to Spring Training in Arizona and rented an Air BnB. So, I'm not friendless, just nobody physically near me (currently). We talk to each other all day via apps and stuff, so I am connected with them on a daily basis. But, in-person and online are very different obviously.

I'm no expert here, but I'll excerpt an 85 year long Harvard study that researched happiness. The overall conclusion is that humans are intensely social and interactions with the people you love are what creates happiness. IMO, sell the place, move to be with your people, and go from there.

Or if you don't want that my nephew relocated to Sapporo to teach English. He seems to be enjoying it.

Roseto Effect

 

[Dr. No]

So I'm 45. I have a ton to be thankful for. My business is moderately successful. I have 2 healthy sons under 10 that I enjoy. I have no debt of any sort. I'm a bit overweight (10-15 lbs?) but am fairly healthy for my age and enjoy getting some exercise.. good relationship with my parents, in-laws.. no substance abuse problems with alcohol, tobacco, etc.

The only downsides in my current life are 1) that 3 of my best local friends have moved away in the last few years and the rest of my friends aren't local to me so I don't see them very often. I have local neighborhood acquaintances but none of them are whom I'd consider a good friend. 2) that my wife has acquired a somewhat debilitating condition that leaves her unable to do many physical activities together that we used to do... biking, running.. and i've had to pick up a bunch of her slack at home with cleaning and kids stuff that kind of sucks.. but honestly it could be worse.

However.. despite the fact that for all intents and purposes I have it together.. I just feel so damn empty.. like I'm just sloshing through from one day to the next almost watching the clock until the day ends... almost feeling like "there has to be more to life than this".

Upon self-reflection.. some of it is self-caused.. I haven't pushed myself at all at work to learn much new lately in my field.... checked off a bunch of major financial goals and don't have anything motivating me there (which is probably why the first one is true)... but I just don't have anything I'm reaching for... don't really have a big bucket list that hasn't been filled. I kind of feel like I finished a show or video game and there's not a sequel. I do have things I look forward to.. upcoming trips, activities.. though none are enough of a big deal as to move the needle for me. I enjoy being a dad for my kids but at 9 and 8 in some ways they want to do their own things a lot or play with friends from the neighborhood and while I can still get a catch in or play some board/video games with them.. they aren't as reliant on me as they were 2-3 years ago.

Anyway.... maybe this sounds like some bull crap.. maybe many of you will read this and wonder why this guy has a problem.. sounds like he's made it.. but i sure miss my friends, male bonding, happy hours with the crew, etc.

Advice, shade, jokes all welcome.

Update:

it's been a year and a half since i wrote this.

The main thing that has improved for me is that my wife has recovered from her condition. she's back to cleaning and doing stuff with the kids and we're back to doing things together like walking the dog and biking and boating. That's been a huge improvement.

But almost everything else could be rewritten as exactly the same. in fact in many ways it kind of bums me out that 18 months has gone by and I haven't done much to improve this for myself.

Haven't made any new friends or started any new hobbies other than a video game with my kids that we are really having fun playing together.. that's a highlight.. though not a terribly healthy one. Kids have also finally embraced watching some baseball with me so we've been to more baseball games this year as a family and are enjoying that.. even caught one this weekend.

My Dad has had some shoulder surgery so i am doing a lot more helping him at his house.. but that's just a normal life thing. Though I also work with him once a week and he was still kind of engaged with the business until recently so now i'm kind of alone doing that.. and it does feel lonelier at work.

But still i have that feeling often... like most of the day yesterday and this morning.. just sitting around.... doing stuff but not terribly engaged with it... kind of just counting down the hours of the day.

There's good solutions in this thread... and yet i've done nothing.

Edit: I should be starting to get excited about the upcoming FFL season and the chiefs going for a 3-peat... but honestly I've gotten to the point where I'm as close to being done with FFL as I've ever been despite having a great 26 year league that i'm the commish for and an upcoming fun live draft.. the social aspect i'm pumped about.. looking over the player lists doesn't excite me. And this sounds crazy.. but the chiefs have been so successful... i've seen more football success in the past 5 years than i ever thought i'd see in my lifetime.. and it's almost so much that i'm good at this point... like I rewatched the first superbowl win like 4 times and was so jacked.. i haven't even rewatched the amazing overtime game from feb.. it's an embarassment of riches

 

[IC FBGCav]

Get back to the poker table D.

 

[ChiefD]

I solved my mid life crisis problem by moving to Wisconsin.

Never been happier. Come on up!

I could use a Sunday Chiefs game watch partner.

 

[Grahamburn]

Sounds like life. It is what you make it.

 

[KarmaPolice]

I solved my mid life crisis problem by moving to Wisconsin.

Never been happier. Come on up!

I could use a Sunday Chiefs game watch partner.

Lol. I just read that OP and very much thought of myself and my thoughts. Part of my boredom I was going to blame on living in small town WI.

I definitely need more hobbies or things I can do on the cheap. One thing I need to research is a home improvement/landscape for total idiot noobs type of class. I have 0 knowledge in that area, and we seem to stay around here a lot.

 

[Terminalxylem]

So if I'm understanding correctly, Wisconsin is both the cause and cure for mid-life crises!?!

 

[KarmaPolice]

So if I'm understanding correctly, Wisconsin is both the cause and cure for mid-life crises!?!

I'm sure a lot is lifestyle and interests.

 

[shuke]

One thing I need to research is a home improvement/landscape for total idiot noobs type of class

Youtube.

 

[KarmaPolice]

One thing I need to research is a home improvement/landscape for total idiot noobs type of class

Youtube.

I figured I would need more hands on handholding, but maybe not.

 

[Atomic Punk]

So I'm 45. I have a ton to be thankful for. My business is moderately successful. I have 2 healthy sons under 10 that I enjoy. I have no debt of any sort. I'm a bit overweight (10-15 lbs?) but am fairly healthy for my age and enjoy getting some exercise.. good relationship with my parents, in-laws.. no substance abuse problems with alcohol, tobacco, etc.

The only downsides in my current life are 1) that 3 of my best local friends have moved away in the last few years and the rest of my friends aren't local to me so I don't see them very often. I have local neighborhood acquaintances but none of them are whom I'd consider a good friend. 2) that my wife has acquired a somewhat debilitating condition that leaves her unable to do many physical activities together that we used to do... biking, running.. and i've had to pick up a bunch of her slack at home with cleaning and kids stuff that kind of sucks.. but honestly it could be worse.

However.. despite the fact that for all intents and purposes I have it together.. I just feel so damn empty.. like I'm just sloshing through from one day to the next almost watching the clock until the day ends... almost feeling like "there has to be more to life than this".

Upon self-reflection.. some of it is self-caused.. I haven't pushed myself at all at work to learn much new lately in my field.... checked off a bunch of major financial goals and don't have anything motivating me there (which is probably why the first one is true)... but I just don't have anything I'm reaching for... don't really have a big bucket list that hasn't been filled. I kind of feel like I finished a show or video game and there's not a sequel. I do have things I look forward to.. upcoming trips, activities.. though none are enough of a big deal as to move the needle for me. I enjoy being a dad for my kids but at 9 and 8 in some ways they want to do their own things a lot or play with friends from the neighborhood and while I can still get a catch in or play some board/video games with them.. they aren't as reliant on me as they were 2-3 years ago.

Anyway.... maybe this sounds like some bull crap.. maybe many of you will read this and wonder why this guy has a problem.. sounds like he's made it.. but i sure miss my friends, male bonding, happy hours with the crew, etc.

Advice, shade, jokes all welcome.

Update:

it's been a year and a half since i wrote this.

The main thing that has improved for me is that my wife has recovered from her condition. she's back to cleaning and doing stuff with the kids and we're back to doing things together like walking the dog and biking and boating. That's been a huge improvement.

But almost everything else could be rewritten as exactly the same. in fact in many ways it kind of bums me out that 18 months has gone by and I haven't done much to improve this for myself.

Haven't made any new friends or started any new hobbies other than a video game with my kids that we are really having fun playing together.. that's a highlight.. though not a terribly healthy one. Kids have also finally embraced watching some baseball with me so we've been to more baseball games this year as a family and are enjoying that.. even caught one this weekend.

My Dad has had some shoulder surgery so i am doing a lot more helping him at his house.. but that's just a normal life thing. Though I also work with him once a week and he was still kind of engaged with the business until recently so now i'm kind of alone doing that.. and it does feel lonelier at work.

But still i have that feeling often... like most of the day yesterday and this morning.. just sitting around.... doing stuff but not terribly engaged with it... kind of just counting down the hours of the day.

There's good solutions in this thread... and yet i've done nothing.

Edit: I should be starting to get excited about the upcoming FFL season and the chiefs going for a 3-peat... but honestly I've gotten to the point where I'm as close to being done with FFL as I've ever been despite having a great 26 year league that i'm the commish for and an upcoming fun live draft.. the social aspect i'm pumped about.. looking over the player lists doesn't excite me. And this sounds crazy.. but the chiefs have been so successful... i've seen more football success in the past 5 years than i ever thought i'd see in my lifetime.. and it's almost so much that i'm good at this point... like I rewatched the first superbowl win like 4 times and was so jacked.. i haven't even rewatched the amazing overtime game from feb.. it's an embarassment of riches

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Spending more time with your kids, wife and father all sound like excellent use of your time. Enjoy both as much as possible.

As for the hobbies and friends … today is another day, as is tomorrow and the next. Just keep your goals top of mind and make small incremental steps.

It is easy to get into our heads and overthink things, which can lead to depression. Don’t get into that trap. It sounds like you have a lot going for yourself …

 

[Fat Nick]

I can relate to a lot of what you're posting - Similar age, kids under 10...a lot of life transition on my end. My career has taken off in the last few years, and has consumed a ton of my time. It's not a bad thing, and I recently took a new role that honestly helps me with the work-life balance. My old role was literally killing me, despite the benefit of being hugely rewarding.

My personal challenge is I feel like I'm losing my identity. Kind of like you, I have limited "guy friends" outside of work. My wife and I relocated after we met in Grad School. I'm far more of an introvert. We slowly lost touch with school friends (at least in any physical capacity), and most of "my" friends are really the husbands of "her" friends. Some are awesome, but we don't do much without the wives. I spend most of my day working, at kids activities, or otherwise doing family stuff. I love the kids and their activities. Most of my time is spent doing things for them, or doing what is on my wife's list. I like the company of my family. I'm happily married - but I don't know who I am anymore. I don't take enough time for myself to do "me" things right now. I do family things - not by force, but because I want to. I always think forward to retirement - and then realize my physical health is only OK, which gets me thinking about getting old and how I might not even be able to do some of the things I want to do when I retire. I sort of spiral sometimes.

The best thing for me honestly is to be selfish sometimes. I take a day off here and there for just me. I do what I want to do. I don't answer my phone. Most of the time this involves watching a movie without questions or judgement on what I chose to watch, or going to a lake and fishing for a few hours. Sometimes it's as simple as just going to a store and browsing around for stuff I might actually want to buy. No agendas, no bucket list items, not even productive a lot of the time. Just NOT what someone else sets up or expects.

I need to do it more. Way more. My wife has even said it's noticeable in my mood. Time won't stop sadly....but that doesn't mean everything has to wait for something else. Take a "me" day. You don't have to be productive or even "do" anything. You'd be amazed how much always answering to someone else actually wears on you - even when the "answering" is done voluntarily. I can't help but wonder - especially with what you said about your wife's physical challenges, if you share some of that feeling...

The bump on this thread prompted me to go back and read this from a year and a half ago...

I'd say I'm in an improved state of being since I posted this - the "new role" at work I referenced has been a fantastic move for me. Loving what I do. It's not completely without stress, but my flexibility and ability to control my own schedule (and therefor do more of what I want to do outside of work) is fantastic and something I long took for granted. Rather than a short-term role, I'm viewing this as longer term with the hope of eventually moving up to lead the function in a few years...so that's good.

On the personal side, the social dynamics are largely the same...but one thing I've picked back up is my childhood interest in sports cards. This was triggered by my son getting interested last year, which led to me doing some research on the hobby, and now having an "adult budget" with which to buy cards that were out of reach to me as a kid. It's been a rewarding endeavor - and it's been a ton of fun to enjoy it with my son. I know it won't last forever, but I can relate with him far more over cards than I can over Roblox or Minecraft. We're going up to a big show in a couple weeks. Taking the day off work and going overnight. He's pumped, I'm pumped.

Other than still feeling like my physical health could be better (but hasn't gotten worse), I think I'm getting better at dealing with the things I mentioned above.

 

[Dezbelief]

One thing I need to research is a home improvement/landscape for total idiot noobs type of class

Youtube.

I figured I would need more hands on handholding, but maybe not.

Just do it. It won't be perfect, it might be aggravating sometimes, but the feeling of looking at a finished project you did yourself is pure satisfaction. It doesn't have to be a big project just anything you will enjoy the results of for a few years. My latest project is building a firewood rack from 2x4s. It's nothing fancy but every time I get wood off of it this winter I will feel a little pride of a job well done.

 

[New Binky the Doormat]

One thing I need to research is a home improvement/landscape for total idiot noobs type of class

Youtube.

I figured I would need more hands on handholding, but maybe not.

Just do it. It won't be perfect, it might be aggravating sometimes, but the feeling of looking at a finished project you did yourself is pure satisfaction. It doesn't have to be a big project just anything you will enjoy the results of for a few years. My latest project is building a firewood rack from 2x4s. It's nothing fancy but every time I get wood off of it this winter I will feel a little pride of a job well done.

yeah, I was going to suggest building a garden box - decent size (whatever fits an area you have available). They have kits if you want to go that route. Then you can play around with growing your own vegetables and herbs.

 

[Brunell4MVP]

Mid life is about age 38, so I'd say you are past it. Enjoy your golden years.

 

[Dezbelief]

Mid life is about age 38, so I'd say you are past it. Enjoy your golden years.

I've always wanted to live to a 100 and hit my mlc right on schedule at 50.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

I found that Tennis and exercise in general pulled me up out of it.
When you are whooping up on people 10-20 years younger than you, I bet golf has the same kind of feel for folks older but very skilled and have it between the ears, can lock down and beat people half their age.

Best way to not feel 50-60 is do things most of them do not...how many people 50 do you know that play tennis? Not that many I promise you and the only place you will meet them is typically at a tennis club/facility of some kind. You feel like you are in a special Fraternity at times.

6-7 years ago I picked it up, played a little as a kid but was done by 14-15 yrs old, had to learn most of it from scratch.

If not a sport, you should try a musical instrument, maybe a classic guitar to strum. Just an idea
Mrs just bought 2 Technic 1200s and a mixer and she is buying up all original vinyls online she can get her hands on...mostly 80s and 90s dance music, breaks/house, etc...
She's never mixed vinyl in her life but who cares? She found something she is passionate about and relieves stress from her job/career.

-There is a whole world that revolves around Technic Turntables, they stopped making them in about 2010, they were made in Japan. They started making them again with the vinyl resurgence but now they are made in China and have a lot of problems. Youtube of all things helped my wife in buying used ones from about 20 years ago and making sure you get ones that are in good shape and just need some minor tweaks to keep rolling. she had un taking them apart and inspecting every inch of them.

Good Luck to you, take some action! Small steps that will lead you closer to your goals

 

[Fat Nick]

I found that Tennis and exercise in general pulled me up out of it.
When you are whooping up on people 10-20 years younger than you, I bet golf has the same kind of feel for folks older but very skilled and have it between the ears, can lock down and beat people half their age.

Best way to not feel 50-60 is do things most of them do not...how many people 50 do you know that play tennis? Not that many I promise you and the only place you will meet them is typically at a tennis club/facility of some kind. You feel like you are in a special Fraternity at times.

6-7 years ago I picked it up, played a little as a kid but was done by 14-15 yrs old, had to learn most of it from scratch.

If not a sport, you should try a musical instrument, maybe a classic guitar to strum. Just an idea
Mrs just bought 2 Technic 1200s and a mixer and she is buying up all original vinyls online she can get her hands on...mostly 80s and 90s dance music, breaks/house, etc...
She's never mixed vinyl in her life but who cares? She found something she is passionate about and relieves stress from her job/career.

-There is a whole world that revolves around Technic Turntables, they stopped making them in about 2010, they were made in Japan. They started making them again with the vinyl resurgence but now they are made in China and have a lot of problems. Youtube of all things helped my wife in buying used ones from about 20 years ago and making sure you get ones that are in good shape and just need some minor tweaks to keep rolling. she had un taking them apart and inspecting every inch of them.

Good Luck to you, take some action! Small steps that will lead you closer to your goals

So I've been thinking about tennis a lot lately. I used to play work rec volleyball pretty much all year round before Covid, but Covid killed the company that ran the league when offices shut down, and now there's nothing. I played tennis when I was in my teens, competitively on the HS team my Fresh/Soph year until I moved on to girls and other sports, but I literally haven't picked up a racket in 25 years.

Question - how did you find the re-learning process? Were there others in your situation/age group/skill level? There's a local club nearby that I've considered checking out, but I have major anxiety about that kind of thing not knowing the levels of skill involved at my age.

 

[Ministry of Pain]

I found that Tennis and exercise in general pulled me up out of it.
When you are whooping up on people 10-20 years younger than you, I bet golf has the same kind of feel for folks older but very skilled and have it between the ears, can lock down and beat people half their age.

Best way to not feel 50-60 is do things most of them do not...how many people 50 do you know that play tennis? Not that many I promise you and the only place you will meet them is typically at a tennis club/facility of some kind. You feel like you are in a special Fraternity at times.

6-7 years ago I picked it up, played a little as a kid but was done by 14-15 yrs old, had to learn most of it from scratch.

If not a sport, you should try a musical instrument, maybe a classic guitar to strum. Just an idea
Mrs just bought 2 Technic 1200s and a mixer and she is buying up all original vinyls online she can get her hands on...mostly 80s and 90s dance music, breaks/house, etc...
She's never mixed vinyl in her life but who cares? She found something she is passionate about and relieves stress from her job/career.

-There is a whole world that revolves around Technic Turntables, they stopped making them in about 2010, they were made in Japan. They started making them again with the vinyl resurgence but now they are made in China and have a lot of problems. Youtube of all things helped my wife in buying used ones from about 20 years ago and making sure you get ones that are in good shape and just need some minor tweaks to keep rolling. she had un taking them apart and inspecting every inch of them.

Good Luck to you, take some action! Small steps that will lead you closer to your goals

So I've been thinking about tennis a lot lately. I used to play work rec volleyball pretty much all year round before Covid, but Covid killed the company that ran the league when offices shut down, and now there's nothing. I played tennis when I was in my teens, competitively on the HS team my Fresh/Soph year until I moved on to girls and other sports, but I literally haven't picked up a racket in 25 years.

Question - how did you find the re-learning process? Were there others in your situation/age group/skill level? There's a local club nearby that I've considered checking out, but I have major anxiety about that kind of thing not knowing the levels of skill involved at my age.

Very similar story, I stopped playing Freshman/Soph of HS, I was on the tennis team but for may reasons stopped playing, kinda wished I hadn't...
But it's never too late and I'm going to share what I did to get started
-Tennis Clinics, they usually are anywhere from about 6 or 8 up to 12+
You would prefer less on the court so you can hit more balls but I'm going to explain why these clinics were best when I started back into tennis.
The lady who runs that clinic has been running it for 10-15+ years, every sat Morn 9am-10:30 I would show up and I felt silly at first but I started getting the hang of it again quickly.

That went on for like 5-6 months I'll say and along the way I started meeting other guys around the courts and I joined the Men's League for Doubles which is a great type of league to join, play on Tue Nights and I just show up, get stretched and get ready to play, I started in the "C" division, no resistance whatsoever and it took less than a few weeks, some of the players were imploring the front office to move me up to the "B" Div, moved up and quickly became the best of the Bs s they kicked me right up to the "A" Division where I stayed the last 5 years and sometimes I take a few weeks off from it, they run about 7-8 weeks so you can pair with all of the players at least once.

I have not paid for a single private lesson and many professional tennis coaches don't provide much in the way of instruction in the clinics, they just feed balls and you run around and hit
But Youtube is a treasure trove of quick videos and instructions "Crunch Time Tennis" is one of my favorites, he keeps it pretty simple and I like that

In the beginning just try and have a good time, know you are going to hit a lot of balls out of the court, who cares?
I became a different player when I stopped short changing my groundstrokes and finally did the follow thru, I was just stopping my racket about 3/4 of the way and you can't do that
It helps to find someone who is better than you but will hit with you back and forth

If there is anything I can do to help please let me know.
I would go for it, i was a fat pig when I first started playing, 260+ and it was embarrassing how out of shape I was for my age
Lot of pain and strain in the lower legs and feet but I can tell you having proper shoes and insoles alleviates a lot of this.

Cheers!

 

[nirad3]

I solved my mid life crisis problem by moving to Wisconsin.

Never been happier. Come on up!

I could use a Sunday Chiefs game watch partner.

I'll never move to 'Sconny, but I am looking forward to being able to get the heck out of SoCal and live in Texas again. I'll be sad that my kids will have moved out to college and I'll do everything in my power to see them once every couple/few months, but yeah... I am waist-deep in a crisis myself and the only way out is my own space, preferably about an hour northwest of Austin (Marble Falls is what I have my eyes on right now). Til then I will be in a constant state of blah.

 

[Ed Wood]

Look, I'm going to be honest: If he doesn't enjoy teaching HS students I can guarantee you this - he will HATE dealing with people trying to photograph their weddings. Talk to anybody who has tried it as a hobby, it's torture.

Exactly.

I've done a few Senior Portrait Sessions and I've been a second shooter...

You've been a second shooter? Where were you on November 22, 1963???