Am I on the verge of a mid-life crisis.. how do you deal? (2 Viewers)

[Atomic Punk]

Someone mentioned wikkid earlier, so I thought I would share one of the last exchanges we had that seems to fit the convo …

wikkid: “I have no idea why the human race don’t get this, but the entire point of life is self-reform, getting better. At about 15 or so, we take what life has given in way of strengths, weaknesses, life-luck (status, plus values) and neurological patterns grooved on us by our upbringing, and we make a go of it. If one understands such as the gift and challenge of life, and finds the way to be thrilled by that opportunity, they will never be bored, depressed or overwhelmed.

Let the opinion of others determine how you feel about yourself and you are a slave and always will be. Get better - simple... not easy, but simple. Get better at anything, everything. Start now.”

AP: “It all sounds so simple. I finally learned this about a decade ago (probably after reading one of your posts). The challenge I think for most is sustaining the application of this knowledge every day ... or even every few days. Looking outward, how does one express this lesson to those that have not learned this without sounding preachy?”

wikkid: “Its not hard. Be life-size … don’t try to be bigger than the world, don’t let the world be bigger than you. Be humble. Be fearless. Let others wish of being the best, crash on the rocks of their hopes and dreams. Better … just better … always better (setbacks are lessons), is good enough for me. There never was, isn't, won’t ever be someone who gets to be you this day but you. Gosh almighty, that's a gift. If a gift that big don’t make you feel generous or give. Give and increase your capacity for giving by getting better. You've nothing to prove and everything to provide.

Don’t know what you're doing next? Get better at something. Anything. Give that to yourself. Live, love, laugh, leave it better than you found it. Happiness begins where selfishness ends. Well........................GO!”

AP: “Thanks , there is lot to unpack here”. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how to pay this forward”.

wikkid: “You asked for it … getting better techniques:

- The most resilient lesson I ever received was from a teacher (who also happened to hustle pool outside of school) of whom I asked the meaning of a word. "look it up, but look it up the right way". "what's that?". "look up your word, then read that whole page of the dictionary. You'll have not only completed your task, but made your world bigger by doing so".

- Butler for a Day. Give yourself the present of picking a day and acting like a butler does in the movies. Completely remove your ego, your temper, from all your tasks. Make sure everyone you deal with feels served without noticing nor wondering why. Butlers take enormous pride in being utterly gracious, competent and anticipatory. Your world, your personal capacity will immediately quintuple from a Butler Day.

- After you've put on your jammys and brushed your teeth, moisturized or whatever, look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, ask yourself what you’ve done today … what was right … what was wrong … questions raised, problems solved, problems you caused. Thank life for the chance … resolve to do better tomorrow.

Yes, the give is the real get in life but one of the reasons behind that is that the tasks themselves become rewarding, restorative. So, it's natural human economics to help where one can be the most helpful. An engineer should not be ladling soup, even if there's a lot of hunger. Start your own whatever, if you got sumn burnin' in your belly, stickin' in your craw. Go - be fruitful and multiply. G’night.


Still unbelievable how much I miss this man that I never met … so much wisdom and always willing to share. Hope this helps in some way.

 

[rockaction]

To answer the original question,

I don't work, I just speed

I'm a lazy sod/I'm a lazy sod
I'm so lazy

 

[ChiefD]

Someone mentioned wikkid earlier, so I thought I would share one of the last exchanges we had that seems to fit the convo …

wikkid: “I have no idea why the human race don’t get this, but the entire point of life is self-reform, getting better. At about 15 or so, we take what life has given in way of strengths, weaknesses, life-luck (status, plus values) and neurological patterns grooved on us by our upbringing, and we make a go of it. If one understands such as the gift and challenge of life, and finds the way to be thrilled by that opportunity, they will never be bored, depressed or overwhelmed.

Let the opinion of others determine how you feel about yourself and you are a slave and always will be. Get better - simple... not easy, but simple. Get better at anything, everything. Start now.”

AP: “It all sounds so simple. I finally learned this about a decade ago (probably after reading one of your posts). The challenge I think for most is sustaining the application of this knowledge every day ... or even every few days. Looking outward, how does one express this lesson to those that have not learned this without sounding preachy?”

wikkid: “Its not hard. Be life-size … don’t try to be bigger than the world, don’t let the world be bigger than you. Be humble. Be fearless. Let others wish of being the best, crash on the rocks of their hopes and dreams. Better … just better … always better (setbacks are lessons), is good enough for me. There never was, isn't, won’t ever be someone who gets to be you this day but you. Gosh almighty, that's a gift. If a gift that big don’t make you feel generous or give. Give and increase your capacity for giving by getting better. You've nothing to prove and everything to provide.

Don’t know what you're doing next? Get better at something. Anything. Give that to yourself. Live, love, laugh, leave it better than you found it. Happiness begins where selfishness ends. Well........................GO!”

AP: “Thanks , there is lot to unpack here”. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how to pay this forward”.

wikkid: “You asked for it … getting better techniques:

- The most resilient lesson I ever received was from a teacher (who also happened to hustle pool outside of school) of whom I asked the meaning of a word. "look it up, but look it up the right way". "what's that?". "look up your word, then read that whole page of the dictionary. You'll have not only completed your task, but made your world bigger by doing so".

- Butler for a Day. Give yourself the present of picking a day and acting like a butler does in the movies. Completely remove your ego, your temper, from all your tasks. Make sure everyone you deal with feels served without noticing nor wondering why. Butlers take enormous pride in being utterly gracious, competent and anticipatory. Your world, your personal capacity will immediately quintuple from a Butler Day.

- After you've put on your jammys and brushed your teeth, moisturized or whatever, look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, ask yourself what you’ve done today … what was right … what was wrong … questions raised, problems solved, problems you caused. Thank life for the chance … resolve to do better tomorrow.

Yes, the give is the real get in life but one of the reasons behind that is that the tasks themselves become rewarding, restorative. So, it's natural human economics to help where one can be the most helpful. An engineer should not be ladling soup, even if there's a lot of hunger. Start your own whatever, if you got sumn burnin' in your belly, stickin' in your craw. Go - be fruitful and multiply. G’night.


Still unbelievable how much I miss this man that I never met … so much wisdom and always willing to share. Hope this helps in some way.

This is an outstanding post. I really, really needed this right now. Thank You!

 

[Atomic Punk]

This is an outstanding post. I really, really needed this right now. Thank You!

Any time. I think I read it at least once every week or so. He was so right … every day really is a gift and we get to actually choose what to do with it …

 

[Joe Bryant]

Someone mentioned wikkid earlier, so I thought I would share one of the last exchanges we had that seems to fit the convo …

wikkid: “I have no idea why the human race don’t get this, but the entire point of life is self-reform, getting better. At about 15 or so, we take what life has given in way of strengths, weaknesses, life-luck (status, plus values) and neurological patterns grooved on us by our upbringing, and we make a go of it. If one understands such as the gift and challenge of life, and finds the way to be thrilled by that opportunity, they will never be bored, depressed or overwhelmed.

Let the opinion of others determine how you feel about yourself and you are a slave and always will be. Get better - simple... not easy, but simple. Get better at anything, everything. Start now.”

AP: “It all sounds so simple. I finally learned this about a decade ago (probably after reading one of your posts). The challenge I think for most is sustaining the application of this knowledge every day ... or even every few days. Looking outward, how does one express this lesson to those that have not learned this without sounding preachy?”

wikkid: “Its not hard. Be life-size … don’t try to be bigger than the world, don’t let the world be bigger than you. Be humble. Be fearless. Let others wish of being the best, crash on the rocks of their hopes and dreams. Better … just better … always better (setbacks are lessons), is good enough for me. There never was, isn't, won’t ever be someone who gets to be you this day but you. Gosh almighty, that's a gift. If a gift that big don’t make you feel generous or give. Give and increase your capacity for giving by getting better. You've nothing to prove and everything to provide.

Don’t know what you're doing next? Get better at something. Anything. Give that to yourself. Live, love, laugh, leave it better than you found it. Happiness begins where selfishness ends. Well........................GO!”

AP: “Thanks , there is lot to unpack here”. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how to pay this forward”.

wikkid: “You asked for it … getting better techniques:

- The most resilient lesson I ever received was from a teacher (who also happened to hustle pool outside of school) of whom I asked the meaning of a word. "look it up, but look it up the right way". "what's that?". "look up your word, then read that whole page of the dictionary. You'll have not only completed your task, but made your world bigger by doing so".

- Butler for a Day. Give yourself the present of picking a day and acting like a butler does in the movies. Completely remove your ego, your temper, from all your tasks. Make sure everyone you deal with feels served without noticing nor wondering why. Butlers take enormous pride in being utterly gracious, competent and anticipatory. Your world, your personal capacity will immediately quintuple from a Butler Day.

- After you've put on your jammys and brushed your teeth, moisturized or whatever, look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, ask yourself what you’ve done today … what was right … what was wrong … questions raised, problems solved, problems you caused. Thank life for the chance … resolve to do better tomorrow.

Yes, the give is the real get in life but one of the reasons behind that is that the tasks themselves become rewarding, restorative. So, it's natural human economics to help where one can be the most helpful. An engineer should not be ladling soup, even if there's a lot of hunger. Start your own whatever, if you got sumn burnin' in your belly, stickin' in your craw. Go - be fruitful and multiply. G’night.


Still unbelievable how much I miss this man that I never met … so much wisdom and always willing to share. Hope this helps in some way.

Love it.

 

[bigbottom]

Someone mentioned wikkid earlier, so I thought I would share one of the last exchanges we had that seems to fit the convo …

wikkid: “I have no idea why the human race don’t get this, but the entire point of life is self-reform, getting better. At about 15 or so, we take what life has given in way of strengths, weaknesses, life-luck (status, plus values) and neurological patterns grooved on us by our upbringing, and we make a go of it. If one understands such as the gift and challenge of life, and finds the way to be thrilled by that opportunity, they will never be bored, depressed or overwhelmed.

Let the opinion of others determine how you feel about yourself and you are a slave and always will be. Get better - simple... not easy, but simple. Get better at anything, everything. Start now.”

AP: “It all sounds so simple. I finally learned this about a decade ago (probably after reading one of your posts). The challenge I think for most is sustaining the application of this knowledge every day ... or even every few days. Looking outward, how does one express this lesson to those that have not learned this without sounding preachy?”

wikkid: “Its not hard. Be life-size … don’t try to be bigger than the world, don’t let the world be bigger than you. Be humble. Be fearless. Let others wish of being the best, crash on the rocks of their hopes and dreams. Better … just better … always better (setbacks are lessons), is good enough for me. There never was, isn't, won’t ever be someone who gets to be you this day but you. Gosh almighty, that's a gift. If a gift that big don’t make you feel generous or give. Give and increase your capacity for giving by getting better. You've nothing to prove and everything to provide.

Don’t know what you're doing next? Get better at something. Anything. Give that to yourself. Live, love, laugh, leave it better than you found it. Happiness begins where selfishness ends. Well........................GO!”

AP: “Thanks , there is lot to unpack here”. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how to pay this forward”.

wikkid: “You asked for it … getting better techniques:

- The most resilient lesson I ever received was from a teacher (who also happened to hustle pool outside of school) of whom I asked the meaning of a word. "look it up, but look it up the right way". "what's that?". "look up your word, then read that whole page of the dictionary. You'll have not only completed your task, but made your world bigger by doing so".

- Butler for a Day. Give yourself the present of picking a day and acting like a butler does in the movies. Completely remove your ego, your temper, from all your tasks. Make sure everyone you deal with feels served without noticing nor wondering why. Butlers take enormous pride in being utterly gracious, competent and anticipatory. Your world, your personal capacity will immediately quintuple from a Butler Day.

- After you've put on your jammys and brushed your teeth, moisturized or whatever, look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, ask yourself what you’ve done today … what was right … what was wrong … questions raised, problems solved, problems you caused. Thank life for the chance … resolve to do better tomorrow.

Yes, the give is the real get in life but one of the reasons behind that is that the tasks themselves become rewarding, restorative. So, it's natural human economics to help where one can be the most helpful. An engineer should not be ladling soup, even if there's a lot of hunger. Start your own whatever, if you got sumn burnin' in your belly, stickin' in your craw. Go - be fruitful and multiply. G’night.


Still unbelievable how much I miss this man that I never met … so much wisdom and always willing to share. Hope this helps in some way.

Wow.

 

[belljr]

I wore sweatpants to the office today....

 

[beer 30]

I bought guns, seems to have scratched the itch

 

[Goldminer1]

There is some fantastic advice in this thread. I know you mentioned the relationships in your life, but I would offer this nugget - get more comfortable with yourself.

I grew up in my family home, my parents divorced when I was a Senior in High School, but I was focused on the fun of that year, and having college on the horizon, to be too emotionally wrecked by the split. Then I went to college and lived with my best friends from HS. During college, I met my future ex-wife and we lived together right after finishing school. Then we got married, stayed together for 10 years, and unfortunately split, but still have a friendly relationship that I really value, even if it is different than what it used to be.

But, the key for me, was after getting divorced, was the realization that I had literally never lived alone, or spent any significant amount of time, by myself. I remember putting up a shower curtain, at more than 30 years old, and coming to the realization that I had actually never done that before. Which was both sort of pathetic, but also weirdly exciting. What else, haven't I done, that will be more exciting and meaningful, than a shower curtain? Lots of stuff!

That was an eye opening experience. And an extremely positive one for my maturity, and mental health. Being able to sit alone in a quiet house and not feel lonely, scared or anxious, is something I had never really been forced to do before. The lessons that I learned about myself, from my new life, have been a huge boost to my personal growth. You are forced to think through what you like and don't like about your life, without distractions. Time to think, evaluate your own behaviors, what to keep, what to get rid of. Doing that, has made all of my personal relationships better and more meaningful, because I know myself, so much better than I ever did before.

I do things alone all the time now, and have a great time. I eat in restaurants, go to movies and even took a trip through Europe by myself. All of which were great, and continue to be.

My hobby is photography, which I was into even before my "alone time" began. If you've never gotten into it, it's a fantastic "clear your mind" activity. I do street photography, so I get out and walk, I put headphones in and listen to my favorite tunes or a podcast and my brain is just focused on the next photo. The other thing I really love about photography, is that, it's hard.

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

I totally agree with many of the posters about going deeper into the relationships you already have, but don't overlook the relationship that you have with yourself.

Give it time to grow and mature. It helps.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

 

[Jutz]

I was reading this thread yesterday and I thought I would give you some alternative advice. Most of the replies contain excellent advice about gratitude, hobbies, and finding friends to make you happy. But if you are really down, it may not be realistic to get to those places so I thought I would give something… ehhh, maybe more attainable?

Lower your expectations. It’s a saying my dad used to use all the time. He would use it in a joking way, but there is a lot of wisdom in the statement. There is apparently a Happiness equation that I just found as I was searching the keywords ‘Happiness Expectations’ that goes something like: Happiness = Reality – Expectations. If you can be OK with the simple things in life: health, food, shelter then everything else is like a bonus.

Another saying I always have to remind myself of ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’. I don’t know if you do compare your life to others, but if you do, this saying can be helpful. A lot of times when people do compare themselves to others it gives them high expectations of what their life should be like and leads to a negative result with the happiness equation. I definitely feel social media plays a big role in causing people to compare themselves to others.

In a similar vein I wanted to mention a Facebook reel I saw recently that made me laugh really hard, but I feel like it is great advice. And since I saw it on Facebook I am also giving away that I am around the same age as you! The Facebook reel said:

When you have a bad day… give up
Go home and sleep… **** it
Try again tomorrow
Not every bad day can become a good day
Some days are ****’d and can not be un ****’d
When you have a day that is ****’d beyond repair that is the universe speaking to you
Sending you a message
Listen to the universe, go home, save your energy
Tomorrow is another day, for now, just ****ing chill

So yeah, we all have bad days, and you can’t always make them better. And sometimes you just have to give up, move on, and prepare for the next day. And lastly I’ll leave you with one of the 4 noble truths of Buddhism – dukka. It has to do with the concept that ‘Life is suffering’. The following is copied from an article Life and Teachings of the Buddah:

The First Noble Truth is the idea that everyone suffers and that suffering is part of the world. Buddhists believe in the cycle of samsara, which is the cycle of birth, life, death and rebirth. This means that people will experience suffering many times over. All of the things a person goes through in life cause suffering and they cannot do anything about it. Instead, they have to accept that it is there. People may use temporary solutions to end suffering, such as doing something they enjoy. However, this does not last forever and the suffering can come back when the enjoyment ends. Buddhists want to work to try to stop suffering. However, the first step is to acknowledge that there is suffering - it happens and it exists.

I see this as saying that, what you are going through is part of life. It exists. It is reality. If this interests you, I would recommend you read through the remaining noble truths in the article. And if you think Buddhism conflicts with your religion, I would request that you keep an open mind. You can be Christian and go to church every Sunday as you do and still incorporate the philosophies of Buddhism in order to attempt to reach some kind of happiness. I see it as more of a philosophy rather than a religion.

 

[AAABatteries]

Another saying I always have to remind myself of ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’.

I heard something similar but it was '@Ned is the thief of joy.'

 

[jamny]

I see this as saying that, what you are going through is part of life. It exists. It is reality. If this interests you, I would recommend you read through the remaining noble truths in the article. And if you think Buddhism conflicts with your religion, I would request that you keep an open mind. You can be Christian and go to church every Sunday as you do and still incorporate the philosophies of Buddhism in order to attempt to reach some kind of happiness. I see it as more of a philosophy rather than a religion.

Excellent post!
Although I would also consider looking into Taoism if this is someone's path. I found Buddhism to have too much emphasis on suffering and a bit too rigid and structured for my liking. Taoism changed my life and has led me to an acceptance of the world around me and an understanding of the nature of things. Or at least attempting to understand.
Sorry for the hijack.

 

[grateful zed]

my advice.

take up disc golf.

 

[jamny]

my advice.

take up disc golf.

I'm looking forward to getting back out there. Played about a dozen times last year. I think I'm ready for a driver!

 

[Terminalxylem]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

 

[bigbottom]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

 

[GoBirds]

So I'm 45. I have a ton to be thankful for. My business is moderately successful. I have 2 healthy sons under 10 that I enjoy. I have no debt of any sort. I'm a bit overweight (10-15 lbs?) but am fairly healthy for my age and enjoy getting some exercise.. good relationship with my parents, in-laws.. no substance abuse problems with alcohol, tobacco, etc.

The only downsides in my current life are 1) that 3 of my best local friends have moved away in the last few years and the rest of my friends aren't local to me so I don't see them very often. I have local neighborhood acquaintances but none of them are whom I'd consider a good friend. 2) that my wife has acquired a somewhat debilitating condition that leaves her unable to do many physical activities together that we used to do... biking, running.. and i've had to pick up a bunch of her slack at home with cleaning and kids stuff that kind of sucks.. but honestly it could be worse.

However.. despite the fact that for all intents and purposes I have it together.. I just feel so damn empty.. like I'm just sloshing through from one day to the next almost watching the clock until the day ends... almost feeling like "there has to be more to life than this".

Upon self-reflection.. some of it is self-caused.. I haven't pushed myself at all at work to learn much new lately in my field.... checked off a bunch of major financial goals and don't have anything motivating me there (which is probably why the first one is true)... but I just don't have anything I'm reaching for... don't really have a big bucket list that hasn't been filled. I kind of feel like I finished a show or video game and there's not a sequel. I do have things I look forward to.. upcoming trips, activities.. though none are enough of a big deal as to move the needle for me. I enjoy being a dad for my kids but at 9 and 8 in some ways they want to do their own things a lot or play with friends from the neighborhood and while I can still get a catch in or play some board/video games with them.. they aren't as reliant on me as they were 2-3 years ago.

Anyway.... maybe this sounds like some bull crap.. maybe many of you will read this and wonder why this guy has a problem.. sounds like he's made it.. but i sure miss my friends, male bonding, happy hours with the crew, etc.

Advice, shade, jokes all welcome.

I totally understand where you are coming from, especially on the work end. I’ve made things interesting getting more involved coaching kids. Interested to see other recs too.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

 

[bigbottom]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

 

[Terminalxylem]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

 

[fruity pebbles]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

 

[Dickies]

Disc Golf. I’ll take you out and show you the good courses in KC and how to play. It’s like forest bathing coupled with an athletic activity - I’m not sure where I’d be mentally without it.

"Forest bathing"?

i totally get it. skiing is my outlet. being surrounded by huge trees is an amazing thing. utterly cathartic. especially for me, living in a desert.

This is how I feel except mountain biking is my primary outlet. There is a huge sense of reward and accomplishment climbing a bike to the top of a hill/mountain and as you bask in that adrenaline you are surrounded by nature, stunning vistas, and serenity.

 

[Dr. No]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

My sister is an anesthesiologist... she has also said that the rate of people leaving health care is alarming.. even at the highest levels like surgery and what not. And it's especially bad at the lower level jobs.. She said that has led to pay going up... but that work conditions and hours and everything are declining. Now, this sounds super elitist.. but in her spot you could throw her an extra 50k for the crappier work conditions... but honestly she'd happily decline it for just better conditions.. because she doesn't even spend what she makes as it is... She said it's a scary proposition moving forward here in another 5-10 years.

 

[Sabertooth]

I just crossed Skiing in Colorado off my bucket list. I had to keep stopping on my first run at Keystone. The views are just amazing. listening to Breakout from Foo Fighter while gliding down a mountain in Colorado is about as awesome as it sounds.

 

[Sabertooth]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

My sister is an anesthesiologist... she has also said that the rate of people leaving health care is alarming.. even at the highest levels like surgery and what not. And it's especially bad at the lower level jobs.. She said that has led to pay going up... but that work conditions and hours and everything are declining. Now, this sounds super elitist.. but in her spot you could throw her an extra 50k for the crappier work conditions... but honestly she'd happily decline it for just better conditions.. because she doesn't even spend what she makes as it is... She said it's a scary proposition moving forward here in another 5-10 years.

Not as scary as it is for my kids who are finishing up high school. It’s going to be an absolute nightmare out there. America is so much worse off than it was 30 years ago. Give it another 20 and today will look like the roaring 20s.

 

[stbugs]

speaking of hobbies.. you know what else went away that really bums me out... i had a dental poker league once a month at the local casino.. and covid shut that down.. and it never resumed.. in fact they never even re-opened the poker room.. and of the poker rooms that are still open... they don't run tournaments anymore because of staffing shortages... and it's been over 10 years since they took online poker away from me.. Really bummed.

Didn’t read this thread until now but I miss this. Might be kids growing up as well as many are in college/high school now, but damn I miss poker nights. Used to be almost every weekend for years and now never. Some people have moved, gotten divorced and COVID. I really enjoyed playing and just hanging out shooting the ****. It’s weird with guys because I moved well away from where I grew up so childhood friends aren’t around and when my boys changed from baseball to lacrosse that also changed friend groups.

We’ve still got close friends but not quite as much hanging out as before so I feel the same MLC/what do you do as my boys are more and more independent. Two oldest have cars so they go where they need and obviously hang out with friends/girlfriend a lot. Next fall, 2 of the 3 will be in college/out of college working or in graduate school so it’s going to feel more empty. At least my youngest is into similar stuff, watching sports, cooking, likes GOTs/cool shows but he’ll have his license.

Definitely need to get work more contained to 8-5 and start working out again. I think that will help as well. Other wise Man Park looks fun

 

[Dr. No]

I just crossed Skiing in Colorado off my bucket list. I had to keep stopping on my first run at Keystone. The views are just amazing. listening to Breakout from Foo Fighter while gliding down a mountain in Colorado is about as awesome as it sounds.

skiing is therpeutic... i'll be out there in 3 weeks and that's going to improve my mood single handedly

 

[Sabertooth]

It was amazing. I’ve never done anything remotely close to that up in the U.P.

 

[Dr. No]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

My sister is an anesthesiologist... she has also said that the rate of people leaving health care is alarming.. even at the highest levels like surgery and what not. And it's especially bad at the lower level jobs.. She said that has led to pay going up... but that work conditions and hours and everything are declining. Now, this sounds super elitist.. but in her spot you could throw her an extra 50k for the crappier work conditions... but honestly she'd happily decline it for just better conditions.. because she doesn't even spend what she makes as it is... She said it's a scary proposition moving forward here in another 5-10 years.

Not as scary as it is for my kids who are finishing up high school. It’s going to be an absolute nightmare out there. America is so much worse off than it was 30 years ago. Give it another 20 and today will look like the roaring 20s.

Yeah.. you might be right there... feels like peak society was the 90s into the early 00s... other than better tech and better porn there's almost nothing else i think is much better...

 

[Dickies]

I just crossed Skiing in Colorado off my bucket list. I had to keep stopping on my first run at Keystone. The views are just amazing. listening to Breakout from Foo Fighter while gliding down a mountain in Colorado is about as awesome as it sounds.

skiing is therpeutic... i'll be out there in 3 weeks and that's going to improve my mood single handedly

I know I talked about it, and others have mentioned it as well, but consider giving mountain biking a shot. It offers a lot of the same qualities as skiing (out in nature, riding downhill, etc) but can be done almost anywhere and in a lot of places can also be done year round.

Once Covid started I was approaching 40 and I guess you could say I had a mid-life crisis where I realized I was falling out of shape and putting myself at greater risk of serious harm from Covid so I took up cycling and eventually took up mountain biking. The community aspect of it is great. I've met people on the trails and exchanged numbers and find myself on group rides with other like-minded folks. I usually ride solo because I enjoy the solitude, but it's also fun to get out in nature with friends. I've also managed to go on a few mountain biking trips with friends that have given me some really memorable experiences and taken me to places I otherwise wouldn't have gone.

 

[Terminalxylem]

I just crossed Skiing in Colorado off my bucket list. I had to keep stopping on my first run at Keystone. The views are just amazing. listening to Breakout from Foo Fighter while gliding down a mountain in Colorado is about as awesome as it sounds.

skiing is therpeutic... i'll be out there in 3 weeks and that's going to improve my mood single handedly

I know I talked about it, and others have mentioned it as well, but consider giving mountain biking a shot. It offers a lot of the same qualities as skiing (out in nature, riding downhill, etc) but can be done almost anywhere and in a lot of places can also be done year round.

Once Covid started I was approaching 40 and I guess you could say I had a mid-life crisis where I realized I was falling out of shape and putting myself at greater risk of serious harm from Covid so I took up cycling and eventually took up mountain biking. The community aspect of it is great. I've met people on the trails and exchanged numbers and find myself on group rides with other like-minded folks. I usually ride solo because I enjoy the solitude, but it's also fun to get out in nature with friends. I've also managed to go on a few mountain biking trips with friends that have given me some really memorable experiences and taken me to places I otherwise wouldn't have gone.

Mountain biking is great, and it’s a lot more accessible for most people. Better exercise than skiing at resorts, too.

The only downside IMO is injury potential. Much greater consequences falling off a bike than into snow. I had to climb one-armed for a multi activity trip, after partially dislocating my shoulder post-endo. Luckily I escaped my foray into downhill at Whistler unscathed, but wore the body armor for a reason.

Good luck at the Sea Otter btw - an ex of mine used to race every year, even placed a few years before we met. Only woman I ever dated who truly understood the value of suffering, aka Fun types 2 & 3

 

[Dickies]

I just crossed Skiing in Colorado off my bucket list. I had to keep stopping on my first run at Keystone. The views are just amazing. listening to Breakout from Foo Fighter while gliding down a mountain in Colorado is about as awesome as it sounds.

skiing is therpeutic... i'll be out there in 3 weeks and that's going to improve my mood single handedly

I know I talked about it, and others have mentioned it as well, but consider giving mountain biking a shot. It offers a lot of the same qualities as skiing (out in nature, riding downhill, etc) but can be done almost anywhere and in a lot of places can also be done year round.

Once Covid started I was approaching 40 and I guess you could say I had a mid-life crisis where I realized I was falling out of shape and putting myself at greater risk of serious harm from Covid so I took up cycling and eventually took up mountain biking. The community aspect of it is great. I've met people on the trails and exchanged numbers and find myself on group rides with other like-minded folks. I usually ride solo because I enjoy the solitude, but it's also fun to get out in nature with friends. I've also managed to go on a few mountain biking trips with friends that have given me some really memorable experiences and taken me to places I otherwise wouldn't have gone.

Mountain biking is great, and it’s a lot more accessible to most people. Better exercise than skiing at resorts, too.

The only downside IMO is injury potential. Much greater consequences falling off a bike than into snow. I had to climb one-armed for a multi activity trip, after partially dislocating my shoulder post-endo. Luckily I escaped my foray into downhill at Whistler unscathed, but wore the body armor for a reason.

Good luck at the Sea Otter btw - an ex of mine used to race every year, even placed a few years before we met. Only woman I ever dated who truly understood the value of suffering, aka Fun types 2 & 3

You're not wrong, but I can thankfully say that after 2,500 miles of mountain biking the last couple years I've managed to escape with no worse than a couple bruised ribs, a bruised thigh, and for lack of a better term "road rash" on my arms and legs. Most of my local trails that I ride 95% of the time are pretty mellow, but I will get padded up when doing gnarlier trails that push my comfort zone. There are a lot of hobbies and activities that are off limits if getting injured is a total deal breaker, and I think the mental and physical benefits of the hobby greatly outweigh the risks.

Thanks re: Sea Otter. I don't race to win or place, but to challenge myself in the same way someone would run a 5k or 10k just to complete it. Mountain biking is definitely a type 2 fun, but racing blurs the lines between 2 & 3. My first time racing was a total sufferfest, but I was still glad I did it and managed to limp across the finish line. The second time, knowing what I was in for, I trained a lot and it was a completely different experience. It was still a sufferfest, but it was a lot of fun passing people that left me in the dust the previous year, and there was a certain euphoria knowing that I was in such better shape and kicking some ***. Better conditioning also manages to shift everyday riding more towards type 1 fun.

 

[General Malaise]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

My sister is an anesthesiologist... she has also said that the rate of people leaving health care is alarming.. even at the highest levels like surgery and what not. And it's especially bad at the lower level jobs.. She said that has led to pay going up... but that work conditions and hours and everything are declining. Now, this sounds super elitist.. but in her spot you could throw her an extra 50k for the crappier work conditions... but honestly she'd happily decline it for just better conditions.. because she doesn't even spend what she makes as it is... She said it's a scary proposition moving forward here in another 5-10 years.

Not as scary as it is for my kids who are finishing up high school. It’s going to be an absolute nightmare out there. America is so much worse off than it was 30 years ago. Give it another 20 and today will look like the roaring 20s.

Yeah.. you might be right there... feels like peak society was the 90s into the early 00s... other than better tech and better porn there's almost nothing else i think is much better...

Better tech is WAY better. I can listen to any song I want for $9.99 a month (except for you, Neil Young). I can buy a car that doesn't use gas. It can also drive itself. I can do with my tiny phone what once required a large computer and a bulky monitor and I can do it in an instant. I can order a safe ride home to avoid driving drunk with said phone. I don't need a travel agent. I don't have to throw away newspapers. I can put all my photographs on a free internet host and take great pictures with that same tiny phone. I can watch just about any movie I want to for cheap; I don't even half to leave my house. I can watch any sports game I want; I can record them, pause them. Technology advancement has simplified and economized our daily lives significantly.

The 90s and the early 00s don't hold a candle to how great we have it today. Our biggest problem today is what, burn-out of people making a TON of money? We have incredibly low unemployment today. Do you remember how hard it was to get a good job out of college in 1995? It took my 9 months from graduation to land a job paying $30K and I thought I had hit the lottery. College grads today would scoff at that. Employers are desperate to ink grads for good money in fields like IT, accounting, finance, programming, you name it. Many of them will be able to work from home. What???


I have two kids in college. I'm flabbergasted at how much further along they and their friends are with regards to emotional maturity and sound decision making than I was at their age and with my peers. They will figure out how to advance the ball forward in life in all regards - healthcare, education, politics, tech. I have no doubt - none - that this current generation of college age kids are far better prepared to deal with their futures than 90s kids were with theirs.

Healthcare needs reform, IMO. A topic for another day. But if you worry about today's generation filling the jobs needed to keep the grease in the wheels of healthcare moving remember this is a global world we live in. There will be qualified people from around the globe lined up to fill vacant positions in healthcare here. Money may not motivate everybody in the industry currently nor attract new kids born and raised here, but I ******** guarantee you there are folks from other countries who would kill to fill these jobs for the current pay.

We'll be fine. The kids are alright. It's a way better time to be alive than 20-30 years ago in my humble opinion.

 

[Ron Swanson]

Better tech is WAY better. I can listen to any song I want for $9.99 a month (except for you, Neil Young). I can buy a car that doesn't use gas. It can also drive itself. I can do with my tiny phone what once required a large computer and a bulky monitor and I can do it in an instant. I can order a safe ride home to avoid driving drunk with said phone. I don't need a travel agent. I don't have to throw away newspapers. I can put all my photographs on a free internet host and take great pictures with that same tiny phone. I can watch just about any movie I want to for cheap; I don't even half to leave my house. I can watch any sports game I want; I can record them, pause them. Technology advancement has simplified and economized our daily lives significantly.

The 90s and the early 00s don't hold a candle to how great we have it today. Our biggest problem today is what, burn-out of people making a TON of money? We have incredibly low unemployment today. Do you remember how hard it was to get a good job out of college in 1995? It took my 9 months from graduation to land a job paying $30K and I thought I had hit the lottery. College grads today would scoff at that. Employers are desperate to ink grads for good money in fields like IT, accounting, finance, programming, you name it. Many of them will be able to work from home. What???


I have two kids in college. I'm flabbergasted at how much further along they and their friends are with regards to emotional maturity and sound decision making than I was at their age and with my peers. They will figure out how to advance the ball forward in life in all regards - healthcare, education, politics, tech. I have no doubt - none - that this current generation of college age kids are far better prepared to deal with their futures than 90s kids were with theirs.

Healthcare needs reform, IMO. A topic for another day. But if you worry about today's generation filling the jobs needed to keep the grease in the wheels of healthcare moving remember this is a global world we live in. There will be qualified people from around the globe lined up to fill vacant positions in healthcare here. Money may not motivate everybody in the industry currently nor attract new kids born and raised here, but I ******** guarantee you there are folks from other countries who would kill to fill these jobs for the current pay.

We'll be fine. The kids are alright. It's a way better time to be alive than 20-30 years ago in my humble opinion.

Yes. All of this. Thank you for articulating it and taking the time to type it out.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

My sister is an anesthesiologist... she has also said that the rate of people leaving health care is alarming.. even at the highest levels like surgery and what not. And it's especially bad at the lower level jobs.. She said that has led to pay going up... but that work conditions and hours and everything are declining. Now, this sounds super elitist.. but in her spot you could throw her an extra 50k for the crappier work conditions... but honestly she'd happily decline it for just better conditions.. because she doesn't even spend what she makes as it is... She said it's a scary proposition moving forward here in another 5-10 years.

Not as scary as it is for my kids who are finishing up high school. It’s going to be an absolute nightmare out there. America is so much worse off than it was 30 years ago. Give it another 20 and today will look like the roaring 20s.

Yeah.. you might be right there... feels like peak society was the 90s into the early 00s... other than better tech and better porn there's almost nothing else i think is much better...

Better tech is WAY better. I can listen to any song I want for $9.99 a month (except for you, Neil Young). I can buy a car that doesn't use gas. It can also drive itself. I can do with my tiny phone what once required a large computer and a bulky monitor and I can do it in an instant. I can order a safe ride home to avoid driving drunk with said phone. I don't need a travel agent. I don't have to throw away newspapers. I can put all my photographs on a free internet host and take great pictures with that same tiny phone. I can watch just about any movie I want to for cheap; I don't even half to leave my house. I can watch any sports game I want; I can record them, pause them. Technology advancement has simplified and economized our daily lives significantly.

The 90s and the early 00s don't hold a candle to how great we have it today. Our biggest problem today is what, burn-out of people making a TON of money? We have incredibly low unemployment today. Do you remember how hard it was to get a good job out of college in 1995? It took my 9 months from graduation to land a job paying $30K and I thought I had hit the lottery. College grads today would scoff at that. Employers are desperate to ink grads for good money in fields like IT, accounting, finance, programming, you name it. Many of them will be able to work from home. What???


I have two kids in college. I'm flabbergasted at how much further along they and their friends are with regards to emotional maturity and sound decision making than I was at their age and with my peers. They will figure out how to advance the ball forward in life in all regards - healthcare, education, politics, tech. I have no doubt - none - that this current generation of college age kids are far better prepared to deal with their futures than 90s kids were with theirs.

Healthcare needs reform, IMO. A topic for another day. But if you worry about today's generation filling the jobs needed to keep the grease in the wheels of healthcare moving remember this is a global world we live in. There will be qualified people from around the globe lined up to fill vacant positions in healthcare here. Money may not motivate everybody in the industry currently nor attract new kids born and raised here, but I ******** guarantee you there are folks from other countries who would kill to fill these jobs for the current pay.

We'll be fine. The kids are alright. It's a way better time to be alive than 20-30 years ago in my humble opinion.

I strongly agree with you on the technology angle. Each of us is walking around with a little device in our pocket that allows us to access the entire store of human knowledge, along with pretty much every piece of music, every film, and every show ever produced, whenever we want it. We would have considered that science fiction back in the 1990s.

On the other hand, I strongly disagree that the kids are alright. I can't turn around without somebody going on and on about some sort of mental health crisis affecting young people. Speaking very broadly, 20-somethings as a group do not show the same kind of grit that people of that same age did earlier in my career. They don't bounce back from the kind of normal bumps and bruises that come with adult life. Everybody has their pet theory for why that's the case, but I don't think anybody really disputes that it's the case. People in general were more mature in 1990s than they are today. (I know that all of us are innately wired to look around and mutter "kids these days" in exasperation, and I'm trying to account for that when I make these sorts of judgements. For example, I don't get interested in how young people dress, what kind of music they listen to, or stuff like that. I know I'm behind the times culturally, and that's fine. But I'm in a good position to make relative judgements about the mental well-being of young adults today vs. 20 years ago.)

 

[New Binky the Doormat]

my advice.

take up disc golf.

isn't it really hard on your shoulder?

 

[General Malaise]

my advice.

take up disc golf.

isn't it really hard on your shoulder?

Technique >>> power. Footwork is key, imo. But I'm only 2+ years in and when I play a guy like Urbanhack, he beats my be a million strokes, so.....

 

[GoBirds]

Buy a Mustang, problem solved.

 

[Dickies]

my advice.

take up disc golf.

isn't it really hard on your shoulder?

Not if you have good technique. It's been a while since I've played regularly, but most of the power is coming from the footwork and rotation of the hips. When I first started getting into it and had bad technique I think I had more issues with my elbow than my shoulder..... but I was also regularly playing tennis at this time in my life so the two activities may have compounded the problem.

 

[-OZ-]

my advice.

take up disc golf.

isn't it really hard on your shoulder?

Technique >>> power. Footwork is key, imo. But I'm only 2+ years in and when I play a guy like Urbanhack, he beats my be a million strokes, so.....

This is why I play against my 14 and 12 year old sons. At least for now their old man usually beats them. And wins.

 

[-OZ-]

Reading this thread, I feel like for a lot of men, that at least have some level of financial well-being, and an established life, we don't really ever encounter things that are too difficult for us on a day-to-day basis. Photography, when you really get into it, and want to perfect your craft, is incredibly challenging. Which is why I find it so rewarding, when I finally take a shot that I like. From other posters in the thread, stuff like rock climbing or running also provide us with that "difficulty" that we actually do crave, even if we still enjoy watching football on the couch for 7 hours on Sunday.

This is a fantastic point, and well-stated at that.

Agreed. Made me think of this RSA Animate.

Thanks for linking this. It also sort of parallels some of the elements in my “purpose” post upthread, including the musical instrument example.

I sent that video to the guy responsible for negotiating our contracts, trying to point out after one’s basic needs are met, there is an income level where extra money isn’t necessarily the answer to job satisfaction.

He replied he had two kids in private school, and was more interested in salary than cartoons.

We got a decent raise the following year, and I cut my hours. So in the end, I guess it allowed us both to afford what we wanted.

But the work keeps getting worse, and I often wish somebody important without school aged children, a big mortgage, etc., would try to make the job better.

Have you considered making a change? As I mentioned upthread, I made a pretty significant career change - same vocation, but a radically different job. It was infinitely more challenging than my job at the time. I’ve regularly joked that 90% of what I did my first year at the new job I was doing for the very first time. But despite it being a much more difficult job, I was learning a ton, really for the first time in years. Although I’ve received pay increases since, at the time I made the move, I took a decent pay cut. But the challenge, and the purpose and personal investment that has come along with it, have made all the difference to me.

I’ve considered it (even interviewed for a different position a few years ago), but have stayed the course for a few reasons:

1. Being part time makes the badness bearable, and affords me a lot of time to pursue different interests outside of work.
2. There still are redeeming aspects of the job, not the least of which are my coworkers, including my wife.
3. I’ll probably retire within 5 years, at which point I believe I can maximize the good stuff I currently do through volunteer work.

Maybe I’m letting inertia get the best of me, but it’s nice to read about other‘s experiences, to remind me there are alternative approaches.

It’s amazing how many people in nursing and healthcare in general say the exact same thing. I did basically the same thing as you. Cut my hours back and plan on retiring, atleast from healthcare, in 6-8 years. But that’s still a long time to do something that’s generally miserable. I used to love being a nurse too but it’s gotten to the point of being unbearable. Push more and more, more and more money needs to be made. We’ve lost so much staff, 50% travelers in the operating room now. Five years ago it was zero. Surgeons are starting to give their notice now. Several are leaving healthcare. Imagine going to school for 14+ years and saying no, I can’t do this. Healthcare in this country is going to hit a reckoning soon.

My sister is an anesthesiologist... she has also said that the rate of people leaving health care is alarming.. even at the highest levels like surgery and what not. And it's especially bad at the lower level jobs.. She said that has led to pay going up... but that work conditions and hours and everything are declining. Now, this sounds super elitist.. but in her spot you could throw her an extra 50k for the crappier work conditions... but honestly she'd happily decline it for just better conditions.. because she doesn't even spend what she makes as it is... She said it's a scary proposition moving forward here in another 5-10 years.

Not as scary as it is for my kids who are finishing up high school. It’s going to be an absolute nightmare out there. America is so much worse off than it was 30 years ago. Give it another 20 and today will look like the roaring 20s.

Yeah.. you might be right there... feels like peak society was the 90s into the early 00s... other than better tech and better porn there's almost nothing else i think is much better...

Better tech is WAY better. I can listen to any song I want for $9.99 a month (except for you, Neil Young). I can buy a car that doesn't use gas. It can also drive itself. I can do with my tiny phone what once required a large computer and a bulky monitor and I can do it in an instant. I can order a safe ride home to avoid driving drunk with said phone. I don't need a travel agent. I don't have to throw away newspapers. I can put all my photographs on a free internet host and take great pictures with that same tiny phone. I can watch just about any movie I want to for cheap; I don't even half to leave my house. I can watch any sports game I want; I can record them, pause them. Technology advancement has simplified and economized our daily lives significantly.

The 90s and the early 00s don't hold a candle to how great we have it today. Our biggest problem today is what, burn-out of people making a TON of money? We have incredibly low unemployment today. Do you remember how hard it was to get a good job out of college in 1995? It took my 9 months from graduation to land a job paying $30K and I thought I had hit the lottery. College grads today would scoff at that. Employers are desperate to ink grads for good money in fields like IT, accounting, finance, programming, you name it. Many of them will be able to work from home. What???


I have two kids in college. I'm flabbergasted at how much further along they and their friends are with regards to emotional maturity and sound decision making than I was at their age and with my peers. They will figure out how to advance the ball forward in life in all regards - healthcare, education, politics, tech. I have no doubt - none - that this current generation of college age kids are far better prepared to deal with their futures than 90s kids were with theirs.

Healthcare needs reform, IMO. A topic for another day. But if you worry about today's generation filling the jobs needed to keep the grease in the wheels of healthcare moving remember this is a global world we live in. There will be qualified people from around the globe lined up to fill vacant positions in healthcare here. Money may not motivate everybody in the industry currently nor attract new kids born and raised here, but I ******** guarantee you there are folks from other countries who would kill to fill these jobs for the current pay.

We'll be fine. The kids are alright. It's a way better time to be alive than 20-30 years ago in my humble opinion.

I strongly agree with you on the technology angle. Each of us is walking around with a little device in our pocket that allows us to access the entire store of human knowledge, along with pretty much every piece of music, every film, and every show ever produced, whenever we want it. We would have considered that science fiction back in the 1990s.

On the other hand, I strongly disagree that the kids are alright. I can't turn around without somebody going on and on about some sort of mental health crisis affecting young people. Speaking very broadly, 20-somethings as a group do not show the same kind of grit that people of that same age did earlier in my career. They don't bounce back from the kind of normal bumps and bruises that come with adult life. Everybody has their pet theory for why that's the case, but I don't think anybody really disputes that it's the case. People in general were more mature in 1990s than they are today. (I know that all of us are innately wired to look around and mutter "kids these days" in exasperation, and I'm trying to account for that when I make these sorts of judgements. For example, I don't get interested in how young people dress, what kind of music they listen to, or stuff like that. I know I'm behind the times culturally, and that's fine. But I'm in a good position to make relative judgements about the mental well-being of young adults today vs. 20 years ago.)

Yep. My biggest gripe is their constant need to label themselves to “fit in”. So now, my 14yo who just isn’t interested in dating (yet) has labeled himself asexual and believes he’ll never be interested.
Dude, I didn’t date until my senior year and didn’t get Sorta serious until well into college. He listens but would rather be labeled than just be himself. He’s definitely not alone in that.

 

[Goldminer1]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Lately, as in a stereotypical mid-life crisis situation: I think about mortality a lot. My own, and everyone else's. I've been thinking a lot lately how we just all walk around doing stuff we don't like or care about, when we could get hit by a UPS truck tomorrow and that would be it. And what would we have to show for it? We worked hard for our boss, or we paid off the car or mortgage? Who cares? Go LIVE.

I got divorced in 2019. We had moved across the country. We didn't know anybody here. She was more social than I was, but we both still struggled to make social connections. I did make one good friend, one that would go into the best friend tier. We would do stuff together a lot. Sadly, he passed away a few years ago after substance abuse, the stresses of the pandemic and his own mental health issues caught up to him.

So, for about the last two+ years, I've been alone. I really don't have any friends here. I do have some people at work (I've been there 10 years) that I get invited to hang out with every now and then, but I'm certainly not a member of "the group." Part of the reason is that I don't have kids, I'm now single and frankly, that doesn't mesh with the lives of most of the people that are teachers. Additionally, because of where I live, pretty much everybody is from someplace else. So, during school breaks or whatever, people go to where they are actually from.

After the divorce I went to therapy, and got in better shape. I've lost almost 75 pounds (about 260 to 185). I look like a different person. I have confidence in myself, and I genuinely feel better, than I ever have in my life.

Hobby wise, -of course- I'm into photography. Sadly, it is largely of subjects that nobody cares about. Yesterday, I went out for a photowalk and my favorite picture is of a potted fern on the front step of a business. Not exactly Ansel Adams, so I don't really think that is the answer to anything, but I do really enjoy doing it. I've tried doing portrait sessions a few times, and didn't like the pressure or process. The results were fine, but I feel like the pressure of shooting a wedding (for example) would be way more trouble than it would be worth.

My apathy at work, is pretty bad. I don't have a hatred for the job. I just literally do not care about it, at all. If they fired me this afternoon, I'd shrug and move on. I do not feel that way about everything or life in general. I care about my life. I care about my friends (most live closer to home), my family, my hobbies etc.

After the divorce, I ended up owning the condo that we shared together and it has been paid off. I pay HOA dues, but there is no mortgage. I'd say it's worth in the $250-275k range. It is in an absolutely prime location and I could sell it or rent it out easily if I wanted to.

My plan as of now, is to move back home (Pacific Northwest) after the completion of this school year. But, as a teacher that 1) Doesn't want to be a teacher anymore and 2) Doesn't have any idea what to do for work next and 3) With a relatively low cost of living in my paid-off condo in Florida - moving back home would be costly. For the record, I have 0 credit card debt. I do have student loans that total in the neighborhood of $35k. I have a leased car (Toyota).

As cliche and ridiculous as it is, I'm ready to sell the condo, buy a van and travel. But, I also know that, that likely isn't a long-term solution to anything. It won't help me re-connect with friends or family, and "Van Life" social media content isn't what I want to do, nor likely lucrative enough to sustain myself for any length of time.

So, I guess I'm just feeling lost. I'm not depressed. I have a therapist. He agrees. Physically, I'm better than ever. I truly have more confidence than ever. But, I guess what it comes down to, is that I'm lonely and scared that I'm just wasting my life doing pointless stuff to have just enough money to stay in 2-star hotels in Europe for 10 days every Summer by myself, before I come back to start the next school year.

I have ideas of starting my own photography business, trying to sell stuff at art shows, and/or supplementing that by doing Social Media stuff. I could find a different job working in a school. I could start a business, but I'm not sure how to do that, or what it would be. One thing I think about a lot is that scene in American Beauty where Kevin Spacey's character starts working at the Fast Food Place and he says that he wants to have as little responsibility as possible. I totally get where he's coming from. Today, I was thinking, "I really like grocery shopping. If somebody said, you could be a bag & cart boy at the grocery store and still live the same 'level' financially, I'd do it." I wouldn't have to care or think or worry about that job at all, and that sounds wonderful.

Figuring out what to do next just feels very difficult. So, I guess I'll just put that out there, and ask for any advice you guys or gals might have.

Thanks!

 

[Jayrod]

I turned 38 in February. I've been a HS teacher for about 13 years. I don't like it anymore. I want don't want to teach anymore. The reasons are the typical ones you'd hear from a teacher that is ready to leave.

Lately, as in a stereotypical mid-life crisis situation: I think about mortality a lot. My own, and everyone else's. I've been thinking a lot lately how we just all walk around doing stuff we don't like or care about, when we could get hit by a UPS truck tomorrow and that would be it. And what would we have to show for it? We worked hard for our boss, or we paid off the car or mortgage? Who cares? Go LIVE.

I got divorced in 2019. We had moved across the country. We didn't know anybody here. She was more social than I was, but we both still struggled to make social connections. I did make one good friend, one that would go into the best friend tier. We would do stuff together a lot. Sadly, he passed away a few years ago after substance abuse, the stresses of the pandemic and his own mental health issues caught up to him.

So, for about the last two+ years, I've been alone. I really don't have any friends here. I do have some people at work (I've been there 10 years) that I get invited to hang out with every now and then, but I'm certainly not a member of "the group." Part of the reason is that I don't have kids, I'm now single and frankly, that doesn't mesh with the lives of most of the people that are teachers. Additionally, because of where I live, pretty much everybody is from someplace else. So, during school breaks or whatever, people go to where they are actually from.

After the divorce I went to therapy, and got in better shape. I've lost almost 75 pounds (about 260 to 185). I look like a different person. I have confidence in myself, and I genuinely feel better, than I ever have in my life.

Hobby wise, -of course- I'm into photography. Sadly, it is largely of subjects that nobody cares about. Yesterday, I went out for a photowalk and my favorite picture is of a potted fern on the front step of a business. Not exactly Ansel Adams, so I don't really think that is the answer to anything, but I do really enjoy doing it. I've tried doing portrait sessions a few times, and didn't like the pressure or process. The results were fine, but I feel like the pressure of shooting a wedding (for example) would be way more trouble than it would be worth.

My apathy at work, is pretty bad. I don't have a hatred for the job. I just literally do not care about it, at all. If they fired me this afternoon, I'd shrug and move on. I do not feel that way about everything or life in general. I care about my life. I care about my friends (most live closer to home), my family, my hobbies etc.

After the divorce, I ended up owning the condo that we shared together and it has been paid off. I pay HOA dues, but there is no mortgage. I'd say it's worth in the $250-275k range. It is in an absolutely prime location and I could sell it or rent it out easily if I wanted to.

My plan as of now, is to move back home (Pacific Northwest) after the completion of this school year. But, as a teacher that 1) Doesn't want to be a teacher anymore and 2) Doesn't have any idea what to do for work next and 3) With a relatively low cost of living in my paid-off condo in Florida - moving back home would be costly. For the record, I have 0 credit card debt. I do have student loans that total in the neighborhood of $35k. I have a leased car (Toyota).

As cliche and ridiculous as it is, I'm ready to sell the condo, buy a van and travel. But, I also know that, that likely isn't a long-term solution to anything. It won't help me re-connect with friends or family, and "Van Life" social media content isn't what I want to do, nor likely lucrative enough to sustain myself for any length of time.

So, I guess I'm just feeling lost. I'm not depressed. I have a therapist. He agrees. Physically, I'm better than ever. I truly have more confidence than ever. But, I guess what it comes down to, is that I'm lonely and scared that I'm just wasting my life doing pointless stuff to have just enough money to stay in 2-star hotels in Europe for 10 days every Summer by myself, before I come back to start the next school year.

I have ideas of starting my own photography business, trying to sell stuff at art shows, and/or supplementing that by doing Social Media stuff. I could find a different job working in a school. I could start a business, but I'm not sure how to do that, or what it would be. One thing I think about a lot is that scene in American Beauty where Kevin Spacey's character starts working at the Fast Food Place and he says that he wants to have as little responsibility as possible. I totally get where he's coming from. Today, I was thinking, "I really like grocery shopping. If somebody said, you could be a bag & cart boy at the grocery store and still live the same 'level' financially, I'd do it." I wouldn't have to care or think or worry about that job at all, and that sounds wonderful.

Figuring out what to do next just feels very difficult. So, I guess I'll just put that out there, and ask for any advice you guys or gals might have.

Thanks!

We are meant to serve something greater than ourselves. Some people fill that need with the pursuit of accomplishments, tasks, work, hobbies, etc.

Truth is, we all need God and to pursue His plans for your life. It is what you are made for and if you don't find that, you will always be missing something. I have been a Christian since I was 12, but the years I spent just doing whatever I thought was a good idea instead of what God wanted me to do were absolutely miserable. I've been asking God what to do and doing that for the last 4+ years and it has made all of the difference. I doubt my life looks that much different to those on the fringe, but to those close to me and to myself, I'm a new man even though I'm not really even doing many different tasks.

A "God" answer may not be what you are looking for, but I'm confident that it is the truth. Jesus is the way, the truth and the light.

 

[JohnnyU]

Do you have any hobbies?

Yes, it involves pictures, lotion, and Kleenex.




Jk……maybe.

 

[General Malaise]

So, looking at the positives, you have a nice asset in the condo. Absent any GOOD friends, no family and a job you don't care for, there is nothing keeping you in Florida. You mention renting it out but I would strongly dissuade you from doing that for two reasons: 1) If you haven't been a landlord before, I'm not sure giving it a shot is the best course of action for somebody in your current situation (ie, a bit lost on what to do with his life) and 2) I have to imagine property taxes and insurance in Florida are going to eat up some of the income you'd make renting your unit out. I don't know that, but I do read a lot about property insurance in Florida being super expensive.

Alright, so you sell it, you pocket $250K (low end) and you've got a nice little nest egg, especially considering the only debt you have is student loans, which you might be able to reduce down using Biden's relief - definitely worth looking into. I think there are many people who would be rather envious of a guy who just dropped 75 pounds, has no debt, $250K in the bank and nothing tying down anywhere. I know I'm envious; I could have a lot of fun without a wife, kids a job I didn't love and $250K cash. Take a moment and just appreciate that - it's a solid place to be!

I also live in the Pacific North West and while you might not find the cost of living here to be as inexpensive as Florida, it's not like you'd be moving to London or NYC. You can get by out here with some money in the bank, flexibility and a skill set to fall back on if you needed to work right away. Teachers are in high demand out here so while it might not take you to the promise land and it isn't something you love, it's always THERE for you. You can also tutor or work side hustles in education. But don't let cost of living scare you off here, you've done really well avoiding pitfalls of debt that others are trapped in. Again, that's a great thing!

Photography is exceedingly hard to make a career out of - my wife gave it a go and it's really hard man. Unless you want to do weddings (YOU DON'T) or have somebody willing to hang your photos in a museum or gallery, it's not going to pencil out. It's a great hobby and I'd encourage you to keep at it, but as a career? You might as well try and become a relief pitcher or back-up NFL QB. Just my personal experience with it.

Those are my immediate thoughts - you've got a LOT going for you. Nothing wrong with taking a year or two off, living off your nest egg and making some scratch on the side here and there. You could give van life a go - one of my best friends is doing that now. He was a dean of students at several colleges/universities but had a really nasty scooter accident and is lucky to be alive. He now lives in a small RV with his dog, has a pass to park at any RV park in the country for 14 days/nights and just picks different spots to check out. He meets friends, watches movies, cheers on his LSU Tigers and has never been happier. He's 50. Will he do it forever? Who knows, but he's in no hurry to go back to work. It is an achievable dream if you want to try it on for size.

 

[zoobird]

I have ideas of starting my own photography business, trying to sell stuff at art shows, and/or supplementing that by doing Social Media stuff.

Why don't you try doing this as a side hustle initially. Maybe you fail. Maybe you end up hating it. But you learn if that's the case without risking your livelihood. And maybe it works out great. You also learn potentially useful stuff along the way - how to run a business, how to do online marketing, etc.

Also...I've found that at times in the past when I've felt unmotivated about my job, trying to do something on the side helps me feel enthusiastic about my overall work situation.

 

[massraider]

I have ideas of starting my own photography business, trying to sell stuff at art shows, and/or supplementing that by doing Social Media stuff

Wedding photography side hustle.
Tutoring side hustle.

Those guys make real money. Build your business, and can be done with teaching soon enough.

 

[General Malaise]

Look, I'm going to be honest: If he doesn't enjoy teaching HS students I can guarantee you this - he will HATE dealing with people trying to photograph their weddings. Talk to anybody who has tried it as a hobby, it's torture.

 

[massraider]

Look, I'm going to be honest: If he doesn't enjoy teaching HS students I can guarantee you this - he will HATE dealing with people trying to photograph their weddings. Talk to anybody who has tried it as a hobby, it's torture.

I wonder if he might be OK with dealing with them on a single Sunday, and get paid the same as a month of teaching.

One day. 3-10 grand. Really easy to avoid the tax man if you feel like it.