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Brother hasnt spoken to parents in a year (2 Viewers)

fruity pebbles said:
One other piece. Her father died unexpected 3-4 years ago, right around when she left him. Left her a million dollars, she was an only child and they were very close. Shes blown through most of that.
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HTF did she blow a million bucks that fast?

 
fruity pebbles said:
Is it worth sending him an email letting him know just how destructive hes being or am i wasting my time. Funny thing is, it was my parents who took him in for six months when she left him before.
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Email won't work. 

Imo get him out one on one for all night dinner and beers/drinks. Go physically get him when she is out if you have to. Hammer it out with him until it is done.

 
Ned said:
HTF did she blow a million bucks that fast?
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Im sure she still has some but she immediately went out and bought two $40,000 cars. Bought a $200,000 house and put another 50-60 grand into it. They are trying to sell it for what they paid, 200,000. So they have assets but i doubt little cash left. She has never worked a real day in her life. Just keeps going to college semester after semester for new things. 

 
fruity pebbles said:
One other piece. Her father died unexpected 3-4 years ago, right around when she left him. Left her a million dollars, she was an only child and they were very close. Shes blown through most of that.
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huh. strange to push away from whatever family is left, even if it's her husband's.

is there a reason you can't just call him and ask him whats' up?

 
fruity pebbles said:
I live 400 miles away. Id prolly end up sitting on his doorstep looking at a locked door.
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Ok. Try a surprise call to his cell from a random caller ID. I don't know how you do this without a personal contact of some kind and IMO it's worth doing.

ets - If you do this catch him when he is out of the house, like work hours when he or she is working.

 
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300# and a total psycho?  Your brother married Nick Fairley?

ETA just saw Boston's post lol

 
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You're all adults.  If they don't want to have contact with the family, why should they?  

Beyond an email or a call trying to reach out, what is the point of being involved here?

 
the rover said:
You're all adults.  If they don't want to have contact with the family, why should they?  

Beyond an email or a call trying to reach out, what is the point of being involved here?
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What are you, special? To make his mother feel better. Jesus was this really lost on you?

 
Speaking from experience, I would not bother writing a letter or attempting to contact your brother.  This will crush your parents and you'll have to cope with that but it will get better over time.  As for your brother, well he's not your brother anymore.  He will regret it some day.

 
Harry Manback said:
What are you, special? To make his mother feel better. Jesus was this really lost on you?
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Is there some reason she's entitled to have contact with them if they don't want it?  They're adults.  They don't want to be part of the family.  They've made it clear.

Again, what's the point?  To tell him that he should change his mind on what's obviously an intentional decision?  These aren't children.  Nobody has to have contact with people they don't want to see just because they are related.

If my brother called me to tell me I had to have contact with my parents, I'd tell him to #### off and probably lose contact with him as well.

 
the rover said:
Is there some reason she's entitled to have contact with them if they don't want it?  They're adults.  They don't want to be part of the family.  They've made it clear.

Again, what's the point?  To tell him that he should change his mind on what's obviously an intentional decision?  These aren't children.  Nobody has to have contact with people they don't want to see just because they are related.

If my brother called me to tell me I had to have contact with my parents, I'd tell him to #### off and probably lose contact with him as well.
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for me- I'd want to know why. my brother just disappearing after his wife posting some bs on facebook? 

ok- you want out, you're out. but be adults and explain yourselves.... that goes for the brother. the SIL's only responsibility is to eat.

 
El Floppo said:
for me- I'd want to know why. my brother just disappearing after his wife posting some bs on facebook? 

ok- you want out, you're out. but be adults and explain yourselves.... that goes for the brother. the SIL's only responsibility is to eat.
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Sure, I can see wanting to know what's up.  I can see reaching out to have a conversation.  But a lot of these posts sound like there's some obligation on the part of an adult couple to maintain contact with family members when they don't want to.  This is clearly an intentional decision, especially when the brother chose not to talk to the mother when his wife was out of town.  Sounds less like he's being controlled and more like they just don't want to maintain a relationship.

 
the rover said:
Is there some reason she's entitled to have contact with them if they don't want it?  They're adults.  They don't want to be part of the family.  They've made it clear.

Again, what's the point?  To tell him that he should change his mind on what's obviously an intentional decision?  These aren't children.  Nobody has to have contact with people they don't want to see just because they are related.

If my brother called me to tell me I had to have contact with my parents, I'd tell him to #### off and probably lose contact with him as well.
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Curious, are you a parent? 

 
the rover said:
Sure, I can see wanting to know what's up.  I can see reaching out to have a conversation.  But a lot of these posts sound like there's some obligation on the part of an adult couple to maintain contact with family members when they don't want to.  This is clearly an intentional decision, especially when the brother chose not to talk to the mother when his wife was out of town.  Sounds less like he's being controlled and more like they just don't want to maintain a relationship.
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yeah.

like you understood from my post... for me- you want to walk away from the family? guh-head. but don't be passive aggressive cowards and slink away without explanation.

but perhaps this conversation has already happened and the OP doesn't know or might have missed it.

 
Johnny Bing said:
Curious, are you a parent? 
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Yep.   I'd like to think I'm a good enough parent that my daughter will want me to be part of her life.   But when she's an adult, that's her decision.   I hope I've earned her love and respect.  But as an adult, I have no entitlement to demand either.

People don't generally don't cut off their families without a reason, unless they just drift apart over time.  This is an intentional decision by an adult couple.   

 
Sorry to hear this.  My brother has done the same thing to my mom.  I stepped in the middle and regret it.  Don't do anything.

 
Haven't read many replies so apologies if this is redundant but this scenario happened to us for years. 

1. Jealousy. See the date when the family 'blew up' being birth of your child. This ##### is jealous and projecting. 

2. She's got him convinced a good husband backs his wife over his family of origin - which is sometimes true but not when his wife is a ##### and also wrong. He needs to man up but he won't. 

3. You can't do anything unless he still listens to you. But if you try to 'level' with him he will agree with you, be contrite and apologize blah blah blah then tell his ##### wife the second he gets home that you tried to talk him out of this stupid stance and she'll go ####### ballistic. 

My wife is the oldest. Her younger brother married a conniving, victim-mentality #####. She has him so far wrapped around her finger he isn't even a separate person anymore. My wife (#####'s sister in law) is nicer, prettier and more liked than her. Our kids behave better than hers (which honestly isn't hard to do - her kids are a train wreck because she is). SIL is so jealous of us but won't admit it so she spent years badmouthing my wife and me to my wife's own family. We finally called her out and she went radio silence for 2 years, blaming everyone else. Finally I called BIL and had a heart-to-heart. He played nice then told her I tried to get him to stand up to her. BOOM!!!! Now we see them 1x per year and she spends the entire time telling us all how great their house is, their kids are, her cars and her job blah blah blah. So insecure. 

 
I wouldn't make this about or involve the wife or parents at all.

brother to brother, strictly about your relationship with him. get him to tell you what's up and then let him do whatever he needs to do. and IMO, you don't need to convince him of anything. but once you've heard his side, you can tell him how it affects you and how you feel about losing him- that part's only about you, not him.

 
comfortably numb said:
What was the relationship like between all of you after your 1st child's birth and last Christmas?
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I have a daughter from my first marriage. They were great with her but she was older, 8-10 at the time they got married.  They have been involved but aloof in regards to my daughter from this marriage. Have never seen my 6 month old son.

 
fruity pebbles said:
I have a daughter from my first marriage. They were great with her but she was older, 8-10 at the time they got married.  They have been involved but aloof in regards to my daughter from this marriage. Have never seen my 6 month old son.
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who got married first- you and your new wife or your brother and cujo? is this distance possibly about a crap relationship between the SIL and your current wife?

are you close enough with your brother to do what I've been saying- reach out directly to him? 

just reread your OP... pretty ####ty thing to do, leaving your mom on the porch like that. butt-hurt over your family's method of sharing the news about your kids' births doesn't deserve that. has to be something else going on... what do you think it is?

 
fruity pebbles said:
I have a daughter from my first marriage. They were great with her but she was older, 8-10 at the time they got married.  They have been involved but aloof in regards to my daughter from this marriage. Have never seen my 6 month old son.
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Congrats on the son, btw. Didn't realize you were up to 3 now. 

I miss ###chat. :(  

 
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El Floppo said:
who got married first- you and your new wife or your brother and cujo? is this distance possibly about a crap relationship between the SIL and your current wife?

are you close enough with your brother to do what I've been saying- reach out directly to him? 

just reread your OP... pretty ####ty thing to do, leaving your mom on the porch like that. butt-hurt over your family's method of sharing the news about your kids' births doesn't deserve that. has to be something else going on... what do you think it is?
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He and cujo have been married longer. We're not that close. I dont dislike him, just wouldnt be friends with him if we werent related. My wife and his got along ok. There was no big fight or anything. His wife is just an unlikeable person. That over loud fat chick who annoys everyone. After she posted that my daughters birth broke the family apart, my wife doesnt want either around the kids ever again. I think it has to do with a lot of things but this gave her an excuse. Shes just an awful person who i think is miserable herself. As far as him, i think he blames my parents for a lot. Theyve always been there for him though. He and my mom were inseperable for a long time before the wife.

 
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Something similar happened in my family. My uncle complained about the Christmas present that I received from my grandparents (he said it was nicer than whatever my grandparents had given to his kids. I don't even remember what it was, but it was probably something like socks or underwear). My grandfather responded by saying, "Well, maybe if you brought your kids to see us more than twice a year, you'd get nicer presents."

And that was that. My uncle never talked to my grandparents again, and he never talked to my parents OR me again. His kids were 10-12 years old at the time so they never saw their grandparents again.

 
Perhaps he is under this lady's thumb.

I wouldn't write him off.  Even if it's just for your mom's sake.  I'd communicate to him that when he is ready we will be there for him.  Meaning when things go down in flames with his beast.  

 
mquinnjr said:
I think that's the key. I can only begin to imagine the level of insanity and acting out on it that would ensue for a married woman who can't have children in the presence of other family members with kids to share and love with the grand parents. It's not the GP's playing favorites, they're caring for the kids that are around. It's the absence of their own kids to balance that's a constant reminder to women like your sisters that "they're lacking." Guess who gets to deal with the fallout of that insanity? The male of her home. You know how that goes when it turns to picking a side if it goes there, too. Fall in line or...else.
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The sister from Florida's husband limited her to one child.. she'd like more

The other sister who lives here is 31, unmarried, can't find anyone because she's a ####### anesthesiologist and wants to marry "up"... there's not much UP!, and knows her clock is ticking...  she resents my wife's stay at home with kids life.

 
There is nothing you can do to improve this but you can make it worse. 

Asking him to talk about it when you don't have a close relationship is just going to cause him to dig in to his position further. 

It it is not like he is going to self reflect and admit what is happening here.  

I am another person that is in the camp that if you don't want to be around someone you shouldn't....regardless of whether or not you are family. 

And even if you do choose to live that way you can't force others to.  He has made his decision, help your parents come to grips with it and maybe one day he will reconcile with them.  

 
Joe Summer said:
Something similar happened in my family. My uncle complained about the Christmas present that I received from my grandparents (he said it was nicer than whatever my grandparents had given to his kids. I don't even remember what it was, but it was probably something like socks or underwear). My grandfather responded by saying, "Well, maybe if you brought your kids to see us more than twice a year, you'd get nicer presents."

And that was that. My uncle never talked to my grandparents again, and he never talked to my parents OR me again. His kids were 10-12 years old at the time so they never saw their grandparents again.
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Your grandfathers awesome

 
Joe Summer said:
Something similar happened in my family. My uncle complained about the Christmas present that I received from my grandparents (he said it was nicer than whatever my grandparents had given to his kids. I don't even remember what it was, but it was probably something like socks or underwear). My grandfather responded by saying, "Well, maybe if you brought your kids to see us more than twice a year, you'd get nicer presents."

And that was that. My uncle never talked to my grandparents again, and he never talked to my parents OR me again. His kids were 10-12 years old at the time so they never saw their grandparents again.
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That's nuts.

 
Just tell your parents that their son is dead to them and vice versa. If they continue to waste their time trying to connect, that's their problem. 

 
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