Custody question - child out of wedlock (1 Viewer)

[SpurrierisisGod]

Horrible situation.  BIL baby momma passed away recently, very suddenly.  Not sure how involved my BIL was/is other than he tried but has always struggled financially.

The mom recently married in April and has an older child with a different guy.  New husband is saying things like he will take the son/hide the kid/etc.  BIL wants to take responsibility but the new husband (now widowed) is obviously not cooperative.

My wife and I would take the kid in a heartbeat but realize we are on down the line in the order of things.  What rights does a dad have to get custody or at least obtain visitation or stop other family from taking his son far away.  This is all foreign to me and my wife is kind of freaking out a bit.  I don't even know where to begin. 

 

[fdas2]

Biological father have and arrests and/or convictions?

Alabama law will side with the biological parent, assuming he isn't "unfit" to parent the child. Obviously "unfit" is a subjective term.  He should get a lawyer asap.

 

[Gawain]

So the biological father is alive, the biological mother is deceased, the biological mother's husband has not formally adopted the child?

Absent any prior findings, I don't see why the biological father doesn't demand physical custody and call the police if demand isn't fulfilled.

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

Biological father have and arrests and/or convictions?

Alabama law will side with the biological parent, assuming he isn't "unfit" to parent the child. Obviously "unfit" is a subjective term.  He should get a lawyer asap.

Arrests? Yes.  Burglary about 15 years ago maybe.

Unfit? Not for me to decide I guess but lawyer isn't happening unless it's on my dime.  Not going to be on my dime unless the kid is coming to us if that clarifies my stance.

And yes, alabama will side with biological parent 99% of the time.

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

So the biological father is alive, the biological mother is deceased, the biological mother's husband has not formally adopted the child?

Absent any prior findings, I don't see why the biological father doesn't demand physical custody and call the police if demand isn't fulfilled.

That's how I understand it but were also aren't talking about one of America's finest either...biological or new husband.

I also don't think it's just a "call the cops and go get him" thing either.  I'm sure the grandparents may have some rights as well.  

I guess really, I am just trying to point him in the right direction if he really wants custody.  Things like "go get this. Call this person, etc".  He might have a nickel for a lawyer.

 

[Gawain]

That's how I understand it but were also aren't talking about one of America's finest either...biological or new husband.

I also don't think it's just a "call the cops and go get him" thing either.  I'm sure the grandparents may have some rights as well.  

I guess really, I am just trying to point him in the right direction if he really wants custody.  Things like "go get this. Call this person, etc".  He might have a nickel for a lawyer.

http://www.lawqa.com/qa/does-one-parent-get-full-custody-if-other-one-dies

Almost bottom:

The spouse of the decreased parent has no claim at all on the child and the remaining parent is presumed to be the parent of the child.

Answer Applies to: Alabama

Replied: 8/19/2011

Law Office of Roianne H. Conner | Roianne Houlton Conner

If he is serious about taking custody of this child and there are no restrictions on his custody, he should be on the phone with the cops.

ETA: Step-parent and grandparents would have to go to court to show continued contact is best interest of child, but if dad isn't a tremendous dillnozzle, he should be doing the right thing anyway.

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

http://www.lawqa.com/qa/does-one-parent-get-full-custody-if-other-one-dies

Almost bottom:

If he is serious about taking custody of this child and there are no restrictions on his custody, he should be on the phone with the cops.

ETA: Step-parent and grandparents would have to go to court to show continued contact is best interest of child, but if dad isn't a tremendous dillnozzle, he should be doing the right thing anyway.

Thanks.  He's apparently been told he need the child's birth certificate (No chance) first.  I told him how to get one.

Learned that step dad has been in the picture for about 2 years. I'm guessing the kid might be 4.  Wife and I have no legal claim other than it would be in the child's best interest but if his biological dad (BIL) wants to step up and do the right thing, then all I can do is lead the horse to the water.

The older sibling has a different dad and I'd hate to see the 2 broken up though.  Just a real messed up situation all around.

 

[NutterButter]

Any chance its in the child's best interest that he stays with the new husband?    Your BIL doesn't sound like he has his act together.  You didn't say much about the new husband.

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

Any chance its in the child's best interest that he stays with the new husband?    Your BIL doesn't sound like he has his act together.  You didn't say much about the new husband.

I don't know enough about him to definitively say either way.  What I have heard secondhand suggests it might not be the best thing either. My best guess is if it came down to a court battle and the 2 had to air their dirty laundry, neither would come out looking like the best option.  If no other parties involved, probably a wash and I would think the court sides with the biological father.

The big question for me that I've posed to my wife is, how involved were/are the deceased mother's parents.  I don't know them and have advised my wife/BIL to not contact them yet and let them grieve while we figure this out in the background.  

 

[Long Ball Larry]

That's how I understand it but were also aren't talking about one of America's finest either...biological or new husband.

I also don't think it's just a "call the cops and go get him" thing either.  I'm sure the grandparents may have some rights as well.  

I guess really, I am just trying to point him in the right direction if he really wants custody.  Things like "go get this. Call this person, etc".  He might have a nickel for a lawyer.

Probably try this: https://www.legalservicesalabama.org/

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

How old is the child?  Will your BIL be a better father than his stepdad?  Is it better for the child to grow up grow up with or without his brother?  Can your BIL be a helpful/loving part of the child's life without custody?

Forget your BIL.  What's best for the kid?

 

[Juxtatarot]

  New husband is saying things like he will take the son/hide the kid/etc.  

Has he said this directly to your BIL?

 

[NotSmart]

How old is the child?  Will your BIL be a better father than his stepdad?  Is it better for the child to grow up grow up with or without his brother?  Can your BIL be a helpful/loving part of the child's life without custody?

Forget your BIL.  What's best for the kid?

Absolutely the right perspective, and it sounds like the OP feels this way too.

Unfortunately it's a complicated situation and impossible to clearly answer that question.

I hate the thought of breaking up siblings though.  :(

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

Has he said this directly to your BIL?

Yes

 

[SpurrierisisGod]

Absolutely the right perspective, and it sounds like the OP feels this way too.

Unfortunately it's a complicated situation and impossible to clearly answer that question.

I hate the thought of breaking up siblings though.  :(

I just said the same thing to my wife's family. Hate to break them up.  Funeral was today (BIL didn't go as to not create drama) and the older sibling told my wife she was going to live with the grandparents (deceased mother side).  Sounds like they are well off and have been involved.  Might be the beat situation if the brother followed.  Not going to be a fun conversation in the near future.

 

[Christo]

I also don't think it's just a "call the cops and go get him" thing either.

If he's on the birth certificate, why not?