I’m divorced, have four kids. Didn’t plan it this way but I’m pretty freaking decent at it by now.
First off, you need to have an an honest conversation with yourself about what kind of relationship with your kids you want and are willing to make happen. If you want to figure that out as you go while kind of feeling reluctant and guilty about it occasionally, that’s a choice some people make (women too). Is what it is.
If you want to be a central, pivotal part of their lives it’s going to involve a lot of time spent with them as those opportunities arise. The phone is not gonna be a major part of it, face to face stuff.
Start with reframing “I don’t see them on a day to day basis.” What matters is when DO you see them? Identify those days/times and make them REGULAR, PREDICATABLE, kids like routine because it allows them to process #### and know what’s coming.
Especially if you guys just split up recently make sure you are always there there at those times when you get to see your kids. Activity wise if it’s weird and all else fails spend money with them at first, go out to eat, laser tag, whatever works in the early days.
Once you’re a predicatable, regular presence independent of their Mother volunteer to do stuff their Mother doesn’t want to do with them. Not to edge her out, not even a goal, but to further develop your own identity and relationship with them apart from her.
For me it’s field trips and school activities. If they ask me ahead of time I go.
Whatever happens just be there when you’re supposed to be there, don’t ever let them see you quit, especially when they’re being a pain. Show them they are not the ones you left by your words and most importantly, by your actions.
Edit: Rereading your post the regular communication thing is an irreducible suck factor at some level. I have one preteen, awesome kid. But ya they aren’t gonna always want to talk to you when you don’t have them. Just like we didn’t always want to talk to our parents at that age.
