JGalligan
Footballguy
Recently I got to thinking about the two fantasy football Commissioners I have and how one is great and the other… well, he's... pretty ####ty not-so-great, to say the least. After thinking more on the subject for a bit, my mind eventually wandered over to an idea to make a quiz out of it somehow. Mainly because I always try to make a quiz out of everything for better or worse. This just seemed like a subject that would be for the better.
While all of us most likely have a pretty good handle on whether or not we have a good Commissioner or a bad one, at the very least this could be used to send to them so you can see if they answer truthfully or lie blatantly out of their ###. You could even use the quiz as a catalyst for a coup d'etat of the league Commissioner position as well. The possibilities for it all are really endless when you think about it.
All in all, it should prove to be a good time. Or at least, as much of a good time as can be had with a quiz about fantasy football league Commissioners. Maybe throw some liquor into the mix if you're having trouble getting excited and you should be in for a good old-fashioned blasty blast.
If you're ready, then the quiz is below. If not, then bookmark this page and go do whatever you need to do before you take a quiz of such magnitude. And remember, you're only hurting yourself if you're not truthful.
Note: Since it was infinitely more easy, I made the quiz as if the Commissioner themselves were taking it. If you're taking one to see how your own Commissioner stacks up, then just pretend you're in his shoes and choose as best you can as to how you think he would answer.
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1.) A slightly-disturbing-but-still-in-good-faith argument has sprung up on your leagues message boards between two owners. Mothers, sexual preferences and questioning of overall football knowledge have all been frequent topics of insult. How do you handle the situation?A.) Post a message in the argument thread stating that such arguments and actions will not be prohibited in your league. You also suspend message posting on the league board for one full week to ensure there is some kind of punishment for the dastardly acts.
B.) Dive headlong right into the argument, taking no prisoners. The smack-talk you spew makes the two owners arguments look like mere elementary school playground talk and also causes many other owners who read it to, legit, laugh-out-loud.
C.) Make a quick message in reply to the argument asking for them to tone it down and not let it get out of hand.
D.) Don't do anything. This is practically a daily occurrence in your league and, in your mind, one of the best parts about fantasy football.
E.) Since you didn't even know the league had its own board for smack-talk and messages, there's no need to even concern yourself with the situation what-so-ever. It's like it doesn't exist!
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2.) It's nearly a week before your annual league fantasy football draft and some of the owners are notoriously forgetful drunks who could probably be late for their own wedding. Actually, one of them might have even accomplished such a feat but you can't quite remember. With this information in mind, how do you manage your time in the days before the draft?A.) Send both e-mails AND hard copied letters — both complete with a stamped family crest that you've had edited to say 'Commissioner' before your last name — to all owners one month, one week and one day (exactly) before the draft date. You emphasize heavily that if anyone is even but ONE minute late for the draft, they will be expelled from the league permanently for lack of respect.
B.) Send out e-mails every few weeks after the Super Bowl to each owner exclaiming how you're going to destroy them all in the upcoming season. Also make sure to include at least one insult in each to make sure that none of the other owners think that you are either too soft or gay.
C.) Get confirmations from the three or four owners you talk with regularly and have them relay the draft date to the other owners to make sure that they'll be there.
D.) Make sure you talk to each owner personally by either e-mail or over the phone in the days leading up to the draft. Ensure that you get confirmations from each and also make sure that there and no wives or girlfriends who're scheduled to go into labor, nor any other events that will prevent anyone from attending the leagues most hallowed and enjoyable day.
E.) Forget all about the draft entirely until the evening before. Trust and hope that all of the owners in the league will be there and if they're late, well, then they'll have to deal with the auto-picked team they are given, now won't they?
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3.) A rule is suggested after the draft has already begun and more importantly, after all rules/rulings have been voted on and officially closed. What do you do?A.) Get ridiculously pissed off and yell at the owner for forgetting to ask the rule while everything was being voted on. Tell him that there's absolutely no voting after voting has been closed prior to the draft starting. Let everyone know what you say goes and if they don't like it then they can go play by themselves somewhere else.
B.) Make fun of the owners memory and ask if he can tell his mother to return your boxers you left over her house last night.
C.) Express that technically rules shouldn't be voted on after everything has been closed and the draft has begun. But allow it through quickly anyway after everyone agrees that they really aren't that bothered by the rule being slightly broken. You know, so everyone will continue liking you.
D.) Explain to the owner that the time for voting on in-season things has officially come to a close. Explain, however, that if he would like, you'll gladly add it to the rules to be voted on at the beginning of the next years draft.
E.) Don't respond at all because you didn't even see the question. You're trying to draft a winning football team, after all!
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4.) A few weeks or so before the playoffs, an incredibly suspicious trade is proposed involving one owner who is strongly contending for a playoff spot and another who is not only in last place, but is also known to be leaving the league after the season is finished. The trade in question involved Jonathan Stewart for Benjarvus Green-Ellis. What do you do?A.) Veto the trade immediately since you've set every single trade to be personally reviewed by you, send the owner in last place packing permanently a bit earlier than expected and announce that the owner who was contending for a playoff spot forfeit his next match (or take 0 points for the week in a points-only league).
B.) Call out the trade in question in a group e-mail to all owners and skewer them for attempting such a shameless and dirty trick. Ask the owner who is leaving at the end of the year to tell his sister to give you a call since you haven't talked to her in a few weeks.
C.) Reverse the trade after the public outcry from the league after it was processed and ask that they don't do any trades like that ever again.
D.) Give a stern warning after the trade was vetoed by everyone in the league (including you) since all trades are set to be voted on by the league. Tell both owners that this there first warning at that if it ever happens again then there will be other punishments.
E.) Since every trade was automatically set to go through once accepted since you're just not that patient of a guy, there's nothing really you can do. Take solace in telling yourself that your team can beat the playoff contending owners team even with his new unethical acquisition of Jonathan Stewart.
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5.) One of the owners in your league, apparently, got one of the other owners ridiculously intoxicated on purpose and goaded him into benching all of his players "by accident" the following week (so he would win and get into the playoffs). There was also money exchanged and rumors of a few slap dances being bought as a gift seal as well. You learn of all this AFTER it all happened and the owner has gotten into the playoffs unethically. What is your justice, m'lord Commish?A.) Banish both owners from the league immediately upon learning of the deal and also call both of their wives and inform them that their husbands were at a strip club last night to get them into trouble on the nookie front.
B.) Laugh your ### off and demand that you are awarded a lap dance at the expense of each of the owners involved in the deed.
C.) Explain that since it has already happened and you can't ban the owner from the playoffs for that, say you will deal with punishments at the start of the next season's draft.
D.) Reverse the win to a loss and take the entire league out to a strip-club to ease tensions and make sure there are no hard feelings. Promise that if anything ever happens again like this then you may very well kick them out of the league.
E.) Since it didn't affect your team and the first owners team probably was going to win anyway, do absolutely nothing.
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6.) It's New Years Day and you're in your e-mail inbox. What do you do?A.) Send one e-mail to all of the owners, complete with your Commissioner family crest stamp and a simple "Happy New Year's from Your Commissioner" message. Also include a quick and barking-esque reminder for everyone to make sure they update there rosters by Wednesday afternoon for the Thursday night game.
B.) Send out an online "Happy New Years" greeting card to the league complete with an incredibly large-chested topless women in a Santa uniform holding a football. Giggle about it for the rest of the day.
C.) Post a "Happy New Years from the Commish" message on the league board.
D.) Send out a personalized e-mail to each owner and make sure you also include well wishes for their families as well. Invite anyone who wants to come over to do so to watch some football and eat unhealthy but delicious foods.
E.) Go about checking your e-mail and then hopping back into bed. Your hungover, damnit!
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7.) The season is over and you've come in third place. It's Super Bowl Sunday tomorrow and it MIGHT be nice if you arranged something with the league. What do you?A.) Send out an invitation before hand that basically demands everyone in the league come over your house for a Super Bowl party. Although you don't specifically say it, not coming to your party would definitely not be in their best interests. You are the most powerful man in the league, after all.
B.) Organize a trip for the league to the nearest casino resort where you can all lose thousands of dollars, solicit prostitutes and watch the Big Game in a movie theater inside one of the casinos.
C.) Don't plan a party at your house but attend one of the other league owners parties instead.
D.) There's no planning necessary. Everyone in the league knows where they're going to be every Super Bowl Sunday and that is at your annual Super Bowl bash complete with booze and food aplenty.
E.) Since you won third place in the league you've gone into hiding and pouted like a little #####. You probably won't communicate with anyone else in the league until draft time next year.
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All done! How do you think you did? Did you tell the truth or just bull#### through the whole thing while subconsciously forcing yourself to believe that you were actually answering truthfully so you would feel better? No matter how you answered, it is now time for judgment:If you answered mainly A's:
First off, get off your damn high horse. You sir, are a fantasy football Commissioner, not the czar of some small, fledgling country. Ruling it like an iron-fisted middle school principal is NOT going to gain you any friends nor loyal league members. If you keep it up much longer, hopefully you'll eventually go TOO far and get decked in the face by someone. This will hopefully be the sense that you've for-so-long needed -- albeit smacked into you.
Relax. Have fun. This isn't a Fortune 500 Company and ruling it as such isn't going to win you any money or prizes so why be such a #### all the time? Lighten up a little bit and you'll likely have a much better league experience. And have more people not hate you.
If you answered mainly B's:
You're a merciless smack talker, no doubt. But you don't take yourself too seriously and always try to lighten up any all situations. Although you probably will never be invited to hang out with your fellow owners while there mothers or sisters are around, they generally like to hang out with you and overall, you're very well liked.
To be fair, you DO have the maturity level of an eleven year old boy -- but this isn't necessarily a bad thing (in fantasy football league Commish terms, that is).
If you answered mainly C's:
You're not TECHNICALLY a bad Commissioner but you DO need to take control of things a lot more. Just because you're afraid that some of the owners won't like you should you start to put your hand down and rule firmly on something, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. This isn't the fifth grade. If you really have any friends in the league who will HONESTLY stop liking you because you vetoed an unfair trade or punished them for drunken debauchery then you might want to re-think the whole "friend" tag.
In short: You need to grow a pair of balls. But other than that, keep up the good work.
If you answered mainly D's:
Congratulations! You're the ideal fantasy sports Commissioner! You're strict, but only when you have to be, and you're also responsible, but only when there isn't an opportunity to take a dig at someone. You always make sure you reach out to EVERYONE whenever there is a need to and you're caring as well as respected by everyone who's ever played in your leagues.
Basically, if your fantasy league mates were the populace of the United States of America, you would win by a landslide in the next Presidential election (and hopefully demand they institute a college football playoff immediately as your first action in office). Bravo!
If you answered mainly E's:
So, just how drunk was everyone when they voted you in as Commissioner? Odds are, you haven't been the Commish for more than a few years and if you have, then your league is just as careless and inattentive as you are. It's not really a bad thing that you care about YOUR team more than running the league, it's just that this behavior is usually reserved by everyone in the league who is NOT the Commissioner. If you don't like it or are disinterested in the overall job duties entailed then just step down. There will likely be a party thrown for your favor.
While all of us most likely have a pretty good handle on whether or not we have a good Commissioner or a bad one, at the very least this could be used to send to them so you can see if they answer truthfully or lie blatantly out of their ###. You could even use the quiz as a catalyst for a coup d'etat of the league Commissioner position as well. The possibilities for it all are really endless when you think about it.
All in all, it should prove to be a good time. Or at least, as much of a good time as can be had with a quiz about fantasy football league Commissioners. Maybe throw some liquor into the mix if you're having trouble getting excited and you should be in for a good old-fashioned blasty blast.
If you're ready, then the quiz is below. If not, then bookmark this page and go do whatever you need to do before you take a quiz of such magnitude. And remember, you're only hurting yourself if you're not truthful.
Note: Since it was infinitely more easy, I made the quiz as if the Commissioner themselves were taking it. If you're taking one to see how your own Commissioner stacks up, then just pretend you're in his shoes and choose as best you can as to how you think he would answer.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
1.) A slightly-disturbing-but-still-in-good-faith argument has sprung up on your leagues message boards between two owners. Mothers, sexual preferences and questioning of overall football knowledge have all been frequent topics of insult. How do you handle the situation?A.) Post a message in the argument thread stating that such arguments and actions will not be prohibited in your league. You also suspend message posting on the league board for one full week to ensure there is some kind of punishment for the dastardly acts.
B.) Dive headlong right into the argument, taking no prisoners. The smack-talk you spew makes the two owners arguments look like mere elementary school playground talk and also causes many other owners who read it to, legit, laugh-out-loud.
C.) Make a quick message in reply to the argument asking for them to tone it down and not let it get out of hand.
D.) Don't do anything. This is practically a daily occurrence in your league and, in your mind, one of the best parts about fantasy football.
E.) Since you didn't even know the league had its own board for smack-talk and messages, there's no need to even concern yourself with the situation what-so-ever. It's like it doesn't exist!
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
2.) It's nearly a week before your annual league fantasy football draft and some of the owners are notoriously forgetful drunks who could probably be late for their own wedding. Actually, one of them might have even accomplished such a feat but you can't quite remember. With this information in mind, how do you manage your time in the days before the draft?A.) Send both e-mails AND hard copied letters — both complete with a stamped family crest that you've had edited to say 'Commissioner' before your last name — to all owners one month, one week and one day (exactly) before the draft date. You emphasize heavily that if anyone is even but ONE minute late for the draft, they will be expelled from the league permanently for lack of respect.
B.) Send out e-mails every few weeks after the Super Bowl to each owner exclaiming how you're going to destroy them all in the upcoming season. Also make sure to include at least one insult in each to make sure that none of the other owners think that you are either too soft or gay.
C.) Get confirmations from the three or four owners you talk with regularly and have them relay the draft date to the other owners to make sure that they'll be there.
D.) Make sure you talk to each owner personally by either e-mail or over the phone in the days leading up to the draft. Ensure that you get confirmations from each and also make sure that there and no wives or girlfriends who're scheduled to go into labor, nor any other events that will prevent anyone from attending the leagues most hallowed and enjoyable day.
E.) Forget all about the draft entirely until the evening before. Trust and hope that all of the owners in the league will be there and if they're late, well, then they'll have to deal with the auto-picked team they are given, now won't they?
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
3.) A rule is suggested after the draft has already begun and more importantly, after all rules/rulings have been voted on and officially closed. What do you do?A.) Get ridiculously pissed off and yell at the owner for forgetting to ask the rule while everything was being voted on. Tell him that there's absolutely no voting after voting has been closed prior to the draft starting. Let everyone know what you say goes and if they don't like it then they can go play by themselves somewhere else.
B.) Make fun of the owners memory and ask if he can tell his mother to return your boxers you left over her house last night.
C.) Express that technically rules shouldn't be voted on after everything has been closed and the draft has begun. But allow it through quickly anyway after everyone agrees that they really aren't that bothered by the rule being slightly broken. You know, so everyone will continue liking you.
D.) Explain to the owner that the time for voting on in-season things has officially come to a close. Explain, however, that if he would like, you'll gladly add it to the rules to be voted on at the beginning of the next years draft.
E.) Don't respond at all because you didn't even see the question. You're trying to draft a winning football team, after all!
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
4.) A few weeks or so before the playoffs, an incredibly suspicious trade is proposed involving one owner who is strongly contending for a playoff spot and another who is not only in last place, but is also known to be leaving the league after the season is finished. The trade in question involved Jonathan Stewart for Benjarvus Green-Ellis. What do you do?A.) Veto the trade immediately since you've set every single trade to be personally reviewed by you, send the owner in last place packing permanently a bit earlier than expected and announce that the owner who was contending for a playoff spot forfeit his next match (or take 0 points for the week in a points-only league).
B.) Call out the trade in question in a group e-mail to all owners and skewer them for attempting such a shameless and dirty trick. Ask the owner who is leaving at the end of the year to tell his sister to give you a call since you haven't talked to her in a few weeks.
C.) Reverse the trade after the public outcry from the league after it was processed and ask that they don't do any trades like that ever again.
D.) Give a stern warning after the trade was vetoed by everyone in the league (including you) since all trades are set to be voted on by the league. Tell both owners that this there first warning at that if it ever happens again then there will be other punishments.
E.) Since every trade was automatically set to go through once accepted since you're just not that patient of a guy, there's nothing really you can do. Take solace in telling yourself that your team can beat the playoff contending owners team even with his new unethical acquisition of Jonathan Stewart.
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5.) One of the owners in your league, apparently, got one of the other owners ridiculously intoxicated on purpose and goaded him into benching all of his players "by accident" the following week (so he would win and get into the playoffs). There was also money exchanged and rumors of a few slap dances being bought as a gift seal as well. You learn of all this AFTER it all happened and the owner has gotten into the playoffs unethically. What is your justice, m'lord Commish?A.) Banish both owners from the league immediately upon learning of the deal and also call both of their wives and inform them that their husbands were at a strip club last night to get them into trouble on the nookie front.
B.) Laugh your ### off and demand that you are awarded a lap dance at the expense of each of the owners involved in the deed.
C.) Explain that since it has already happened and you can't ban the owner from the playoffs for that, say you will deal with punishments at the start of the next season's draft.
D.) Reverse the win to a loss and take the entire league out to a strip-club to ease tensions and make sure there are no hard feelings. Promise that if anything ever happens again like this then you may very well kick them out of the league.
E.) Since it didn't affect your team and the first owners team probably was going to win anyway, do absolutely nothing.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
6.) It's New Years Day and you're in your e-mail inbox. What do you do?A.) Send one e-mail to all of the owners, complete with your Commissioner family crest stamp and a simple "Happy New Year's from Your Commissioner" message. Also include a quick and barking-esque reminder for everyone to make sure they update there rosters by Wednesday afternoon for the Thursday night game.
B.) Send out an online "Happy New Years" greeting card to the league complete with an incredibly large-chested topless women in a Santa uniform holding a football. Giggle about it for the rest of the day.
C.) Post a "Happy New Years from the Commish" message on the league board.
D.) Send out a personalized e-mail to each owner and make sure you also include well wishes for their families as well. Invite anyone who wants to come over to do so to watch some football and eat unhealthy but delicious foods.
E.) Go about checking your e-mail and then hopping back into bed. Your hungover, damnit!
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
7.) The season is over and you've come in third place. It's Super Bowl Sunday tomorrow and it MIGHT be nice if you arranged something with the league. What do you?A.) Send out an invitation before hand that basically demands everyone in the league come over your house for a Super Bowl party. Although you don't specifically say it, not coming to your party would definitely not be in their best interests. You are the most powerful man in the league, after all.
B.) Organize a trip for the league to the nearest casino resort where you can all lose thousands of dollars, solicit prostitutes and watch the Big Game in a movie theater inside one of the casinos.
C.) Don't plan a party at your house but attend one of the other league owners parties instead.
D.) There's no planning necessary. Everyone in the league knows where they're going to be every Super Bowl Sunday and that is at your annual Super Bowl bash complete with booze and food aplenty.
E.) Since you won third place in the league you've gone into hiding and pouted like a little #####. You probably won't communicate with anyone else in the league until draft time next year.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -
All done! How do you think you did? Did you tell the truth or just bull#### through the whole thing while subconsciously forcing yourself to believe that you were actually answering truthfully so you would feel better? No matter how you answered, it is now time for judgment:If you answered mainly A's:
First off, get off your damn high horse. You sir, are a fantasy football Commissioner, not the czar of some small, fledgling country. Ruling it like an iron-fisted middle school principal is NOT going to gain you any friends nor loyal league members. If you keep it up much longer, hopefully you'll eventually go TOO far and get decked in the face by someone. This will hopefully be the sense that you've for-so-long needed -- albeit smacked into you.
Relax. Have fun. This isn't a Fortune 500 Company and ruling it as such isn't going to win you any money or prizes so why be such a #### all the time? Lighten up a little bit and you'll likely have a much better league experience. And have more people not hate you.
If you answered mainly B's:
You're a merciless smack talker, no doubt. But you don't take yourself too seriously and always try to lighten up any all situations. Although you probably will never be invited to hang out with your fellow owners while there mothers or sisters are around, they generally like to hang out with you and overall, you're very well liked.
To be fair, you DO have the maturity level of an eleven year old boy -- but this isn't necessarily a bad thing (in fantasy football league Commish terms, that is).
If you answered mainly C's:
You're not TECHNICALLY a bad Commissioner but you DO need to take control of things a lot more. Just because you're afraid that some of the owners won't like you should you start to put your hand down and rule firmly on something, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. This isn't the fifth grade. If you really have any friends in the league who will HONESTLY stop liking you because you vetoed an unfair trade or punished them for drunken debauchery then you might want to re-think the whole "friend" tag.
In short: You need to grow a pair of balls. But other than that, keep up the good work.
If you answered mainly D's:
Congratulations! You're the ideal fantasy sports Commissioner! You're strict, but only when you have to be, and you're also responsible, but only when there isn't an opportunity to take a dig at someone. You always make sure you reach out to EVERYONE whenever there is a need to and you're caring as well as respected by everyone who's ever played in your leagues.
Basically, if your fantasy league mates were the populace of the United States of America, you would win by a landslide in the next Presidential election (and hopefully demand they institute a college football playoff immediately as your first action in office). Bravo!
If you answered mainly E's:
So, just how drunk was everyone when they voted you in as Commissioner? Odds are, you haven't been the Commish for more than a few years and if you have, then your league is just as careless and inattentive as you are. It's not really a bad thing that you care about YOUR team more than running the league, it's just that this behavior is usually reserved by everyone in the league who is NOT the Commissioner. If you don't like it or are disinterested in the overall job duties entailed then just step down. There will likely be a party thrown for your favor.
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