Funny things your grandparents would say (1 Viewer)

[lakerstan]

I just posted this in another thread, but my Grandpa was full of quotes like "When Aunt Flo is in town, go in through the backdoor"

Another favorite was, "Remember - if it's over 3 pounds, let it down with a rope" - referring to the restroom

Did your grandparents have any profound sayings?

 

[McJose]

I just posted this in another thread, but my Grandpa was full of quotes like "When Aunt Flo is in town, go in through the backdoor"

Another favorite was, "Remember - if it's over 3 pounds, let it down with a rope" - referring to the restroom

Did your grandparents have any profound sayings?

Is there anything more universal than the memories of our grandparents talking to us as children about butt####ing?

 

[lakerstan]

Is there anything more universal than the memories of our grandparents talking to us as children about butt####ing?

Probably explains a lot about me....

 

[Da Guru]

When I was little and was eating something I did not like at my grandmas I would say "I don`t like that" her response was always the same "But you'll eat it!"

When carrying too much stuff she would always say "That's a lazy mans load..take two trips"   Another favorite was "You don`t have time to do it right, but you will have time to do it again"

 

[Bruce Dickinson]

My grandfather (RIP) once told me "you're not drunk until you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth."  

 

[Courtjester]

“Help us!! We are stuck in this box!!!”

Both sets of my grandparents were dead before I was born   

 

[otb_lifer]

my Italian Nonna would call all non Italians "greenhorns" (including Italians from Northern Italy, which, to her, was anything north of Calabria). 

my Irish granpa called all non Irish Catholics "the English" ... even if they were, say, a black Muslim - like Ali, who he always referred to as Cassius Clay, and told us he (Clay) had "English" blood in his ancestry. 

 

[E Street Brat]

Talking about "those blacks"

They'll steal the crack right out of your ###.

 

[glock]

Nana: "Say when."

Grandkids: (immediately of course.) "Wheennnn!!"

 

[wikkidpissah]

Nothing real folksy, but my gramps' - a half-breed subsistence farmer who wore a tie every day - favorite saying (which i quote regularly) was: "People are born simple, die simple and spend the time in-between complicatin' the crap out of everything"

 

[wikkidpissah]

my Italian Nonna would call all non Italians "greenhorns" (including Italians from Northern Italy, which, to her, was anything north of Calabria). 

My nonna - no Italian blood, but when me Irish ma was orphaned, she was taken in by a li'l Sicilian lady who was same as yours about northerners - spoke very little English except to swear in the language of her adopted country, because God only spoke Italian.

 

[McJose]

Talking about "those blacks"

They'll steal the crack right out of your ###.

My grandmother was born in 1905 and came from some dinky little town in Iowa.  She didn't exactly grow up in the most diverse environment.  She never said anything outwardly racist but pretty much anytime there was a basketball game on TV she would have to comment "boy, there sure are a lot of colored fellas out there".

 

[otb_lifer]

My nonna - no Italian blood, but when me Irish ma was orphaned, she was taken in by a li'l Sicilian lady who was same as yours about northerners - spoke very little English except to swear in the language of her adopted country, because God only spoke Italian.

damn straight, and "north of Calabria" is roughly 90% of the country 

 

[Mookie]

Grandpa to me as a small child: "Do you know when I like you best?"

Me looking up at him with loving eyes: "No Grandpa.  When?"

Grandpa: "When you're asleep! Ha!" Grandpa walks away chuckling, leaving me feeling empty and betrayed.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Turn over so I can take your temperature

:(

 

[Jayrod]

My mom's dad:  "Bull####!!" (yelling at the TV during any game)

 

[Ditka Butkus]

Anytime someone would get hurt

Horseplay leads to tragedy!...

Also

I'd rather be a smartass than a ####### !...eta dumb

 

[Ditka Butkus]

Just remembered...

When horsing around or having a loud discussion.... Take that nonsense outside!

 

[Dan Lambskin]

I remember a story about my grandma going to the bakery and asking for half a cake because she was diabetic 

Also she looked a lot like Buddy Hackett

 

[Bull Dozier]

Both of my grandpa's were dead before I was born, and I didn't have much of a relationship with either of my grandmothers.  However, I'll never forget the time I visited the grandmother of my college girlfriend.  She was showing her sweet little ol' gram gram pictures of one of her recent trips with her high school friends (one of which was black).  Gram gram in the sweetest, most condescending, little old lady voice, said "oh, look at that little Alabama porch monkey!"

 

[El Floppo]

It's just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as it is a poor girl

 

[McGarnicle]

When playing rummy, when my grandfather was forced to discard a face card or ace, he'd say "Oh #### mother, I can't dance."

After farting: "Mornin', judge".

Generic interjection of disgust or disbelief: "Man oh Manishewitz."

 

[McGarnicle]

There was an old movie called The Strawberry Blonde and a song from it called The Band Played On. The lyrics went:

Casey would waltz with the strawberry blonde,
And the band played on.
He'd glide cross the floor with the girl he adored,
And the band played on.

My grandfather's version:

Casey got hit with a bucket of ####,
And the band played on.
He walked cross the floor and got hit with some more,
And the band played on.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

When playing rummy, when my grandfather was forced to discard a face card or ace, he'd say "Oh #### mother, I can't dance."

After farting: "Mornin', judge".

Generic interjection of disgust or disbelief: "Man oh Manishewitz."

I am going to have to steal this.   

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

My Grandfather:  It's only natural a young man will be tempted to sow some wild oats, just be damn certain none of them take root!

 

[Man In The Box]

I hated brushing my teeth when I was a youth. My grandmother would always say “ok fine, ignore your teeth. They’ll go away.”

 

[E-Z Glider]

My buddy's grandpa often wore a hat that said "I'm a dirty old man, but for you I'll wash it!"

 

[Kanil]

My grandpa liked his steak rare.  When going out he would tell the waiter/waitress, "Cut off it's horns, wipe it's ###, and put it on my plate".

 

[Binky The Doormat]

"fat costs same as the lean" - my "pa charlie" when I would cut the fat off my steak or whatever meat I was having. 

"pretty is as pretty does" - my "fe fe" would say to my sister when she would act up.   

 

[McJose]

My step-grandparents went to Italy on vacation.   Step grandmother commenting on the amount of skin they can show on TV over there.

"You know in Italy they can show full-frontal lewdity on TV."

 

[pollardsvision]

If you need a 5th for the 4th, you better get it on the 3rd.

 

[rustycolts]

One of my Granddads favorite sayings was she has a butt on her like the North end of a South bound cow.

 

[Cjw_55106]

My wife’s grandma loved playing poker. We’d have a game going and someone would bet a nickel......as in 5 cents. She’d look at them and serious as can be, she’d ask “what are you so proud of?”

 

[msudaisy26]

I only seen my grandparents once or twice a year since they lived in Iowa and we lived in Michigan. 

When I was 11 years old we went to Iowa for Christmas and I had started to develop. Well my family walked into their house to greet them for Christmas my grandma commented how pretty I looked and how quickly I was growing up. My grandpa, as usual was in his chair sleeping, but for some reason the "How quickly I was growing up" line got him immediately out of his chair. He said hi to everyone then looked at me and grabbed my hand. He took me to the barn and for the next 90 minutes taught me how to kick a boy in the jewels (his words) if they ever tried to touch me, using a knpsack full of chicken feed he hung in his barn. 

From then out every time he saw me, he would say " Member what I taught you?" and would keep asking until I said yes or nodded at him. He even asked me this at my wedding while meeting my husband for the 1st time, and left me to tell my husband this story during our reception. The last time he ever asked me this was the 1st time he met his great granddaughter. Rip grandpa. 

 

[jps]

My Grandfather:  It's only natural a young man will be tempted to sow some wild oats, just be damn certain none of them take root!

I was often told that if I was going to be sowing my wild oats all Saturday night, then make sure I made it to church on Sunday to pray for crop failure. 

 

[Doctor Detroit]

White people are out in the yard with the gas cans again. 

 

[Gawain]

"Why do they ruin a Saturday by putting that Catholic team on?"

 

[Galileo]

When I was in college and I used to spend time in the Smoky Mountains at my buddy's cabin.  While there we used to frequent a local place that made all their own hooch.  We would stock up on moonshine and take it back to school with us.  One year I brought a supply home over the Christmas holiday.  The mason jar was being passed around and several family members sampling, most gagging and reeling from a little sip.  Eventually the jar made its way in front of my 90 yr old grandfather.  He picked it up took a long drink like it was water.  He set the jar down and simply said "now that's the good stuff".  He never winced, never flinched...no reaction whatsoever except for that simple little statement.  Although the words themselves aren't inherently funny, I laughed my ### off as everyone was in a state of shock or disbelief at what they had just witnessed.  

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

If you were taking too long to do something, my grandma would always say, "C'mon!  #### or get off the pot!"

 

[DallasDMac]

“Help us!! We are stuck in this box!!!”

Both sets of my grandparents were dead before I was born   

This. :(