Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

[Sack-Religious.]

I just remembered a story a buddy of mine told me about his kid.

His son was about 5 or 6 at the time and was climbing over a small chain link fence and while he was at the top of the fence, slipped and dropped all of his weight onto his onto his crotch. My GB hears the grunt and asks him what happened the kid responds with "Dad, I think I cut my bag"

 

[Early_10]

We're driving out of town. I'm in the back seat with the newborn in the middle and then 2 yr old on the other side. 2 yr old has forgotten his pacifier, the newborn has one and is just about asleep when 2 yo sneaks the pacifier out of his brothers mouth. The baby wakes up crying. I take the pacifier back from the 2 yo and give it back to the baby who goes right back to sleep. A few minutes later he steals his brothers pacifier again, baby cries, I give the 2 yo a look and give it back to the baby again. The 2 yo is sleepy too and getting frustrated. The third time I catch him as hes about to take the pacifier. He stops and puts his hand back on his lap. As soon as I look away he grabs the pacifier and yells at me "GIVE HIM THE BOOB, 'by!"

 

[simsarge]

I was sitting eating a late supper sitting on the couch. CINC and 3 yo daughter are in the kitchen doing coloring books.

I spilled something down the front of me and midful of the earfuls I get for dropping the Fbomb etc around her, say "Gosh Darn it!".

3yo in the kitchen says "No God Da## it daddy!"

 

[wrcrew]

I just remembered a story a buddy of mine told me about his kid.

His son was about 5 or 6 at the time and was climbing over a small chain link fence and while he was at the top of the fence, slipped and dropped all of his weight onto his onto his crotch. My GB hears the grunt and asks him what happened the kid responds with "Dad, I think I cut my bag"

Classic

 

[DOVCommish]

My son picked up on the "F-Bomb" at around 2.5 and "got it" pretty quickly. He dropped his toy and blurted out "F###!"

My wife tells him, "we don't say that word. If you drop something, you can say 'oh man!'" instead. A few minutes later he drops his cookie on the floor and says "F###!. Oh Man!!"

 

[Mrs DaVinci]

We have been catsitting this weekend. Today my son ran into the bathroom while I was getting dressed and told me that him and the cat were playing hide-n-go seek and asked if had I seen the cat. Poor cat......

 

[glock]

"If you want to do it...and you stopped doing it- you haaave to do it." JT glock, age 3yrs

:nike?:

Delivered from the back seat of the truck during a brief pause in my conversation with the mrs regarding the difficulties encountered (excuses) in getting our respective workout regimines back under way after a bad winter.

 

[jhib]

I was helping my 4 year old son get dressed this morning, and he was staring at my wedding ring.

He asked "Why do you have a ring on, dad?"

Thinking he really knew the answer, I said, "Well, this ring shows everybody that I'm..." and paused to let him finish it.

And he didn't miss a beat. "...a girl?"

 

[snogger]

8 year old Daughter: "Should I just put this empty plate on the counter?"

Wife: "Put it next to the sink"

Daughter: "Um, yea that would be the counter"

Wife got

 

[Nigel]

In addition to penises, my 4 yr. old loves Superman and we often play superheroes – he being Superman and me the villain. No matter how many damn times I tell him that Superman’s nemesis is named "Lex Luther", he calls him “Loose Toother” - and it's not shtick.

 

[snogger]

More of a for the wife & I.

Daughter to wife this morning after I left for work: "Mom, when I got up to use the bathroom last night I heard you tell daddy to take his clothes off"

Wife: "Umm, we were just goofing around"

Daughter: "I know that"...

A minute later "So did he??"

 

[belljr]

Stepson was about 4 at the time.

Not sure when how but he started calling his junk - his peeshy (some Italian term or something)

Anyway we're sitting on the couch watching TV and he starts grabbing his stuff pretty good.

me: " You , ok, you need to go to the bathroom"

him: continuing the "grabfest" - " No , my peeshy is just too big"

I had to walk out of the room before I fell on the floor wetting my pants.

 

[General Malaise]

I was helping my 4 year old son get dressed this morning, and he was staring at my wedding ring.He asked "Why do you have a ring on, dad?" Thinking he really knew the answer, I said, "Well, this ring shows everybody that I'm..." and paused to let him finish it.And he didn't miss a beat. "...a girl?"

 

[General Malaise]

Stepson was about 4 at the time.Not sure when how but he started calling his junk - his peeshy (some Italian term or something)Anyway we're sitting on the couch watching TV and he starts grabbing his stuff pretty good.me: " You , ok, you need to go to the bathroom"him: continuing the "grabfest" - " No , my peeshy is just too big"I had to walk out of the room before I fell on the floor wetting my pants.

My wife went to retrieve our 4-year old out of the shower the other day and he was sorta holding his junk, looking sheepish. She asked what was wrong and he said "My peanuts got long and hard like a shovel"

 

[belljr]

Stepson was about 4 at the time.Not sure when how but he started calling his junk - his peeshy (some Italian term or something)Anyway we're sitting on the couch watching TV and he starts grabbing his stuff pretty good.me: " You , ok, you need to go to the bathroom"him: continuing the "grabfest" - " No , my peeshy is just too big"I had to walk out of the room before I fell on the floor wetting my pants.

My wife went to retrieve our 4-year old out of the shower the other day and he was sorta holding his junk, looking sheepish. She asked what was wrong and he said "My peanuts got long and hard like a shovel"

 

[General Malaise]

I took the 4-year old to see "Happy Feet" and prior to going in, I let him pick out some candy at the little candy station they have - self serving. I told him he could pick out four kinds of candy and I would scoop a little from each choice into his open bag.

He took the gummy worms, jelly beans and then wanted M&Ms, but instead he pointed out to the Reeses Pieces and before I realized my mistake, we had them in the bag. I told him "Hey buddy, those were Reeses Pieces, not M&M's. They look the same, only they have peanut butter and don't have an "M" on them." He was fine with that and said he'd give them a try.

Movie's about a quarter done and he's munching on his candy, happy as could be. And as if fate were intervening, at one of the rare quiet moments in the otherwise noisy film, my son looks at me and in a voice that was far far from a whisper stated, "Daddy, I like Reeses Penis!"

I had to shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh him and say "It's Pieces! not PENIS! You can't say 'PENIS' outloud!"

Which only made things worse. He said Reeses Penis about 15 times after that. Much to the delight of the other kids around us.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I took the 4-year old to see "Happy Feet" and prior to going in, I let him pick out some candy at the little candy station they have - self serving. I told him he could pick out four kinds of candy and I would scoop a little from each choice into his open bag. He took the gummy worms, jelly beans and then wanted M&Ms, but instead he pointed out to the Reeses Pieces and before I realized my mistake, we had them in the bag. I told him "Hey buddy, those were Reeses Pieces, not M&M's. They look the same, only they have peanut butter and don't have an "M" on them." He was fine with that and said he'd give them a try.Movie's about a quarter done and he's munching on his candy, happy as could be. And as if fate were intervening, at one of the rare quiet moments in the otherwise noisy film, my son looks at me and in a voice that was far far from a whisper stated, "Daddy, I like Reeses Penis!"I had to shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh him and say "It's Pieces! not PENIS! You can't say 'PENIS' outloud!"Which only made things worse. He said Reeses Penis about 15 times after that. Much to the delight of the other kids around us.

Especially little Reese.

 

[General Malaise]

I took the 4-year old to see "Happy Feet" and prior to going in, I let him pick out some candy at the little candy station they have - self serving. I told him he could pick out four kinds of candy and I would scoop a little from each choice into his open bag. He took the gummy worms, jelly beans and then wanted M&Ms, but instead he pointed out to the Reeses Pieces and before I realized my mistake, we had them in the bag. I told him "Hey buddy, those were Reeses Pieces, not M&M's. They look the same, only they have peanut butter and don't have an "M" on them." He was fine with that and said he'd give them a try.Movie's about a quarter done and he's munching on his candy, happy as could be. And as if fate were intervening, at one of the rare quiet moments in the otherwise noisy film, my son looks at me and in a voice that was far far from a whisper stated, "Daddy, I like Reeses Penis!"I had to shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh him and say "It's Pieces! not PENIS! You can't say 'PENIS' outloud!"Which only made things worse. He said Reeses Penis about 15 times after that. Much to the delight of the other kids around us.

Especially little Reese.

 

[RoxSolid]

My little cousin was 6 at the time.

It was a cold, snowy January day, so they had him all bundled up for a trip to the mall. My uncle and my cousin were not happy to go at all, but my aunt had forced them to go. So after a lot of moaning and groaning about going to the mall they finally get there.

They have one of those fountains where you throw the pennies in. My cousin begs for some coins to throw them in and my uncle gives him one. He stands up on the edge and throws the penny in and you hear a big bang. They turn around to look and he had slipped on the edge and fallen into the fountain. Instead of getting up and getting out he just lays there. Needless to say, he was soaked and they got to leave the mall.

 

[Delusions Of Adequacy]

MIL is a big cowboys fan.

Me: "I'm sorry about how the cowboys lost"

MIL: "Oh well"

3 Y.O. Son: "Nana, I'll help you find your cowboy!"

 

[simsarge]

Saturday, we got new a bookcase for the little CINCs bedroom to handle the bazillion books she has.

I have three left thumbs when it comes to building anything, so two and a half hours, a boatload of Sh##, F### its later (getting the "You're using that language again" look from the big CINC) the what should have been a half our Ikea construction job was finished.

I was of course none too happy having missed the first half of the game. I put it into her room, put the books in and then:

Me: (not really expecting a response) "Well, what do you think? "

Her: "Pretty F###in stylish Dad."

I don't think I stopped laughing until well after Romo dropped that snap.

 

[jhib]

"Daddy, I like Reeses Penis!"

 

[jhib]

8 year old Daughter: "Should I just put this empty plate on the counter?"Wife: "Put it next to the sink"Daughter: "Um, yea that would be the counter"Wife got :IBTL:

Sounds like my daughter (almost 8). I have to resist the urge to crack up when she pulls this kind of humor on my wife, knowing that I'm likely to be the next victim.

 

[NinerK]

I drop my 3 year old off at Grandma's for the night. As soon as I leave, my daughter heads over to the kitchen table, sits down and says "let's get this party started!". Grandma said she couldn't do anything for awhile since she was laughing so hard.

 

[NinerK]

My 4 year old daughter was at her table coloring with crayons. My 2 year old daughter walks up to the table, grabs the crayons and runs off....my 4 year yells at the top of her lungs:

"Hey! No thumb suckin' 2 year old's gonna take my crayons!!!!" And then chased the 2 year old down and took the crayons back.

 

[jhib]

This probably falls into the 'had to be there' category, but a few months ago, my family and I were riding in an elevator. My son still wasn't comfortable being in those things at the time, and you could tell it by the look on his face.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, a big smile broke out, and he stated emphatically, "Skiiiiimmmm milk!"

I was and then

 

[Delusions Of Adequacy]

Wife's SUV is in the shop, and she gets a red dodge neon for a loaner.

I come home from work. 3 y.o. son wants to show me the 'great new car'.

Shows me the red neon. I say "son, that car is a POS"

Son thinks this is a compliment. "Yeah, it's a POS!"

We go back inside. Son tells mom, "that red car is a POS" I fall over laughing, which causes son to repeat it. Wife is like Every time he says it I bust out laughing, which of course keeps it going. I was in the doghouse for several weeks until he forgot about it.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

6-year-old son and friend are playing in the basement. There is a dispute over which one of them had been playing with a particular toy and who was responsible for cleaning up. I told them they were both responsible.

My 6-year-old, still protesting his innocence, mutters as he walks away, "I need a DNA sample"

****

4-year-old daughter is helping mommy clean. "I don't want to be a trophy wife. I want to be a cheerleader and a cleaner"

 

[SoCalBroncoFan]

When my son was 3 my wife was clipping his nails and after she finished she started to work on his cuticles to clean them up. The minute she started to touch his cuticle he lets out this blood-curdling scream and yells "Dont cut my testikles!!!!!!"

 

[DreadedParms]

I don't hunt, but my main client invited me and my law partner Carson to go quail hunting on their farm. I tell my five year old that I'm going bird hunting, and he says, excitedly, "Will you bring me back a parrot?"

I had scratched my leg and it was bleeding a little bit, and I showed it to my three year old.

Me: "Daddy has a boo-boo."

Him: "Daddy, who shot you?"

Me: "What?"

Him (seriously): "Daddy, did Carson shoot you?"

 

[chuckorc]

When my son was 5, he was just learning to ride a 2-wheeler. One afternoon, he wanted me to go out with him to practice and I said I'd be right out... he started without me.

So, he's out there a couple of minutes and gets on the bike but has the helmut on the driveway. I was watching him out the window and saw that he had taken a fall going about 1/2 mile an hour - just toppled over.

He comes running in the house. MOM!!!

Him: If you fall off your bike and you're not wearing a helmut do you always get brain damage? (I guess that was my explanation for why he needed a helmut).

Me: No, not always, why?

Him: Well, how do you know if you got brain damage?

Me: Well, you won't be able to think very well.

Him:

Me: You don't have brain damage.

Him: How do you know?

Me: What's 1 + 1

Him: 2

Me: What's 2+ 2

Him: 4

Me: What's 5 + 5

Him: Ummmm.... 8????

Me: Oh Oh!

Him: WAIT! It's OK! I didn't know that one before!

 

[El Floppo]

My neice (who was 3 at the time) was on the playground with a friend of hers playing on one of those jungle-gymy climber things. They were pretending that it was a train- her friend was the passenger and my neice told her that she needed a ticket to get on the train.

At this point the following conversation started:

Friend- I don't need a ticket.

Neice- Yes, you do.

F- No, I don't.

N- Yes, you do.

F- No

N- Yes

F- No

N- Yes

F- No

N- Yes

F- No

N- No

F- Yes

N- No

F- Yes

N- No

F- Yes

The ol' Bugs Bunny switcheroo happened without them even missing a beat... my brother and I looked at eachother dumbfounded, and collapsed laughing.

 

[tikitime]

This past weekend, I was watching football at a bar with my Dad and Brother-in-law. My wife, sister and Mom were at home with my sister's kids (2 1/2 year old nephew and 5 month old niece).

My nephew is a freakishly big Giant fan for someone his age, as his favorite shirts by far are his Tiki and Eli jerseys. He was watching the playoff game when he was supposed to be eating dinner, and he wasn't focusing, so his mom turned off the TV so he would eat.

He was displeased by the situation, surveyed all of the women around him, and in his ever so precociously cute voice says, "Too many ladies, this stinks! I want to be at the bar with Daddy"

This my friends, is a man who knows things.

 

[CGRdrJoe]

GM your kids are going to grow up to be just like you, except the one will be gay.

My 5 year old and I are driving home from the store one day when he says "Daddy isn't that sad?" I'm shuked and say isn't what sad. He says "that sign right there". I say "what the one that says slow children?" He says yeah. Me " how do you know what that says?" him "mommy told me and isn't it sad" me "what that I have to slow down the car?" him "no that those kids are slow and can't dodge cars." me

 

[peter griffin]

Not my kid, but I coached my son's youth football team this year and we were working on a new play. I stressed to the eight year old right guard how there could be no penetration in the "A Gap" if the play wanted to succeed. Later in the practice I called the play and one of the other coaches asked him what his assignment was. His reply:

Don't worry coach, I won't let anyone get in my A- H-O-L-E. We had to send the kids on a run to recover from laughing so hard

 

[Bob Sacamano]

So, my 18 month-old had an absolute fit last night because mommy and daddy wouldn't give her more of what she wanted during dinner. "What was that?" you might ask. The strawberries she loves so much? Milk? Her favorite vegetable, green beans? Nay, nay.

Like every good child, one of her first words was "more". She uses it... frequently. Anything she likes is immediately followed by "More." Often this is cute. Often annoying. Last night it was pretty quiet in the house, we're wrapping up dinner, and suddenly she farts. She does it multiple times in rapid succession. It's like gun fire. And each one is funnier to her than the last.

Now she's into full-on giggle mode. Laugh, fart, laugh-laugh, fart, laugh, fart-fart.

And then they stopped. That wasn't nearly as funny. "More."

I looked at her plate at first. I wasn't getting it. More what? You've got chicken. You've got pears. You've got green beans. What do you want more of?

She didn't like that. "MORE!!"

She started straining. Red-faced straining. I was pretty sure we were going to have a diaper to change shortly. At that point it became obvious, and Mrs. S says, "You want more toots?"

"Yeah!"

I lost it. She wanted to fart more. She thought we could make that happen. She was pushing with everything she had trying to get more of them out. She managed a burp. That was mildly amusing, but not nearly as laugh-worthy as a fart. After all, what is?

"More. More! MORE!"

After a few minues we got her calmed down. We tried to explain it to her, but I'm pretty sure she got nothing more out of the conversation than "Daddy thinks farts are funny, too." I'm sure I haven't done this justice and I wish to godd I'd somehow had the camcorder running. We may have to have chili for lunch Saturday and fire that thing up. I love parenthood.

 

[belljr]

So, my 18 month-old had an absolute fit last night because mommy and daddy wouldn't give her more of what she wanted during dinner. "What was that?" you might ask. The strawberries she loves so much? Milk? Her favorite vegetable, green beans? Nay, nay. Like every good child, one of her first words was "more". She uses it... frequently. Anything she likes is immediately followed by "More." Often this is cute. Often annoying. Last night it was pretty quiet in the house, we're wrapping up dinner, and suddenly she farts. She does it multiple times in rapid succession. It's like gun fire. And each one is funnier to her than the last. Now she's into full-on giggle mode. Laugh, fart, laugh-laugh, fart, laugh, fart-fart. And then they stopped. That wasn't nearly as funny. "More."I looked at her plate at first. I wasn't getting it. More what? You've got chicken. You've got pears. You've got green beans. What do you want more of? She didn't like that. "MORE!!"She started straining. Red-faced straining. I was pretty sure we were going to have a diaper to change shortly. At that point it became obvious, and Mrs. S says, "You want more toots?""Yeah!"I lost it. She wanted to fart more. She thought we could make that happen. She was pushing with everything she had trying to get more of them out. She managed a burp. That was mildly amusing, but nearly as laugh-worthy as a fart. After all, what is? "More. More! MORE!"After a few minues we got her calmed down. We tried to explain it to her, but I'm pretty sure she got nothing more out of the conversation than "Daddy thinks farts are funny, too." I'm sure I haven't done this justice and I wish to godd I'd somehow had the camcorder running. We may have to have chili for lunch Saturday and fire that thing up. I love parenthood.

My daughter now let's rip, laughs then says "scuse me Dadda"

 

[Warpig]

Just the other day my almost 3 year old said the following as we were sitting at the dinner table eating lunch while he was digging in his ear and pulled out a clump of ear wax:

"It's a booger...it lives in my ear"

He was so serious as he sat there examining it before he flicked it across the room.

 

[ElGatoLoco]

My nephew of nearly 5 years asked my mom (his grandma) what she got for Christmas from Uncle ELG and Aunt Mrs. ELG. My mom told him that we had gotten her a pig, so it could be donated to people that needed it in another country. We got her something for her too, but we bought a pig for her through World Vision. My nephew said with some disappointment, "Couldn't they bring the pig home for a few days before they send it off?"

 

[General Malaise]

So, my 18 month-old had an absolute fit last night because mommy and daddy wouldn't give her more of what she wanted during dinner. "What was that?" you might ask. The strawberries she loves so much? Milk? Her favorite vegetable, green beans? Nay, nay. Like every good child, one of her first words was "more". She uses it... frequently. Anything she likes is immediately followed by "More." Often this is cute. Often annoying. Last night it was pretty quiet in the house, we're wrapping up dinner, and suddenly she farts. She does it multiple times in rapid succession. It's like gun fire. And each one is funnier to her than the last. Now she's into full-on giggle mode. Laugh, fart, laugh-laugh, fart, laugh, fart-fart. And then they stopped. That wasn't nearly as funny. "More."I looked at her plate at first. I wasn't getting it. More what? You've got chicken. You've got pears. You've got green beans. What do you want more of? She didn't like that. "MORE!!"She started straining. Red-faced straining. I was pretty sure we were going to have a diaper to change shortly. At that point it became obvious, and Mrs. S says, "You want more toots?""Yeah!"I lost it. She wanted to fart more. She thought we could make that happen. She was pushing with everything she had trying to get more of them out. She managed a burp. That was mildly amusing, but not nearly as laugh-worthy as a fart. After all, what is? "More. More! MORE!"After a few minues we got her calmed down. We tried to explain it to her, but I'm pretty sure she got nothing more out of the conversation than "Daddy thinks farts are funny, too." I'm sure I haven't done this justice and I wish to godd I'd somehow had the camcorder running. We may have to have chili for lunch Saturday and fire that thing up. I love parenthood.

 

[General Malaise]

Just the other day my almost 3 year old said the following as we were sitting at the dinner table eating lunch while he was digging in his ear and pulled out a clump of ear wax:"It's a booger...it lives in my ear"He was so serious as he sat there examining it before he flicked it across the room.

lol...he's probably already tasted it and found out its nowhere near as satisfying as a booger.

 

[ElGatoLoco]

son@age 3 (while counting on the potty) "21..22..23...my penis is 23 inches long daddy"son@age 5 (after repeating a request a number of times) "what, am I speaking French here?"daughter @ age 3 (after getting soap in her mouth) "tastes like chicken"daughter @ age 3 (answering questions about animal sounds) "what do cows say?" "moo" "...and what do mommies say?" "don't"daughter @ age 3 (to mom) "I'v got a cute little bottom, you've got a big butt"

Somebody better be writing these down in a book. They are all great!

 

[Sack-Religious]

Back in the summer my son (3 YO) didn't want to have a bath. Instead, he decided he'd rather have a shower with daddy. He's playing with his cups, filling and dumping etc. when he points at my waist and asks if that's my hip.

Me: No buddy, that's my waist, my hip is a little lower, right here.

Him: Why's it a little bit squishy? (as he prods it with his finger)

Me: Because daddy has some fat on my waist.

Him: Daddy, why are you fat like meat?

Me:

I guess whenever we would cut some steak or porkchops for him or whatever we'd cut the fat off, so he associated fat with meat.

For the next while he'd ask people, kids and adults alike if they were "fat like meat" While funny, we told him it wasn't nice to ask, or call other people fat.

Fast forward to the other night at dinner and I'm cutting some fat off whatever I'm eating.

Him: Daddy, why are you fat like meat?

Me: Tai, remember it's not nice to ask or tell people they're fat.

Him: But, that's my shtick!

Never too early to develop shtick, I suppose.

 

[Keerock]

My 8 year old, when asked a question the other day, replied... "IDK"

 

[General Malaise]

I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???"

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little *******, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

 

[General Malaise]

son@age 3 (while counting on the potty) "21..22..23...my penis is 23 inches long daddy"son@age 5 (after repeating a request a number of times) "what, am I speaking French here?"daughter @ age 3 (after getting soap in her mouth) "tastes like chicken"daughter @ age 3 (answering questions about animal sounds) "what do cows say?" "moo" "...and what do mommies say?" "don't"daughter @ age 3 (to mom) "I'v got a cute little bottom, you've got a big butt"

Somebody better be writing these down in a book. They are all great!

Some threads are worthy of timely bumps...

 

[rolliehouliranson]

"Daddy, why do you have a pee pee trunk?"

Also, the other day my 6 year old headed upstairs and said, "I gotta go drop a deuce." We lost it.

 

[Workhorse]

After seeing Dan Zanes in concert, we took my 3 1/2 year old to Little 5 Points Pizza for lunch. This particular pizza place is staffed by tattooed death metal freaks and they are blaring some ungodly speed/thrash blare at top volume. My kid turns to me and says:

"Dada, what is THIS song about?"

Couldn't. Stop. Laughing.

 

[General Malaise]

After seeing Dan Zanes in concert, we took my 3 1/2 year old to Little 5 Points Pizza for lunch. This particular pizza place is staffed by tattooed death metal freaks and they are blaring some ungodly speed/thrash blare at top volume. My kid turns to me and says:"Dada, what is THIS song about?"Couldn't. Stop. Laughing.

Dan Zane concerts are awesome. Best kids' show out there, IMO.

 

[Giant Wooden Badger]

I've got two new entries here....

#1 - Took my oldest with me out to dinner last night with a buddy and his son. Had a nice father/son evening and afterwards headed to the supermarket to pick up some groceries. Now I haven't lived on my own in over 10 years and haven't had to do grocery shopping by myself in ages. So we grabbed a cart and went to work. Up and down every aisle, battling over what he wants to pick out and what we really need to be eating at my new pad. 5-year-old arms reaching out to every sugar packed drug on the shelf to dump into the cart followed by a 35-year-old arm restocking.

He was sitting in the cart with groceries piling up high around him when we finally hit the last aisle - the one that sells man food exclusively: Cheese, Deli Meats and, of course, Beer. We dumped in some string cheese, a foot long summer sausage, a block of mild cheddar, a package of bologna and smoked turkey. Then we turned back around and headed out. My boy blurted out in protest - "BUT DADDY! YOU FORGOT BEER!". I smiled and told him daddy wasn't drinking beer in 2008. He looked perplexed, offered up a blank stare then stuttered out with sincere concern, "But....but what will you drink???"

I'm not sure where that fits in the 12 steps exactly, but....

#2 - My youngest son detests having water anywhere near his face, hair and, most of all, his eyes. He's a tough little *******, but you get a drop of water in his eyes and he shrieks like a boiling lobster. Needless to say, washing his hair is a royal pain in the butt and it takes an equal part of bribery mixed in with some good old fashioned over powering muscle; the latter of which should run out in about 4 years at his growth rate.

I told him months ago that if he didn't wash his hair, it would all fall out. Apparently, he took this information in, processed it and held on to it pretty tightly which, given his 3 years of age and genetic code, is pretty impressive. Well, about a week or so ago, I was giving him a bath and I made the move towards the shampoo. He bolted upright and put his hands out to me in the universal "STOP" motion. Then he shouted out at the top of his lungs "DADDY, DON'T WASH MY HAIR. I WANT TO BE BALD!!!!".

You quit beer?