Funny things your kid has said (5 Viewers)

[smotherhook]

When I put my 3.5 son to bed last night he said "Daddy, I want Rachel to come over and sleep with me."

When he was 2.5 we were on a road trip to Chicago and stopped to use the bathroom. It was one of those joints with a Steak N Shake attached to a gas station.

So we come out and this smoking hot gal, 24? walks by.

He see her and says "DADDY! LOOK AT THAT! She's pretty."

The gal obviously heard him.

Then he follows up with "Do you like that? "

That's so awesome. Wish I had a straight son.

Possibly bi.

Congratulations. All the cool kids are bi these days.

 

[Worm]

- Watching an NC State basketball game, a State player goes up for a monster dunk. My 17 month old girl points at the TV: "Daddy!!".

- She also associates kitty cats with living in garages (from my in-laws house). I guess the word garage sounds like the word bra so whenever we're driving around or taking a walk she'll point at a garage and say "Kitty-cat.... Braaaaaaaa" and make an exagerated hand gesture towards herself indicating where a bra goes.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

At 18 months, my daughter obviously has a limited vocabulary. There are the few words we get regularly, like "daddy", "more", "up", "book", "uh-oh" (anytime she drops something), etc.Saturday she walks into my closet, grabs a baseball cap, brings it over to me and says, "hat". I said, "Very good sweetheart. That's a hat." She proceeds to try putting it on my head, so I ask her, "Does daddy's hair look THAT bad?""YEAH!"

I like your daughter.

 

[Sack-Religious]

My 3.5 year old prefers to have a damp cloth instead of a napkin as he's pretty OCD about keeping his hands and face clean while eating. Last night at dinner I'm eating my grilled cheese and since he's beside me I used his cloth to wipe my hand off.

With a really stern look on his face, in his most serious voice and holding one finger up in the air he says;

"Daddy, if you take my cloth one more time, you're gonna be kicked outta the house"

I really wonder what my wife is saying to him about be all day while I'm at work.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Not my kid but my wife last night.

As she is giving the boys a bath she turns to me, in all seriousness, and says "is it normal for boys to be this obsessed with their penis?"

 

[Sack-Religious]

Not my kid but my wife last night.As she is giving the boys a bath she turns to me, in all seriousness, and says "is it normal for boys to be this obsessed with their penis?"

Did you respond with "new here?"

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Not my kid but my wife last night.As she is giving the boys a bath she turns to me, in all seriousness, and says "is it normal for boys to be this obsessed with their penis?"

Did you respond with "new here?"

"Hi, I'm their father, Bob!"

 

[Payne]

May be a little long, but I laughed at this one.

Lately my 4 year old daughter has been mocking her 18 month old sister for attention.

My 18 month old is now adding "-y" to a lot of the things she says. For instance, milky, booky, etc.

My 4 year old has started adding y to words as well. Drives my wife crazy and she corrects her every time.

The other night I was watching Blues Clues with my girls while my wife was downstairs.

The show was about touch and Steve (guy on show) referenced something as being "hardy".

My daughter looked up at me in shock and said "Mom doesn't like hardy. Mom likes it hard."

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Not my kid but my wife last night.As she is giving the boys a bath she turns to me, in all seriousness, and says "is it normal for boys to be this obsessed with their penis?"

This goes with my realization last night that nothing has the same meaning it did before kids. That came as I was approaching my daughter with a Kleenex while saying, "Will you blow for daddy?"

 

[Phil Elliott]

...a few years ago we took our 4 year old nephew out to lunch at Burger King and he had some chicken fingers. I said, "here let me cut your chicken fingers...". He took his hands off the table real quickly and gasped, "I don't have chicken fingers"!

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Breaking****

Wife: YOU DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER WITH YOUR FORK!

Son: It was a spoon.

Wife: YOU DON'T HIM HIM WITH YOUR SPOON EITHER!

 

[Sack-Religious]

Tonight after his bath, little man was running around my bedroom naked. He's jumping around on the bed and farts.

Him: "Daddy, is it OK if I toot on your bed?"

Me: "Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't"

Him: "Well, it's too late, you can't rewind toots"

Wife and I are both

 

[Verbal Kint]

Breaking****Wife: YOU DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER WITH YOUR FORK!Son: It was a spoon. Wife: YOU DON'T HIM HIM WITH YOUR SPOON EITHER!

Tonight after his bath, little man was running around my bedroom naked. He's jumping around on the bed and farts.Him: "Daddy, is it OK if I toot on your bed?"Me: "Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't"Him: "Well, it's too late, you can't rewind toots"Wife and I are both

 

[wadegarrett]

Breaking****Wife: YOU DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER WITH YOUR FORK!Son: It was a spoon. Wife: YOU DON'T HIM HIM WITH YOUR SPOON EITHER!

Tonight after his bath, little man was running around my bedroom naked. He's jumping around on the bed and farts.Him: "Daddy, is it OK if I toot on your bed?"Me: "Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't"Him: "Well, it's too late, you can't rewind toots"Wife and I are both

Both good.

 

[CGRdrJoe]

There was a midget in staples last night and my 6 year old asked me "Dad how come that guy shrunk?" gb gavinreaper

 

[Sack-Religious]

There was a midget in staples last night and my 6 year old asked me "Dad how come that guy shrunk?" gb gavinreaper

Did the midget hear?

 

[CGRdrJoe]

There was a midget in staples last night and my 6 year old asked me "Dad how come that guy shrunk?" gb gavinreaper

Did the midget hear?

no thankfully, but this morning my kid told my wife that it is sad that the little man would never be able to kiss a tall woman unless she got on her knees.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

There was a midget in staples last night and my 6 year old asked me "Dad how come that guy shrunk?" gb gavinreaper

Was he wearing elbow pads?

 

[simsarge]

Everyone is sitting in the kitchen doing their own thing when our 5YO daughter announces at about 80dB "Uh Oh, I gotta go potty!!" and boltz for the bathroom ala Carl Lewis. Mom says "OK, let me know if you need help." After about 5 minutes of silence from the other room Mom asks "Is everything all right in there?"

Reply: "Yea Mom just sittin' here thinking"

"Oh. OK. Whatchya thinking about?"

"Just thoughts"

"Oh. What kinda thoughts?"

"Amaaazing thoughts, Mom"

I was on the floor.

The Mrs was mad that she didn't get more details on said "Amaaazing thoughts". I told her I prefer to leave it to our own imagination. Maybe I'll as agin in 10 years when she brings home her date "Spike" for the school dance.

 

[Darkman]

My 3 year old at the dinner table...

Son: Dad, give me more applesauce.

Me: What do we say when we want someone to do something?

Son: NOW DAMIT!

 

[Verbal Kint]

My 3 year old at the dinner table...Son: Dad, give me more applesauce.Me: What do we say when we want someone to do something?Son: NOW DAMIT!

 

[CGRdrJoe]

Speaking of farts, Sunday night my oldest was sick so I had him planted on the couch watching TV. The wife was reading to the 6 year old and I told him I was heading down to watch the Simpsons with his brother. Well 15 minutes later I go upstairs to find out what happend to him. He is still sitting there reading with mom so I remind him we are watching the simpsons downstairs.

He stands up on the bed and walks over to me, I thought he was going to jump into my arms but instead he turns around and farts on me then walks back to his mom and starts crying that I never told him. I was laughing so hard that it just made it worse, gb tivo and the ability to rewind.

 

[Big_Russel]

I had the following exchange with my 2 1/2-year-old nephew:

Him: Look at my new Thomas-The-Train pajamas!

Me: Wow, those are cool! Where did you get them?

Him: At Target. I throwed a fit.

 

[Verbal Kint]

Speaking of farts, Sunday night my oldest was sick so I had him planted on the couch watching TV. The wife was reading to the 6 year old and I told him I was heading down to watch the Simpsons with his brother. Well 15 minutes later I go upstairs to find out what happend to him. He is still sitting there reading with mom so I remind him we are watching the simpsons downstairs. He stands up on the bed and walks over to me, I thought he was going to jump into my arms but instead he turns around and farts on me then walks back to his mom and starts crying that I never told him. I was laughing so hard that it just made it worse, gb tivo and the ability to rewind.

farts are funny

 

[Clayton Gray]

My 3-year old son has some plastic golf clubs. He put one between his legs with the handle facing forward and started going around the room (half walking/half galloping). I asked him if he was riding a horse, and he replied, "No. This is my big peepee."

 

[jonessed]

I was getting a haircut last weekend as my four year old sat in the barber's chair across from me. It had been awhile so my hair was a lot bushier than usual. The barber finished with the buzzer around the sides and the back and before she could feather it in and trim the top my daugher blurted out, "Daddy, your head looks like a muffin!". Everyone thought it was pretty funny.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I had the following exchange with my 2 1/2-year-old nephew:

Him: Look at my new Thomas-The-Train pajamas!

Me: Wow, those are cool! Where did you get them?

Him: At Target. I throwed a fit.

Speaking of farts, Sunday night my oldest was sick so I had him planted on the couch watching TV. The wife was reading to the 6 year old and I told him I was heading down to watch the Simpsons with his brother. Well 15 minutes later I go upstairs to find out what happend to him. He is still sitting there reading with mom so I remind him we are watching the simpsons downstairs.

He stands up on the bed and walks over to me, I thought he was going to jump into my arms but instead he turns around and farts on me then walks back to his mom and starts crying that I never told him. I was laughing so hard that it just made it worse, gb tivo and the ability to rewind.

My 3-year old son has some plastic golf clubs. He put one between his legs with the handle facing forward and started going around the room (half walking/half galloping). I asked him if he was riding a horse, and he replied, "No. This is my big peepee."

I'll let my wife know.

 

[Verbal Kint]

I was getting a haircut last weekend as my four year old sat in the barber's chair across from me. It had been awhile so my hair was a lot bushier than usual. The barber finished with the buzzer around the sides and the back and before she could feather it in and trim the top my daugher blurted out, "Daddy, your head looks like a muffin!". Everyone thought it was pretty funny.

Wait, you get your hair feathered? George Michael

 

[The Dweeze]

I was getting a haircut last weekend as my four year old sat in the barber's chair across from me. It had been awhile so my hair was a lot bushier than usual. The barber finished with the buzzer around the sides and the back and before she could feather it in and trim the top my daugher blurted out, "Daddy, your head looks like a muffin!". Everyone thought it was pretty funny.

Wait, you get your hair feathered? George Michael

And his "barber" is a she Did you mean hair stylist NTTIAWWT

 

[SuperJohn96]

My 3 year old at the dinner table...Son: Dad, give me more applesauce.Me: What do we say when we want someone to do something?Son: NOW DAMIT!

Darkman = Donald Sutherland?

 

[Early_10]

There was a midget in staples last night and my 6 year old asked me "Dad how come that guy shrunk?" gb gavinreaper

Was he wearing elbow pads?

 

[wadegarrett]

Conversation with my 2 ½ year old...

We are leafing through the new Sports Illustrated and come across a picture of a Patriots player and a Giants player and have this exchange:

Him: Is that the Buckeyes?

Me: No buddy, that's not the Buckeyes. These guys are called losers.

Him: Oh...it's the Browns.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

My son has picked up a funny little saying a few days ago. I keep telling him to stop saying it.

So we are at the grocery store yesterday and while waiting in line, he sneaks under the adjacent chekc out lane and picks up the "price check" phone.

ME: Cal, get out of there.

Cal: Ok, ok, don't hit me.

Clerk:

The really funny thing is that he sounds like Joe Pesci when he says it.

 

[Sconch]

My son has picked up a funny little saying a few days ago. I keep telling him to stop saying it.So we are at the grocery store yesterday and while waiting in line, he sneaks under the adjacent chekc out lane and picks up the "price check" phone.ME: Cal, get out of there.Cal: Ok, ok, don't hit me.Clerk: The really funny thing is that he sounds like Joe Pesci when he says it.

 

[Englishteacher]

My son has picked up a funny little saying a few days ago. I keep telling him to stop saying it.So we are at the grocery store yesterday and while waiting in line, he sneaks under the adjacent chekc out lane and picks up the "price check" phone.ME: Cal, get out of there.Cal: Ok, ok, don't hit me.Clerk: The really funny thing is that he sounds like Joe Pesci when he says it.

Should have hit him with a pressure washer afterwards. (Before reporting this, it was a joke about that thread here recently. I do not condone spraying your kid with a pressure washer.)

 

[Shutterbug]

My son has picked up a funny little saying a few days ago. I keep telling him to stop saying it.So we are at the grocery store yesterday and while waiting in line, he sneaks under the adjacent chekc out lane and picks up the "price check" phone.ME: Cal, get out of there.Cal: Ok, ok, don't hit me.Clerk: The really funny thing is that he sounds like Joe Pesci when he says it.

Should have hit him with a pressure washer afterwards. (Before reporting this, it was a joke about that thread here recently. I do not condone spraying your kid with a pressure washer.)

 

[Al Czervik]

My son (6 year old) explaining his junk:

"Dad, do you know what's in there"... "there are balls, some blood and a bunch of little bones that sometimes make your pee-pee straight".

 

[Shutterbug]

so.... I am making a new one for this. I witnessed today the beginning of the end.

Trevor (5): Loud

McKayla (9): What happened?

Me: Everything alright in there?

Trevor: I got my wee wee stuck in my belt.

Me: What the??? :goes to see how he could have possibly done this:

McKayla:

Trevor: IT IS NOT FUNNY, SISSY! Very loud now.

Me: McKayla stop. Go finish getting ready.

Trevor: YEAH! Stop laughing at me. You don't do this because you do not have one. That is why you are STUPID!

Me: That is enough...

McKayla:

Me: What happened?

Trevor: I got it stuck in my belt when I was buckling it.

Me: But how?

Trevor: Because it was in the way.

Me: Trevor... How was it possibly in the way? Your belt is at your waist. What were you doing?

Trevor: Mommmm... You do not understand, because you do not have one.

Me: Fair enough.

He managed to get stuck (somehow) when he was tightening his belt. How he could possibly get it stuck in his belt, at his waist, is beyond me....

 

[Sack-Religious]

The other day my son (3.5 yrs) decided to name some of his toys. A front-end loader and a dump truck. Apparently the dump truck's name is "Funny" because all the other machines think he's funny. The loader's name is "Goat." Why you may ask? I asked this question of the wee man. Apparently the loader is always running into goats, so that's how he got the name. He's an odd kid.

 

[curta269]

so.... I am making a new one for this. I witnessed today the beginning of the end.Trevor (5): Loud McKayla (9): What happened?Me: Everything alright in there?Trevor: I got my wee wee stuck in my belt. Me: What the??? :goes to see how he could have possibly done this:McKayla: Trevor: IT IS NOT FUNNY, SISSY! Very loud now.Me: McKayla stop. Go finish getting ready.Trevor: YEAH! Stop laughing at me. You don't do this because you do not have one. That is why you are STUPID!Me: That is enough...McKayla: Me: What happened? Trevor: I got it stuck in my belt when I was buckling it.Me: But how?Trevor: Because it was in the way.Me: Trevor... How was it possibly in the way? Your belt is at your waist. What were you doing?Trevor: Mommmm... You do not understand, because you do not have one.Me: Fair enough.He managed to get stuck (somehow) when he was tightening his belt. How he could possibly get it stuck in his belt, at his waist, is beyond me....

Good story! Reminds me of Something About Mary.

 

[3C's]

Tell him to stop playing with it when he's supposed to be getting dressed.

http://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index...howtopic=234271

 

[Shutterbug]

so.... I am making a new one for this. I witnessed today the beginning of the end.Trevor (5): Loud McKayla (9): What happened?Me: Everything alright in there?Trevor: I got my wee wee stuck in my belt. Me: What the??? :goes to see how he could have possibly done this:McKayla: Trevor: IT IS NOT FUNNY, SISSY! Very loud now.Me: McKayla stop. Go finish getting ready.Trevor: YEAH! Stop laughing at me. You don't do this because you do not have one. That is why you are STUPID!Me: That is enough...McKayla: Me: What happened? Trevor: I got it stuck in my belt when I was buckling it.Me: But how?Trevor: Because it was in the way.Me: Trevor... How was it possibly in the way? Your belt is at your waist. What were you doing?Trevor: Mommmm... You do not understand, because you do not have one.Me: Fair enough.He managed to get stuck (somehow) when he was tightening his belt. How he could possibly get it stuck in his belt, at his waist, is beyond me....

Good story! Reminds me of Something About Mary.

I can understand a zipper. I can't understand the belt...

 

[Sack-Religious]

My wife is a Pats fan. Well, she's a Brady fan, if I'm being totally honest, but she was really rooting for the Pats to win the Superbowl.

The other night, I decided to send the boy to her with a message. I whisper it into his ear and he runs off to the living room where my wife is sitting. He stands in front of her and then chants

"18 and 1...18 and 1, HA-ha (like Nelson from the Simpsons)" She laughed pretty hard, so now, he'll just go up to her randomly and do the same thing. It never gets old.

 

[Skippy the one eyed Beagle]

So my wife told me this one the other day...

She was in the living room picking up some toys with my 2 boys and she farted.

My oldest says "Mommy what was that?"

She says "Mommy passed gas"

He says "Oh...It sounded like daddy"

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

This story was told to us from another parent of a child that is in our son's pre-school class. This parent happened to be in the classroom when this event occurred...

All of the kids (3-4 y.o.) are sitting in circle time at school talking about their pets and pet names. The teacher asks the children if they know what their pets names are. Little Schmutz raises his hand quickly, gets called on and proudly exclaims: "Pu55y"!!!!

Even though our cat's name is actually Klesko, since reading some nursery rhymes, namely Pu55 in Boots, to our son over the past several years, we periodically call the cat "Pu55" or "Pu55y Willow", hence the child exclaiming "Pu55y" as he proudly smiles at having the right answer. As reported to us by another parent, there were quite a few stifled laughs from the adults in the room.

Needless to say, we are reverting back to calling our cat "Klesko" for the foreseeable future.

 

[wadegarrett]

Wife was talking on the phone the other day for 20+ minutes.

From the living room she hears our 2 1/2 year old yell: "GET OFF THE PHONE ALREADY!!!"

 

[jhib]

The other day my son (3.5 yrs) decided to name some of his toys. A front-end loader and a dump truck. Apparently the dump truck's name is "Funny" because all the other machines think he's funny. The loader's name is "Goat." Why you may ask? I asked this question of the wee man. Apparently the loader is always running into goats, so that's how he got the name. He's an odd kid.

Well, that makes perfect sense.Reminds me of one of my son's friends who couldn't make the "tr" sound when he was younger. He loved playing with his F###s and his favorite was his Dumb F###.

 

[Lehigh98]

My kid's not quite 2 so he's not saying much yet but thought this was kinda funny:

He's making a play to try my wife's soda which we don't want him drinking.

He gets to the straw and actually drinks a little bit of soda.

My wife tries to convince him he doesn't like it and makes a face at him and says "Yucky".

My son looks at my wife and says, "More yucky!"

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I do not condone spraying your kid with a pressure washer,

You must not have kids.

 

[Sack-Religious]

During dinner last night, my almost 4-year old isn't eating and he's being whiny about it because all he wants to do is play or eat dessert. As with most kids his age, he wants to be a "big boy" so I tell him that he can't eat only rice, he's got to eat his meatballs, too, and that the protein in the meat will help him grow big and strong with big muscles. He replies back:

"Big penis muscles?"

My wife, who unfortunately was taking a drink at the same time, shot it out of her mouth.