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Funny things your kid has said (4 Viewers)

Caesar said:
Me:  "Daddy's losing weight"

5 year old: "you're trying to be not fat?"

Her twin: "but I like you like that!"
Click to expand...
Followed this up the next day with

"Daddy's supposed to be a circle, but he's losing weight."

 
Swimming Sunday evening with my 7 yo.  It's starting to get dark out and I notice a horsefly buzzing around her head.  Instinctively I splashed at it, to the left of her head and not intentionally at her, but a bit of water hit her in the face.  

Daughter: "Ow! You splashed me right in the eyes!" (it maybe got one eyebrow, definitely not right in the eyes) 

Me: "I'm sorry babe, there was a horsefly buzzing around and I was trying to shoo him away"

Daughter: "well.....I hope he bites you. How about you wait till I get my goggles on next time?" 

 
4 yo boy is going through a pay back phase where if his brother touches him, the 4 yo wants to repay the insult tenfold.

I’ve been trying to teach him a Gandhi quote that shows anger only results in both parties suffering.

He now tells strangers, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world shine.”

 
Not my kid, but I didn't know where else to share this...

My wife and I were at dinner, at outdoor seating on picnic tables. There was a black woman and her daughter (probably around 5 years old) behind me at the next table, and the daughter was asking her mom cute questions, so it was hard not to pay attention.
At one point, she asked, "What's your least favorite color?"
"Hmmm. Interesting question. My least favorite? I think probably brown."
"Brown? How come?"
"Well, I do like brown skin, but I just don't really like..."
"White? skin?" (she tailed off at the end there when she noticed the white couple next to her listening and smiling) :lmao:

Mom recovered nicely with a laugh. "No! That's not where I was going! I was gonna say I don't really like how a brown shirt looks on me."
 
Daughter went back to school last week. 2nd grade. Fridays are Spirit Days and so you can dress down a bit, and she's wearing the T-shirt that they gave out to all students on back to school night to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the school. It was her choice. So we're driving to school Friday morning...

Her: "Daddy? Do we have time to turn around and run back home?"
Me: "Why do you need to go back home? Did you spill something on yourself?" (me thinking maybe she's soaked in milk or something which could sour and stink)
Her: "No, but that would have been smart to do, I should have thought of that."
Me: "What do you mean? Why do you want to go home?"
Her: "I don't want to wear this shirt today. Everybody is going to be wearing this same shirt, and I don't think it very cute. We just passed Emerson's mom's car and I saw her in the backseat wearing this same shirt and I just know everybody is going to be wearing it."
Me: "And that's a problem, for you to be wearing what everyone else is wearing?"
Her: "Yes, girls don't like to wear the same thing as other girls Daddy!
Me: "So what about Monday thru Thursday when you're all wearing the same school uniform?"

Caught the biggest eyeroll I've ever gotten in my life :)
 
4YO: Hey dad, you want to touch my nickels?
Me: Huh?
4YO: My nickels, want to touch them?
Me: How many nickels do you have?
4YO: Two.
Me: Where’d you find nickels?
4YO: I didn’t find them, I’ve always had them.
Me: Oh, you mean nipples. And no, they’re kinda private. I’m not going to touch them.
4YO: Private like my penis?
Me: you got it buddy.
4YO: Want to touch that?
 
Gawain said:
4YO: Hey dad, you want to touch my nickels?
Me: Huh?
4YO: My nickels, want to touch them?
Me: How many nickels do you have?
4YO: Two.
Me: Where’d you find nickels?
4YO: I didn’t find them, I’ve always had them.
Me: Oh, you mean nipples. And no, they’re kinda private. I’m not going to touch them.
4YO: Private like my penis?
Me: you got it buddy.
4YO: Want to touch that?
Click to expand...
Sounds eerily similar to a conversation I might have with my wife on occasion...
 
My aunt sent me a birthday card. It’s $7. I kind of made a noise and #8 (12yo boy) goes “why didn’t she just go to the dollar store and send you $5”
I laughed so hard and hugged him and said I was so proud of him and I have nothing left to teach him.
 
Many years ago............I was picking up the youngest (4/5) in the wife's car. She had taken my car and dropped him off in the morning. He said "dad, this morning mom changed your radio channel. Did you know that you can listen to music? You don't have to listen to those guys talk about sports all the time".
 
Telling my 13 year old about a conversation I had with my sister involving my new gf joining us for Thanksgiving. My sister asked if my daughter had met and approved of the new GF. I asked my daughter if she approved and she says "Yes, she is totally out of your league".

I laughed. She isn't wrong, but funny to hear her say it that way.
 
My five-year-old asked me why I wasn't having a slice of the cake my wife had bought. I told him that I had diabetes and that I couldn't eat that stuff or I'd get sicker.

He said, "You're already fat and will die very soon." :oldunsure:
 
Talking with my 13 year old about her soccer skills. I said imagine if there were two of you, so you could pass to yourself?

Her "That would be dope"

Me: :lmao:
 
KanilJr (11) started middleschool this year and discovered "deez nuts" jokes. Most of the time they don't make sense or are just stupid but he dropped this one the other night on our way back from karate:

Mrs. Kanil: Where do you want to stop for dinner?
Kanil: Really our only choices are Chic-fil-a or Wendys
Kaniljr: Do you like Wendys?
Kanil: I like their fries for sure
Kaniljr: How about WENDYS NUTS drag across your face?

Normally Mrs. Kanil would shut this down immediately but she couldnt because she was laughing too hard.
 
Had the weekend video call with my Mom in her assisted living place. My 5-year old learned to sing This Land is Your Land in school and has been singing it nonstop. So I said,”why don’t you sing your favorite song for grandma, Tater.”

Kid gets right up in the camera and sings,”Bah Bah DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!”

My mistake. That’s on me.
 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
Had the weekend video call with my Mom in her assisted living place. My 5-year old learned to sing This Land is Your Land in school and has been singing it nonstop. So I said,”why don’t you sing your favorite song for grandma, Tater.”

Kid gets right up in the camera and sings,”Bah Bah DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!”

My mistake. That’s on me.
Click to expand...
Kid's got taste and timing.
 
I lay in bed at bedtime with my 10-year old son (while I still can!) after he reads a book (for school) and we listen to Headspace together.

A couple nights ago I was just looking at his sweet little face and he had this little grin. I couldn't tell if he was asleep and just smiling or if he was awake so I softly whispered "Bubba?" and he opened his eyes so I asked him what he was smiling at .

He said "I was just thinking of a fart-powered jet-pack" and closed his eyes.
 
Kanil said:
Jaysus said:
3 year old son: Guess what?

Me: What:

3 year old son: ChickenButt! (followed immediately by) Guess what?

Me: What?

3 year old son: Chicken-poopy-butt! (followed immediately by) :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Me: :lol:

A good poop joke gets me every time
Click to expand...
I'm at the point with my 4yo now where we have this conversation:

KanilJr: Guess What?

Me: Chicken Butt

KanilJr: NO DAD I'M NOT TELLING THAT JOKE ANYMORE!
Click to expand...
Kid is 12 now and the exact conversation still happens.
 
My daughters fiancé was here for dinner and he replied to someone that he wasn’t just marrying Olivia, he was marrying everyone. #8, 12yo boy says “wow, talk about getting to know the family”
 
Jr: "Daddy I really like that song but I just have one question. If you can check out any time you like, why can't you ever leave?"
Me: "Because you're trapped. That's the surprise ending of the song. You're trapped and can't leave. And everyone else in the hotel is trapped too. Forever."
Jr: long pause "I never want to hear that song again."
 
my 16yo son and 12yo daughter still get along, thank god, and also still unintentionally sound and look like beavis and butthead when they hang out. thank god to that too.
 
So about a month ago we made a trip to see my extended in-laws. We were talking to my husband's grandma who is almost 90 and my husband asked her what was her secret to living so long and she said she always limited herself to one sweet treat a day. My husband gave me and my daughter that I told you so look while telling us we could learn something from Grandma.

My daughter then said "If I have to give up my candy then I don't want to live to be that old"
 
Oh man, this thread has really fallen off. Too bad, I thought it was a great source of humor and connection.


Anyway, this morning my 10 year old son saw the commercial for the Bob Marley biopic and informed that that until today he had thought Bob Marley was "a chubby Mexican dude."
 
My daughter was doing paperwork for first job. She wanted to put my wife's social security number for payroll stuff. We told her she needed to put hers down. She explained she could put my wife's instead by saying, " I can use yours if it's consensual." No sweetie consensual is a little different
 
Last edited:
FarFromHome said:
My daughter was doing paperwork for first job. She wanted to put my wife's social security number for payroll stuff. We told her she needed to put hers down. She explained she could put my wife's instead by saying, " I can use yours if it's consensual." No sweetie consensual is a little di
Click to expand...
Lol....Cliffhanger?
 
nirad3 said:
I lay in bed at bedtime with my 10-year old son (while I still can!) after he reads a book (for school) and we listen to Headspace together.

A couple nights ago I was just looking at his sweet little face and he had this little grin. I couldn't tell if he was asleep and just smiling or if he was awake so I softly whispered "Bubba?" and he opened his eyes so I asked him what he was smiling at .

He said "I was just thinking of a fart-powered jet-pack" and closed his eyes.
Click to expand...
Forgot to post this a couple weeks ago.

Was layin' with him as he drifted off to sleep again and once again, the little smirk hits his face. I poke him and say "whatcha smiling about?" and this time the response was "a running potato". :excited:
 
So I missed a call from my 14yo on Saturday while she was with her mom. I called back and she didn't answer. She was on her way to soccer so I texted her mom making sure everything was fine and she didn't need anything for the game. Her mom says it was a butt dial.

I get to the field before the game and mentioned to her mom it was the field I thought it was. Her mom says "yeah it wasn't a butt dial, she just didn't want to admit you were right".

Yeah, she never likes when I am right....
 
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