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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

This weekend I was teasing my 4yo son over something, he got fed up and said this: "Daddy, a police officer needs come get you and put you in a cage!"

 
Another one with my son... I keep a pack of Ice Breakers mints in the console of my car. This kid LOVES mints. He'll eat the whole package if you aren't careful. He associates me using my car for work and the mints in there. So he says: "Daddy can you go to work so you can buy more mints?".

I've got him convinced that the entire reason I work 50hrs a week is to buy mints.

 
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'17seconds said:
Another one with my son... I keep a pack of Ice Breakers mints in the console of my car. This kid LOVES mints. He'll eat the whole package if you aren't careful. He associates me using my car for work and the mints in there. So he says: "Daddy can you go to work so you can buy more mints?".I've got him convinced that the entire reason I work 50hrs a week is to buy mints.
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:lmao:
 
'McJose said:
'17seconds said:
Another one with my son... I keep a pack of Ice Breakers mints in the console of my car. This kid LOVES mints. He'll eat the whole package if you aren't careful. He associates me using my car for work and the mints in there. So he says: "Daddy can you go to work so you can buy more mints?".I've got him convinced that the entire reason I work 50hrs a week is to buy mints.
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:lmao:
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:lmao: :lmao: I've got Cal convinced that this place counts as "work".Speaking of Cal...Saturday he was on the innernets on webkids or something when Dylan and me approach to see what he's up to:Me: Cal, what are you doing?Cal: Playing webkids, it's really cool.Dylan: That is really cool Calvin!!Cal: (ignores him)Me: (See's Dylan grabbing his junk) Do you need to go to the bathroom Dylan?Dylan: No.Me: Are you sure?Dylan: Alright, I need to go. I'll be right back Calvin!! :)Cal: I don't care.I thought it was funny but chewed Cal out for being a jerk.
 
'McJose said:
'17seconds said:
Another one with my son... I keep a pack of Ice Breakers mints in the console of my car. This kid LOVES mints. He'll eat the whole package if you aren't careful. He associates me using my car for work and the mints in there. So he says: "Daddy can you go to work so you can buy more mints?".I've got him convinced that the entire reason I work 50hrs a week is to buy mints.
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:lmao:
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:lmao: :lmao:
 
'Jewell said:
'McJose said:
'17seconds said:
Another one with my son... I keep a pack of Ice Breakers mints in the console of my car. This kid LOVES mints. He'll eat the whole package if you aren't careful. He associates me using my car for work and the mints in there. So he says: "Daddy can you go to work so you can buy more mints?".I've got him convinced that the entire reason I work 50hrs a week is to buy mints.
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:lmao:
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:lmao: :lmao:
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:goodposting:
 
A few weeks ago my 8 yr old said something sarcastic and I commented "Right on smartass :rolleyes: " He lifts up his leg, looks down at his butt and says "hey! my butt isn't smart!"

6 yr old doesn't miss a beat "you're right, DUMBa ss!"

 
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Wife, two kids and I were doing a major clean up and overhaul of the family room the other day as it had become a complete disaster area. We bought and assembled a couple of organizers and were going through and packing up old, no longer used toys and either sending them off to younger cousins or Goodwill. About two hours into the project:

4 year old daughter: Daddy, why are we doing this?

Me: Beacause this room is a complete mess, Sweetie. We're trying to make our house liveable again.

Her: You mean, like other people?

 
Driving Little Russ home from Kindergarten a few minutes ago...

Me: How was you day little man?

Him: I got picked to be helper of the day.

Me: Cool.. You know when I was your age I got…

Him: COOL STORY DAD. :rolleyes: (looking out the truck window)

ME: Fine. :hot:

 
Although we are not extremely religious in our family, we did send our daughters to a Catholic pre-school. Dropping her off one morning, she spied a crucifix on the wall. She said:

"Hey, why is that guy hangin on the plus sign?"

After a project where the class made a cross out of wooden popsicle sticks, she proceeded to refer to all crosses as 'Prayer Sticks.'

 
My kids have been watching me play Left 4 Dead and if anyone has ever played you know that the characters say different things when they find ammo (ammo here!), first aid, pills, etc.

My wife yelled for our son to come and take his antibiotic pill and my four year old piped up "Pills Here!"

 
At the time, my son was 6 years old. He's in the tub taking a bath, I took my cam-corder and hid in his bedroom laying in wait. He comes barelling down the hallway and into his room. I jump out and yell, "Surprise!" Instead of covering himself up with the towel, he let's it drop to the floor and starts doing a crazy dance intentionally boucing his junk up and down. While he's doing this, at the top of his lungs he's yelling, "SHAKE A LEG, MAMMA! SHAKE A LEG!"

I was speechless.

 
A friend recently told me that her sister was shopping and the sister had her five year old daughter with her. The mom accidentally bumped into a Muslim woman who was wearing a full black hijab (like this). The mother turned and apologized to the lady, and the five year old followed it up with, "Sorry ninja."

 
'Leviathan said:
At the time, my son was 6 years old. He's in the tub taking a bath, I took my cam-corder and hid in his bedroom laying in wait. He comes barelling down the hallway and into his room. I jump out and yell, "Surprise!" Instead of covering himself up with the towel, he let's it drop to the floor and starts doing a crazy dance intentionally boucing his junk up and down. While he's doing this, at the top of his lungs he's yelling, "SHAKE A LEG, MAMMA! SHAKE A LEG!"

I was speechless.
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:lmao: Like father, like son with the bolded?

 
'Jewell said:
'Leviathan said:
At the time, my son was 6 years old. He's in the tub taking a bath, I took my cam-corder and hid in his bedroom laying in wait. He comes barelling down the hallway and into his room. I jump out and yell, "Surprise!" Instead of covering himself up with the towel, he let's it drop to the floor and starts doing a crazy dance intentionally boucing his junk up and down. While he's doing this, at the top of his lungs he's yelling, "SHAKE A LEG, MAMMA! SHAKE A LEG!"

I was speechless.
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:lmao: Like father, like son with the bolded?
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:unsure:
 
'Leviathan said:
At the time, my son was 6 years old. He's in the tub taking a bath, I took my cam-corder and hid in his bedroom laying in wait. He comes barelling down the hallway and into his room. I jump out and yell, "Surprise!" Instead of covering himself up with the towel, he let's it drop to the floor and starts doing a crazy dance intentionally boucing his junk up and down. While he's doing this, at the top of his lungs he's yelling, "SHAKE A LEG, MAMMA! SHAKE A LEG!"

I was speechless.
Click to expand...
:unsure:
 
I'm driving home with my 6 year old from his soccer game. An ad on the radio comes on about a haunted house.

6 yo son: "What's a haunted house?"

Me: "It's a scary place people go to for fun"

6 yo son: "What's in it?"

Me: "Ghosts, vampires, werewolves, and other scary people"

6 yo son: "Is it dark?"

Me: "Yes, it's dark. That's part of why it's scary"

6 yo son: "Are there scary noises?"

Me: "Yes, there are scary noises"

6 yo son: "Oh, then I don't want to go"

Me: "I'm just kidding, there's no scary noises"

6 yo son: "Yay. That's better. I still don't want to go"

Me: :lmao:

 
'Jewell said:
A friend recently told me that her sister was shopping and the sister had her five year old daughter with her. The mom accidentally bumped into a Muslim woman who was wearing a full black hijab (like this). The mother turned and apologized to the lady, and the five year old followed it up with, "Sorry ninja."
Click to expand...
:lmao:
 
'UOFI_316 said:
Two recent ones from my 3 year old daughter.

Wife was driving her to preschool and they went past an accident with two police cars. Daughter asked what the cops were doing. "There must have been an accident."

"Did someone pee in their pants?"

My mom was babysitting and took my daughter to church with her. In the middle of a quiet spot in the mass my daughter pointed to the priest and asked out loud "Grandma, is that man the king?"
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My 2 year old daughter and I were taking a walk the other day when she spotted a beetle that she thought was interesting. So we bent down to examine it and she watched it crawling around on the sidewalk a bit. Eventually it got close to her shoe. She stood up, stomped on the beetle and said in almost a Terminator voice "Night Night Bugggg."

No idea where she got it since we've never had occasion to have the "death is like sleep" talk or anything like that. Had me rolling though.

 
My 3 year old daughter in the car, talking about what she was going to be when she grew up...

"I'm gonna be a doctor and help people. Emma (her 16 month old sister) will be a chef.

Mommy will be a school teacher (she taught for 9 years until last year).

And Kona (our yellow lab) will be Jesus when she grows up. Actually, she should be Jesus for Halloween."

 
My 6 year old son is in the backseat and starts singing:

Son: "I'm sexy and I know it"

Wife: "What does sexy mean?"

Son: "Naked"

Me: :lmao:

 
:lmao:

Good stuff here.

My 3 year old daughter recently shared while I was backing out of the driveway, "Sometimes when Mommy backs up, she hits the garbage cans."

She's my eyes on the ground, that one is :lol:

 
Posted this in another thread. 6 year old daughter

Me: "Do you know why we celebrate Christmas? It was someones birthday"

Her "Was it someone a long time ago"

Me: " Yes but I'm not sure if you will know"

Her: "ABRAHAM LINCLON!!!!"

I tell her no and she just keeps throwing out names MLK, George Washington. She is adamant that I don't tell her.

I finally tell her and she is all :hot: :cry:

She then asks: " Who is that?"

Wife thinks it's time for some Sunday school :lmao:

 
My 3 year old daughter was looking for her shoes and my wife says to her "Did you look in your Toy box?" to which my daughter replies: Good Job Mommy!! Now your thinking like a man!!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 
Running late, trying to get my 5 year old ready for school.

Me: If you don't get dressed NOW you are going to school in your pajamas.

Boy: People will think I'm crazy.

Me: Maybe you are crazy.

Boy: But that's even crazier than I am!

 
'Black Box said:
:lmao:Good stuff here.My 3 year old daughter recently shared while I was backing out of the driveway, "Sometimes when Mommy backs up, she hits the garbage cans."She's my eyes on the ground, that one is :lol:
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Driving with the family, a car passes us and my 3 year old screams "Hey, watch out dude!!" Wife covers her face and starts laughing. Guess my wife has had some close calls while driving.
 
'UOFI_316 said:
'Black Box said:
:lmao:Good stuff here.My 3 year old daughter recently shared while I was backing out of the driveway, "Sometimes when Mommy backs up, she hits the garbage cans."She's my eyes on the ground, that one is :lol:
Click to expand...
Driving with the family, a car passes us and my 3 year old screams "Hey, watch out dude!!" Wife covers her face and starts laughing. Guess my wife has had some close calls while driving.
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2 year old niece just did this. In a shopping mall parking lot, cars all over the place... My mom hears "Damn buddy!" from the backseat. Sounds like something my sister would yell. :lmao:
 
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'RudiStein said:
'St. Louis Bob said:
We were at the doctor with Cal yesterday...

Doctor: How are you today Calvin?

Cal: Fine.

Doctor: So are you having fun? What do you like?

Cal: Playing outside and music.

Doctor: Oh, music! Who are your favorite groups?

Cal: Michael Jackson, The Beatles and John, um (looks at Mrs SLB) what's his last name? (editors note: I'm glad this appointment wasn't a couple of months ago or Nickleback and Lady Gaga would have been named. :bag: )

Mrs. SLB: Mellencamp

Cal: Yeah, Mellencamp. Did you know he needs a lover that won't drive him crazy?Doctor: :fishing:

Cal: (Looks at Mrs. SLB) Mom, remember on vacation when you were driving Dad crazy and he missed that turn?

Mrs. SLB :facepalm:

Cal: (Looks at me, smiles and shakes his head :yes: )
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<_< So awesome.
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This still rules.
 
I use my iPad with my daughter. Some cool educational stuff on there and great when out to Dinner. She gets a bit frustrated when a new app or movie takes too long, which I have to explain.

Before bed time, we do "happy thoughts" with my three year old daughter so she will be happy when she goes to sleep.

Typical happy thoughts:

Me: My happy thought is for my little girl to sleep through the night.

Mrs. Adams: My happy thought is ballet class for Zoe tomorrow.

Zoe: ELEPHANTS!

Happy thoughts from a few nights again:

Me: Same

Mrs. Adams: Same

Zoe: Uh.............uh.............

Me: Zoe, we don't have all night. Whatcha got for us?

Zoe: Uh.......I don't know yet.........uh

Mrs. Adams: C'mon, my little lovebird. What's your happy thought.

Zoe: Just be patient. (taps finger to temple) It's loading.

 
'Kirby said:
'UOFI_316 said:
'Black Box said:
:lmao:Good stuff here.My 3 year old daughter recently shared while I was backing out of the driveway, "Sometimes when Mommy backs up, she hits the garbage cans."She's my eyes on the ground, that one is :lol:
Click to expand...
Driving with the family, a car passes us and my 3 year old screams "Hey, watch out dude!!" Wife covers her face and starts laughing. Guess my wife has had some close calls while driving.
Click to expand...
2 year old niece just did this. In a shopping mall parking lot, cars all over the place... My mom hears "Damn buddy!" from the backseat. Sounds like something my sister would yell. :lmao:
Click to expand...
Someone cuts me off pretty bad while driving the family home. I give the horn and manage to stifle the string the obscenities itching to get out. From the back seat I hear "Is that guy a ####### idiot?" I stifle the laughter, let the confusion take over, look over my shoulder to see my three year looking at me with a smile. "That would be my fault" is all the missus can muster through her blushing embarrassment.
 
Was just driving my 9-year old home from Karate and out of the blue I hear "Dad, you know some songs make no sense." I respond with "yeah, like what?" And from the backseat I hear in a sing-song voice "I have passion in my pants and I'm not afraid to show it." "All my friends were talking about this and it makes no sense."

Hard to even come up with a reply to that. Time to find a new radio station.

 
If you like privacy, then don't have a 2 year old.

Every time she sees me going into the bathroom, she screams "POOP OUT, POOP OUT!!!!"

 
My middle son (10th grade) has a teacher he really likes/gets along with. A couple weeks ago, the teacher was in the process of assigning a large project and, disgusted with the work he knew was ahead of him, my son raised his hand and asked:

"May I please be expelled?"

It got quite the laughter (even from the teacher) and the story made it's way around the school and ultimately back to us. The kid will go far based on his personality alone...

Full disclosure... this is a line he picked up from Darlene on Roseanne, but it was perfectly timed.

 
The other day my two year old daughter said softly that she had to use the potty. Neither my wife or I heard her clearly so we asked if she really needed to use the potty. We got this gem in response "I have to go potty. I have poop in my butt!"

 
Couple recent ones from my five year old daughter:

"Daddy, sometimes in my dreams I hear Spongebob laughing."

"Daddy, you are a genius of stench."

 
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