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Funny things your kid has said (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter Sack-Religious.
- Start date
shadyridr
Footballguy
Haha reminds me of Horrible Bosses 2. "You had a lot of bad ideas that led to good ideas and there's value in that."
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
I've really gotta watch what I say in the car at this point, every time I beep the horn my son automatically says "####### moron."
Lately he doesn't even need a beep. We were sitting at a light and it turned green, the car sat in front of us for 3 or 4 seconds before moving - "green means go moron."
Some subpar parenting on my part
Lately he doesn't even need a beep. We were sitting at a light and it turned green, the car sat in front of us for 3 or 4 seconds before moving - "green means go moron."
Some subpar parenting on my part
nirad3
Footballguy
5 year old asked me why I keep calling everyone "chief" while driving her to school in the morning. I've had to watch my mouth since she said "effing dog" and "effing computer" within a 3-month span about a year ago.I've really gotta watch what I say in the car at this point, every time I beep the horn my son automatically says "####### moron."
Lately he doesn't even need a beep. We were sitting at a light and it turned green, the car sat in front of us for 3 or 4 seconds before moving - "green means go moron."
Some subpar parenting on my part
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
My son was constipated and didn't poop for 3 days. He had a log come out of him that might've been bigger than anything I've ever produced, had to be a foot long (he is 3'6" and around 45-50 pounds)... I was like "HOLY CRAP!!" I called my wife into the bathroom to show her what had just come out of him, she said the exact same thing.
Now he runs to the bathroom by himself and as soon as I hear "Holy Crap" from the bathroom, I know he has pooped.
Now he runs to the bathroom by himself and as soon as I hear "Holy Crap" from the bathroom, I know he has pooped.
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fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
I told my wife we really need to curb the cursing. We're gonna be the parents that everyone points fingers at when their kid comes home dropping F Bombs. "where did you hear that from? FCJr.!"5 year old asked me why I keep calling everyone "chief" while driving her to school in the morning. I've had to watch my mouth since she said "effing dog" and "effing computer" within a 3-month span about a year ago.
Worm
slimy ninja
Proudest moment of my life was when my daughter said her first curse word and it was because of her mom and not me.
shadyridr
Footballguy
MikeIke
Footballguy
:sigh: "It's the medical term for your butt hole." 
B Maverick
Footballguy
I hear my daughter from the rest room say "Daddy, you busy?"
"No, why?"
"Can you get me a book?"
"Sure Why?"
"I'm going to be in here for awhile"
"No, why?"
"Can you get me a book?"
"Sure Why?"
"I'm going to be in here for awhile"
shadyridr
Footballguy
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Had a "bring your kid to work" day last week. I work in a large office building (50 stories), so each floor's bathroom has 4 urinals and 4 stalls. I have both my kids in there, they're each at a urinal, and there's a 3rd kid in there too at one of the other urinals. Some guy in the stall rips a loud one:
Son One - "Wasn't Me"
Son Two - "Wasn't Me"
Other Kid - "Wasn't Me"
Me and the guy who ripped it just start dying....just normal conversation in a boys bathroom at school.
Son One - "Wasn't Me"
Son Two - "Wasn't Me"
Other Kid - "Wasn't Me"
Me and the guy who ripped it just start dying....just normal conversation in a boys bathroom at school.
ChiefD
Footballguy
Jayrod
Footballguy
For some reason, the bolded word is what kills me.
ChiefD
Footballguy
Hanging with my 5 year old daughter on Saturday. Mom went to the hair salon to get her hair cut.
Her: Where's Mommy?
Me: She went to get her hair cut.
Her: Why does she need to do that?
Me: Well, sometimes Mommy's just like to go and do things to make them feel pretty.
Her: I don't need that. I'm already pretty.
Me:
Her: Where's Mommy?
Me: She went to get her hair cut.
Her: Why does she need to do that?
Me: Well, sometimes Mommy's just like to go and do things to make them feel pretty.
Her: I don't need that. I'm already pretty.
Me:
pantagrapher
Footballguy
Dunkin Donuts commercial comes on, with the typical montage of slow-motion doughnuts tumbling through the air.
My 3-year-old "Ewwwww. Sparkles on a hamburger?!"
My 3-year-old "Ewwwww. Sparkles on a hamburger?!"
Green and Gold
Footballguy
Myself, my wife, and two boys, 7 (g&g7) and 5 (g&g5), are driving to my brother's house for a day of swimming. G&g7 decides this is the right time to tell everyone how much he knows about politics. We'll pick this up mid conversation:
g&g7: Yes, and our president is Obama.
g&g5: Who is Obama?
g&g7: Barack Obama, he is the president of the United States.
g&g5: Han's pet?
Wife: What?
Me: Uh, Han's...? Oh! No buddy, that's Chewbacca.
g&g5: Chewbacca is the president of the united states?
Me: No, Barack Obama is the president of the united states. Chewbacca is a wookie.
g&g7: I would vote for Chewbacca as president, that would be awesome. Except no, that wouldn't work. We'd need Han to tell us what Chewy is saying, but he can't because he's dead.
g&g7: Yes, and our president is Obama.
g&g5: Who is Obama?
g&g7: Barack Obama, he is the president of the United States.
g&g5: Han's pet?
Wife: What?
Me: Uh, Han's...? Oh! No buddy, that's Chewbacca.
g&g5: Chewbacca is the president of the united states?
Me: No, Barack Obama is the president of the united states. Chewbacca is a wookie.
g&g7: I would vote for Chewbacca as president, that would be awesome. Except no, that wouldn't work. We'd need Han to tell us what Chewy is saying, but he can't because he's dead.
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Dinsy Ejotuz
Footballguy
Dad, if I ate myself would I be twice as big or would I disappear?
MikeIke
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
(HULK)
(Smash)
How did you answer this?
I could seriously spend a month meditating on this and not have a definitive answer.
B Maverick
Footballguy
My 7 year old just texted me (she has an ipad she can text from) and we had the following conversation:
Her: Aooooooooooo
Me: Howl at the Moon!
Her: Talk to the hand
Her: Make some $$$$$$$$
Her: Go to Work
Me: I am!
Her: Aooooooooooo
Me: Howl at the Moon!
Her: Talk to the hand
Her: Make some $$$$$$$$
Her: Go to Work
Me: I am!
Dinsy Ejotuz
Footballguy
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El Floppo
Footballguy
awesome.
my older kid (9) used to send texts to the wife from my phone, typing random letters and letting autocorrect do its thing. lol... wish I had saved some of those.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
This was my 8-yo's text to me at work last week after he discovered texting on his iPad.
LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????136 emoji's lol.
(HULK)
(Smash)
I asked my children this yesterday. They both agreed you'd disappear. However, my 6yo was sure that you'd still have a head because you can't eat your own head.
shadyridr
Footballguy
The Hank
Footballguy
5 y.o. was singing a riveting rendition of "I am the Walrus" while taking a #### last night. Netflix has a new animated series for children that is based off Beatles songs
My wife sent me a video of her outside the bathroom door with him screaming at the top of his lungs "I AM THE WALRUS!!! - COO COO CA-CHOO - I MADE A POO!"
My wife sent me a video of her outside the bathroom door with him screaming at the top of his lungs "I AM THE WALRUS!!! - COO COO CA-CHOO - I MADE A POO!"
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belljr
Footballguy
This post got me thinking. Sorry for a hijack. My age everyone had the "same" upbringing pretty much entertainment wise.
Cartoons/TV Shows etc. So you speak to an adult near your age and most people know of whatever thing you are talking about.
I wondering when my kid gets older if it will be the same. There are so many options and things out now that I'm thinking there may be kids that are not exposed to things.
The Hank
Footballguy
I'd say yes and no-
As much as there is on Netflix and things like that, most kids nowadays that live in a household that has currently some sort of cable has series on the little kids shows (Disney JR/Nick JR) where most every kid knows who the Paw Patrol, Sophia the First and Jake and the Neverland Pirates are and stuff. There is/will always new shows coming out that the newest generation will be able to relate to at that particular ag, - if anything they may relate some to their parents if its older material (like Sesame St on HBO or Thomas the Train)
That being said, as most people switch to streaming sites like Amazon Prime and Netflix & become more popular than cable, I think it may be slightly harder to identify with certain shows/cartoons.
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odin33
Footballguy
Playing kings in the corner with my 8 yo daughter after dinner last night. A game or two in and after she has a good turn, but didn't go out/win, she 'dabbed' me saying your turn.
Me: "What was that?!"
She's half terrified it's a bad gesture and half proud of doing something cool at this point and does it again.
Me: "You just dabbed me, do you know what that is?"
Her: " No I just saw some 3rd graders doing it and thought it was cool" (mind you she hasn't gone back to school yet so this has been festering for months).
One of those had to be there moments I'm guessing but pretty damn funny at the time.
Me: "What was that?!"
She's half terrified it's a bad gesture and half proud of doing something cool at this point and does it again.
Me: "You just dabbed me, do you know what that is?"
Her: " No I just saw some 3rd graders doing it and thought it was cool" (mind you she hasn't gone back to school yet so this has been festering for months).
One of those had to be there moments I'm guessing but pretty damn funny at the time.
B Maverick
Footballguy
Had a buddy and his 2 year old over for dinner last night. His kid didnt like the ceiling fan on. My 7 year old GIRL tells my buddy it gets so hot in the house especially in her room at night. She doesnt like sleeping in her room so she says "It gets so hot I'm sweating balls!"
not one of us could hold in the laughter.
not one of us could hold in the laughter.
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El Floppo
Footballguy
I don't know the game, so that's probably why I don't know what "dabbed" means here. so... I don't really get this- but love that she's been hanging onto something for months just to wait to strike.
Swing 51
Footballguy
Dabbing--El Floppo said:
To press a piece of cannabis extract known as Butane Hash Oil against a heated surface of an oil rig pipe and inhale the smoke. These extracts have up to 90% THC levels. It is the newest growing trend for cannabis connoisseurs and Colorado currently has the largest following to date.
Hey man, I got some dabs. Can I borrow your torch?
He's dabbing some BHO.
odin33
Footballguy
Game is irrelevant, and the dabbing is the Cam Newton "dab" Cam's DabEl Floppo said:
It's the context in which she chose to use it, the fact she had no idea what it was, and the fact she'd been sitting on it for months that I found funny.
Not so funny when she did it after every turn for the next hour, but meh... she's 8... it's expected. Next lesson how not to
El Floppo
Footballguy
got it- thanks for explaining.Game is irrelevant, and the dabbing is the Cam Newton "dab" Cam's Dab
It's the context in which she chose to use it, the fact she had no idea what it was, and the fact she'd been sitting on it for months that I found funny.
Not so funny when she did it after every turn for the next hour, but meh... she's 8... it's expected. Next lesson how not to
and yeah- I've got a just turned 9yo, so I know all about the beating things into the ground schtick. if I hear john cena's name one more time... who am I kidding- I'll hear it 20 more times before I have dinner.
skol asylum
Footballguy
https://img.ifcdn.com/images/53c1060ad43a95a1775a38937b98092b4beb2cdef7189c9fb78a53d4afb0b0d2_1.jpg
I still don't get it. Then again i have no clue what a whip and nae nae (sp?)is supposed to mean either. Crazy kids these days. Off my lawn, etc etc.
I still don't get it. Then again i have no clue what a whip and nae nae (sp?)is supposed to mean either. Crazy kids these days. Off my lawn, etc etc.
El Floppo
Footballguy
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