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Funny things your kid has said (3 Viewers)

The Eunuch Maker said:
My friend told this story tonight and I couldn't wait to get home to post it here!So she has a new baby girl. Her son, age 4, says "I am so glad Baby Anna has a ######". My friend says "why?" and the kid says "because I like ######s!" I just cracked up and thought you all would appreciate the story, too.
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:mellow:
 
The Eunuch Maker said:
This one happened here a day or two ago and I figured I would wait til the thread came around again.My 3 year old son makes this weird growling, shrieking noise as an animal attack noise or some such sound effect. My 7 year old said "how did you learn to make that noise?" He said, "I learned it on the internets!"
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:unsure: damned furley aliases
 
The Eunuch Maker said:
This one happened here a day or two ago and I figured I would wait til the thread came around again.My 3 year old son makes this weird growling, shrieking noise as an animal attack noise or some such sound effect. My 7 year old said "how did you learn to make that noise?" He said, "I learned it on the internets!"
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:thumbdown: your kid is pretty funny, you should totally schedule a play date with sonoran's kid.
 
Outside this past weekend with the wife and our three-year-old son doing yard work. The worst either one of us had ever heard him say to date was "poopy."

It was a fairly warm day, and we were working up a sweat. At one point, our son rubs his forehead with the back of his hand and says, "Jesus Christ, it's hot out here." I hadn't laughed that hard in a while.

 
We have been watching a lot of Olympics lately so tonight after dinner, we turn on the telly and just started watching the women's beach volleyball semi-final. After a few minutes, my 4-year old son comes over to me and tells me that he needs to whisper something in my ear...usually that's reserved for something funny or something he's not sure of.

"Dad......look......why are the girls are wearing their underwear?"

:X

 
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This morning, as breakfast was winding down, our 12yo daughter asks to be excused. Her dad said yes and the 9yo daughter asks to be excused at the same exact time I say to the 12 yo to start the dishes. So the 9 yo says "oh, wait, I am still hungry" and grabbed another pancake!

 
My son's been watching classic Bugs Bunny cartoons this year, and occasionally they creep into everyday interactions:

Mrs. Dogg was reprimanding Dogg Jr. and he didn't like it and said, "Of course you know this means war."

 
My 5 yo son, my 7 yo daughter and I were out playing squirt gun war. I had the hose and the 5 yo was coming at me and his gun ran out of water. He hollered, "Pause the game! Pause the game! I need a refill!"

 
The Eunuch Maker said:
This morning, as breakfast was winding down, our 12yo daughter asks to be excused. Her dad said yes and the 9yo daughter asks to be excused at the same exact time I say to the 12 yo to start the dishes. So the 9 yo says "oh, wait, I am still hungry" and grabbed another pancake!
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wat
 
The kids were playing Guitar Hero III and my five year old son says to me as I walk through the room 'Mommie....talk dirty to me'. I did a double take and kept on walking...I just had no reply for that.

Katy

p.s. it's one of the songs in GHIII if you are unfamiliar with the game.

 
We are setting up for a party today, and my 6yo is helping. I asked her to carry 5 beers from the upstairs fridge to the basement. She loaded up with 4, and I said there's another one at the top of the stairs.

She looked at me and said, "Daddy, can't you just drink that one?"

 
youbetcha said:
The kids were playing Guitar Hero III and my five year old son says to me as I walk through the room 'Mommie....talk dirty to me'. I did a double take and kept on walking...I just had no reply for that. Katyp.s. it's one of the songs in GHIII if you are unfamiliar with the game.
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For a second, we thought your kid was Oedipus, or something.
 
I was with my 6 yr old at the ice rink yesterday registering him to play fall hockey. He needed a new stick as well as an athletic supporter.

I found the youth size and went up to pay. I asked the young women at the register if I could take the supporter out of its plastic container to make sure that it would fit my son.

When I took it out...my kid says...

"Dad do I wear this to protect my penis?"

The girls face goes red...and I'm laughing pretty hard saying but trying to be serious "Yes it sure does."

 
My sister is having a baby and my 8 year old son wanted to name him. I said they already picked out a name, and he was disappointed. He loves star wars though, so I said, "Guess what? The new baby has the same name as somebody in Star Wars" to which my 8 year old replied "Cool! I have a cousin named Anakin!"

"No son, it's Luke"

"Oh, that's pretty cool too"

 
The Pop Warner certifications were yesterday and so I took my boy to get certified for football and my daughter to get certified for cheer. There are quite a few cheerleaders that have seen more than their fair share of happy meals, so while we were there, I get this whopper:

Son: Do cheerleaders have to make weight?

Me: Nope.

Son: Well, they should.

Me: :thumbup:

 
chet said:
We are setting up for a party today, and my 6yo is helping. I asked her to carry 5 beers from the upstairs fridge to the basement. She loaded up with 4, and I said there's another one at the top of the stairs. She looked at me and said, "Daddy, can't you just drink that one?"
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You have a very good child.
 
Corporation said:
My sister is having a baby and my 8 year old son wanted to name him. I said they already picked out a name, and he was disappointed. He loves star wars though, so I said, "Guess what? The new baby has the same name as somebody in Star Wars" to which my 8 year old replied "Cool! I have a cousin named Anakin!""No son, it's Luke" "Oh, that's pretty cool too"
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The Force is strong with this one.
 
My 3yr old sees me with a wet head after a shower and says, "Daddy, you need to dry your hair or you'll go pee pee!"

Me: :excited: Huh?

Her: If you don't dry your hair, the water will go into your body and will get turned into pee pee!

Me: :yes:

We've been talking about digestion and the part about waste apparently made an impression.

 
We went to a new hair place for the 5yo to get a haircut. The 3yo says "wow, this place is really clean. Not like our house at all!"

 
My son and I went to a Mexican joint last week. A older lady with really awful plastic surgery sat down. My son said, almost a bit too loud, "She looks like The Joker!"

I told him to whisper that kind of stuff. But DAMN, she really did look like The Joker.

 
My son has this cool little windup monkey toy that scoots to the left on his knuckles. He was playing with it the other night and starting singing:

I HAVE BANANAS IN MY MOUTH

OO OO

I HAVE BANANAS IN MY MOUTH

AH AH

Apparantly he just made it up. I am not kidding you, that is a blast to recite. Say that a few times to yourself and you'll be doing it all week.

 
My 5yo daughter came running into the bedroom this morning. I snatched her up and pulled her under the covers with me tickling her. She squirmed away and rolled over to the far side of the bed.

Me: Whatcha doin, get over here and snuggle with Daddy :lmao:

Her: No way :lmao:

Me: Why not? :D

Her: You smell like P.U. :lmao:

Me: :lmao:

 
My 5yo son had soccer practice last week, a couple days after our daughter was born. To kick off practice, the team huddles around me and the other coaches. The head coach starts off saying "I heard someone here has a new baby sister" He raises his hand excitedly. The the coach asks "Is she walking yet?" He says no. The other coach asks "Is she eating pizza?" I immediately cringe. Sure enough, my son says, "Nope she eats from mommy's boobies"

 
I got NFL helmet stickers for my 16 month old son and together we put them on a piece of paper he had drawn on and it's on the fridge.

Sunday, he's in my arms, and have him in front of his 'artwork'...

SJ96: "Peter, who are the Browns?"

Peter: (immediately points to the Browns helmet and starts cheering) "BA BA BA BA BA - BOWNS!"

SJ96: "Peter, did you know the Browns have the Dawg Pound?"

Peter: "woof woof woof!"

I have to admit I worked on him for maybe 10 minutes on recognizing the Browns helmet and the cheer. but he pulled the barking out on his own when I said Dawg Pound. I said it only so I could teach him to bark but he figured it out on his own.

GD I love this kid.

He also knows "ball ball" (football) and "tuh-down" (touchdown) and will raise his arms. Heck he not only knows them, but if I say the word football, he gets a big goofy grin and his head spins to the nearest TV. And if I say "Touchdown!" he'll copy me bu say it three times in a row.

 
Our son is 10 now and has developed quite a sarcastic streak. Our daughter Grace is 5 and hasn't quite adjusted to the new baby yet.....most of the time she's OK, but she doesn't get the attention she used to.

Yesterday we were all laying on the floor playing with the baby and all of a sudden Gracie just lost her ####. She starts stomping around and saying "Dammit dammit dammit!!!!" over and over.

My wife grabs her by the arm and takes her in the other room for a good chewing out. My son looks at me and deadpans:

"Well, I guess she won't be joining us for dinner."

:confused:

 
Afro Samurai said:
Our son is 10 now and has developed quite a sarcastic streak. Our daughter Grace is 5 and hasn't quite adjusted to the new baby yet.....most of the time she's OK, but she doesn't get the attention she used to.

Yesterday we were all laying on the floor playing with the baby and all of a sudden Gracie just lost her ####. She starts stomping around and saying "Dammit dammit dammit!!!!" over and over.

My wife grabs her by the arm and takes her in the other room for a good chewing out. My son looks at me and deadpans:

"Well, I guess she won't be joining us for dinner."

:brush:
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:lmao:
 
My son loves to run around and we always give him something as a finish line. After we watched the olympics for a week or so, he says mommy race.

Me: On your mark

Son crouches down with his fingers in front of him.

Me: Get set

His butt pops up

Me: Go!

He starts running

It's so funny when they pick up things up on their own.

One night, I was talking to my husband about my weight.

Me: I feel really fat lately.

Hubby: No, you look great

Son: MMMOOOOO!!!!

We were laughing for a while on that one.

 
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Afro Samurai said:
Our son is 10 now and has developed quite a sarcastic streak. Our daughter Grace is 5 and hasn't quite adjusted to the new baby yet.....most of the time she's OK, but she doesn't get the attention she used to.

Yesterday we were all laying on the floor playing with the baby and all of a sudden Gracie just lost her ####. She starts stomping around and saying "Dammit dammit dammit!!!!" over and over.

My wife grabs her by the arm and takes her in the other room for a good chewing out. My son looks at me and deadpans:

"Well, I guess she won't be joining us for dinner."

:rant:
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:lmao: Awesome
 
Not something my kid said nor is it recent by my wife reminded me of this the other day.

When my younger son was about 5 he had watched a cartoon on traffic safety or something. He liked to pretend to direct traffic in parking lots and driveways etc.

One day the whole family is walking into the mall and we get to the crosswalk right in front with a big group of people. All of the cars in both directions stop like they should but for some reason my kid decides he needs to help.

He stops right in the middle of the crosswalk and holds both of his hands out to the side like a cop stopping traffic...and his pants drop to his ankles. I laughed for 5 minutes at the sight of him standing there in his Spiderman drawers directing traffic.

 
My 4-year-old is sitting outside the door of the bathroom Sunday morning while I'm shaving.

Boy: "Dad, what animal is the nicest?"

Me: "The nicest?"

Boy: "I think prolly a deer or a moose is the nicest."

Me: "Okay."

Boy: "What about giants...are they nice?"

Me: "Well, giants aren't animals...and . .. wait, there really aren't any giants."

Boy: "Oh." "I bet cheetahs are the meanest."

Me: :thumbdown:

 
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My 4 YO this morning:

Cal: Daddy look! (points to leg)

Me: Yeah....

Cal: I got hair on my legs! That means I'm going to be a man soon!

Me: You sure will!

Cal: Then I can work, play cards and drink beer!

:goodposting:

 
Another one from my 4YO from yesterday. Last Sunday morning after church, my 4YO's Sunday School teacher, who is a friend of mine, says "dude, your son is a little player. He was trying to hug and kiss on Annalee all morning. We had to make him stop." He's never done that before, not a huge deal, but that afternoon, I casually told him that was something for grown-ups to do and that he didn't need to kiss girls at church. I asked him if he understood . . . he said he did and quickly changed the subject.

This little girl is in his preschool class - also at church - and this is the conversation that took place at the coloring table according to my son's teacher.

Boy: "Annalee, my dad said we can't kiss anymore....that's for grownups."

Annalee: :lmao:

. . . .

Boy: "Are you listening to me?"

Annalee: :mellow:

. . . .

Boy: "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Annalee: uh-huh

. . . .

Pretty sure he tried to tell her verbatim what I told him. :lmao:

 
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Not all that funny but damn cute imo. My little girl who turned 2 last month refers to me as "mydaddy", all one word, even when talking directly to me.

"Hi mydaddy"

"I love you mydaddy"

"Where are you mydaddy????"

Makes me melt inside every time, never gets old. :rant:

 
The Third said:
Another one from my 4YO from yesterday. Last Sunday morning after church, my 4YO's Sunday School teacher, who is a friend of mine, says "dude, your son is a little player. He was trying to hug and kiss on Annalee all morning. We had to make him stop." He's never done that before, not a huge deal, but that afternoon, I casually told him that was something for grown-ups to do and that he didn't need to kiss girls at church. I asked him if he understood . . . he said he did and quickly changed the subject.This little girl is in his preschool class - also at church - and this is the conversation that took place at the coloring table according to my son's teacher.Boy: "Annalee, my dad said we can't kiss anymore....that's for grownups."Annalee: :goodposting: . . . . Boy: "Are you listening to me?"Annalee: :D . . . . Boy: "Do you understand what I'm saying?"Annalee: uh-huh. . . . Pretty sure he tried to tell her verbatim what I told him. :coffee:
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Does he look like you? ;)
 
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Mrs. BSR said:
The Third said:
Another one from my 4YO from yesterday. Last Sunday morning after church, my 4YO's Sunday School teacher, who is a friend of mine, says "dude, your son is a little player. He was trying to hug and kiss on Annalee all morning. We had to make him stop." He's never done that before, not a huge deal, but that afternoon, I casually told him that was something for grown-ups to do and that he didn't need to kiss girls at church. I asked him if he understood . . . he said he did and quickly changed the subject.

This little girl is in his preschool class - also at church - and this is the conversation that took place at the coloring table according to my son's teacher.

Boy: "Annalee, my dad said we can't kiss anymore....that's for grownups."

Annalee: :mellow:

. . . .

Boy: "Are you listening to me?"

Annalee: :mellow:

. . . .

Boy: "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Annalee: uh-huh

. . . .

Pretty sure he tried to tell her verbatim what I told him. :lmao:
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Does he look like you? ;)
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MUCH better looking. :D

 
I love reading this thread. Always makes me smile/laugh!!

1. Recently my son has taken to combing words.

"bad attitude" is "battitude"

"ham and mayonnaise" is "hamonnaise"

2. In my son's Friday folder is all work done this past week. One assignment was "My Perfect Place", in which you were describe your perfect place to live. You could live by a lake, your school playground or an amusement park. My son decided that his perfect place to live was a volcano. He drew a picture of the volcano which included the magma chamber, a side vent, a crater, pumas and lava flow (all of which are denoted in the picture and included in the key). The teachers comment was...." Ummmm, interesting????".

 
The other day my 4 Y.O. is looking out the living room window and someone's walking a Daschund through the neighbourhood.

Son: Daddy, is that a wiener dog?

Me: Yes, it is

Son: Are they called wiener dogs because they have a big penis?

 
Last night, after I read the boys a story, the 4yo rolled over and grabbed his package. I said not to do that. He asked why. I said it is just inappropriate to do in front of your mother. His 5yo brother said "yeah, you have to wait til you are alone to do that".

I then said, no, you shouldn't do that til you are married (I know, stupid way to parent)

5yo then says "well, then I better get married really soon!"

 
The Eunuch Maker said:
Last night, after I read the boys a story, the 4yo rolled over and grabbed his package. I said not to do that. He asked why. I said it is just inappropriate to do in front of your mother. His 5yo brother said "yeah, you have to wait til you are alone to do that".I then said, no, you shouldn't do that til you are married (I know, stupid way to parent)5yo then says "well, then I better get married really soon!"
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Apparently they aren't aware of your handle here. :goodposting:
 
My wife reminded me today of something my daughter said years ago when she was going on 2...

We were getting ready to play in the snow and I was putting on some thick wool socks. She was staring at me with that thoughtful expression kids get. Finally, she asked, "How many bunnies did they have to kill to make those socks, Daddy?"

 
The other day I got home from work and I was in my bedroom changing out of my work clothes. My 5 year old daughter came in the room and asked:

Daughter: "Why do you and Mommy get the biggest room in the house?"

Rhino: "Well, the biggest room is called the 'master bedroom' and who is the master of our house?"

Daughter: "God is."

Rhino: " :shrug: Errrr... Umm... well yeah, but God doesn't need a bedroom, so Mommy and Daddy get it."

Gotta hand it to her - she almost stumped me, but I was very happy that was her immediate response without any hesitation. :shrug:

 
There is a bid of Dad-brag in this as well as funny...

We are doing a simple FF league with my wife's family (her brothers and their kids, and their dad) my two guys that are in it are 4 and 5.

My older boy, Alex has chosen the name of his team to be "Chicago Bears" and Andy the younger is "Green Bay Packers"

My oldest is really into it, he is constantly looking on the ESPN site for the weeks ahead to see who he is "versusing" and wants to see how he is doing over the course of the weekend to see whether he is beating his brother or cousin...

So far he is 1-1, not to bad especially when the auto-draft gave him JaMarcus Russell for his QB. (I know I have to work on that!)

Tonite he was talking with my wife, who is 0-2, and told her that her team is "like the Miami Dolphins."

I was shocked, a) that he knew that the Dolphins were that bad, and b) that he would talk to his mom like that!

Oh, and I was ROTFLMAO!!!!

 
iamsmilin said:
My son loves to run around and we always give him something as a finish line. After we watched the olympics for a One night, I was talking to my husband about my weight.Me: I feel really fat lately.Hubby: No, you look greatSon: MMMOOOOO!!!!We were laughing for a while on that one.
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That was funny. Sorry you're feeling fat.
 
The Eunuch Maker said:
Last night, after I read the boys a story, the 4yo rolled over and grabbed his package. I said not to do that. He asked why. I said it is just inappropriate to do in front of your mother. His 5yo brother said "yeah, you have to wait til you are alone to do that".I then said, no, you shouldn't do that til you are married (I know, stupid way to parent)5yo then says "well, then I better get married really soon!"
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Awesome.
 
Yankee23Fan said:
I'm going to build a new wing on that school by the time he is 4th grade.
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We all have those moments and I am the proud parent of two so while many things are said under my breathe, a couple still tend to slip out.One day with my son on the phone, I had called to check on him and being only 5 at the time (and also the same past year I had had a daughter (new marriage) he goes into everyones name, his fathers, mine, my new husbands, his grams, his baby sister....Him: Mom do you know what my name is?Me: Yes sweetie, I named youHIm: Well I can spell my name out...A-L-E-XMe: Yes I know thats very good honeyHIm: Whats my baby sisters name again I forgotMe: AriHim: How do you spell that?Me: Missy, M-I-S-S-YHim: You know I think me and my baby sister have very good names MommyNow mind you, with my husband now he has never been a father before, and many words come out the mouth of a new daddy (mainly the Sh** word), oddly even when still changes the random diaper now (2 months later) the word comes about and our girl is talking............any guess as to what she is saying? :lmao:
 
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tommykt said:
Yankee23Fan said:
I'm going to build a new wing on that school by the time he is 4th grade.
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We all have those moments and I am the proud parent of two so while many things are said under my breathe, a couple still tend to slip out.One day with my son on the phone, I had called to check on him and being only 5 at the time (and also the same past year I had had a daughter (new marriage) he goes into everyones name, his fathers, mine, my new husbands, his grams, his baby sister....Him: Mom do you know what my name is?Me: Yes sweetie, I named youHIm: Well I can spell my name out...A-L-E-XMe: Yes I know thats very good honeyHIm: Whats my baby sisters name again I forgotMe: AriHim: How do you spell that?Me: Missy, M-I-S-S-YHim: You know I think me and my baby sister have very good names MommyNow mind you, with my husband now he has never been a father before, and many words come out the mouth of a new daddy (mainly the Sh** word), oddly even when still changes the random diaper now (2 months later) the word comes about and our girl is talking............any guess as to what she is saying? :rolleyes:
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Okay....what?
 
The Third said:
tommykt said:
Yankee23Fan said:
I'm going to build a new wing on that school by the time he is 4th grade.
Click to expand...
We all have those moments and I am the proud parent of two so while many things are said under my breathe, a couple still tend to slip out.One day with my son on the phone, I had called to check on him and being only 5 at the time (and also the same past year I had had a daughter (new marriage) he goes into everyones name, his fathers, mine, my new husbands, his grams, his baby sister....Him: Mom do you know what my name is?Me: Yes sweetie, I named youHIm: Well I can spell my name out...A-L-E-XMe: Yes I know thats very good honeyHIm: Whats my baby sisters name again I forgotMe: AriHim: How do you spell that?Me: Missy, M-I-S-S-YHim: You know I think me and my baby sister have very good names MommyNow mind you, with my husband now he has never been a father before, and many words come out the mouth of a new daddy (mainly the Sh** word), oddly even when still changes the random diaper now (2 months later) the word comes about and our girl is talking............any guess as to what she is saying? :D
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Okay....what?
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:) :lmao: :lmao:
 
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