Funny things your kid has said (2 Viewers)

[The Noid]

On the way to a BBQ yesterday and was telling my soon-to-be 5yo son they were roasting a whole pig.

Him: "Why are they cooking the whole thing?"

Me: "Because some people like to eat all the different parts of the pig. Like the feet or the ears."

Him: "I'm going to eat his wiener."

How do I join the GM support group?

 

[Bob Loblaw]

A few months ago, my daughter saw me getting out of the shower and said, "Daddy, you've got fur."

 

[fat_kid]

My wife was trying to get my 2.5 year old to clean-up here toys. My wife told my daughter that she couldn't play with anything else until she cleaned up some of her toys. After a few minutes of 'negotiating', my daughter says to my wife, "Just throw them out then, Mommy." My wife had to leave the room in order for her not to laugh at what my daughter said.

 

[GroveDiesel]

I was with my 6 yr old at the ice rink yesterday registering him to play fall hockey. He needed a new stick as well as an athletic supporter.I found the youth size and went up to pay. I asked the young women at the register if I could take the supporter out of its plastic container to make sure that it would fit my son.When I took it out...my kid says..."Dad do I wear this to protect my penis?"The girls face goes red...and I'm laughing pretty hard saying but trying to be serious "Yes it sure does."

FBG move was to say "Well, it sure isn't fitting on me kid" while winking at the cashier

 

[GroveDiesel]

My wife was trying to get my 2.5 year old to clean-up here toys. My wife told my daughter that she couldn't play with anything else until she cleaned up some of her toys. After a few minutes of 'negotiating', my daughter says to my wife, "Just throw them out then, Mommy." My wife had to leave the room in order for her not to laugh at what my daughter said.

Reminds me of my buddy's 3 year old. The kids that had helped clean up all of their toys earlier in the day got a new toy. She had refused to help out so she didn't get a new toy. Later in the evening she was crying because she didn't get a new toy and said "Daddy, can you make the play room messy so that I can clean it and get a new toy?"

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I saw in the paper that in 2009 Disneyland will let people in free on their birthday. I mentioned it to my wife and kids and they started joking/arguing about which birthday would be the best day to go.

My 13 year old says "Next year my birthday will be on the 6th." My wife says "Gee, just like it has been for the last 13 years."

Kids are stupid.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

I saw in the paper that in 2009 Disneyland will let people in free on their birthday. I mentioned it to my wife and kids and they started joking/arguing about which birthday would be the best day to go.My 13 year old says "Next year my birthday will be on the 6th." My wife says "Gee, just like it has been for the last 13 years." Kids are stupid.

 

[The Dweeze]

On the way to a BBQ yesterday and was telling my soon-to-be 5yo son they were roasting a whole pig.Him: "Why are they cooking the whole thing?"Me: "Because some people like to eat all the different parts of the pig. Like the feet or the ears."Him: "I'm going to eat his wiener."How do I join the GM support group?

Thanks for sharing Noid. This had me all day.

 

[Worm]

On the way to a BBQ yesterday and was telling my soon-to-be 5yo son they were roasting a whole pig.Him: "Why are they cooking the whole thing?"Me: "Because some people like to eat all the different parts of the pig. Like the feet or the ears."Him: "I'm going to eat his wiener."How do I join the GM support group?

Thanks for sharing Noid. This had me all day.

Sounds like a Ralph Wiggum quote.

 

[Archie Bunker]

I took my 9-year old to the UConn-Baylor football game on Friday. The crowd got really riled up over a bad call against the home team. My son is equally irate and wants to yell at the refs, too.

Him: "Dad, How bad of a word can I use? Can I say, 'Suck?' Can I say the refs suck?"

Me: "No, don't use that word."

Him: "But Dad, they really do suck. Can i say it just once? Can I say the refs suck? They really suck Dad.

Me: "No"

This goes on for about 2 minutes while the replay booth reviews and refuses to overrule the bad call.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

My 4 y.o. has taken a liking to say GD when he gets mad. I caught him the other day and told him it wasn't nice and he should go back to saying "barnacles" like Sponge Bob.

This morning I hear him say "GOD BARNACLES I CAN'T LOGON TO THE COMPUTER!!"

 

[bdphifer]

My (almost) 6 y.o. Bears-fan son told his mother that the reason why his little sister was pulling her mother's hair was the fact that she (their mother) was wearing a Packer's jersey!

 

[Shutterbug]

I was at the grocery store trying to pick up a few items and my son had me turning at least 12 shades of red...

Here are a couple little gems....

(just walked by 4 Asian men in black suits)

Trev: Hey! LOOK! NINJAS!

Me: Trevor, they are not ninjas.

Trev: I know Tae Kwon Do. Want to see what I can do?

Random stranger 1: sure

Trev: :acts like he is kicking sideways in air:

Random Stranger 1: That is pretty good.

Trev: I know.

Trev: Are you a ninja?

Random Stranger 1: nooooo

Trev: Then you must be a spy. Spies wear black, too.

Random shoppers:

Me:

(walked by an older gentleman with grey hair and a Van Dyke)

Trev: You look like my dad

Random Stranger 2: :looks at me and smiles: Do I?

Trev: Yes.

Me: Trev... Everyone with hair on their face does not look like your dad.

Random shopper:

Trev: But he does look like dad

Random stranger 2: :chuckle:

Me: (trying to escape at this point) He does not look like your dad. He is about 20 or 30 years older. /whisper

Trev: Daddy is getting grey hair

Me: I can imagine...

As we were leaving the store...

Trev: Mom, there are those Mexicans again! (a little too loud while pointing in their direction)

Me: They are Asians, Trevor. Please stop talking now...

 

[pats3in4]

I was at the grocery store trying to pick up a few items and my son had me turning at least 12 shades of red...

Here are a couple little gems....

(just walked by 4 Asian men in black suits)

Trev: Hey! LOOK! NINJAS!

Me: Trevor, they are not ninjas.

Trev: I know Tae Kwon Do. Want to see what I can do?

Random stranger 1: sure

Trev: :acts like he is kicking sideways in air:

Random Stranger 1: That is pretty good.

Trev: I know.

Trev: Are you a ninja?

Random Stranger 1: nooooo

Trev: Then you must be a spy. Spies wear black, too.

Random shoppers:

Me:

(walked by an older gentleman with grey hair and a Van Dyke)

Trev: You look like my dad

Random Stranger 2: :looks at me and smiles: Do I?

Trev: Yes.

Me: Trev... Everyone with hair on their face does not look like your dad.

Random shopper:

Trev: But he does look like dad

Random stranger 2: :chuckle:

Me: (trying to escape at this point) He does not look like your dad. He is about 20 or 30 years older. /whisper

Trev: Daddy is getting grey hair

Me: I can imagine...

As we were leaving the store...

Trev: Mom, there are those Mexicans again! (a little too loud while pointing in their direction)

Me: They are Asians, Trevor. Please stop talking now...

So, does :X = asian or mexican?

 

[Shutterbug]

I was at the grocery store trying to pick up a few items and my son had me turning at least 12 shades of red...

Here are a couple little gems....

(just walked by 4 Asian men in black suits)

Trev: Hey! LOOK! NINJAS!

Me: Trevor, they are not ninjas.

Trev: I know Tae Kwon Do. Want to see what I can do?

Random stranger 1: sure

Trev: :acts like he is kicking sideways in air:

Random Stranger 1: That is pretty good.

Trev: I know.

Trev: Are you a ninja?

Random Stranger 1: nooooo

Trev: Then you must be a spy. Spies wear black, too.

Random shoppers:

Me:

(walked by an older gentleman with grey hair and a Van Dyke)

Trev: You look like my dad

Random Stranger 2: :looks at me and smiles: Do I?

Trev: Yes.

Me: Trev... Everyone with hair on their face does not look like your dad.

Random shopper:

Trev: But he does look like dad

Random stranger 2: :chuckle:

Me: (trying to escape at this point) He does not look like your dad. He is about 20 or 30 years older. /whisper

Trev: Daddy is getting grey hair

Me: I can imagine...

As we were leaving the store...

Trev: Mom, there are those Mexicans again! (a little too loud while pointing in their direction)

Me: They are Asians, Trevor. Please stop talking now...

So, does = asian or mexican?

At this point... I really do not know.

 

[Clown Car]

The other day my boys were playing light saber in the front yard. The 4yo says he has to pee. He whips it out and says "watch this! This is a real weapon!" and pees all over!

 

[Englishteacher]

The other day my boys were playing light saber in the front yard. The 4yo says he has to pee. He whips it out and says "watch this! This is a real weapon!" and pees all over!

I was born in 1973 so I was about 5 or so when Star Wars came out. Sometimes my brother and I would pee at the same time and we'd cross the streams and pretend we were fighting light sabers. Only they weren't light sabers, they were "Life Savers" like the candy because we were really young and that's what we "heard".Yes, this is an embarrassing story. Go ahead and laugh now.

 

[Sack-Religious]

Watching football with my 4 year-old son yesterday afternoon and I flip by the Ravens vs. Raiders game. They show Al Davis in the owners booth.

Son: "Ugggh, is he dead?"

Me:

 

[Early_10]

Our son is 10 now and has developed quite a sarcastic streak. Our daughter Grace is 5 and hasn't quite adjusted to the new baby yet.....most of the time she's OK, but she doesn't get the attention she used to.

Yesterday we were all laying on the floor playing with the baby and all of a sudden Gracie just lost her ####. She starts stomping around and saying "Dammit dammit dammit!!!!" over and over.

My wife grabs her by the arm and takes her in the other room for a good chewing out. My son looks at me and deadpans:

"Well, I guess she won't be joining us for dinner."

 

[Shutterbug]

Trevor has stumbled acrossed a new favorite phrase...

Me: No socks, Trev?

Trev: You're lucky I have boxers on.

Me:

Trev: (wrapped in a towel) I didn't wash my hair.

Me: Why not?

Trev: You're lucky I washed my body, mom.

Me: No, I'm lucky you didn't drain out the tub. Go wash your hair, please.

Trev:

 

[Shutterbug]

Our son is 10 now and has developed quite a sarcastic streak. Our daughter Grace is 5 and hasn't quite adjusted to the new baby yet.....most of the time she's OK, but she doesn't get the attention she used to.

Yesterday we were all laying on the floor playing with the baby and all of a sudden Gracie just lost her ####. She starts stomping around and saying "Dammit dammit dammit!!!!" over and over.

My wife grabs her by the arm and takes her in the other room for a good chewing out. My son looks at me and deadpans:

"Well, I guess she won't be joining us for dinner."

 

[Worm]

2 year old daughter: Mommy, you can reach the tennis ball? (tennis ball was under the couch)

Mommy: No, honey, I don't think I can reach it.

Daughter: Daddy can reach it, he's got big muscles!

Me:

Mommy, chuckling ( ): Well honey, he can reach it because he's got long arms.

Daughter: Daddy can reach it, he's got looooooooooong muscles!

Us:

 

[Early_10]

My 5 year old had his birthday party yesterday. Along with my own 5 kids, his best buddy didn't have a ride so he went with us too. On the way home they're all hyped up and singing and giggling loud and excitedly. My 3 year old is visibly exhausted and almost asleep when my 9 yr old daughter makes one of those loud shrieking screams only a girl can make and my 3 year old yells, "WILL YOU SHUT THE F UP!"

We're all kind of like and he turns his head and goes back to sleep.

 

[Shutterbug]

My 5 year old had his birthday party yesterday. Along with my own 5 kids, his best buddy didn't have a ride so he went with us too. On the way home they're all hyped up and singing and giggling loud and excitedly. My 3 year old is visibly exhausted and almost asleep when my 9 yr old daughter makes one of those loud shrieking screams only a girl can make and my 3 year old yells, "WILL YOU SHUT THE F UP!"We're all kind of like and he turns his head and goes back to sleep.

 

[Lucky Bucky]

Wife and I took our kids (6 and 4) to a college hockey game over the weekend. A penalty is called and a skater goes into the penalty box:

6 year old daughter: Is that the penalty box?

Me: Yes

6 year old daughter: They have to stay in there the entire two minutes?

Me: Yes

6 year old daughter: (Thinks for a few seconds) Can they breathe in there?

Me: Yes

4 year old son: Well, that seems fair.

 

[Dreamer]

My 3rd grade son has to use his spelling words in sentences, one of the words was wonder.

His sentence was "I wonder why my teacher is always angry?".

 

[GroveDiesel]

Wife and I took our kids (6 and 4) to a college hockey game over the weekend. A penalty is called and a skater goes into the penalty box:6 year old daughter: Is that the penalty box?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: They have to stay in there the entire two minutes?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: (Thinks for a few seconds) Can they breathe in there?Me: Yes4 year old son: Well, that seems fair.

 

[regularguy]

Wife and I took our kids (6 and 4) to a college hockey game over the weekend. A penalty is called and a skater goes into the penalty box:6 year old daughter: Is that the penalty box?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: They have to stay in there the entire two minutes?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: (Thinks for a few seconds) Can they breathe in there?Me: Yes4 year old son: Well, that seems fair.

 

[Shutterbug]

Wife and I took our kids (6 and 4) to a college hockey game over the weekend. A penalty is called and a skater goes into the penalty box:6 year old daughter: Is that the penalty box?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: They have to stay in there the entire two minutes?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: (Thinks for a few seconds) Can they breathe in there?Me: Yes4 year old son: Well, that seems fair.

 

[Sack-Religious]

Wife has my 4 y.o. son at the school bus stop this morning. Random woman comes up to my wife asking if my wife smokes and if she does, can she buy a couple cigarettes off her.

Wife: Nope, don't smoke.

Woman: Good for you.

Woman: (Speaking to my son): You've got a smart mommy, not smoking and all and walks away.

Son: Mommy, why does that lady smoke?

Wife: I don't know, I guess she likes it.

Son: Well, I guess she WANTS to die.

 

[McJose]

My 3rd grade son has to use his spelling words in sentences, one of the words was wonder. His sentence was "I wonder why my teacher is always angry?".

:(

 

[pats3in4]

My 4yr old daughter is playing in the school courtyard before it's time to go into the classroom today. Two boys in her class see her on top of the slide and playfully shriek before running away. She yells after them:

"Hey, I'm not a monster, I'm a girrrrrl!"

 

[belljr]

Wife and I took our kids (6 and 4) to a college hockey game over the weekend. A penalty is called and a skater goes into the penalty box:6 year old daughter: Is that the penalty box?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: They have to stay in there the entire two minutes?Me: Yes6 year old daughter: (Thinks for a few seconds) Can they breathe in there?Me: Yes4 year old son: Well, that seems fair.

 

[Chunky Soup]

"Have a good season, Guy"

 

[FBGirl79]

I was take my 6 year old cousin home after a day at the zoo and we drive by a house and there is an Obama sign in the yard.

Him: aww man those people like Obama (more like Boma coming from him)

Me: Yes they do.

Him: I hate Boma

Me: I don't think hate is a very nice word to say about someone even if you don't like them.

Him: Well, I don't like him. If he becomes president then I will have to go to school on Saturdays

Me: Now why would the president make you go to school on saturdays...I don't think that's true

Him: Well, if he wins this vampire bat (toy I bought him in the gift shop for $7.00) will probably cost 10 dollars next time you take me.

Me: I don't know about that

Him: And if McCain wins it will probably only cost 4 dollars

Me: Samuel, who told you that?

Him: Nobody, I just thought it in my head...well maybe I heard it from someones mouth but really I think about it when I go to bed at night.

I was trying not to laugh and just let him talk but he was so serious about his bat costing more...I don't remember anything about a presidential election before 8th grade.

 

[JoePlumber]

Wife has my 4 y.o. son at the school bus stop this morning. Random woman comes up to my wife asking if my wife smokes and if she does, can she buy a couple cigarettes off her. Wife: Nope, don't smoke.Woman: Good for you. Woman: (Speaking to my son): You've got a smart mommy, not smoking and all and walks away.Son: Mommy, why does that lady smoke?Wife: I don't know, I guess she likes it.Son: Well, I guess she WANTS to die.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

My wife just put the 4.5 yo in the shower. All of sudden he is screaming "AHHH it's hot!!". I hear my 1.5 yo say "hawt".

I go in to check the water and it is pretty hot so I turn it down a little.

I'm a bit confused because it should have been fine. I ask my wife if she started the load of laundry or something. No.

Then I just looked over and see my 1.5 yo flush the toilet in the bathroom and run out saying "hawwwt" while .

 

[Shutterbug]

My wife just put the 4.5 yo in the shower. All of sudden he is screaming "AHHH it's hot!!". I hear my 1.5 yo say "hawt".I go in to check the water and it is pretty hot so I turn it down a little.I'm a bit confused because it should have been fine. I ask my wife if she started the load of laundry or something. No.Then I just looked over and see my 1.5 yo flush the toilet in the bathroom and run out saying "hawwwt" while .

 

[Early_10]

Took my boys to the mall yesterday to kill an hour while we waited to pick up the baby. We're sitting in the food court eating onion rings when my 6 yr old starts reading all the store signs. He gets to "New York Fries" and asks what York spells. I tell him and he reads the whole sign. He asks is that fries for the Rangers or Islanders?

 

[The Noid]

In response to my mom telling my 5 year-old he needs to be good this time of year because Santa is watching and he might get coal:

"That's ok, I'll just use it to make diamonds and sell them to buy my own toys."

 

[Draftnik]

Heh, just found this thread for the first time.

During the Olympics, my 4 year old son who got VERY into the whole thing says to me:

"Daddy, why do they give a false start to the field? They're on the track, NOT the field."

 

[E-Z Glider]

Rare political discussion around the E-Z dinner table last night...

Wife: Do you girls know what's going to happen next week?

5yo: No, what?

7yo: Kayla's Birthday?!?!?!

Wife: No, the election. We are going to elect a new president!

Me: Burp

Wife: Do you girls know who's running for president?

7yo: I DO!

5yo: ME TOO!

Wife to 5yo: OK, who is running for president?

5yo: Baracolli somthing?

Me:

 

[Draftnik]

Took my boys to the mall yesterday to kill an hour while we waited to pick up the baby. We're sitting in the food court eating onion rings when my 6 yr old starts reading all the store signs. He gets to "New York Fries" and asks what York spells. I tell him and he reads the whole sign. He asks is that fries for the Rangers or Islanders?

That's awesome. He should hang out with my son. He's four and can pronounce names like Afinogenov and Visnovsky.

 

[Wildcat]

My son when he was about 7:

Son: Dad, you ever notice how every family has their own smell? (as we were leaving a friends' house)

Me: No, I haven't, but now that you mention it . . . .

Now I can't go into someone's house without taking note of their "smell".

 

[Tecumseh]

Cue yet another political ad:

6yr old daughter: Daddy, do want "Ackobama" to win?

Me: No, honey.

6yr old: Good, you want John McCain to win. Me too.

Me: Well, not really. I don't particularly like either one.

6yr old: Daddy, I'm not trying to call you an idiot...

 

[Mrs. BSR]

Cue yet another political ad:6yr old daughter: Daddy, do want "Ackobama" to win?Me: No, honey.6yr old: Good, you want John McCain to win. Me too.Me: Well, not really. I don't particularly like either one.6yr old: Daddy, I'm not trying to call you an idiot...

 

[parasaurolophus]

my 5 y.o. son was outside driving around in his arctic cat yesterday and I could see he was singing. I got close enough to hear what he was singing and I hear "Rock the casbah. The shareef dont like it"

i think he may have said chef instead of shareef, but I was too busy laughing to really make out exactly.

 

[regularguy]

Cue yet another political ad:6yr old daughter: Daddy, do want "Ackobama" to win?Me: No, honey.6yr old: Good, you want John McCain to win. Me too.Me: Well, not really. I don't particularly like either one.6yr old: Daddy, I'm not trying to call you an idiot...

 

[Clown Car]

I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."

 

[ChampBailey24]

My wife just put the 4.5 yo in the shower. All of sudden he is screaming "AHHH it's hot!!". I hear my 1.5 yo say "hawt".I go in to check the water and it is pretty hot so I turn it down a little.I'm a bit confused because it should have been fine. I ask my wife if she started the load of laundry or something. No.Then I just looked over and see my 1.5 yo flush the toilet in the bathroom and run out saying "hawwwt" while .