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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (23 Viewers)

mr. furley said:
how much do you guys hang out one on one?  is there something you both like?

do you ever drag him along on "road trips" to do dumb #### together?
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Huge fan of the road trip.  Forced interaction is pretty good, IMO.  I was actually looking very much forward to driving to Michigan this summer with my two older boys.  Had it all planned out and everything, including a stop in Grand Island, NE to have beers with a FBG.  

But then I priced it out and came to the conclusion that flying us all would be about the same price, minus the long hard drive.  So the dream is pushed back, for now.   

 
krista4 said:
While we're on family time in the GMTAN today, could I rant for a minute?

My wonderful grandfather will turn 97 on Wednesday.  He's as kind and good a man as you could meet.  Hasn't had a super-easy life, lost two wives under tragic circumstances in each case, didn't go to college but worked hard and has amassed a decent amount of money, considering.  I hope he lives to be 120 and spends every dime of it somehow, but it's likely that he'll leave behind maybe half a million assuming he lives a few more years.

We have a small family - my mom is an only child, and I only have one brother, who has one son who is 17 years old and could probably take Sweet J, though he wouldn't because he's a sweetheart (my nephew, not Sweet J).  My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live in the same town as my Grandpa, and until 18 months ago my mom and stepfather did as well.  Despite living in the same town, my brother and his family almost never see my grandpa - at most a couple of times a year when they begrudgingly invite him to a holiday celebration.  When grandpa's second wife died a little over a year ago, my mom and I both made numerous trips there to take care of everything, including the joy of going through a 90-something-year-old lady's underwear drawer, and to get my grandpa's house sold and get him into assisted living, which we toured with him, made all arrangements, etc.  During all this time, my brother and family were not seen at all.

My mom and I would be perfectly happy if my grandpa left some money for my adored nephew's college fund (though he is well funded already by my mom and my stepmother) and left the rest to his church or another charity.  But we found out a couple of weeks ago that, within days of our last visit, my sister-in-law (second wife, who's been married to my brother 7-8 years), who volunteered to "help" my grandpa by taking him to the lawyers' office to work through some paperwork relating to his wife's accident, also managed while there to have him change his will so that (1) she is now the executor of his estate (despite knowing him for about eight years and being generally useless), and (2) half his estate is going to my nephew, with my sister-in-law as trustee until he turns 21, and another 1/4 to my brother.  

Sigh.  

My mom is down there now for grandpa's birthday, and talked to him today about this.  Apparently he doesn't remember any of it and is not sure how it got set up that way.  He's ninety-#######-seven and will sign whatever you tell him.  Un-#######-believable.  Or perfectly believable, I guess.  I've just never dealt with this kind of greed in my own family before, despite seeing other people talk about it.  What is it about a little money that makes people so, so awful?
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Sounds like you need to go Bulldoll the hell out of that twazatt.

 
Sweet J said:
I would lose my everloving mind.  How in god's name did this get past a lawyer.  I know, I know, the SIL sounds awful, but you almost expect it.  The lawyer, though, shouldn't he get an angry phone call? 
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I'm always hesitant to give lawyerly advice over the interweb, but there are a couple of things that could be going on here that would make this less nefarious.  Grandpa may appear lucid for shorter interactions, but not longer ones.  Lawyers aren't typically trained in evaluating someone's overall mental state.*  To have capacity to make a will generally only requires that the testator understands what assets they own, and who the heirs/beneficiaries are.  It is a very low standard, and in my state, you need clear and convincing evidence to show lack of capacity.  As a practical matter, you pretty much have to have a doctor who saw the person near the date of the will who can testify that they didn't have those understandings.

That said, grandpa might also be just fine, and maybe realizes/thinks that some of his heirs are worse off than others, and he wants to help the less fortunate, even if he knows that they haven't done much for him.  Some elderly people very much value the intensity of their relationship when making a will, but others are more interested in leveling the playing field; that is, he might think that brother has had bad luck, and he can change it.

My two cents @krista4 ?  Give serious though to letting it go.  I've been involved in contested probate matters with siblings, and it can be worse than divorce.  Even when the torture of the process is over, you're still siblings, not exes.  I know for you, it's not about the money, it's about what's right.  But I can tell you the worst cases, by far, are the ones that are not about the money.

glll GBK4

*On the other hand, it should be pretty routine for a lawyer that writes wills to know that they ought to interview the client without anyone else present.  Hopefully this lawyer did that.

 
Dan Lambskin said:
It could be worse.  I had a fairly wealthy uncle with 2 kids (daughter who took care of him and her mom with dementia,  POS son)

I forget the specifics but I believe son was finally taken out of the will or had inheritance greatly reduced.  He ended up challenging it, saying daughter starved the old man and forced him to sign, something like that 

So after years and tons of money in court fees she agreed to a settlement of a couple hundred K but on the condition she got the family farmhouse back (which by the way now closely resembled carcosa in True Detective Season 1 ).  Anyway the day after it was settled the house mysteriously burnt down 
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See now I think it was an inside job myself.

 
Ignoramus said:
I had a dream last night that I was on some Alaskan wilderness safari thing with GM.  We rode around in a bus with a cute girl as our guide and we saw baby bears.  The only real detail I remember is GM asking me to look up what 34 plus 1,000 was which had me pretty shuked.
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That's weird because I just weighed myself this morning and i'm 1,034 pounds now!

 
Thorn said:
I'm always hesitant to give lawyerly advice over the interweb, but there are a couple of things that could be going on here that would make this less nefarious.  Grandpa may appear lucid for shorter interactions, but not longer ones.  Lawyers aren't typically trained in evaluating someone's overall mental state.*  To have capacity to make a will generally only requires that the testator understands what assets they own, and who the heirs/beneficiaries are.  It is a very low standard, and in my state, you need clear and convincing evidence to show lack of capacity.  As a practical matter, you pretty much have to have a doctor who saw the person near the date of the will who can testify that they didn't have those understandings.

That said, grandpa might also be just fine, and maybe realizes/thinks that some of his heirs are worse off than others, and he wants to help the less fortunate, even if he knows that they haven't done much for him.  Some elderly people very much value the intensity of their relationship when making a will, but others are more interested in leveling the playing field; that is, he might think that brother has had bad luck, and he can change it.

My two cents @krista4 ?  Give serious though to letting it go.  I've been involved in contested probate matters with siblings, and it can be worse than divorce.  Even when the torture of the process is over, you're still siblings, not exes.  I know for you, it's not about the money, it's about what's right.  But I can tell you the worst cases, by far, are the ones that are not about the money.

glll GBK4

*On the other hand, it should be pretty routine for a lawyer that writes wills to know that they ought to interview the client without anyone else present.  Hopefully this lawyer did that.
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Thank you, GBThorn (and others who've offered advice).

My venting probably made it all sound like a bigger deal than it is.  I was just surprised, as I always seem to be but shouldn't, that people can be greedy and awful.

My grandpa is meeting with a lawyer (my cousin on my dad's side) tomorrow who is going to get it all down the way he wants it.

Grandpa is shockingly lucid, aware, and smart for his age - he reads three newspapers a day and is up on everything going on the world (life-long Republican who hates Trump, so you know he has some brain cells still going), so I was surprised he didn't really remember this, but as more has come out it's nearly exactly what you predicted:  he is under the (possibly incorrect) impression that my brother's family needs money moreso than my mom or me.  As you pointed out, there is some view toward "leveling the field."  However, what he has stated he really wants is (1) my mom to be executor (duh), and (2) to divide things equally among the four people whom he considers his "family," which would be my mom, brother, nephew and me.  My brother essentially ends up with half, which is OK as long as that's what grandpa wants.

There won't be any big arguments or family turmoil as a result.  I don't know what got into my SIL and wouldn't be surprised if my brother didn't even know this had happened.  We'll just get the changes made and move on.  We all already thought the SIL was a #####.

 
General Malaise said:
5ish?  Maybe we could do a late lunch and beers?  Maybe take turns on a street hooker?
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You rang? Beers are cool.  I'm not touching some street hooker from Portland's Living Room though.  I've got standards.

Reg Lllama of Brixton said:
Do we really want Richard Simmons to be more in the public eye?
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"I just swung past to see how fey this thread had become."

If you don't want more of that out in public, brother, I don't know what to tell you.  You can't cage "Dietetics' Emmet Kelly."  He's gotta swing free.  Like a bald, gay, freaking eagle. 

 
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Chapter 637 of There's Something Wrong With Me:  I went to three grocery stores and a Wal-Mart last night because I was determined to buy the same shampoo I normally get, fighting a rising tide of panic that it might have been discontinued. I'm very particular about what I put in the M.O.S.H.

 
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