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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (27 Viewers)

krista4 said:
5-ish Finkle said:
krista4 said:
And my Grandpa is, like, the best guy ever.
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What's Grandpa say? If he says "it's okay" then it's okay. In my book anyway.

Hope that doesn't come off as me being a giant ###. I get the "you go to the funeral" @#$!....to a degree. In general, they idea of them is pretty morbid. You hang around staring at a corpse. Much bigger fan of wakes. I want to be cremated, mixed with the ashes of my wife/dog if they went first and then fired out of a cannon. Screw having everyone stand around ogling my husk(although, who could blame anyone? I'm sort of hot and grow hotter with every single year).

If Grandpa is truly okay with you missing it, then it really boils down to how you'll feel in a year if you don't go. If the answer is "sort of ####ty" then you go anyway.
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Grandpa asked immediately if I could come, but when told I couldn't was understanding about that, but then perked up a lot when hearing that I would come later. My mom is an only child, and my only sibling is a ####, so I'm kind of all he has in terms of grandchildren who are good to him. When he said he understood I know he did logically (despite being 95, he's sharp as a tack), but I'm not sure that's enough.

####.

I actually try to picture the visitation and funeral and whether my presence makes a difference. And not to be too personal or morbid, but my grandmother - to whom he was married 50 years - died tragically (suicide) and he was understandably devastated. He has been married to this woman for 18 years, so it's not like it's a new relationship, but I don't get the feeling he liked her much over the last many years, and she was old and had had health problems, though she actually died from being hit by a car a few weeks ago. I'm just saying it's a lot less emotional, sudden, and sad for him. He seems very much at peace with it and in fact was making some "end of life" decisions that were pretty extreme and difficult such as deciding to stop giving her fluids and nutrition. So, though I know this is some justification I'm giving for not going, it is not nearly so devastating.

Still, burying your wife for a second time ain't easy. On the plus side, my mom - who has become a saint in recent weeks - is going to spend 10 days there.
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In that case I would definitely not cancel the work trip. Some days with your mom and your grandpa making things right would be an amazing turn of events, and it's currently set up to happen.
 
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K4, I see no reason that you 'need' to be at the funeral home/service especially if you are already planning on getting to your Grandpap after your work travel. I think the time that you will have with your mom and Grandpap will mean more to him/them than missing the service.

 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
krista4 said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
I would give advice but Saturday night, after my mom's 80th birthday party, I made my sister so mad #### lost her #### and became semi physical. But it was worth it/long time coming.
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I'm so sorry. Family can be such a #####.
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Damn. I shouldn't have posted that because

1 it is ambiguously coy

2 It detracted attention from your legit and difficult situation

Please ignore.
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It is also very hard to imagine you making somebody so upset, so I am doubting it even happened.

 
Stoneys said:
K4, I see no reason that you 'need' to be at the funeral home/service especially if you are already planning on getting to your Grandpap after your work travel. I think the time that you will have with your mom and Grandpap will mean more to him/them than missing the service.
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I agree with this.

 
krista4 said:
Frostillicus said:
If it would make gramps happy I say do it.
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:thumbup: Yeah, gramps is a super-special guy.
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I think you go too, especially given what sounds like a tight relationship with Gramps and his first (and likely most emotionally honest) reaction being wanting you to come.

call the airline and explain your situation- I think they offer some payment/change-fees forgiveness in situations like this. even though I had to get a ####### official note to united to prove that my dad had actually died when I had to fly out the night I heard the unexpected news.

 
Abraham said:
Reply, file or delete. Don't let your inbox be a to do list.
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It's not. Everything gets read and actionable things are acted upon... it's just the filing part that I struggle with. Maybe it's because I have specific folders and subfolders for, say, each vendor and each customer and many times things could fall into multiple categories. I can maintain it for a day or two but invariably fail to keep up.
 
Ignoramus said:
Abraham said:
Reply, file or delete. Don't let your inbox be a to do list.
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It's not. Everything gets read and actionable things are acted upon... it's just the filing part that I struggle with. Maybe it's because I have specific folders and subfolders for, say, each vendor and each customer and many times things could fall into multiple categories. I can maintain it for a day or two but invariably fail to keep up.
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My stuff only hangs in my inbox for 90 days and then is gone forever for legal porpoises. So, I just keep everything so I can easily search. Everything is read, but that inbox is full!

 
Ignoramus said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
You folks haven't lived until you've experienced 6th grade teachers replying all to most of the emails you get.
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Reply All: PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO ALL!
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preschool parents- usually newer parents- are horrible at this.

let me rephrase. preschool moms who aren't working are horrible at this. it allows them a chance to have actual conversations with non-toddler people, and they can't resist.

 
Notorious T.R.E. said:
Ignoramus said:
Abraham said:
Reply, file or delete. Don't let your inbox be a to do list.
Click to expand...
It's not. Everything gets read and actionable things are acted upon... it's just the filing part that I struggle with. Maybe it's because I have specific folders and subfolders for, say, each vendor and each customer and many times things could fall into multiple categories. I can maintain it for a day or two but invariably fail to keep up.
Click to expand...
My stuff only hangs in my inbox for 90 days and then is gone forever for legal porpoises. So, I just keep everything so I can easily search. Everything is read, but that inbox is full!
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I have to keep my inbox with stuff spanning the length of my active projects- some of which go back several years.

 
Hi K4, late to the party but this is my take as a guy who is maybe too sentimental:

Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living. If your grandpa was that hopeful that you might make it, and that happy that you could make it after the fact, imagine how grateful and happy he'll be when you show up to the funeral unexpectedly and give him a hug, tell him you love him, and stand by his side with your hand on his arm while he deals with the other people who are trying to gain strength from him (it's crappy but that's what people tend to do at funerals - sap more strength from the surviving spouse/family). I get the feeling it would mean the world to him and thus would be worth the headache and work it would take to make it happen. Just my two cents.

P.S. I think it's A. Amazing that you still have a living grandparent and B. are that close to him. Makes me jealous. :)

 
krista4 said:
5-ish Finkle said:
krista4 said:
And my Grandpa is, like, the best guy ever.
Click to expand...
What's Grandpa say? If he says "it's okay" then it's okay. In my book anyway.

Hope that doesn't come off as me being a giant ###. I get the "you go to the funeral" @#$!....to a degree. In general, they idea of them is pretty morbid. You hang around staring at a corpse. Much bigger fan of wakes. I want to be cremated, mixed with the ashes of my wife/dog if they went first and then fired out of a cannon. Screw having everyone stand around ogling my husk(although, who could blame anyone? I'm sort of hot and grow hotter with every single year).

If Grandpa is truly okay with you missing it, then it really boils down to how you'll feel in a year if you don't go. If the answer is "sort of ####ty" then you go anyway.
Click to expand...
Grandpa asked immediately if I could come, but when told I couldn't was understanding about that, but then perked up a lot when hearing that I would come later. My mom is an only child, and my only sibling is a ####, so I'm kind of all he has in terms of grandchildren who are good to him. When he said he understood I know he did logically (despite being 95, he's sharp as a tack), but I'm not sure that's enough.

####.

I actually try to picture the visitation and funeral and whether my presence makes a difference. And not to be too personal or morbid, but my grandmother - to whom he was married 50 years - died tragically (suicide) and he was understandably devastated. He has been married to this woman for 18 years, so it's not like it's a new relationship, but I don't get the feeling he liked her much over the last many years, and she was old and had had health problems, though she actually died from being hit by a car a few weeks ago. I'm just saying it's a lot less emotional, sudden, and sad for him. He seems very much at peace with it and in fact was making some "end of life" decisions that were pretty extreme and difficult such as deciding to stop giving her fluids and nutrition. So, though I know this is some justification I'm giving for not going, it is not nearly so devastating.

Still, burying your wife for a second time ain't easy. On the plus side, my mom - who has become a saint in recent weeks - is going to spend 10 days there.
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Really sorry you are going through this, GB, and I know you'll do the right thing. Please forgive me as I admit this, but the bolded sentence kind of blindsided me and I chortled, which makes me a horrible human and I'm sorry....just was not expecting "hit by a car" there.

 
Grandpa asked immediately if I could come, but when told I couldn't was understanding about that, but then perked up a lot when hearing that I would come later.
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It's better to come after the funeral anyway because you won't be able to spend any time with him alone.

 
I have twin aunts - Lucy and Sally - who are my dad's younger sisters. Neither one has any kids of their own, so my sister and I are pretty close to them. We don't get to see them very often, but I email with them occasionally, send them pictures and updates of the kids and talk football with them (they both love football). They are both extremely excited about our twins, so they are coming in town this Sunday.

Sally was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and though we're hoping they caught it early enough to kick it in the teeth, you just don't know when it comes to the evil and unpredictability that is the Big C. I haven't seen her or Lucy in years, so I'm really excited to see them and I do hope Sally is mending.

K4's story about her mom staying with her ex-husband's wife's sister (did I get that right) touched a chord in me. Sally and Lucy were very fond of my ex-wife and vice versa. Since dinner will be on Sunday at my house and since Sunday's are usually my ex's day/night with our sons, I have asked Flags for the boys on Sunday so they can see their great aunts. Flags of course said "no problem", as she always does. I also thought it would be nice to invite Flags and her BF over to the house to see Sally and Lucy and have dinner with us. She has accepted the invite. :thumbup:

 
Homer J Simpson said:
Krista, do you want to see your whole family or just be there for your gramps? Sounds like you don't want to see everyone but feel obligated.

I'm going the other way from tonight's advice...unless you want to see everyone, then don't go. Make some excuse about planes blowing up on the west coast and Obama and ####, but book a flight back to Louisville in a week or two and spend some good solid time with your grandpa. One on one rather than just another person in his face during his worst week ever.

Not to sound harsh, but as an honorary crusty old ******* I think I might be right. Your family might think less of you, but gramps will totally dig it.
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Homer J Simpson said:
Krista, do you want to see your whole family or just be there for your gramps? Sounds like you don't want to see everyone but feel obligated.

I'm going the other way from tonight's advice...unless you want to see everyone, then don't go. Make some excuse about planes blowing up on the west coast and Obama and ####, but book a flight back to Louisville in a week or two and spend some good solid time with your grandpa. One on one rather than just another person in his face during his worst week ever.

Not to sound harsh, but as an honorary crusty old ******* I think I might be right. Your family might think less of you, but gramps will totally dig it.
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There's no wrong answer here IMO, but I'm kinda with Homer on this one. Sometimes it's the post-funeral period where a grieving person can use some support. But every situation is different and you know better than anyone else what works best in this one.

 
Thanks to all again for the great advice. It warms my cold, crusty heart that so many of you were willing to take the time to consider my situation and give your thoughts, especially when folks like facook who don't stop by here often do so.

I talked to my mom who was adamant that coming later would actually be better in this instance. As some of you alluded to, my grandpa will be surrounded by lots of folks this week, but it's next week when he will start to feel more alone. Plus, as it turns out, my mom has arranged for some things like meeting with lawyers and touring assisted living facilities next week, for which I can actually be useful. That's the plan; I hope that it will be the right one for grandpa.

Good job on the kind invite, GM, to the exMrsGM. That will mean a lot to them.

 
krista4 said:
Thanks to all again for the great advice. It warms my cold, crusty heart that so many of you were willing to take the time to consider my situation and give your thoughts, especially when folks like facook who don't stop by here often do so.

I talked to my mom who was adamant that coming later would actually be better in this instance. As some of you alluded to, my grandpa will be surrounded by lots of folks this week, but it's next week when he will start to feel more alone. Plus, as it turns out, my mom has arranged for some things like meeting with lawyers and touring assisted living facilities next week, for which I can actually be useful. That's the plan; I hope that it will be the right one for grandpa.

Good job on the kind invite, GM, to the exMrsGM. That will mean a lot to them.
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It sounds like it is going to work out as well as it could, given the circumstances.

I think making a decision based on the specifics of the situation is a better course than following some rule of thumb like "you always go to the funeral." Rules of thumb aren't immutable laws of physics...

 
General Malaise said:
So, having never seen the show nor any promos for it nor any printed material, here's my understanding of "The Walking Dead".

There's zombies. They are chasing non-zombies, only they don't move very fast. All they really want to do is eat the non-zombies. I am not sure if eating a non-zombie creates a new zombie, so this part confuses me. Like, I know a vampire kills a non vampire and sometimes they become vampires. Is that the case here? Also, I think there are motor cycle gangs, but that might be Sons of Anarchy. I also think this show takes place in Youngstown, OH.
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100% correct

 
General Malaise said:
I have twin aunts - Lucy and Sally - who are my dad's younger sisters. Neither one has any kids of their own, so my sister and I are pretty close to them. We don't get to see them very often, but I email with them occasionally, send them pictures and updates of the kids and talk football with them (they both love football). They are both extremely excited about our twins, so they are coming in town this Sunday.

Sally was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and though we're hoping they caught it early enough to kick it in the teeth, you just don't know when it comes to the evil and unpredictability that is the Big C. I haven't seen her or Lucy in years, so I'm really excited to see them and I do hope Sally is mending.

K4's story about her mom staying with her ex-husband's wife's sister (did I get that right) touched a chord in me. Sally and Lucy were very fond of my ex-wife and vice versa. Since dinner will be on Sunday at my house and since Sunday's are usually my ex's day/night with our sons, I have asked Flags for the boys on Sunday so they can see their great aunts. Flags of course said "no problem", as she always does. I also thought it would be nice to invite Flags and her BF over to the house to see Sally and Lucy and have dinner with us. She has accepted the invite. :thumbup:
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That's some quality adulting.

 
General Malaise said:
Uruk-Hai said:
kevzilla said:
Uruk-Hai said:
Home already. Wobbly as hell, but not hurting (yet). Coworker is dropping off a script for percs.
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Good news. Gallbladder, right? Bland diet until you figure out what you can tolerate.
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Yep. I've been on a bland diet since I was diagnosed, so no real changes there for now.
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Hope you feel better soon, GB.
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:goodposting: Again, what's wrong Uruk? Been MIA for awhile.

GM, sorry to hear about Rite Aid.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
General Malaise said:
Uruk-Hai said:
kevzilla said:
Uruk-Hai said:
Home already. Wobbly as hell, but not hurting (yet). Coworker is dropping off a script for percs.
Click to expand...
Good news. Gallbladder, right? Bland diet until you figure out what you can tolerate.
Click to expand...
Yep. I've been on a bland diet since I was diagnosed, so no real changes there for now.
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Hope you feel better soon, GB.
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:goodposting: Again, what's wrong Uruk? Been MIA for awhile.

GM, sorry to hear about Rite Aid.
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UH had his gallbladder worked on or something. I think his doctor took it out and hit it 300 yards with a Calloway.

God, if only I had purchased RAD when it was a penny stock clinging for life. :kicksrock:

If Walgreens ####s with my beer prices, I will come unglued.

 
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