What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

GM's thread about nothing (33 Viewers)

In elementary school I got this question wrong...

Circle the 2 that rhyme.

1) Bus

2) Frog

3) Dog

4) Pencil

To me, none of them rhymed. stupid accent. i said it (DAWG)

 
Caught, thought, hot, swat, Merlot*, alot, and garotte are all the same sound.

Dawn and don

Mary and merry

Fairy and ferry

LHUCKS and sucks

* in True Blood

 
Radical Larry said:
St. Louis Bob said:
I would like to beat whomever wired our house.

For example, when you turned the lights to the garage on from the laundry room on, the motion sensor light outside of the garage stops working. I took care of that by removing the switch.

Yesterday I discovered that the light wasn't burned out above our sink. I figured the switch must have gone bad. The switch is in a double junction box with the other controlling the garbage disposal. I turn the disposal on, flip a couple of circuits on the breaker box and the disposal goes off. I proceed to remove the switch when SUPRISE!!, the MFer is hot. I got quite a jolt to say the least. What freaking idiot runs wire like that?!!

The good news is that I feel much better now. :lmao: :lmao:
Click to expand...
So two switches on the same box were controlled by two different breakers? I hope that's not normal.I had something similar happen a while back. The switch for our dining room light stopped working. Since I was the one who installed the dimmer switch I figured it was a loose wire. I tell my kid to keep an eye on a powerstrip that was plugged into an outlet no more than 3 feet below the light switch I was working on.

I flip off one breaker and my kid tells me the outlet is off. I go inside and double check. He's right. So I take off the switchplate and can see the loose wire. As I'm moving the switch itself the dining room light flickers. The light switch and the outlet, even though they were on the same wall--3 feet from each other were on different breakers.
Click to expand...
I don't own Electric Company or Water Works for that matter, but my house was obviously a training ground for ######ed electricians.
 
Ok, so it was a slow night, just a few people at the bar. I'm chatting with this 28 year old chubby chick (who actually isn't terribly unattractive) and her 75 year old boyfriend...seriously, not a friggin DAY under 75. And just to be clear, this is not a spry and energetic 75, I'm talking one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel 75. I assumed figuring out this situation would be the strangest part of my night, but I was incorrect.

As I'm hanging out behind the bar I hear ChubDigger talking on the phone telling someone how to get to the bar. I inquire and she tells me it's some guy she met last week who's coming up with his cousin--Grampa was currently on bathroom break #15. So I tell her she better hope the cousin is a smokin' hottie or else I was going to be closing the bar down early. Well I wasn't too far off...not quite a smokin' hottie, but young and definitely worth some effort. I decide to keep the bar open.

Well, as ChubDigger and Hilljack are busy flirting right in front of Grampa, I start chatting up the cousin. She tells me she just moved to Youngstown a few days earlier from Oklahoma City. No real reason, mind you...she just decided to move. No job, no apartment, and no real prospects. Until she tells me her name is Destiney :lmao: (complete with the proper spelling of said moniker) and my immediate thought was "Well sh##, I know 5 or 6 places that'll hire you tomorrow. They've already got a name tag ready for you." So at this point I'm thinking this is gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel. There's no way I'm not gonna nail this broad 5 times before sunrise, and there's no way she's not gonna try to steal my wallet.

But then she mentions that she has three kids, and suddenly my minimal bartending duties seem to take up an inordinate amount of time. I'm just smelling trouble all over this girl. Plus the accent was getting annoying, then I notice her teeth, which could only be described as Oklahoma-flavored. I've decided to play it safe...wasn't really drunk enough to jump down the rabbit hole that this night could turn into.

Well it gets on toward closing time, Chubdigger and Hilljack are blatantly discussing the logistics of hooking up later...right in front of poor Grampa. No matter, you could set a bomb off right next to his head and he wouldn't hear it. Anyway, I've unwittingly become part of the plan as Destiney :lol: volunteers to make things easier by having me take her back to HillJack's house (where she's currently residing). She informs me of the plan with a wink and a smile. :confused: I had already firmly decided to bail, but that decision looked rather hasty at this point. I'm not made of stone, dammit!!!

OK, the best part of this misadventure was all the wonderful things I learned about the Young Destiney :lol: on our ride over to her place. But I'm gonna skip to the sexytime for now. We get back to the house but can't get in because Hilljack had the key. So we're sitting on the porch (which is well-hidden, which would come in handy very soon) just chatting and finding out more mind-boggling tidbits about our Jerry Springer All-Star, Oklahoma Conference. And in an effort to shut her up before I simply run away screaming into the night, we start making out. Things get into heavy touching-and-rubbing territory but stop abruptly when I begin to visit Candyland. Now, a normal girl would just say that it's bad timing and assume that I know exactly what she's talking about. Trailer park girls are a little more blunt, apparently. The phrase "raggin' it" made an appearance. And honestly, thank God for that. The night really wouldn't have been quite as special without it.

But the great thing about our Young Destiney :lol: is that in the split second between her uttering that phrase and the inevitable loss of my physical arousal, she had dropped down to have a conversation with Li'l Homer. There was no time to even register the rollercoaster ride of emotions and physical reactions that the last ten seconds had delivered. So I just went with it. :lmao: And she performed admirably. :confused:

So back to all the wonderful things I got to hear on the ride over and during our brief porch conversation. I'm just gonna make a list, because there really is no narrative way I can deliver all this insanity/information/bullsh##/hilarity.

As mentioned, she moved here from OKC pretty much on a whim.

She had told her cousin she was just visiting for a couple of weeks. She still has to convince him to let her live with him.

She's 23 and has three children that are staying with the dad's grandmother.

This is because she was a drug addict. Which she only did to get back at the kids' dad because he was a drug addict. This made perfect sense to her.

She "don't do drugs no more" because she's a Christian now.

She "does music". Not "she sings" or "she's a musician"...as she emphatically stated, "I do music".

She and someone else she "does music" with had the number one download on iTunes last year. I'm not sure she knows what most of those words mean.

She's the youngest of five children, all with different fathers.

She sold drugs in large quantities for a Mexican drug ring. She was apparently very good at it and was quite proud of this fact. At that point I suggested she look into some sort of sales career.

She doesn't have a cell phone. And it has nothing to do with being a broke unemployed single mother with a criminal record, but because she doesn't trust them. It has something to do with identity theft, I don't know, I'm surprised I was still conscious at this point.

There's more, and I'm sure it will come to me...in flashbacks...like a Vietnam vet.

And yes, after all that information was laid out on the table, I still hooked up with her. My penis is an entity with more power and strength and sheer will than...I really can't even think of a proper comparison. She was 23, small, thin, good backside, pretty face...there was no way he was going to let that pass. She could have told me that she was going to turn into a werewolf in about 3 minutes, and my wang would have just said, "F##k it, I only need 2!"

So if you look at it that way, I really had no choice in the matter.

 
Bravo, young man, bravo :thumbup:

And pretty sure this thread should be renamed from "GM's thread about nothing" to "GM's thread about EVERYTHING"

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Radical Larry said:
St. Louis Bob said:
I would like to beat whomever wired our house.

For example, when you turned the lights to the garage on from the laundry room on, the motion sensor light outside of the garage stops working. I took care of that by removing the switch.

Yesterday I discovered that the light wasn't burned out above our sink. I figured the switch must have gone bad. The switch is in a double junction box with the other controlling the garbage disposal. I turn the disposal on, flip a couple of circuits on the breaker box and the disposal goes off. I proceed to remove the switch when SUPRISE!!, the MFer is hot. I got quite a jolt to say the least. What freaking idiot runs wire like that?!!

The good news is that I feel much better now. :unsure: :jawdrop:
Click to expand...
So two switches on the same box were controlled by two different breakers? I hope that's not normal.I had something similar happen a while back. The switch for our dining room light stopped working. Since I was the one who installed the dimmer switch I figured it was a loose wire. I tell my kid to keep an eye on a powerstrip that was plugged into an outlet no more than 3 feet below the light switch I was working on.

I flip off one breaker and my kid tells me the outlet is off. I go inside and double check. He's right. So I take off the switchplate and can see the loose wire. As I'm moving the switch itself the dining room light flickers. The light switch and the outlet, even though they were on the same wall--3 feet from each other were on different breakers.
Click to expand...
I don't own Electric Company or Water Works for that matter, but my house was obviously a training ground for ######ed electricians.
Click to expand...
Mine is awful too. Here is sample:1) I have two different circuits in my house that are run though 2 breakers. F'n dumb.

2) In my attic, I have found several "air splices" with no junction box .... wrapped up in packaging tape.

3) One of the plugs in my living room used to be a switched plug. When it was taken out, they put the common and hot backwards resulting in me frying my TV (55" LED :lmao: ), cable box, and PS3 all in one shot.

4) I have a four-switch plug in the master bedroom. Two for lights, one for the ceiling fan, and one goes God knows where. Turns out, they previous owners just screwed the switch plate to the sheetrock. There is no box behind it.

5) A secondary sub panel was installed in my garage for my pool stuff sometime after it was built. The previous owners wired more lighting circuits out of the pool sub.

6) In my primary sub panel, all of the commons are tied to the ground bar.

7) The conduit to the pool light just runs on the ground next to the fence.

8) The previous owner hardwired a front porch light on a motion detector with no switch.

9) Same doosh also installed two ceiling fans in the main room where lights used to be. Instead of putting in a two-switch box and plate for the light and the fan, he put in two singles .... on top of each other.

I've fixed a lot of this stuff myself, and hired an electrician for some of the rest, but I still have a lot to do. And I'm sure there is a bunch that I haven't found yet. We've only lived in this house for about two years.

 
heckmanm said:
Brought home our two new dachshunds last night (pic).

We told the kids to get anything off the floor they didn't want chewed on, but my wife left a bunch of business materials in a box next to her desk. This morning? :confetti: - bits of paper and a chewed up DVD (case and disk) strewn about the dining room.

Probably not a good idea to leave them free to explore the house overnight. :yes:
Click to expand...
Awesome-looking dogs. Love that spotty one.
 
Homer J Simpson said:
She had told her cousin she was just visiting for a couple of weeks. She still has to convince him to let her live with him.

She's 23 and has three children that are staying with the dad's grandmother.

This is because she was a drug addict. Which she only did to get back at the kids' dad because he was a drug addict. This made perfect sense to her.
Click to expand...
2 things:#1) I think it's a safe bet that she will be providing "favors" for the cousin when she can't help with rent money.

#2) The fact that her 3 kids have the same father completely floored me. I guess I shouldn't pre-judge a former drug dealer for a Mexican drug cartel who is now "doing music" and admits to being a drug addict to get even with her kids' father. She's good people in my book. Congrats on your new family.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
shuke said:
Thorn said:
fatguyinalittlecoat said:
bostonfred said:
fatguyinalittlecoat said:
Thought and swat don't really rhyme exactly. I had trouble cracking the code.
Click to expand...
Yes, they do.
Click to expand...
This is like when Smoo insisted that Dawn and Don were homophones.
Click to expand...
They are, unless you live on lawn guylend.
Click to expand...
You're wrong.
Click to expand...
No he isn't. Say "Don Ameche wasn't in 'Red Dawn'." If they sound different you're trying to make them sound different.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

General Malaise
GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing
1847 1848 1849
Replies
92K
Views
2M
cosjobs
cosjobs
T
***Official 2014 GMTAN Draft Thread***
34 35 36
Replies
2K
Views
42K
El Floppo
El Floppo
Early_10
***Official*** Seinfeld draft thread
25 26 27
Replies
1K
Views
34K
The Dreaded Marco
The Dreaded Marco

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 32 (members: 0, guests: 32)
Back
Top