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GM's thread about nothing (23 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
Would smash. Seriously. At 6am after an all night bender I'd wreck it on my way to get Aerosmith tickets, man.
As president of the nonexistent Adult Counterprank Force, I applaud these unknown tire assailants.The head of the neighborhood board gave the info to the police, who went and "talked" to him. He hasn't been back, but he also didn't have to make restitution to our neighborhood or the local Rec Council for the fields he tore up.
However I hear that he came out to his car one morning last week and found two of his tires flat. As someone who runs before dawn three days a week, I'll keep my eyes open for a suspect who might have had the opportunity and motive to do something like that
OH BULLS###. I had two porn-related encounters during my brief stay in Hollywood. And that wasn't even Chatsworth.
Either our hero Bogart is doing it wrong or he's a liar liar pants on fire. From pornstar gonorrhea. Cause that sh## burns.
BigJohn
Footballguy
My wife works at a pet cemetery. I'm pretty sure I need to start a blog.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
Tell me this isn't shtick.
BigJohn
Footballguy
Nope.Tell me this isn't shtick.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
I hear Cole Porter and picture Nat King Cole.I thought Bing Crosby was black for a long time.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I walk into the breakroom at work this morning with our CFO who is going to be taking over as President within a year and 3 co-workers are in there discussing how many Karate Kid movies have been made and if any more will be made. It was like all 3 were doing Tanner shtick, but sadly, there were all being serious.
Coworker #1: I think the main character guy is dead in real life
Coworker #2: Scott Baio is dead?
Coworker #1: Not him, the other guy
Coworker #3: The old man? What was his name?
Coworker #1: I can't remember, but he's probably the most famous asian actor
Coworker #2: The gay guy from Star Trek?
Coworker #3: Spock?
Coworker #1: No, he was Vulcan or something like that
Gadzooks: Are you guys messing with me?
Coworker #2: Ok smartypants, what's the gay asian guy's name?
Gadzooks: Pat Morita, and I don't think he's gay
Coworker #1: He doesn't even sound asian, I think you're wrong on this one.
Gadzooks: (to the CFO) You should fire all of these idiots
CFO: I'm still shocked no one corrected the Scott Baio reference
Coworker #3 Well if they make another Karate Kid they should totally have Spock as the gay asian guy
Gadzooks: (to the CFO) If I find out any of these jackasses get paid more than me I'm quitting
CFO: (as he leaves the room): The force is strong with them
Gadzooks: I love you all
Coworker #1: I think the main character guy is dead in real life
Coworker #2: Scott Baio is dead?
Coworker #1: Not him, the other guy
Coworker #3: The old man? What was his name?
Coworker #1: I can't remember, but he's probably the most famous asian actor
Coworker #2: The gay guy from Star Trek?
Coworker #3: Spock?
Coworker #1: No, he was Vulcan or something like that
Gadzooks: Are you guys messing with me?
Coworker #2: Ok smartypants, what's the gay asian guy's name?
Gadzooks: Pat Morita, and I don't think he's gay
Coworker #1: He doesn't even sound asian, I think you're wrong on this one.
Gadzooks: (to the CFO) You should fire all of these idiots
CFO: I'm still shocked no one corrected the Scott Baio reference
Coworker #3 Well if they make another Karate Kid they should totally have Spock as the gay asian guy
Gadzooks: (to the CFO) If I find out any of these jackasses get paid more than me I'm quitting
CFO: (as he leaves the room): The force is strong with them
Gadzooks: I love you all
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Oh my!
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Shane RobinsonFreddie Freeman
Slade Heathcott
Will Rhymes
Mitchell Boggs
All white
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Thought for sure Shane Robinson was black until I watched MLB Network last week. Huh.. skinny bald white guy.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
Where do we stand on Furley?
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Khalil Greene always blew my mind.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
White. Fat head. Beard.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Comfortably outside of his fart radius.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Nice one. Khalil Greene was a good one too.
strykerpks
Footballguy
'Guster said:
rabidfireweasel
Footballguy
Started the Sweet J graphic novel page today.
I hope it doesn't upset him and lead to him kicking my ###, after beers with hot boss again.
I hope it doesn't upset him and lead to him kicking my ###, after beers with hot boss again.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
I wouldn't sell them the house out of principle.'krista4 said:Had a house showing on Monday and got the feedback today. Loved the interior, the exterior, the location, the amenities. Everything perfect except...the house faces East, and they want a house facing N-NE for feng shui purposes.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
'Josie Maran said:
Seems like the midget and his incestuous brother and sister are up to something.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
'Gadzooks said:
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Seems like these dragons are up to something.'Josie Maran said:
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
T Bell
Footballguy
I guess MoP really wants those Swedish fish.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
'krista4 said:I laughed, S
I intended it to be funny.
just turn it around'krista4 said:Had a house showing on Monday and got the feedback today. Loved the interior, the exterior, the location, the amenities. Everything perfect except...the house faces East, and they want a house facing N-NE for feng shui purposes.
lol'Rustoleum said:
'phishphan said:happy work anniversary to tiger fan!
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
I can't stop watching this. There's so much going on. Is it a woman with a facial hair problem or a dude with breasts wearing a wrap?
Is it a woman with a massive thyroid problem, or a dude with elephantitis of the balls?
What did s/he see that made him/her stop and decide to break in?
Was it even a robbery attempt? Why run if the first rock didn't break the glass?
It looks like a spur of the moment decision, s/he stops, sees something s/he likes, then goes for the rock. Ok. So why the hell was s/he wearing a black panty hose on his/her head?
With all this zaniness in play, the fall at the end is the best part.
Abraham
Footballguy
job
Shuke - flaking on you tonight. I still have a fever and don't think it would be a good idea to give you throat-plague-ebola like I have presently.
I'm exhausted. Things are not getting better at my company. In fact, to avoid any brewing hostility with my partners I told them I would come off the payroll effective 4/1 even though I don't have anything lined up. They (2 of them) were frustrated that I've poured more personal funds in over the last two months to keep the ball rolling. One of them is of the mind that if we have to keep pouring money in then it isn't worth keeping on. The other understands but both are disappointed that our balance sheet now includes even more money owed to me. Both are out of pocket a significant amount of cash and their frustration is born of the possibility that some/all of their money is at significant risk. So I understand it on one level. But what I really wanted to say was, "guys, if I didn't buy these items last week with personal funds we would have lost a customer and would be even closer to going out of business entirely.
I don't think I expected things to turn around in a two month period, but they haven't gotten better at all. We have some good stuff in the pipeline but we've always had that; in the last year we haven't seen much of it come to fruition. One of our partner companies is about to go out of business and they are calling me daily begging for ANY business I can send their way.
Not having the local software thing work out really bummed me out. I'm meeting with them Tuesday to talk about doing some consulting for less $$. I'm frustrated that my initial full-time proposal was met with a "no" instead of a counter. Regardless of what else happens, I'm going to do everything I can to get some sort of work out of them because even a couple grand a month on the side is well worth doing at this point.
I have a call at 1 with a hiring manager at Dell that needs to staff the inside counterpart to my friend who is the outside rep. My friend is the most tenacious salesperson I know and is VERY good at his job, so aside from enjoying working with him I would be very excited about the earning potential because he does such a good job closing sales.
Oh, and I finally went to the doctor yesterday after being sick for a week. Despite paying $700/month for my family's health care I still ended up coming out of pocket $130 for the office visit. For that reason alone I'm back warming up about a real job at a big company where doctor's visits are $20 and insurance is part of the comp package.
I don't think I expected things to turn around in a two month period, but they haven't gotten better at all. We have some good stuff in the pipeline but we've always had that; in the last year we haven't seen much of it come to fruition. One of our partner companies is about to go out of business and they are calling me daily begging for ANY business I can send their way.
Not having the local software thing work out really bummed me out. I'm meeting with them Tuesday to talk about doing some consulting for less $$. I'm frustrated that my initial full-time proposal was met with a "no" instead of a counter. Regardless of what else happens, I'm going to do everything I can to get some sort of work out of them because even a couple grand a month on the side is well worth doing at this point.
I have a call at 1 with a hiring manager at Dell that needs to staff the inside counterpart to my friend who is the outside rep. My friend is the most tenacious salesperson I know and is VERY good at his job, so aside from enjoying working with him I would be very excited about the earning potential because he does such a good job closing sales.
Oh, and I finally went to the doctor yesterday after being sick for a week. Despite paying $700/month for my family's health care I still ended up coming out of pocket $130 for the office visit. For that reason alone I'm back warming up about a real job at a big company where doctor's visits are $20 and insurance is part of the comp package.
Sweet J
Footballguy
Outstanding work, RFW.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Run, don't walk, to MoP's Swedish Fish thread.
Abraham
Footballguy
The nipsey cartoon is awesome.
Sweet J
Footballguy
So, I mentioned that I teach eigth grade sex ed class. Did I discuss the "lock-in" we just had a couple of weeks ago? Twice a year, we have an overnight, where we do activities and fun stuff, for team building and for them to blow off some steam.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
:( :(
Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. Wife finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
:( :( Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. Wife finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
Last edited by a moderator:
Abraham
Footballguy
"Don't start worrying until you find one that is used and positive, babe."So, I mentioned that I teach eigth grade sex ed class. Did I discuss the "lock-in" we just had a couple of weeks ago? Twice a year, we have an overnight, where we do activities and fun stuff, for team building and for them to blow off some steam.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. She finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
So, I mentioned that I teach eigth grade sex ed class. Did I discuss the "lock-in" we just had a couple of weeks ago? Twice a year, we have an overnight, where we do activities and fun stuff, for team building and for them to blow off some steam.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. She finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
Yeah, aren't they adorable?
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
Tooooooooo looooooong./ Tre CutlerSo, I mentioned that I teach eigth grade sex ed class. Did I discuss the "lock-in" we just had a couple of weeks ago? Twice a year, we have an overnight, where we do activities and fun stuff, for team building and for them to blow off some steam.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. Wife finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
The_Man
Footballguy
Could be an early contender for Thread Of The Year.
Raider Nation
Devil's Advocate
Any hardcore TV guys in here? My 65" Mitsubishi has served me well, but it's getting old. I want to go even bigger, so that Directv's "8 NFL games on one screen" looks as big as possible, but the 90" Sharp Aquos - as amazing as it is - is still really pricey... about $9K new (and ~$7,800 "like new" at Amazon).
I don't want to go with a projector. My buddy has a 100" projection system that he paid good money for, and it looks extremely meh. I am looking for the biggest LED TV I can get my hands on for the best price.
Any help?
I don't want to go with a projector. My buddy has a 100" projection system that he paid good money for, and it looks extremely meh. I am looking for the biggest LED TV I can get my hands on for the best price.
Any help?
Abraham
Footballguy
Amazon has a 70" led Visio for 1600. Too small?
T Bell
Footballguy
Honestly, is there anyone who more often boldly starts threads thinking they're telling some cool, autobiographical antidote only to result in a
of ridicule? It's not even a contest.
Raider Nation
Devil's Advocate
Suitable backup plan, but I'd like to go 80" at least. Thanks.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
But this was worth readingTooooooooo looooooong./ Tre CutlerSo, I mentioned that I teach eigth grade sex ed class. Did I discuss the "lock-in" we just had a couple of weeks ago? Twice a year, we have an overnight, where we do activities and fun stuff, for team building and for them to blow off some steam.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. Wife finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
T Bell
Footballguy
What do they do with all of the supplies afterwards?
So glad I'm not alone with this line of thinking.But this was worth readingTooooooooo looooooong./ Tre CutlerSo, I mentioned that I teach eigth grade sex ed class. Did I discuss the "lock-in" we just had a couple of weeks ago? Twice a year, we have an overnight, where we do activities and fun stuff, for team building and for them to blow off some steam.
One of the things we did at our overnight was to take a trip to the local CVS/Pharmacy, and have the kids purchase assorted birth control products. The theory is that the kids need to be able to feel conformtable buying condoms and other health-related products. We even make it fun for them and give them little "scavenger hunt" activities (having to ask the pharmacist what to do if their girlfriend is allergic to latex, etc.). For extra credit, they had to try and purchase "plan B."
So anyway, while I'm in the CVS, I buy some silly string. I then waited in ambush, and attacked a group of kids when they came out. Ha ha, all in good fun, right?
Of course, one of the girls gets all uptight about it (I forgot I'm dealing with 13 year olds). When we get back to the car, she's like "oh, I'm going to get you back. When you least expect it, I'm going to get you back."
I was like "lol, ha ha," but part of me what kind of like
Anyway, it's been a few weeks, and I forgot about it. Until this morning. Spring break, so wife and I were extra lazy and hang out in bed while the kids were downstairs watching TV. She had to use my car yesterday to take our kids plus some friends hiking (yes, I drive the minivan). So this morning she says, "jason, why did I find a pregnancy test box under the passenger seet of the van????"
Me: "what???"
And she was like, "yeah, I found an empty pregnancy test box in the car. WTF?" And I was like, "Babe, I have NO idea what you are talking about." It got kind-of strange. Then it hit me, JFC, that little fcker. Wife finally accepted that it was probably left there by one of the kids in our pharmacy run. But jesus, it was wierd for a second.
Anyway: Bravo, 13-year-old ######## f^cker. You win.
Effing kids. They are effing insane.
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