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Had DHS called on me (1 Viewer)

Not your kid? Oof. Is your stepson's father in the picture?

My mom had a live-in boyfriend (good guy. They dated for like 5 years) when my brother was around that age. If he had ever so much as looked at my brother wrong, my dad would have driven over and one of them would have ended up at the hospital.

Either way....punching an 11 year old is a bad move.

 
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It sounds like you are sort of minimizing this to an extent. The whole "he bruises easy" is a pretty convenient excuse.

I am guessing however that for DHS to become involved, a mandatory reported (such as a teacher or a doctor) saw the bruises and they were significant enough to raise red flags. So there is probably more than just a little mark.

I think there is some potential for problems for you here. This wasn't just a slap or a spanking. When you enter into the world of punching a kid, there are potential criminal implications. Just saying....

Oh in Colorado, CPS and DSS are called DHS here as well.

 
Courtjester said:
It sounds like you are sort of minimizing this to an extent. The whole "he bruises easy" is a pretty convenient excuse.

I am guessing however that for DHS to become involved, a mandatory reported (such as a teacher or a doctor) saw the bruises and they were significant enough to raise red flags. So there is probably more than just a little mark.

I think there is some potential for problems for you here. This wasn't just a slap or a spanking. When you enter into the world of punching a kid, there are potential criminal implications. Just saying....

Oh in Colorado, CPS and DSS are called DHS here as well.
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Today its "he bruises easy". Tomorrow its "he walked in to a doorknob" or "he fell down the stairs"
 
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Courtjester said:
It sounds like you are sort of minimizing this to an extent. The whole "he bruises easy" is a pretty convenient excuse.

I am guessing however that for DHS to become involved, a mandatory reported (such as a teacher or a doctor) saw the bruises and they were significant enough to raise red flags. So there is probably more than just a little mark.

I think there is some potential for problems for you here. This wasn't just a slap or a spanking. When you enter into the world of punching a kid, there are potential criminal implications. Just saying....

Oh in Colorado, CPS and DSS are called DHS here as well.
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I'm presently involved in a Dependency case (the legal term for the court proceeding where CPS/DSS/DHS has stepped in and removed a child) where the sole basis for removal when an unexplained bruise. Was reported on an anonymous tip line.

The father involved now gets to see his kids (that's right, plural, because CPS usually doesn't just remove one) 1-2 times a week for a couple hours with some old woman volunteer looking over his shoulder. This is in between "voluntarily" submitting to numerous services and going to court 1-2x/month to have some dickbag lawyers dissect his and his family's life.

Hopefully this doesn't happen to the OP, but saying things like "he bruises easily" to DHS/CPS and then making admissions to punching a kid hard enough to leave a bruise is a substantial step towards getting there.

 
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Zow said:
Courtjester said:
It sounds like you are sort of minimizing this to an extent. The whole "he bruises easy" is a pretty convenient excuse.

I am guessing however that for DHS to become involved, a mandatory reported (such as a teacher or a doctor) saw the bruises and they were significant enough to raise red flags. So there is probably more than just a little mark.

I think there is some potential for problems for you here. This wasn't just a slap or a spanking. When you enter into the world of punching a kid, there are potential criminal implications. Just saying....

Oh in Colorado, CPS and DSS are called DHS here as well.
Click to expand...
I'm presently involved in a Dependency case (the legal term for the court proceeding where CPS/DSS/DHS has stepped in and removed a child) where the sole basis for removal when an unexplained bruise. Was reported on an anonymous tip line.

The father involved now gets to see his kids (that's right, plural, because CPS usually doesn't just remove one) 1-2 times a week for a couple hours with some old woman volunteer looking over his shoulder. This is in between "voluntarily" submitting to numerous services and going to court 1-2x/month to have some dickbag lawyers dissect his and his family's life.

Hopefully this doesn't happen to the OP, but saying things like "he bruises easily" to DHS/CPS and then making admissions to punching a kid hard enough to leave a bruise is a substantial step towards getting there.
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Please tell me there was more to it than a single, unexplained bruise. Kids get bruises all the time, Sounds like a system out of control if that is literally the only piece of evidenced required for the state to remove kids from their parents. Was it an especially bad bruise or a black eye or something? Did the father cause the bruise?

 
I'm confused... probably because I came from a "stable" family.

But if this dude neglected the kid, didnt feed him well, enroll him in sports etc like he did with his OWN son - you'd call him a ######## and remind him that his stepson is his kid (even if it came thru marriage)

conveniently, it also gets used against him when he gives him a shoulder shot. "that's not your kid!"

the kid lives under his roof. pops pays all the bills, feeds him etc... it's his kid, "step-child" or not.

Im not advocating beating a kid, but jesus... you're in gr 7 or 8 at 11yrs old... is a small shot in the arm that big of a deal? especially if it's isolated

 
Clifford said:
Zow said:
Courtjester said:
It sounds like you are sort of minimizing this to an extent. The whole "he bruises easy" is a pretty convenient excuse.

I am guessing however that for DHS to become involved, a mandatory reported (such as a teacher or a doctor) saw the bruises and they were significant enough to raise red flags. So there is probably more than just a little mark.

I think there is some potential for problems for you here. This wasn't just a slap or a spanking. When you enter into the world of punching a kid, there are potential criminal implications. Just saying....

Oh in Colorado, CPS and DSS are called DHS here as well.
Click to expand...
I'm presently involved in a Dependency case (the legal term for the court proceeding where CPS/DSS/DHS has stepped in and removed a child) where the sole basis for removal when an unexplained bruise. Was reported on an anonymous tip line.

The father involved now gets to see his kids (that's right, plural, because CPS usually doesn't just remove one) 1-2 times a week for a couple hours with some old woman volunteer looking over his shoulder. This is in between "voluntarily" submitting to numerous services and going to court 1-2x/month to have some dickbag lawyers dissect his and his family's life.

Hopefully this doesn't happen to the OP, but saying things like "he bruises easily" to DHS/CPS and then making admissions to punching a kid hard enough to leave a bruise is a substantial step towards getting there.
Click to expand...
Please tell me there was more to it than a single, unexplained bruise. Kids get bruises all the time, Sounds like a system out of control if that is literally the only piece of evidenced required for the state to remove kids from their parents. Was it an especially bad bruise or a black eye or something? Did the father cause the bruise?
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Black eye. Cause is up for debate and will likely be litigated soon at a trial.

More to my point though is that even a bruise/black eye is likely enough evidence for the state to get involved and, even in best case scenario, likely cause one to have his kid removed for a period of time and have to go through the court process.

 
Soulfly3 said:
I'm confused... probably because I came from a "stable" family.

But if this dude neglected the kid, didnt feed him well, enroll him in sports etc like he did with his OWN son - you'd call him a ######## and remind him that his stepson is his kid (even if it came thru marriage)

conveniently, it also gets used against him when he gives him a shoulder shot. "that's not your kid!"

the kid lives under his roof. pops pays all the bills, feeds him etc... it's his kid, "step-child" or not.

Im not advocating beating a kid, but jesus... you're in gr 7 or 8 at 11yrs old... is a small shot in the arm that big of a deal? especially if it's isolated
Click to expand...
Yes, being a step-parent is hard. That's what he signed up for. It's a tough line to walk. You have to act like a parent, but you can't expect the kid or the legal system to think of you as a parent.

And yes, punching an 8th grader hard enough to bruise is a big deal with DHS. Especially in Mississippi, which is why I asked.

 
My ex would bruise if i pushed down on any part of her with less force than itd take to break an egg.

Everytime we had sex shed have a purple replication of my hands on her waistline and bruises on her asscheeks.

Some people legitimately bruise like a flower

 
Henry Ford said:
Soulfly3 said:
I'm confused... probably because I came from a "stable" family.

But if this dude neglected the kid, didnt feed him well, enroll him in sports etc like he did with his OWN son - you'd call him a ######## and remind him that his stepson is his kid (even if it came thru marriage)

conveniently, it also gets used against him when he gives him a shoulder shot. "that's not your kid!"

the kid lives under his roof. pops pays all the bills, feeds him etc... it's his kid, "step-child" or not.

Im not advocating beating a kid, but jesus... you're in gr 7 or 8 at 11yrs old... is a small shot in the arm that big of a deal? especially if it's isolated
Click to expand...
Yes, being a step-parent is hard. That's what he signed up for. It's a tough line to walk. You have to act like a parent, but you can't expect the kid or the legal system to think of you as a parent.

And yes, punching an 8th grader hard enough to bruise is a big deal with DHS. Especially in Mississippi, which is why I asked.
Click to expand...
not to mention 11 years old is 5th or 6th grade, not 7th or 8th.

 
Captain Quinoa said:
Henry Ford said:
Soulfly3 said:
I'm confused... probably because I came from a "stable" family.

But if this dude neglected the kid, didnt feed him well, enroll him in sports etc like he did with his OWN son - you'd call him a ######## and remind him that his stepson is his kid (even if it came thru marriage)

conveniently, it also gets used against him when he gives him a shoulder shot. "that's not your kid!"

the kid lives under his roof. pops pays all the bills, feeds him etc... it's his kid, "step-child" or not.

Im not advocating beating a kid, but jesus... you're in gr 7 or 8 at 11yrs old... is a small shot in the arm that big of a deal? especially if it's isolated
Click to expand...
Yes, being a step-parent is hard. That's what he signed up for. It's a tough line to walk. You have to act like a parent, but you can't expect the kid or the legal system to think of you as a parent.

And yes, punching an 8th grader hard enough to bruise is a big deal with DHS. Especially in Mississippi, which is why I asked.
Click to expand...
not to mention 11 years old is 5th or 6th grade, not 7th or 8th.
Click to expand...
Good point.

 
I'm probably going to get piled on here, but I have a six year old, that can be rough with me or his 2 year old brother via hitting, punching or kicking. I've never punched him or hit him, but there have been times where I have yelled and will smack his hand or foot away in response to such behavior. I've never spanked or anything along those lines.

There are times I will admit that I get angry and probably will push his hand or foot away harder than needed under the circumstances out of anger, and feel guilty about it. This thread doesn't help.

As a parent, I understand the OP to some extent, and ask the group for advice on appropriate treatment of the behavior otherwise.

 
My mom used to get staggering drunk, call me all kinds of names and beat me with a wine bottle and forget about it the next morning, and I turned out completely normal.

 
McGarnicle said:
My mom used to get staggering drunk, call me all kinds of names and beat me with a wine bottle and forget about it the next morning, and I turned out completely normal.
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My mom could pick me off with her slipper from three rooms away and doors being closed. Don't even want to talk about the wooden spoon.

 
snellman said:
I have 5 children (19,18,17,11, and 6). The 2 oldest are mine from previous marriage, the next 2 are wife's and the youngest is ours together. A week ago the 11 and 6 yr old were playing xbox and arguing like brothers do when the youngest one started crying pretty loud so I went to see what was going on. The 6 year old said that the 11 yr old punched him. At first the 11 yr old denied it but after more questioning he admitted to it and said he punched him because "he wasn't playing the game right, was annoying me, and wasn't listening to me." I punched the 11 yr old in the arm, asked him how it felt and if he would like me to punch him every time he didn't listen.

The 11 yr old bruises easily (you should see his legs in the summer, they are always black and blue) so we notice a bruise there later that night. Not a big deal or so I thought. Today, DHS calls and says they are investigating possible abuse that was reported by the school and want to know if they can talk to us. They have already talked to the 11 yr old and have to talk to the rest of the family. I say that is fine, I have nothing to hide. One of the questions they ask is how we discipline our children. We tell them that time outs, grounding and spanking. The person then proceeds to tell me that spanking is legal in the state of Iowa as long it is not done with foreign objects and does not injure. Needless to say, I was very :confused: because I did not know there was such a law.

My parents and grand parents could have been in huge trouble back in the day because I had the belt and yard stick used on me more than once. I understand that they are doing their job, but now I understand why our society is turning out the way it is.
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Hey Snell, 1st of all I understand why you did this. I grew up in a family where the same type of discipline would have happened. Long term I think it probably was the best thing to do for the 11 year old. There also is the 6 year old to consider. It's not a bad lesson that the 6 year old learns if they don't act right they could get a whooping from an older brother…I understand wanting to step in and stick up for him…plus the 6 year old is biologically yours.

I know some in here will lecture you, but this is why you might go for a straight whack on the behind even at 11. 1st of all a traditional spanking is more embarrassing than it hurts. I've seen kids get 1 swift whack on the bottom and break into a crying fit, you woulda thought they lost a limb. Butts don't bruise like that arm you punched, plus a grown 35-40 year old man is gonna leave a mark on an 11 year old.

I would reach out to your 11 year old son who I don't think is a bad kid and maybe patch that up a little. A special ice cream cone with none of the other kids, maybe some type of special words like "You know I love you and it hurts me"...

Lastly, God Bless you for raising 5 kids and doing the best you can. Get thru the DHS stuff and then get things back to normal. I would have a special outing with the 11 year old and then I would do something with the whole family and just preach/spread the joy n love to everyone.

Hang in there Snell, brave of you to share this story, I'm sure a few are gonna want to make you out to be a child abuser which you're not.

Cheers

 
General Malaise said:
Good lord....some things are too distasteful for humor. Child abuse is one of those things.
Click to expand...
You think the OP is child abuse? I grew up receiving much worse than that. My mother used a broomstick handle on me, I can show you some real child abuse.

How many adults do we have walking around with no discipline? Lots and down the road they all end up managing Walgreen's stores and being abused by me trying to buy some Swedish Fish so if Snell doesn't discipline him I will later on life. Better to set the kid straight now vs MOP wrath 15 years down the line. Snell is doing everyone a favor here.

 
If anyone here grew up in an Italian household like me... they laugh at this being "child abuse"

wooden spoons, spatula, belts as thick as a thumb... you name it, I got it. hard. as did every other italian kid I grew up around.

we're all good.

 
The point of my original post was the statement below.

The person then proceeds to tell me that spanking is legal in the state of Iowa as long it is not done with foreign objects and does not injure. Needless to say, I was very :confused: because I did not know there was such a law.
Click to expand...
I am sure all of us were raised differently, but I was raised that if you were naughty, you were punished, usually with a spanking. The DHS asked if it would be ok if they called my stepson's father and I said yes. I also called him and told him what happened and he said he understood and had no problems with me. I also understand that it sounds like I drilled him which is why typing is harder to tell the story than speaking, but please understand I did not full out punch him with all of my strength.

I have nothing to hide from DHS or anyone else. I also totally understand getting ripped here, because if I was someone else and read what I posted I would probably have the same response.

 
Let's define child abuse shall we...

-Child 5 years old left to care for his infant sister while mom n dad go play in the casino or go out drinking at the bar.

-Beating in a kid in the face, not slapping him across the mouth when he mutters a cuss word he/she shouldn't, a full on punch to the face

-Verbal abuse can be 20x worse, there are a lot of abused kids with no bruises.

I admit I would not have handled it the same way Snell did but then again I don't have 5 kids in the house. As Cosby said "You got 1 kid and something breaks, you know who did it."

If Snell is punching the kid on a regular basis then we got some real issues. I would have just turned the game system off and put it in my room for a week and told them both when they can play nice they can have it back.

 
Tell you what, I coach 11 year old soccer. Next time a kid is out of line, I'm going to punch him in the arm hard enough to cause a bruise. For an added treat, I'll make sure the kid is not biologically mine. I'll report back. I'm sure nothing will come of it. Just a coach doing his job so the kid won't grow up soft...

 
General Malaise said:
Tell you what, I coach 11 year old soccer. Next time a kid is out of line, I'm going to punch him in the arm hard enough to cause a bruise. For an added treat, I'll make sure the kid is not biologically mine. I'll report back. I'm sure nothing will come of it. Just a coach doing his job so the kid won't grow up soft...
Click to expand...
My parents and grandparents did WAY worse than that so it's totally justifiable to beat my own kids!!

 
General Malaise said:
Tell you what, I coach 11 year old soccer. Next time a kid is out of line, I'm going to punch him in the arm hard enough to cause a bruise. For an added treat, I'll make sure the kid is not biologically mine. I'll report back. I'm sure nothing will come of it. Just a coach doing his job so the kid won't grow up soft...
Click to expand...
Totally different and you know it.

 
snellman said:
The point of my original post was the statement below.

The person then proceeds to tell me that spanking is legal in the state of Iowa as long it is not done with foreign objects and does not injure. Needless to say, I was very :confused: because I did not know there was such a law.
Click to expand...
I am sure all of us were raised differently, but I was raised that if you were naughty, you were punished, usually with a spanking. The DHS asked if it would be ok if they called my stepson's father and I said yes. I also called him and told him what happened and he said he understood and had no problems with me. I also understand that it sounds like I drilled him which is why typing is harder to tell the story than speaking, but please understand I did not full out punch him with all of my strength.

I have nothing to hide from DHS or anyone else. I also totally understand getting ripped here, because if I was someone else and read what I posted I would probably have the same response.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it was a ####ed up era.

 
Soulfly3 said:
If anyone here grew up in an Italian household like me... they laugh at this being "child abuse"

wooden spoons, spatula, belts as thick as a thumb... you name it, I got it. hard. as did every other italian kid I grew up around.

we're all good.
Click to expand...
:unsure:

 
General Malaise said:
Tell you what, I coach 11 year old soccer. Next time a kid is out of line, I'm going to punch him in the arm hard enough to cause a bruise. For an added treat, I'll make sure the kid is not biologically mine. I'll report back. I'm sure nothing will come of it. Just a coach doing his job so the kid won't grow up soft...
Click to expand...
It's soccer. All you have to do is brush up against his leg and he'll writhe around on the ground in agony for 10 minutes.

 
optionmaven said:
McGarnicle said:
My mom used to get staggering drunk, call me all kinds of names and beat me with a wine bottle and forget about it the next morning, and I turned out completely normal.
Click to expand...
My mom could pick me off with her slipper from three rooms away and doors being closed. Don't even want to talk about the wooden spoon.
Click to expand...
My sister and I used to throw all the wooden spoons over the neighbors fence.

 
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Ministry of Pain said:
General Malaise said:
Tell you what, I coach 11 year old soccer. Next time a kid is out of line, I'm going to punch him in the arm hard enough to cause a bruise. For an added treat, I'll make sure the kid is not biologically mine. I'll report back. I'm sure nothing will come of it. Just a coach doing his job so the kid won't grow up soft...
Click to expand...
Totally different and you know it.
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yeah, valid point. I don't want any witnesses. I'll make sure nobody can see me when I bruise him up good.

 
snellman said:
The point of my original post was the statement below.

The person then proceeds to tell me that spanking is legal in the state of Iowa as long it is not done with foreign objects and does not injure. Needless to say, I was very :confused: because I did not know there was such a law.
Click to expand...
I am sure all of us were raised differently, but I was raised that if you were naughty, you were punished, usually with a spanking. The DHS asked if it would be ok if they called my stepson's father and I said yes. I also called him and told him what happened and he said he understood and had no problems with me. I also understand that it sounds like I drilled him which is why typing is harder to tell the story than speaking, but please understand I did not full out punch him with all of my strength.

I have nothing to hide from DHS or anyone else. I also totally understand getting ripped here, because if I was someone else and read what I posted I would probably have the same response.
Click to expand...
If you have nothing to hide, why didn't you tell DHS that you discipline them with time outs, grounding, punching and spanking?
 
Ignoramus said:
snellman said:
The point of my original post was the statement below.

The person then proceeds to tell me that spanking is legal in the state of Iowa as long it is not done with foreign objects and does not injure. Needless to say, I was very :confused: because I did not know there was such a law.
Click to expand...
I am sure all of us were raised differently, but I was raised that if you were naughty, you were punished, usually with a spanking. The DHS asked if it would be ok if they called my stepson's father and I said yes. I also called him and told him what happened and he said he understood and had no problems with me. I also understand that it sounds like I drilled him which is why typing is harder to tell the story than speaking, but please understand I did not full out punch him with all of my strength.

I have nothing to hide from DHS or anyone else. I also totally understand getting ripped here, because if I was someone else and read what I posted I would probably have the same response.
Click to expand...
If you have nothing to hide, why didn't you tell DHS that you discipline them with time outs, grounding, punching and spanking?
Click to expand...
figured the punching part was already known because that is why they were at my house.

 
Soulfly3 said:
My ex would bruise if i pushed down on any part of her with less force than itd take to break an egg.

Everytime we had sex shed have a purple replication of my hands on her waistline and bruises on her asscheeks.

Some people legitimately bruise like a flower
Click to expand...
Especially when you punch them

 
Soulfly3 said:
If anyone here grew up in an Italian household like me... they laugh at this being "child abuse"

wooden spoons, spatula, belts as thick as a thumb... you name it, I got it. hard. as did every other italian kid I grew up around.

we're all good.
Click to expand...
I grew up in an Italian family. Got the wooden spoon, the belt, my father kicked me, gave me a bloody eye once. I vowed never to treat my son like that :shrug:

 
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