The climate aspect is a tough one to crack. Makes me think Appalachia is your best bet, but there really are not a lot big towns in there. West Virginia could fit a lot of the criteria but all of their cities are at lower elevations.
Easier out west, but pricier. This is an interesting one.
Yes it is. It’s almost impossible to get everything. Pick your poison on what you want to sacrifice. That’s why I’ve turned to the endless good folks here to get the ball rolling.
I think Ogden, UT comes kind of close.
Tax friendly to SS, pensions and 401k—Utah is moderately tax friendly There is a flat state income tax of 4.65% that is applied to SS and retirement account withdrawals.
Lowerish COL—Ogden has the 2nd lowest COL in Utah and Utah is above (below?) the national average in that category. On the good side of the average
Low crime— below the national crime rate for similarly sized cities. Not sure how good that is, though.
Mild summers. We hate heat and humidity—the average high temperature for the 3 summer months is 87F. But low humidity. Rarely an uncomfortable heat.
Not violent winters. Prefer no minus 20’s but like snow—the average low temperature for the 3 winter months is 23F. And lots of snow.
4 seasons—definitely
Close to lakes and fairly close to mountains. Closer the better. Both would be great— it’s a 25 minute drive, door to door, from Ogden to Snow Basin ski resort, various great hiking and snowmobiling spots. There’s that big lake just to the west of Ogden. But several reservoirs in the area for better swimming and boating.
Close to hiking/state/national parks and possible 4 wheeling/snow mobile access—see above. And Southern Utah has some of the greatest National parks in the country.
Close to good medical facilities—check. In both Ogden and just 30 minutes south in SLC.
Close to airport—30 minute drive to SLC International airport.
Close to Costco/dining—there’s a Costco in Ogden. Plenty of good dining in town and even more in SLC.
Water abundance and good drinking quality. No worries about shortage/restriction/drought/tainted—not currently an issue. Tough to predict the water issues city by city going forward anywhere in the country.
Housing less than ours. Our house estimate is $435k—-housing cost is 3% higher than the national average. Not knowing the specs of your house I can’t make a better comparison.
Fair car/house insurance rates—auto insurance average is $133/month. Average home insurance is $95/month.
Fair utility rates—6% lower than the national average. An average of $268/month.
Not impossible to own a gun—much to my chagrin, Utah is a permitless open-carry/concealed-carry state. It’s Utah. Not an issue at all.
So, depending on what your house/lot size requirements are, the “housing less than yours” might be the criteria furthest from your desired.
HTH. Good luck!