horror stories of greed after a family member dies (1 Viewer)

[Gawain]

I was trustee for my parents Dad died first. One brother, one sister and me (the youngest). Brother was fine until Mom died, then the entitlement side came out. I had to settle lots of Mom debt, much of which was incurred for brothers benefit. Brother also had wheelchair bound mom at her bank days before she died, signing over some cash accounts to him, she charged 8K in dental for him.... Lastly he forged a check to his mortgage company 2 days before she died, and she was morphined hospice at that time. To boot he claimed I was holding back from him. I could have went after his dental and mortgage payment, but to what end and at what cost. Although I did have to evict him from the family home in December to get it sold, he would have stayed there forever. Never heard the end of that.

Best advice is play it by the books and maintain that message to all involved. Do not subject yourself to undue scruitny, you will be surprised how much comes if someone wants start mudslinging. Stay on point and do not get pulled into personal attacks. Depend on legal advice if you need it.

If there's any kind of decent estate, seems prudent to pay an attorney to act as executor, instead of making your kids go through something like this.

 

[Knocks]

I was trustee for my parents Dad died first. One brother, one sister and me (the youngest). Brother was fine until Mom died, then the entitlement side came out. I had to settle lots of Mom debt, much of which was incurred for brothers benefit. Brother also had wheelchair bound mom at her bank days before she died, signing over some cash accounts to him, she charged 8K in dental for him.... Lastly he forged a check to his mortgage company 2 days before she died, and she was morphined hospice at that time. To boot he claimed I was holding back from him. I could have went after his dental and mortgage payment, but to what end and at what cost. Although I did have to evict him from the family home in December to get it sold, he would have stayed there forever. Never heard the end of that.

Best advice is play it by the books and maintain that message to all involved. Do not subject yourself to undue scruitny, you will be surprised how much comes if someone wants start mudslinging. Stay on point and do not get pulled into personal attacks. Depend on legal advice if you need it.

If there's any kind of decent estate, seems prudent to pay an attorney to act as executor, instead of making your kids go through something like this.

Overall I agree with that concept, but old-world parents weren't about to give more $ to a 3rd party. All in all it was a pretty crappy experience, but I still would not expect that brother would have been any less 'entitled' and created a mess for us all anyway. Actually glad my parents trusted me to take care of it as they wanted in spite of all his threats and insults.

Also, they had paid to setup the trust and fortunately part of that fee was some consultation with the estate attorney. Had to pay him about 2000 total to file some papers, and facilitate the eviction. He was always available for counsel and email. Pennies really compared to the piece of mind that I had with him in my corner.

 

[Michael Brown]

Pretty long story, apologies for that in advance, but I'm currently seeing this happen to my wife's extended family. Pretty much her whole family lives in NJ except her dad's youngest brother who lived in Florida with his partner, and her dad's oldest brother who moved down to Florida a few years ago. So dad's little bro got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer almost two years ago, and died this past fall. Big brother didn't think very highly of little bro's lifestyle and partnership with another man throughout the years, so they never got along well. Even after older bro moved to Florida, they rarely saw one another for the first year or so until the diagnosis.

So fast forward to last summer when things were taking a turn for the worse for little bro. We knew there wasn't much time left. All of a sudden, big bro is letting him stay at their house, taking him to and from the doctor's office, giving the family daily updates on his condition, etc. Most of the family saw this as a good thing because even though it was at the end of little bro's life, it looked like big bro was trying to make amends for the way he had treated little bro in the past. Spoiler alert - that wasn't his motive.

Little bro died in November. Family assumes the will and insurance money is going to his partner, who he's been with for a decade or so. Through conversations with the partner, it gets revealed that the decision was made to split the insurance money between partner and the four living siblings. Well at some point last summer, the will was changed. I don't know if my math is 100% correct but from what I'm told, three of the siblings received about $5,000 each, partner received around $40k, and big bro got a little over $100,000!

The biggest concern was why the partner was given such a small share, and they apparently looked into whether the deceased uncle was in the right frame of mind when these changes were made. It's such a shame, because it's always been a tight-knit family. Christmas Eve, all this stuff came to the forefront and was a huge blow-up. First, big bro and his wife denied that they received that much money. They argued that they "only" got $40k. Big bro stormed out of the house and his wife yells from the car back to everyone and said, "If you wanted the money, then you should have been down in Florida taking care of him all this time like we were!" I mean it was beyond awful.

The cruelest part of that is that Christmas Eve is when deceased uncle used to make his annual trip up to NJ with his partner to see the family. Heartbreaking to see that the first Christmas Eve without him, the family was basically fractured. So yeah...bad times.

 

[Sand]

When my father passed, he had a lot of high end jewelry as my mother had predeceased him. I told my brother (only sibling) to take his top three things as I didn't want any fighting or disagreements. This was the time that we needed to be close.

When my mother passed a couple years ago the four of us (two sons, two wives) sat around a table and drafted jewelry. Only a few pieces were worth real money, but I'm so glad I live in a sane family. Having something as small as that be contentious would be horrible.

As another note I'm currently the executor of my dad's estate. Sorry, no horror stories of family here. Despite it being a complicated cluster of a will I'm beyond grateful that the parties involved are decent people. The only folks that really should burn out of this are the HR people at his company (big 3 oil conglomerate). They blatantly broke the law about 4 times and caused all kinds of heartache. ####ers.

As a side note when someone passes on my wife's side (which I hope is about 100 years from now, as my in-laws are all kinds of awesome) there will be inevitably be an incredible ####storm.

 

[glumpy]

When my father passed, he had a lot of high end jewelry as my mother had predeceased him. I told my brother (only sibling) to take his top three things as I didn't want any fighting or disagreements. This was the time that we needed to be close.

My friend is an estate planning attorney and has many stories about children skipping funerals and wakes so they can get a jump on their siblings and start taking property. Disgusting.

Saw that happen. Almost the entire family was at the funeral, home town family lived in the same place their entire lives. Meanwhile one set of inlaws rented a 2 1/2 ton truck, backed up to the front door and emptied the house.

 

[Dentist]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

 

[Ray Karpis]

My grandfather was a WWII veteran. At the graveside service, my step-grandmother was presented with the American flag that had been on the casket.

In the family car after the graveside service - grandfather not even in the ground yet - my oldest aunt asked for the flag from the widow.

Same aunt also went to the house the following week and took several pairs of cowboy boots out of my grandfather's closet.

 

[ghostguy123]

I have always said a great reality show would be to fake a death then film the family fighting over the will. A morbid twist on the Undercover Boss concept.

Great idea.

Make it happen

 

[spreagle]

My mom (still around) and her brother were extremely strong individuals and they battled like pitbulls when grandma died. Her brother manipulated the will to get the better land and other assorted stuff (including a small $1000 CD that was in my name as a beneficiary ... he brought that up at the funeral he said it really wasn't supposed to be in my name) but he ended up dying not that long after. As it turned out he had a life insurance policy from years earlier WITH MY MOM AS A BENEFICIARY but his wife couldn't bring herself to let my mom know it existed. Several years later she contacted her about the insurance and my mom cashed it but just felt that evened the score and the sides never really made up.

After seeing that whole debacle I decided when the time come, my brothers and I will split things equally and I will take a $ hit if necessary to make sure nobody feels they are getting screwed. The years of fighting just isn't worth it.

 

[Kanil]

This is absolutely coming on my wife's side of the family. The wife's grandfather has two daughters (we'll call them D1 and D2). D1 is my wife's mother and only my wife is an only child. My wife's dad split when she was 18 months old and her grandfather was essentially her father figure for most of her life. D2 has 6 kids by 5 different men and has never had a job in her life (dad pays her about $4k/month for her to live on). The will is essentially split 40% to D1, 20% to my wife, and the last 40% to D2 given in monthly installments over the next 20 years. D2 is not a very good human being and is going to cause some MAJOR problems.

Luckily for me, my parents are poor as ####. Mom will go to her grave with nothing but debt and dad's house (the only thing of value) will go to his current wife. Once she goes my brother and I have already decided that anything left (outside of sentimental stuff) will go to my sister who has a learning disability and will never have a job much better than her current one (cleaning hotel rooms).

 

[The Big Guy]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Yes there is. Since we are talking real money, you should just get an estate atty and also make them executor. Ensure that all things are accounted for in the will and by using a third party like an attorney you are shifting the fight over to them and not between the family members. Costs money to do this,but money well spent.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

When my wife's great grandmother died one of her aunts and great-aunts went over to GG's house, less than 4 hours after she died, and grabbed all the special little heirlooms they wanted. About a week later the rest family came over to divide GG's things the aunt and great aunt kept saying "that's odd...maybe she sold that ring/watch/tea kettle etc.

So glad my wife barely keeps in contact with any of these people.

 

[Deranged Hermit]

Doofus who got the boat f'd it up trying to put it into the water this past weekend. He now claims he should get some kind of $$$ from the estate to get it fixed. My buddy and his brother told him to pound sand.

At least no punches were thrown this time.

 

[Dentist]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Yes there is. Since we are talking real money, you should just get an estate atty and also make them executor. Ensure that all things are accounted for in the will and by using a third party like an attorney you are shifting the fight over to them and not between the family members. Costs money to do this,but money well spent.

So is this something my parents should do? They had a trust built, should that person also act as the executor for the estate?

i agree that money would be very well spent.

 

[Sand]

Doofus who got the boat f'd it up trying to put it into the water this past weekend. He now claims he should get some kind of $$$ from the estate to get it fixed. My buddy and his brother told him to pound sand.

At least no punches were thrown this time.

What, the estate didn't warranty the boat? What a ripoff!

 

[Quez]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Start practicing your parents signature

 

[Quez]

This is going on with my grandmothers sisters family. She had 4 children. 2 are successful & the other 2 are worthless. She owns one of their houses, son on disability for being blind. He claims he has no peripheral vision after a stroke... The other is the real con man. He was the closest with the grandfather who died about 5-6 yrs ago. He has had every vehicle, business venture, ect. Funded by them.

When the grandfather died the brother in charge of the finances, the successful one, started digging. Turns out he got the grandfather to take out a 100k loan for his daughter's extravagant wedding. He also noticed that they were paying monthly bills for the 2 sons. They ended up telling g the grandmother she couldn't continue to live her current lifestyle paying for all of them. They ended up selling the family beach condo, so they could give the deadbeats their share. I guess they figured let them piss through that now, so there will be less for them later when she eventually passes. Plus, it was like 600 a month condo dues, and taxes, etc. They quit using her as the bank for now, but I'm sure they will run out soon.

It becomes a weird situation, because on one hand the mother wants to help out the kids, but she knows what she is doing isn't helping them.

The part that pisses off the 2 siblings families that are successful is that these people waste money that isn't theirs. Smoke cigarettes, keep the ac at 69, have a house way too big that they can't afford, etc.

 

[Spin]

This is happening on my mother's side now. My grandfather has Alzheimers and my grandma died of cancer back in November. My mom lives in TX, her sister lives in WI and her brother lives in SC. Grandpa is sitting on a pretty decent fortune and his estate is pushing a little over 2 mil between retirement account/house/cars etc. My mom has been taking care of him 100% since grandma died as she lives two houses down, goes over to his house, makes sure he has food/ takes him on errands/dr appointments etc. He's not quite to the 100% needs to be in a home stage, but it's coming up soon.

The last family reunion my uncle was trying to convince him to let his daughter live with him as an in-home caretaker, apparently so she'd inherit his house under some weird law about living there for 2 years to take care of dying family member. Then before he left, made some comment to my mom about how "even though she's taking care of him 100% of the time now, she's not entitled to a bigger portion of the estate".

Funny thing is, my mom never thought that way (or so she says), just it was her duty as a daughter to help her father, but now it's apparently crossing her mind that she IS entitled to a bigger portion, and I guess now Grandpa agrees with her. But I know that my uncle is know trying to ensure that he can't rewrite his will to give mom a bigger portion, not sure how.

My uncle is even contesting a sale of one of Grandpa's cars to my sister. Sister needed a new vehicle, Granpda has 3, and doesn't drive anyhow, sold her a 2014 Ford Edge with less then 10,000 miles on it for about 10k. Uncle is threatening a lawsuit to freeze all my grandpas assets and saying my sister should have to pay full value of the car.

Such a mess and my Grandpa is still alive. My mom's other sister is just staying completely out of it. Although she is also by far the wealthiest of the 3.

 

[ghostguy123]

Is there anyone this is NOT happening to?

 

[Jobber]

This is happening on my mother's side now. My grandfather has Alzheimers and my grandma died of cancer back in November. My mom lives in TX, her sister lives in WI and her brother lives in SC. Grandpa is sitting on a pretty decent fortune and his estate is pushing a little over 2 mil between retirement account/house/cars etc. My mom has been taking care of him 100% since grandma died as she lives two houses down, goes over to his house, makes sure he has food/ takes him on errands/dr appointments etc. He's not quite to the 100% needs to be in a home stage, but it's coming up soon.

The last family reunion my uncle was trying to convince him to let his daughter live with him as an in-home caretaker, apparently so she'd inherit his house under some weird law about living there for 2 years to take care of dying family member. Then before he left, made some comment to my mom about how "even though she's taking care of him 100% of the time now, she's not entitled to a bigger portion of the estate".

Funny thing is, my mom never thought that way (or so she says), just it was her duty as a daughter to help her father, but now it's apparently crossing her mind that she IS entitled to a bigger portion, and I guess now Grandpa agrees with her. But I know that my uncle is know trying to ensure that he can't rewrite his will to give mom a bigger portion, not sure how.

My uncle is even contesting a sale of one of Grandpa's cars to my sister. Sister needed a new vehicle, Granpda has 3, and doesn't drive anyhow, sold her a 2014 Ford Edge with less then 10,000 miles on it for about 10k. Uncle is threatening a lawsuit to freeze all my grandpas assets and saying my sister should have to pay full value of the car.

Such a mess and my Grandpa is still alive. My mom's other sister is just staying completely out of it. Although she is also by far the wealthiest of the 3.

Oof. So is Greedy Uncle's daughter going to live with Grandpa? Or was that just a passing comment/idea that was shot down?

 

[Spin]

This is happening on my mother's side now. My grandfather has Alzheimers and my grandma died of cancer back in November. My mom lives in TX, her sister lives in WI and her brother lives in SC. Grandpa is sitting on a pretty decent fortune and his estate is pushing a little over 2 mil between retirement account/house/cars etc. My mom has been taking care of him 100% since grandma died as she lives two houses down, goes over to his house, makes sure he has food/ takes him on errands/dr appointments etc. He's not quite to the 100% needs to be in a home stage, but it's coming up soon.

The last family reunion my uncle was trying to convince him to let his daughter live with him as an in-home caretaker, apparently so she'd inherit his house under some weird law about living there for 2 years to take care of dying family member. Then before he left, made some comment to my mom about how "even though she's taking care of him 100% of the time now, she's not entitled to a bigger portion of the estate".

Funny thing is, my mom never thought that way (or so she says), just it was her duty as a daughter to help her father, but now it's apparently crossing her mind that she IS entitled to a bigger portion, and I guess now Grandpa agrees with her. But I know that my uncle is know trying to ensure that he can't rewrite his will to give mom a bigger portion, not sure how.

My uncle is even contesting a sale of one of Grandpa's cars to my sister. Sister needed a new vehicle, Granpda has 3, and doesn't drive anyhow, sold her a 2014 Ford Edge with less then 10,000 miles on it for about 10k. Uncle is threatening a lawsuit to freeze all my grandpas assets and saying my sister should have to pay full value of the car.

Such a mess and my Grandpa is still alive. My mom's other sister is just staying completely out of it. Although she is also by far the wealthiest of the 3.

Oof. So is Greedy Uncle's daughter going to live with Grandpa? Or was that just a passing comment/idea that was shot down?

Grandpa shot it down. Said he could take care of himself just fine, but he's not very accepting of his condition and refuses to even admit he has a problem.

 

[Spin]

Is there anyone this is NOT happening to?

In my mom's case, my gpa's estate is north of 2 mil. Uncle is in between jobs seemingly every other week and is always calling up his dad for money. My GPA is also a very tough guy (he was in the Marines for 20 years) and is very much a "make it on your own" kind of guy so rarely helps out financially anywhere. You take a guy who doesn't have any money after he turned 18, and is looking at a 750k+ inheritance, that he thinks might be taken away from him/is going to start dwindling, etc he's gonna all of a sudden turn into crazy greedy uncle.

 

[CBusAlex]

Part of me wouldn't mind if my kids venerated my death by fighting over my underwear.

"The boat, I leave to my eldest son. The car, I leave to my youngest. And the house shall go to whichever of them can defeat the other in hand-to-hand combat immediately following the reading of this will."

 

[pantherclub]

Is there anyone this is NOT happening to?

I thought there was no way something like this could happen with my family. Then my F-i-l got really sick and went downhill fast. He went over all the fiancees with my wifes brother before he went completely to help their mom out doing bills, planning etc. The sister in law catches wind of this before he passes and starts doing and saying some odd stuff. She started planting the seed in the mom that the brother was going to hide and take the money. Its only around $750,000 so its not a huge huge amount. But the sister has gone absolutely and completely psychotic over it to the point where my wife and the brother are basically saying now "eff this, she can have it all as long as she is just out of my life completely". Its gotten that bad. Some wicked wicked emails, threatening phone calls, crazy facebook posts etc. The SIL think my wife and her brother are "scheming" (as she says) to split the money and put the mom on the street. Where this is coming from is anyones guess but she has the mom believing that now and its a complete and total mess. Sad really.

On my side I feel like my brother and I should sit down with my folks before anything happens and talk it out to make sure this crap doesnt happen between us.

 

[Michael Brown]

Is there anyone this is NOT happening to?

I thought there was no way something like this could happen with my family. Then my F-i-l got really sick and went downhill fast. He went over all the fiancees with my wifes brother before he went completely to help their mom out doing bills, planning etc. The sister in law catches wind of this before he passes and starts doing and saying some odd stuff. She started planting the seed in the mom that the brother was going to hide and take the money. Its only around $750,000 so its not a huge huge amount. But the sister has gone absolutely and completely psychotic over it to the point where my wife and the brother are basically saying now "eff this, she can have it all as long as she is just out of my life completely". Its gotten that bad. Some wicked wicked emails, threatening phone calls, crazy facebook posts etc. The SIL think my wife and her brother are "scheming" (as she says) to split the money and put the mom on the street. Where this is coming from is anyones guess but she has the mom believing that now and its a complete and total mess. Sad really.

On my side I feel like my brother and I should sit down with my folks before anything happens and talk it out to make sure this crap doesnt happen between us.

Did you accidentally put an extra zero, or are you just crazy wealthy? I can't imagine many (any?) people around here would consider this anything BUT a "huge amount"

 

[mr roboto]

Ever notice that everyone has a study like this and it's always about someone else?

 

[pantherclub]

Is there anyone this is NOT happening to?

I thought there was no way something like this could happen with my family. Then my F-i-l got really sick and went downhill fast. He went over all the fiancees with my wifes brother before he went completely to help their mom out doing bills, planning etc. The sister in law catches wind of this before he passes and starts doing and saying some odd stuff. She started planting the seed in the mom that the brother was going to hide and take the money. Its only around $750,000 so its not a huge huge amount. But the sister has gone absolutely and completely psychotic over it to the point where my wife and the brother are basically saying now "eff this, she can have it all as long as she is just out of my life completely". Its gotten that bad. Some wicked wicked emails, threatening phone calls, crazy facebook posts etc. The SIL think my wife and her brother are "scheming" (as she says) to split the money and put the mom on the street. Where this is coming from is anyones guess but she has the mom believing that now and its a complete and total mess. Sad really.

On my side I feel like my brother and I should sit down with my folks before anything happens and talk it out to make sure this crap doesnt happen between us.

Did you accidentally put an extra zero, or are you just crazy wealthy? I can't imagine many (any?) people around here would consider this anything BUT a "huge amount"

You are arguing semantics here. $750,000 is certainly comfortable and a nice nest egg, however I think it is a far cry from being a huge amount. I was merely saying that I dont think $750,000 is not a number where you lose your #### and divide the family. Lets say the mom died today, after taxes and such split 3 ways you are looking sub $200,000. YEs thats a lot of money that you can do a lot with but IMO its not worth what my wife and her brother are going through.

 

[Steve Tasker]

We are in the middle of this right now with my fiancée's mother's family. There is some pretty solid money there, and they have a lot of priceless old heirlooms. Grandmother and grandfather are still alive but frail...his mind is still sharp but he has worsening Parkinsons, and she's physically with it but mentally fading quickly. Over the past few years, they've begun gifting to their kids (2 boys, 5 girls, including fiancée's mother). One daughter has been appointed power of attorney/executor in waiting and effectively has the final say on everything. She's a great woman, and it's put her in a terrible spot. Three of her siblings will no longer talk to her....and the grandparents are still alive!

 

[ghostguy123]

750k is most certainly a HUGE amount. It is life changing. Hell it is life changing if it is split 4 ways.

200k in your pocket now (unless you are an idiot) in your 30s represents a million or more as time goes on (not paying interest, investing......).

Much like some in here, I can not imagine my family going through something like this where people flip their #### and become #######s. Granted, my mom won't have much and my dad will likely give what he has to his current wife, which again isnt a whole lot. I don't care about any of that, and I am pretty sure my brother and sister don't either. Maybe my sister a little, but I would be more than shocked if she caused family turmoil over it.

Seems the moral of the story is, if you hate one of your kids then make them executor.

 

[Van Dyman]

Seems the moral of the story is, if you hate one of your kids then make them executor.

 

[sbonomo]

750k is most certainly a HUGE amount. It is life changing. Hell it is life changing if it is split 4 ways.

200k in your pocket now (unless you are an idiot) in your 30s represents a million or more as time goes on (not paying interest, investing......).

Much like some in here, I can not imagine my family going through something like this where people flip their #### and become #######s. Granted, my mom won't have much and my dad will likely give what he has to his current wife, which again isnt a whole lot. I don't care about any of that, and I am pretty sure my brother and sister don't either. Maybe my sister a little, but I would be more than shocked if she caused family turmoil over it.

Seems the moral of the story is, if you hate one of your kids then make them executor.

I think his point is that the $$ is not worth breaking a family apart and it is not.

 

[KCitons]

I could write a small novel on this subject. We've been through it three times in the past 4 years. Two were family, one was family friend. Strangely enough, the inheritance from the friend was the one that I felt we didn't right to, but the one with which there was zero resistance. Their kids lived outside of the state, and they even thanked us for helping their parents during their final years.

 

[The Big Guy]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Yes there is. Since we are talking real money, you should just get an estate atty and also make them executor. Ensure that all things are accounted for in the will and by using a third party like an attorney you are shifting the fight over to them and not between the family members. Costs money to do this,but money well spent.

So is this something my parents should do? They had a trust built, should that person also act as the executor for the estate?

i agree that money would be very well spent.

I would have no issue with an attorney acting as executor of my parents estate with the one caveat being the knowledge of their fee would drive me batty. But as long as the attorney is an elder law practitioner, using them as the executor does give you a level of insulation between family members and helps keep the peace that way.

 

[ghostguy123]

750k is most certainly a HUGE amount. It is life changing. Hell it is life changing if it is split 4 ways.

200k in your pocket now (unless you are an idiot) in your 30s represents a million or more as time goes on (not paying interest, investing......).

Much like some in here, I can not imagine my family going through something like this where people flip their #### and become #######s. Granted, my mom won't have much and my dad will likely give what he has to his current wife, which again isnt a whole lot. I don't care about any of that, and I am pretty sure my brother and sister don't either. Maybe my sister a little, but I would be more than shocked if she caused family turmoil over it.

Seems the moral of the story is, if you hate one of your kids then make them executor.

I think his point is that the $$ is not worth breaking a family apart and it is not.

Sure. Assuming you actually like your family. I happen to like mine.

 

[hxperson]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Yes there is. Since we are talking real money, you should just get an estate atty and also make them executor. Ensure that all things are accounted for in the will and by using a third party like an attorney you are shifting the fight over to them and not between the family members. Costs money to do this,but money well spent.

So is this something my parents should do? They had a trust built, should that person also act as the executor for the estate?

i agree that money would be very well spent.

I would have no issue with an attorney acting as executor of my parents estate with the one caveat being the knowledge of their fee would drive me batty. But as long as the attorney is an elder law practitioner, using them as the executor does give you a level of insulation between family members and helps keep the peace that way.

A few thousand dollars to make sure everyone still is on talking terms with each other after the dust has settled? Seems well worth it to me.

 

[Tennessee_ATO]

As soon as people start to view their parents' or grandparents' assists their "birthright" or whatever entitlement term you want to use, you have problems.

I guess I'm lucky but when my mom inherited from my grandmother my brothers insisted that I recoup the money I paid on mom's bills for years while they couldn't help out. And they're both in a longstanding financial bind.

 

[MC Gas Money]

If I die wealthy with seversl heirs my will will state that they play a no limit tourney for the whole shebang

 

[Quez]

Hell, there are probably some pretty good stories about how some of these people blow through inheritance. If you are a piece of crap person, and you get a sum of money, then odds are you aren't gonna just live happily ever after. It's only a matter of time before they do something stupid to blow the cash.

 

[MC Gas Money]

Hell, there are probably some pretty good stories about how some of these people blow through inheritance. If you are a piece of crap person, and you get a sum of money, then odds are you aren't gonna just live happily ever after. It's only a matter of time before they do something stupid to blow the cash.

There should be a cable channel thatbruns nothing but stories like this

 

[Billy Bats]

My mother went through this years ago with one of her brothers. My crazy uncle has two kids, fewest of the three siblings. Every grandchild recieved an equal share, but for some strange reason crazy uncle thought his kids deserved more because there is only two of them, while his sister had three and his brother had 5 kids. He didn't didn't talk to my mother for 20 years because of it.

And I know my brother is going to pull some sort of crap on me and my sister, he has the same personality as my crazy Uncle. I'm actually looking forward to signing anything left to me to him at the reading of wills. Go ahead, enjoy it man.

 

[The Big Guy]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Yes there is. Since we are talking real money, you should just get an estate atty and also make them executor. Ensure that all things are accounted for in the will and by using a third party like an attorney you are shifting the fight over to them and not between the family members. Costs money to do this,but money well spent.

So is this something my parents should do? They had a trust built, should that person also act as the executor for the estate?

i agree that money would be very well spent.

I would have no issue with an attorney acting as executor of my parents estate with the one caveat being the knowledge of their fee would drive me batty. But as long as the attorney is an elder law practitioner, using them as the executor does give you a level of insulation between family members and helps keep the peace that way.

A few thousand dollars to make sure everyone still is on talking terms with each other after the dust has settled? Seems well worth it to me.

Kansas doesn't seem to have a specific rule regarding executor pay like NJ does. It can be up to a couple of percentage points of the estate, which can be substantial when we are talking about people of means. But sometimes it is very much money well spent and when they meet with the lawyer, they can figure out if there is a flat fee of sliding scale that can be used and placed into the wills.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

This is one of the good things about being an only child. It's all going to me. It's nothing substantial by any means, actually it's barely anything, but at least there will be no fighting.

Oh, yeah. Mr R is an only child too. It does lessen the potential for trouble.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Is there any way to be preventative about all this?

My parents have a sizeable fortune... they have gone to great lengths with lawyers to set up a very defined transition plan.

Both of my sisters are MD's and have plenty of money and thus no real reason to really "need" anything anyway... BUT

my middle sister is just a massive ##### about a lot of things and something tells me that no matter what I do there is going to be complaints.. most likely unresolvable.

She's already mad about a few transition things that have already happened and my parents are alive and well... but because she lives in Florida and the rest of us live in MIssouri she's always felt like she got the short end of the stick on things.

any advice? Seems like there is no way it will go well over petty things.

Yes there is. Since we are talking real money, you should just get an estate atty and also make them executor. Ensure that all things are accounted for in the will and by using a third party like an attorney you are shifting the fight over to them and not between the family members. Costs money to do this,but money well spent.

So is this something my parents should do? They had a trust built, should that person also act as the executor for the estate?

i agree that money would be very well spent.

I would have no issue with an attorney acting as executor of my parents estate with the one caveat being the knowledge of their fee would drive me batty. But as long as the attorney is an elder law practitioner, using them as the executor does give you a level of insulation between family members and helps keep the peace that way.

A few thousand dollars to make sure everyone still is on talking terms with each other after the dust has settled? Seems well worth it to me.

Kansas doesn't seem to have a specific rule regarding executor pay like NJ does. It can be up to a couple of percentage points of the estate, which can be substantial when we are talking about people of means. But sometimes it is very much money well spent and when they meet with the lawyer, they can figure out if there is a flat fee of sliding scale that can be used and placed into the wills.

Laws vary from state to state, but the easiest way to avoid all this is to put all assets into the trust. If it's properly set up, nothing passes through a will. The trust administrators do the job. It can be a very good deal, especially if your family has wankers in it.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

This is happening on my mother's side now. My grandfather has Alzheimers and my grandma died of cancer back in November. My mom lives in TX, her sister lives in WI and her brother lives in SC. Grandpa is sitting on a pretty decent fortune and his estate is pushing a little over 2 mil between retirement account/house/cars etc. My mom has been taking care of him 100% since grandma died as she lives two houses down, goes over to his house, makes sure he has food/ takes him on errands/dr appointments etc. He's not quite to the 100% needs to be in a home stage, but it's coming up soon.

The last family reunion my uncle was trying to convince him to let his daughter live with him as an in-home caretaker, apparently so she'd inherit his house under some weird law about living there for 2 years to take care of dying family member. Then before he left, made some comment to my mom about how "even though she's taking care of him 100% of the time now, she's not entitled to a bigger portion of the estate".

Funny thing is, my mom never thought that way (or so she says), just it was her duty as a daughter to help her father, but now it's apparently crossing her mind that she IS entitled to a bigger portion, and I guess now Grandpa agrees with her. But I know that my uncle is know trying to ensure that he can't rewrite his will to give mom a bigger portion, not sure how.

My uncle is even contesting a sale of one of Grandpa's cars to my sister. Sister needed a new vehicle, Granpda has 3, and doesn't drive anyhow, sold her a 2014 Ford Edge with less then 10,000 miles on it for about 10k. Uncle is threatening a lawsuit to freeze all my grandpas assets and saying my sister should have to pay full value of the car.

Such a mess and my Grandpa is still alive. My mom's other sister is just staying completely out of it. Although she is also by far the wealthiest of the 3.

I think the law that is being referred to is this one. See the section entitled, "Transferring the home by gift".

 

[D in the D]

Hell, there are probably some pretty good stories about how some of these people blow through inheritance. If you are a piece of crap person, and you get a sum of money, then odds are you aren't gonna just live happily ever after. It's only a matter of time before they do something stupid to blow the cash.

I guess this process can be sped along by predatory folks as well. My wife passed away over ten years ago and I've been hounded since then by family members who thought they were entitled to a portion of the life insurance payout or by "friends" that have come up with every possible angle to try and get a "loan" from me.

 

[hxperson]

I guess this process can be sped along by predatory folks as well. My wife passed away over ten years ago and I've been hounded since then by family members who thought they were entitled to a portion of the life insurance payout or by "friends" that have come up with every possible angle to try and get a "loan" from me.

Wow those people are beyond awful. I feel for you man.

 

[Sand]

Hell, there are probably some pretty good stories about how some of these people blow through inheritance. If you are a piece of crap person, and you get a sum of money, then odds are you aren't gonna just live happily ever after. It's only a matter of time before they do something stupid to blow the cash.

I guess this process can be sped along by predatory folks as well. My wife passed away over ten years ago and I've been hounded since then by family members who thought they were entitled to a portion of the life insurance payout or by "friends" that have come up with every possible angle to try and get a "loan" from me.

Life insurance is typically a very simple thing. The proceeds go to the named beneficiary. If the insurance company didn't send them a check, they weren't entitled. Not sure how they can get confused on this issue.

 

[Sweet J]

My wife's uncle is dying of cancer. He sent me the will and named me the executor. F&ck me sideways. As some of you longtimers on these boards know, my relationship with my wife is tenuous at best. So this is one more headache that I'm not looking forward to. I like the guy, though, and I like my wife's family, so I'm sure I'll do it. It just complicates things. Plus I have no idea how to do it. He called me up this weekend and said "I want you to pay yourself a good salary for acting as my executor." Jesus Crackers. I don't want his money. Thankfully, he didn't leave me anything in the will (although he did leave my wife some).

Not really a story of bad behavior, but not really a story worth starting its own thread for.

 

[worrierking]

Man, this is so ridiculously common. I am executor of my parents' estate. They are both still living but in their 80s and could easily go at any time. I have one brother who is agreeable with me on pretty much everything I am doing with the parents. Both my brother's wife and my wife have seen some pretty awful family situations and my brother and I are trying very hard to avoid them in our family. We have agreed to sell everything and split the money in half. No heirlooms if they have any monetary value at all. There can be no hard feelings if it's cash, split in two.

The problem is that the parents forget these agreements and try to give things away. I guess it is a natural feeling for the elderly that they want their stuff to go to family members who will appreciate them. But it's causing issues. Most of what my parents are trying to give away are going to their grandkids (my brother's kids). We keep trying to intervene and stop the giving, but feelings keep getting hurt. My mom has dementia and can't remember that she's agreed not to give things away. Every time the grandkids visit, she tries to give away something valuable.

I feel badly for all you folks who have it worse than I do.

 

[ghostguy123]

Hell, there are probably some pretty good stories about how some of these people blow through inheritance. If you are a piece of crap person, and you get a sum of money, then odds are you aren't gonna just live happily ever after. It's only a matter of time before they do something stupid to blow the cash.

Sounds like the athletes