How many unanswered calls w/ your loved one before you get worried? (1 Viewer)

[El Floppo]

Two?

Guess again.

Three?

A little higher.

Four?

Keep trying.

Five?

No, you'll have to do better than that.

Seven?

Guess again.

Eight?

We'll give you one more guess.

Nine.

Not even close.

 

[General Malaise]

I don't generally get worried unless it's late. If I call/text and don't hear from her, odds are her phone is in her purse and she's completely oblivious. If she calls/texts and doesn't hear from me, I think the answer to your question is 45 seconds.

 

[General Malaise]

This is why you go with the wife training program. Never answer the first call during a time when you generally don't want to be called. Answering the phone at Walmart is tantamount to saying please call me at Walmart. if you answer the phone during a meeting at work you might as well end the call with "please feel free to interrupt me at any time".

Same thing goes for voice mail. My voice mail inbox has been full for about six years now. I don't want to press buttons and listen for two minutes to hear that you were just checking in and youll call me back later.

do this for a while and you'll notice a change. First you'll hear I tried calling you and you didn't answer is everything OK. Then I tried calling you where were you. Then how come you never answer when I call.

But then something magical happens and her "should I call or send a text" logic starts to change. And if you respond to texts quickly (not all texts, but all texts that are ready to answer when you're not driving or busy) she will learn to prefer texting. and now when that phone rings it will be a rare enough occurrence that you'll say, hey, I gotta take this, she never calls me at work. And that's both of your goals.

This is why you are regarded as one of the most brilliant minds that posts here.

 

[AAABatteries]

sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married

I'd deny ever saying it, but I agree with you (and last I checked I have a penis)

 

[Maurile Tremblay]

To be clear, I'm not asking you to weigh in on my particular situation.I'm asking if any of you have a threshold where you start to get worried. what if you didn't hear from your wife for 17 hours? What if you didn't hear from your daughter/son for 12 hours? I'll try to edit the title.

I would start to worry if she answered her phone, not if she didn't answer.

Ring.

"Hello? What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing. Why are you answering? Is something wrong?"

"No. I'm at Walmart. I only answered because I didn't think you'd call unless it was an emergency."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I was trying to send you a text and I pressed the wrong button."

"Oh yeah, new phone."

"But you scared me by answering! I figured you wouldn't answer unless YOU had an emergency."

"To be honest, I was preoccupied and I swiped in the wrong direction."

"Okay, I'm hanging up now. I'll just send a text, as I meant to do in the first place."

 

[Niles Standish]

I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?

Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.Again, though, this thread isn't about me. It's a question for the masses regarding their own loved ones. I'm simply curious about the level of alarm that most feel when they can't reach a loved one.

So your husband is in a busy store watching 2 kids under the age of 2. That is the time you have a nice intelligent conversation?

 

[James Daulton]

Good thing you're not high maintenance or anything.

 

[Frostillicus]

YSR is clearly the worst.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

 

[gianmarco]

She only calls when she ovulates.

 

[YSR]

#######it, people. I am simply asking if you have a threshold for when you can't get in touch with a loved one. I stupidly provided a hypothetical situation. Jesus. My bad.

 

[Frostillicus]

#######it, people. I am simply asking if you have a threshold for when you can't get in touch with a loved one. I stupidly provided a hypothetical situation. Jesus. My bad.

You monster.

 

[belljr]

If I'm out shopping with my 2 kids I'm not answering the phone. Why wouldn't you just text?

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

My mom used to freak out when Dad was ten or fifteen minutes late from work. Mind you, he had to take the train from another city to get home. I thought she was nuts.

I just don't call my husband unless I actually need something. If it's important, I'll try again in fifteen minutes. Otherwise, I'll wait an hour or so. It's more time related than anything. And situational. I figure he can take care of himself.

I have no idea how this helps. I think you do need to give specific examples to get some idea of where you fall on the spectrum.

 

[Wooderson]

Why do you make your husband do the shopping and take care of both kids ?

Well we're waiting....

#judgesmails

 

[Paulymaggs]

I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?

Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.

Again, though, this thread isn't about me. It's a question for the masses regarding their own loved ones. I'm simply curious about the level of alarm that most feel when they can't reach a loved one.

 

[Ilov80s]

I think you mean how long before your SO doesn't text back that you become worried

That's actually not what I mean at all. I am married with two small children and my husband and I communicate pretty regularly. Which means that the times when I try to reach him and am unsuccessful, it can be unnerving, especially when he has our 20-month-old and 6.5-month-old.But thank you.

I was just saying that most people I know don't call, but text.

 

[General Malaise]

Swingers --- Mikey Phone Call: http://youtu.be/u0PUrNwvvBk

 

[PatsWillWin]

I think you mean how long before your SO doesn't text back that you become worried

That's actually not what I mean at all. I am married with two small children and my husband and I communicate pretty regularly. Which means that the times when I try to reach him and am unsuccessful, it can be unnerving, especially when he has our 20-month-old and 6.5-month-old.

But thank you.

Whether I get worried has nothing to do with the number of phone calls I make and everything to do with time expectations. If my wife went to WAL-MART with our two young kids, the only thing I'd get worried about is if they took longer than expected (probably way longer).

If I call and she doesn't answer, it could be for a number of reasons. Maybe she left her phone in the car. Maybe she even left it at home. Maybe it died. Maybe it's in her purse on vibrate in a shopping cart. Yes, maybe she got hit by a bus or kidnapped by ISIS, but I think those chances are pretty small. It doesn't make sense to me to get more worried after each n + 1 phone call because all of the original possible explanations could just as easily explain why she didn't answer the second time just as it could explain why she didn't answer the first time.

Also, with a 6.5 and 20 month old, I'm going to put my money on he's got his hands ####### full right now and he's just not able to answer the phone and he probably knows it's nothing important. That's nice you enjoy talking to your husband still, but it doesn't seem like a great moment for him. But as you say, you're not looking for input on your situation.

But yeah, to me, I don't get worried when she doesn't answer the phone, and don't get worried if she doesn't answer the phone a second time. If I were to get worried about anything, it'd be her not being somewhere she's supposed to be within the time range she's expected home/wherever.

 

[Zow]

I don't call multiple times in a row b/c I'm not insane so I really don't know how to answer. I'd probably start to worry if she was like two hours late with no text or call.

 

[bostonfred]

I just don't call my husband unless I actually need something. If it's important, I'll try again in fifteen minutes. Otherwise, I'll wait an hour or so.

I know this sounds sensible in your head but let me recap what I just read. you only call when you need things. This is not as pleasant for us as you might think.

You sometimes call when you need things that aren't important. This feels like a text opportunity to me.

You feel like you're being sensible by waiting 15 minutes when he doesn't answer and you need something you've deemed important. A whole 15 minutes.

if you need something that's not important then you'll only call once an hour or so. you've basically trained him not to call back right away because of its important he'll hear back within fifteen minutes and if it isn't he's only got an hour of quiet freedom left.

I'm not trying to call you out here, but this is you explaining how you're low maintenance. Think about the high maintenance wives out there.

 

[Zow]

 

[bostonfred]

This is why you go with the wife training program. Never answer the first call during a time when you generally don't want to be called. Answering the phone at Walmart is tantamount to saying please call me at Walmart. if you answer the phone during a meeting at work you might as well end the call with "please feel free to interrupt me at any time".

Same thing goes for voice mail. My voice mail inbox has been full for about six years now. I don't want to press buttons and listen for two minutes to hear that you were just checking in and youll call me back later.

do this for a while and you'll notice a change. First you'll hear I tried calling you and you didn't answer is everything OK. Then I tried calling you where were you. Then how come you never answer when I call.

But then something magical happens and her "should I call or send a text" logic starts to change. And if you respond to texts quickly (not all texts, but all texts that are ready to answer when you're not driving or busy) she will learn to prefer texting. and now when that phone rings it will be a rare enough occurrence that you'll say, hey, I gotta take this, she never calls me at work. And that's both of your goals.

This is why you are regarded as one of the most brilliant minds that posts here.

Another unwritten rule - I can send ten texts back and forth with her and not miss a beat. If she sends a nagging text of any kind, i just cut off communication altogether. No apologizing for not having done it yet. No vague promises to do it later. Just radio silence. She knows I got the text. There's no need to discuss it.

 

[swirvenirvin]

Sounds needy and annoying.

 

[Zow]

Texting is so awesome. Especially now with iMessage. Takes me literally five seconds to respond to my wife's question. She gets her answer quickly and I'm not distracted from a train of though or whatever.

Got it now to where the only time she calls is if it's after 5 and I'm still at work (probably work well past 5 2-3 nights/week). It's always the same conversation. She asks me where I'm at, I say work and that I'm trying to finish something. She asks me an eta and I explain that I don't know. She then asks me what I want for dinner and then just tells me what she already decided we are having. So other than my departure being delayed 5 minutes really nothing has been accomplished.

I tried solving this with a pre-emptive text but that would likely require offering to give an eta (which I can't) and since I can't there's always the inevitable follow up call.

Open to suggestions, Bostonfred.

 

[James Daulton]

But some people like to talk to the ones they love!

 

[msudaisy26]

Generally speaking, I have a idea of where my husband and/or kids are at all points of the day. But there are times when I know he's at, say, Wal-Mart, with both kids and doesn't answer. In my rational brain, that's fine... he's probably on the phone or something. But I then start to wonder if something has happened and if his phone accurately reflects me as his contact and oh-my-god-who-is-taking-care-of-my-kids?

But after, say, 3 calls to his number in a 1-hour period and no answer, I tend to get worried.

This is meant to be an adult conversation, but go ahead and bring on the "he's cheating on you" and "you're controlling" type posts. BOOM. You're so funny.

It annoys me when he doesn't answer the phone, but I rarely worry about him.

The bolded part is very odd. You either have trust issues with your husband. You watch way too many Law and Order type movies and shows and just assume everyone is out to rape/kidnap/kill your family. Or you worry way too much.

 

[dickey moe]

Two?

Guess again.

Three?

A little higher.

Four?

Keep trying.

Five?

No, you'll have to do better than that.

Seven?

Guess again.

Eight?

We'll give you one more guess.

Nine.

Not even close.

COLON BLOW!

 

[bostonfred]

Texting is so awesome. Especially now with iMessage. Takes me literally five seconds to respond to my wife's question. She gets her answer quickly and I'm not distracted from a train of though or whatever.

Got it now to where the only time she calls is if it's after 5 and I'm still at work (probably work well past 5 2-3 nights/week). It's always the same conversation. She asks me where I'm at, I say work and that I'm trying to finish something. She asks me an eta and I explain that I don't know. She then asks me what I want for dinner and then just tells me what she already decided we are having. So other than my departure being delayed 5 minutes really nothing has been accomplished.

I tried solving this with a pre-emptive text but that would likely require offering to give an eta (which I can't) and since I can't there's always the inevitable follow up call.

Open to suggestions, Bostonfred.

You'll never get out of the what do you want for dinner conversation. Nobody likes it, everybody does it. Just send her a text earlier in the day suggesting a dinner once in a while.

Also, when you know you're getting home early, tell her, every time. she doesn't like the variability (who would?) but if she knows you'll tell her in advance she'll be less prone to ask when you don't. Right now you're a slot machine and when she pulls the lender she's rooting for it to come up "great news I'll be home at 5:30". You're giving her a variable reinforcement schedule that reinforces her hopes. You want to be the coke machine. You put your money in, you get the same thing every time. She calls, you say I don't know what time I'm getting home, but I'll tell you when I do. Eventually there's no value to calling you for that and she may stop.

but remember sometimes she just wants to talk on the phone and five minutes isn't unreasonable. if that's a big deal for you then at least respect her enough to call her on your terms instead of waiting for her to interrupt your busy evening.

 

[belljr]

Update?

 

[AAABatteries]

My wife used to call towards te end of the day and ask me where I was in respect to being home and/or when I'm leaving. When we both got iPhones I enabled the Find Friends app and asked her nicely to never call me again to ask when I'll be home.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Ah, the old "ignore my example and give me the answer I want" defense.

 

[Bucky86]

We still harassing our significant others in here?

 

[shadyridr]

Im starting to worry anout YSR. i hope she is not in a ditch somewhere

 

[Bucky86]

Im starting to worry anout YSR. i hope she is not in a ditch somewhere

How many PMs have you sent her?

 

[sbonomo]

I view a phone call from my wife as a nuisance and she does the same with me. 99.99999% of our intra-day communication is via email/text. If I've got kids and am out shopping, a phone call is the last thing I want as I suck at multitasking and hate talking on the phone to people I live with. Unless it's an emergency or every important, why not just text?

Because I still enjoy talking to my husband and when I get home at night, it's filled with putting down two kids who are under 2 years old. Baths, teeth brushing, tantrums, etc. I work full-time and by the time that's all over with, I have a small window of time to spend with my husband. We still text plenty over the course of the day, but sometimes it's nice to speak to the person you've married.

Again, though, this thread isn't about me. It's a question for the masses regarding their own loved ones. I'm simply curious about the level of alarm that most feel when they can't reach a loved one.

This board is primarily male. We don't tend to overthink situations such as this nearly as much as our other half. I know that my wife becomes a raging lunatic when i don't answer the phone, particularly at night when i am out with clients. Truth be told, i typically turn my phone either off or on silent because i am working. Over the years she has come to grips with the fact that this is part of my job. believe me we have had many discussions over it though. Try relaxing, even with technolgy today there are still dead zones and at time we simply either don't hear the call or don't have time to answer.

 

[bostonfred]

Becomes

 

[Quez]

Start hiding money

 

[sbonomo]

Becomes

She is only a lunatic anytime prior

 

[CurlyNight]

My SO is a paramedic, so I never call unless it is life threatening, literally. We text and just see each other later on for talking. Even if he wasn't a paramedic, being I don't like talking on the phone generally just to chat, it's text all the way still. If he calls, I know it's important. If I call, he knows I'm almost dead, literally, if he's on the job--- or I may be dead upon his arrival home...

 

[MCguidance]

I don't worry. That worries her.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I just don't call my husband unless I actually need something. If it's important, I'll try again in fifteen minutes. Otherwise, I'll wait an hour or so.

I know this sounds sensible in your head but let me recap what I just read.you only call when you need things. This is not as pleasant for us as you might think.

You sometimes call when you need things that aren't important. This feels like a text opportunity to me.

You feel like you're being sensible by waiting 15 minutes when he doesn't answer and you need something you've deemed important. A whole 15 minutes.

if you need something that's not important then you'll only call once an hour or so. you've basically trained him not to call back right away because of its important he'll hear back within fifteen minutes and if it isn't he's only got an hour of quiet freedom left.

I'm not trying to call you out here, but this is you explaining how you're low maintenance. Think about the high maintenance wives out there.

I hardly call at all. Maybe as much as once or twice in a month. I don't text.

Want to try again?

 

[CurlyNight]

Texting is so awesome. Especially now with iMessage. Takes me literally five seconds to respond to my wife's question. She gets her answer quickly and I'm not distracted from a train of though or whatever.

Got it now to where the only time she calls is if it's after 5 and I'm still at work (probably work well past 5 2-3 nights/week). It's always the same conversation. She asks me where I'm at, I say work and that I'm trying to finish something. She asks me an eta and I explain that I don't know. She then asks me what I want for dinner and then just tells me what she already decided we are having. So other than my departure being delayed 5 minutes really nothing has been accomplished.

I tried solving this with a pre-emptive text but that would likely require offering to give an eta (which I can't) and since I can't there's always the inevitable follow up call.

Open to suggestions, Bostonfred.

You'll never get out of the what do you want for dinner conversation. Nobody likes it, everybody does it. Just send her a text earlier in the day suggesting a dinner once in a while.

Also, when you know you're getting home early, tell her, every time. she doesn't like the variability (who would?) but if she knows you'll tell her in advance she'll be less prone to ask when you don't. Right now you're a slot machine and when she pulls the lender she's rooting for it to come up "great news I'll be home at 5:30". You're giving her a variable reinforcement schedule that reinforces her hopes. You want to be the coke machine. You put your money in, you get the same thing every time. She calls, you say I don't know what time I'm getting home, but I'll tell you when I do. Eventually there's no value to calling you for that and she may stop.

but remember sometimes she just wants to talk on the phone and five minutes isn't unreasonable. if that's a big deal for you then at least respect her enough to call her on your terms instead of waiting for her to interrupt your busy evening.

lol. You guys really go through this?? My SO needs to be very thankful that I don't hone in on what's up and why are you 30 minutes late stuff! Of course he texts me so I don't have to ask, and I never ask what he wants for dinner. It is what it is and thankfully we're both happy about that.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

Texting is so awesome. Especially now with iMessage. Takes me literally five seconds to respond to my wife's question. She gets her answer quickly and I'm not distracted from a train of though or whatever.

Got it now to where the only time she calls is if it's after 5 and I'm still at work (probably work well past 5 2-3 nights/week). It's always the same conversation. She asks me where I'm at, I say work and that I'm trying to finish something. She asks me an eta and I explain that I don't know. She then asks me what I want for dinner and then just tells me what she already decided we are having. So other than my departure being delayed 5 minutes really nothing has been accomplished.

I tried solving this with a pre-emptive text but that would likely require offering to give an eta (which I can't) and since I can't there's always the inevitable follow up call.

Open to suggestions, Bostonfred.

You'll never get out of the what do you want for dinner conversation. Nobody likes it, everybody does it. Just send her a text earlier in the day suggesting a dinner once in a while.

Also, when you know you're getting home early, tell her, every time. she doesn't like the variability (who would?) but if she knows you'll tell her in advance she'll be less prone to ask when you don't. Right now you're a slot machine and when she pulls the lender she's rooting for it to come up "great news I'll be home at 5:30". You're giving her a variable reinforcement schedule that reinforces her hopes. You want to be the coke machine. You put your money in, you get the same thing every time. She calls, you say I don't know what time I'm getting home, but I'll tell you when I do. Eventually there's no value to calling you for that and she may stop.

but remember sometimes she just wants to talk on the phone and five minutes isn't unreasonable. if that's a big deal for you then at least respect her enough to call her on your terms instead of waiting for her to interrupt your busy evening.

lol. You guys really go through this?? My SO needs to be very thankful that I don't hone in on what's up and why are you 30 minutes late stuff! Of course he texts me so I don't have to ask, and I never ask what he wants for dinner. It is what it is and thankfully we're both happy about that.

Not everyone is as lucky as you, dude.

 

[CurlyNight]

Texting is so awesome. Especially now with iMessage. Takes me literally five seconds to respond to my wife's question. She gets her answer quickly and I'm not distracted from a train of though or whatever.

Got it now to where the only time she calls is if it's after 5 and I'm still at work (probably work well past 5 2-3 nights/week). It's always the same conversation. She asks me where I'm at, I say work and that I'm trying to finish something. She asks me an eta and I explain that I don't know. She then asks me what I want for dinner and then just tells me what she already decided we are having. So other than my departure being delayed 5 minutes really nothing has been accomplished.

I tried solving this with a pre-emptive text but that would likely require offering to give an eta (which I can't) and since I can't there's always the inevitable follow up call.

Open to suggestions, Bostonfred.

You'll never get out of the what do you want for dinner conversation. Nobody likes it, everybody does it. Just send her a text earlier in the day suggesting a dinner once in a while.

Also, when you know you're getting home early, tell her, every time. she doesn't like the variability (who would?) but if she knows you'll tell her in advance she'll be less prone to ask when you don't. Right now you're a slot machine and when she pulls the lender she's rooting for it to come up "great news I'll be home at 5:30". You're giving her a variable reinforcement schedule that reinforces her hopes. You want to be the coke machine. You put your money in, you get the same thing every time. She calls, you say I don't know what time I'm getting home, but I'll tell you when I do. Eventually there's no value to calling you for that and she may stop.

but remember sometimes she just wants to talk on the phone and five minutes isn't unreasonable. if that's a big deal for you then at least respect her enough to call her on your terms instead of waiting for her to interrupt your busy evening.

lol. You guys really go through this?? My SO needs to be very thankful that I don't hone in on what's up and why are you 30 minutes late stuff! Of course he texts me so I don't have to ask, and I never ask what he wants for dinner. It is what it is and thankfully we're both happy about that.

Not everyone is as lucky as you, dude.

The dude and dudette are both very lucky. It's called finding your soul mate. You.just.jive.together.

 

[krista4]

I don't really understand this thread, but just need to say this: "jibe"

 

[CurlyNight]

I don't really understand this thread, but just need to say this: "jibe"

As Archie Bunker says... whatevah! Good thing I know english well enough to get around in this country...

 

[Tanner9919]

Tanner is cheating you.

who? LOL