I don't believe you're gay... (1 Viewer)

[T Bell]

It's pretty well established that our sexuality exists along a spectrum, and that it can even shift along that spectrum during our lives. My own (limited) experience is that womens' sexuality may be more influenced by environmental factors like trauma than mens'. I've met women dating women who have been victims of abuse by men, and yet who also maintain that they're still attracted to men and want to someday be married and have a family with men. My sense was that they're essentially using their lesbian relationship as a harbor for a while to escape from abusive relationships with men. I'm not saying this is the way to define most lesbian or bisexual relationships for women, but it seems to me to be descriptive of some of them, and maybe it applies to your niece.

The thing is, there's not much you can do about this Fat Nick. She's got to work through her own issues and educate herself. Rather than focusing on the gender of her partner, I'd simply do what you can (which likely isn't very much) to encourage her to have healthy relationships. If that can start happening, the rest will take care of itself (and is very minor in comparison anyway).

 

[Koya]

Set her up on a date with Emminence. After that there will no longer be any doubt that she's gay.

 

[Zow]

I would think lying to yourself and saying you are gay would be extremely odd.

I agree...I think there has to be some part of her that is OK with another girl kissing her or whatever...but that said, she's so "liquid" in who she is. She just becomes whomever she's around, and we can't help but feel like this is just the latest thing...Anybody else know anyone like this? We just don't know what you do...do you continue to support (as we would someone who we actually believed) this because if she IS truly in love with this girl, we want to support her...all the while feeling in your gut that in a year, she'll be on to the next identity?

She's 19. She doesn't know ####. She also isn't going to listen to you. Just try to keep her away from drugs and be relieved that if she's banging chicks she isn't getting pregnant.

 

[Maurile Tremblay]

She just becomes whomever she's around, and we can't help but feel like this is just the latest thing...Anybody else know anyone like this? We just don't know what you do...do you continue to support (as we would someone who we actually believed) this because if she IS truly in love with this girl, we want to support her...all the while feeling in your gut that in a year, she'll be on to the next identity?

This is a weird thread. It sounds like your problem with her is that she might secretly be straight.

If she really is straight, I don't think it's helpful for you to force her out of the closet prematurely. Let her deal with her heterosexuality on her own terms, when she's ready.

And let's not jump the gun here. She might not be hetero after all, so there may be nothing to worry about.

 

[rockaction]

She just becomes whomever she's around, and we can't help but feel like this is just the latest thing...Anybody else know anyone like this? We just don't know what you do...do you continue to support (as we would someone who we actually believed) this because if she IS truly in love with this girl, we want to support her...all the while feeling in your gut that in a year, she'll be on to the next identity?

This is a weird thread. It sounds like your problem with her is that she might secretly be straight.

If she really is straight, I don't think it's helpful for you to force her out of the closet prematurely. Let her deal with her heterosexuality on her own terms, when she's ready.

And let's not jump the gun here. She might not be hetero after all, so there may be nothing to worry about.

Mine will be a criticized comment. I think I get the OPs concern. I keep thinking about that phrase we always hear about -- "know thyself." I was going to write a long post, but I'll can it. Let's just say in an age of doubt, hoping that somebody with issues figures herself out, especially when figuring herself out may come back to bear on the OP, is not a crazy concern. Identity becomes an issue. It's a larger pattern of not being grounded.

It's not about being strictly gay; it's about the attendant circumstances surrounding it. I actually get this. But the oracle is tough, and she's 19 in our society, so forget that.

 

[cstu]

She just becomes whomever she's around, and we can't help but feel like this is just the latest thing...Anybody else know anyone like this? We just don't know what you do...do you continue to support (as we would someone who we actually believed) this because if she IS truly in love with this girl, we want to support her...all the while feeling in your gut that in a year, she'll be on to the next identity?

This is a weird thread. It sounds like your problem with her is that she might secretly be straight.

If she really is straight, I don't think it's helpful for you to force her out of the closet prematurely. Let her deal with her heterosexuality on her own terms, when she's ready.

And let's not jump the gun here. She might not be hetero after all, so there may be nothing to worry about.

His problem is that he really wants to bone her.

 

[fatness]

I find it odd that she feels the need to come out with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's mom in the room with her...when it's not something anyone really suspected. It reeks of coersion or some sort of peer pressure. You've got a very butch girlfriend, and her mother, who is recently divorced and seems to not be in the best situation (may or may not be butch too...) and my feminine, easily manipulatable SIL from a well-off family. It's just odd.

Finding family support odd is............odd.

 

[pollardsvision]

My 14 YO niece came out about 6 months or so ago. Similar deal. At that age who knows if she's really gay or it's just a phase. Doesn't really matter either way. She's figuring out who she is, as we all have to do.

It's not an issue of believing someone or not.

 

[ghostguy123]

Borderline. They come in all shapes and sizes.