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I thought I'd seen it all at work....... (2 Viewers)

Bump. It appears some n00bs were not familiar with the greatest thread in FFA history.

He basically just pantsed the new kid in the lobby while shouting "MFer"

 
Still working here. And Joey Boots, the guy who replaced El Debarge, who replaced Clyde, is also still here. Finally, some stability in the custodial ranks.

 
Thorn said:
Bump. It appears some n00bs were not familiar with the greatest thread in FFA history.He basically just pantsed the new kid in the lobby while shouting "MFer"
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Thank you, sir, thank you.This thread was all kinds of awesome. WWCD?
 
tipsy mcstagger said:
cat on fire thread link anyone? i need to decide which of the two threads are the best ever.
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I think the cat on fire thread was purged. The visual from that one still makes me laugh like hell.But this thread... :rolleyes: I have three FBGs bookmarks: this board, this thread, and Colon Blow. :censored:
 
Funny, that you should bump both "poop" threads...

Looking back, did EG take a page out of Darkbloom's book? Vivian, god bless her soul, chronicled crap earlier that same year with the smash hit, "Colonblow Diaries". Did EG follow his nose?

 
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This still gets brought up every now and again. So many people working here now that weren't around for this, they can never believe it when they hear about it.

 
Evilgrin72 said:
Just saw the evidence first hand. Pretty gross.. I almost threw up. I'm just glad it was confined to the can and that the kid didn't crap in the sink, wipe his #### with his shirt, stick it to the bathroom door and then jump out the window.He just went to lunch. I have to have lunch with the Mayor of Orlando (!) at 12:30, so I have left a note on his desk telling him to come see me at 2:00 ET. Next update should follow about 2:15.Think I should tell the Mayor this story ? :P
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:shrug: :lmao:
 
Evilgrin72 said:
I was sitting in my office typing when someone came in and told me what was happening. I finished the post, then went out to address the staff. If anyone thinks this is a crock, feel free to tune out now, but frankly, I couldn't make this up if I wanted to. He didn't throw poop or anything - in fact, the ending isn't even really poop-related.Here's what went down. He went back to his desk and made a phone call. The head janitor (looks like Scatman Crothers - straight out of central casting), who has to clean everything up, walked by his desk and started making some comments about "you nasty little MFer, I know you did this..." etc. You have to understand the janitor has been gunning for this kid for weeks, he was sure that he was the perpetrator. The kid starts lipping off back to him - "F U old man" things to that effect. They start towards each other like they're going to fight but just get in each other's face. The janitor then apparently starts giving the kid a wedgie, trying to see the underpants. At this point, people are now out of their cubicles heading over there trying to break them up. The janitor apparently saw the waistband and is yelling "I KNEW IT WAS YOU, YOU DIRTY LITTLE *******" etc...One of the other managers called security, who came in to break up the melee. They were told to escort the kid off the premises. The kid is yelling that he needs his bag and won't leave without it, but security walks him out the door. Another guard grabs his bag, and what's inside but stolen product from the warehouse. Expensive facial products, worth about $50 a pop on eBay - he's got 20-25 boxes in there.I go out into the vestibule where the kid is still yelling that he wants his bag. I tell him we found the stolen product and that he has 30 seconds to get off the property or I'm calling the police. I tell him obviously not to come back and that if he does, he'll be arrested on the spot. Now he's scared and gets the hell out of Dodge in a hurry. I'll never see him again.
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:hophead:
 
Evilgrin72 said:
I had to laugh when I was discussing this with the Pres..Me : "You're sure you don't want to go $1000?"Pres : "Stop and think for a minute. Yeah, we caught the theft, but we're basically rewarding Clyde for yelling motherf--ker 6 times and pantsing a kid in the call center during business hours. $600 is plenty."
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:hophead:
 
Evilgrin72 said:
Update? Has Clyde returned to work? Did he receive a hero's welcome? I'm thinking he would've gotten the Office Space variant of a ticker tape parade.
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Since it was requested...........Clyde returned to work on the 23rd to a hero's welcome. Since the incident took place, word had spread like wildfire throughout the building, so even those who weren't privy to the first wave of soiled toilet-paper incidents now knew everything that had gone down. Clyde got a lot of standing ovations as he did his morning cleaning. He seemed very shy and was waving people's salutations off with a self-effacing "Maaaaaaaaaan, look..... I didn't do nothin'..." etc.

He was VERY happy that I made good for the suspension days in his bonus. He actually came out well ahead and was glad he wasn't "looked down upon" by management. Looked down upon ? If only I could have told him what a hero he'd become ! He didn't want the ham though - "Clyde don't dig on swine." Sounded like Samuel L in Pulp Fiction... I almost wet myself I was laughing so hard. I took the ham to my mom's house Christmas Eve and we ate it there.

Clyde actually left work that Thursday - went to the liquor store, bought a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, and came back to the office at 5:00 to give it to me as a gift for taking care of the situation. I couldn't accept it as such, so I sat Clyde down, and we did shots in my office until about 6:00, shooting the ##### about life, kids, aging, poor bathroom habits - you name it. Good times. The bottle is still 1/4 full and in the bar in my office.

No sign of the Mad Pooper. I was hoping we weren't going to have "ROT IN HELL" written in diarrhea across the sign out front when I got back o work on the 27th, but no such incidents have occurred. The furor has died down, Clyde's happy, I'm happy, and the building smells terrific.

:bow:
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:goodposting:
 
'Evilgrin72 said:
Got into work this morning and the vestibule smelled so badly of crap, I thought I was going to throw up. I came inside and everyone was burning scented candles to fend off the putrid aroma. I asked what the hell was going on and was told the stink was coming through the air vents.I quickly rounded up the head of maintenance and asked him to locate the source of the problem. President of the company thought it was a dead animal in the A/C system, but I suspected otherwise.Sure enough, after a few minutes, the guy locates the source of the problem. Someone had s--t their pants, taken the heavily soiled boxer briefs, and PUT THEM IN THE CEILING. That's right, the perpetrator stood on the toilet, slid a ceiling tile out of the way, tossed the underpants up there, and replaced the tile. This festered all weekend.We have a suspect. Some of you may remember a previous thread where I mentioned we had an employee who was, for some reason, wiping himself after defacating, and throwing the TP in the trash can rather than into the toilet. Maintenance yelled at me daily about this, but without evidence on one person, what can you do?However, I have to do something about this. The evidence I have against this one guy is as follows :1) He is relatively new. He has been here 3 months, and we never had problems before that. However, there is building construction going on and a lot of contractors, plumbers, etc in the building over that time as well, so this is not iron-clad proof.2) One of the maintenance guys swears it's him. Says he saw the kid leaving the bathroom once, went in, and found soiled TP in the garbage. Again, circumstantial evidence.3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34. There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies. The suspect is one of them.Is this enough evidence to warrant confrontation? I cannot allow this to continue....
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I believe you need to sniff his soiled underwear then sniff his ### to compare
 
Why is this not pinned? How did I miss it? How is this only 18 pages and the T-mart/Zimm thread goes over 200 in a few weeks?

Slow day at work so I should be able to run thru 18 pages.

 
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