What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

Welcome to Our Forums. Once you've registered and logged in, you're primed to talk football, among other topics, with the sharpest and most experienced fantasy players on the internet.

I thought I'd seen it all at work....... (1 Viewer)

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Got into work this morning and the vestibule smelled so badly of crap, I thought I was going to throw up. I came inside and everyone was burning scented candles to fend off the putrid aroma. I asked what the hell was going on and was told the stink was coming through the air vents.I quickly rounded up the head of maintenance and asked him to locate the source of the problem. President of the company thought it was a dead animal in the A/C system, but I suspected otherwise.Sure enough, after a few minutes, the guy locates the source of the problem. Someone had s--t their pants, taken the heavily soiled boxer briefs, and PUT THEM IN THE CEILING. That's right, the perpetrator stood on the toilet, slid a ceiling tile out of the way, tossed the underpants up there, and replaced the tile. This festered all weekend.We have a suspect. Some of you may remember a previous thread where I mentioned we had an employee who was, for some reason, wiping himself after defacating, and throwing the TP in the trash can rather than into the toilet. Maintenance yelled at me daily about this, but without evidence on one person, what can you do?However, I have to do something about this. The evidence I have against this one guy is as follows :1) He is relatively new. He has been here 3 months, and we never had problems before that. However, there is building construction going on and a lot of contractors, plumbers, etc in the building over that time as well, so this is not iron-clad proof.2) One of the maintenance guys swears it's him. Says he saw the kid leaving the bathroom once, went in, and found soiled TP in the garbage. Again, circumstantial evidence.3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34. There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies. The suspect is one of them.Is this enough evidence to warrant confrontation? I cannot allow this to continue....

 
Last edited by a moderator:

Fuller

Footballguy
If he's throwing used TP in the waste can, why not just throwed poop-filled undies in the can also?Sounds like someone who is disgruntled.

 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Is this enough evidence to warrant confrontation? I cannot allow this to continue....
No
I'm at a loss here. I've already gone the putting up signs in the bathroom route, had the group meeting where I spoke to 50 adults about toilet habits, (that was a lot of fun) and nothing seems to be working. It's gotten completely out of hand now, and if you were sitting in my office smelling what I am smelling, you'd understand the urgency as well. :D I am really stuck here.......
 

Joe Bryant

Guide
Staff member
3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34. There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies. The suspect is one of them.
Hi Eg,Dunno about the other stuff but out of 25 guys, only 4 will fit into a 32/34? Is it a donut factory or something?J
 

Stingdiddy

Footballguy
Is this enough evidence to warrant confrontation?  I cannot allow this to continue....
No
I'm at a loss here. I've already gone the putting up signs in the bathroom route, had the group meeting where I spoke to 50 adults about toilet habits, (that was a lot of fun) and nothing seems to be working. It's gotten completely out of hand now, and if you were sitting in my office smelling what I am smelling, you'd understand the urgency as well. :D I am really stuck here.......
Reading this while looking at your avatar is funny to me. :lol:
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
If he's throwing used TP in the waste can, why not just throwed poop-filled undies in the can also?Sounds like someone who is disgruntled.
I can't imagine why anyone would be disgruntled... we don't have a lot of complainers here. I think someone just has serious problems with their bathroom habits, and all the evidence there is points to this kid. I just don't have the stone-cold evidence I need to really pursue disciplinary action.However, Florida is a right-to-work state, so I don't need a reason to blow this dude out.
 
Is this enough evidence to warrant confrontation? I cannot allow this to continue....
No
I'm at a loss here. I've already gone the putting up signs in the bathroom route, had the group meeting where I spoke to 50 adults about toilet habits, (that was a lot of fun) and nothing seems to be working. It's gotten completely out of hand now, and if you were sitting in my office smelling what I am smelling, you'd understand the urgency as well. :D I am really stuck here.......
I understand that, but I don't think you can go confront the guy with only circumstancial evidence at best.My suggestion would be to leave an anonymous note on the suspect's desk. Something like "I know it was you.", whatever and see what his reaction to it is.
 

Coop

Pimp Daddy in Training
Well, just a random thought ... but you could call the guy into your office and confront him about it. Tell him you will give him the opportunity to fess up ... or you will be sending the soiled under-garments to the police for DNA testing.Make up some crap (no pun intended) about the soiled pants tossed into the ceiling is considered a felony terrorist act by the police because of the toxic germs that can be dispersed throughout the building.If he fesses up to save embarrasment ... can his ### (again, no pun intended).If he calls your bluff ... at least he is now clearly warned that you take the issue seriously and hopefully it stops.

 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34. There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies. The suspect is one of them.
Hi Eg,Dunno about the other stuff but out of 25 guys, only 4 will fit into a 32/34? Is it a donut factory or something?J
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: We have a lot of big dudes here for whatever reason. I'd say I am likely the next smallest office employee at a 36" waist. Our chemist wears a 46/31. :D
 

The_Colonel

Footballguy
Two things:(1) WTF type of bathroom is this that you can wipe your ### and put the used TP in the toilet? Please tell me the can is next to the throne, because the idea of this fool hoarding his ####-covered TP until he reaches the toilet is highly disturbing.(2) Make sure you give proper looks to the mainenance/construction crews. We had some crews come through about 8-12 months ago, remodeling the office next door and those ####ers apparently don't know how to use modern fixtures. Without fail, at least one, and more times than I can count, or more of the four available seats were "roadhouse/gas station" FUBAR'd. This was often accompanied by streaks not just on the backs of the seats, but midway on the sides as well. Add to this the ocassional smattering/wiping of #### on the walls of the stalls and our bathroom was more ape house than restroom for about 3-5 months.

 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Well, just a random thought ... but you could call the guy into your office and confront him about it. Tell him you will give him the opportunity to fess up ... or you will be sending the soiled under-garments to the police for DNA testing.Make up some crap (no pun intended) about the soiled pants tossed into the ceiling is considered a felony terrorist act by the police because of the toxic germs that can be dispersed throughout the building.If he fesses up to save embarrasment ... can his ### (again, no pun intended).If he calls your bluff ... at least he is now clearly warned that you take the issue seriously and hopefully it stops.
I was thinking something along these lines. Not sure if the kid is naive enough to fall for that or not...
 

MallRat

Footballguy
Got into work this morning and the vestibule smelled so badly of crap, I thought I was going to throw up. I came inside and everyone was burning scented candles to fend off the putrid aroma. I asked what the hell was going on and was told the stink was coming through the air vents.I quickly rounded up the head of maintenance and asked him to locate the source of the problem. President of the company thought it was a dead animal in the A/C system, but I suspected otherwise.Sure enough, after a few minutes, the guy locates the source of the problem. Someone had s--t their pants, taken the heavily soiled boxer briefs, and PUT THEM IN THE CEILING. That's right, the perpetrator stood on the toilet, slid a ceiling tile out of the way, tossed the underpants up there, and replaced the tile. This festered all weekend.We have a suspect. Some of you may remember a previous thread where I mentioned we had an employee who was, for some reason, wiping himself after defacating, and throwing the TP in the trash can rather than into the toilet. Maintenance yelled at me daily about this, but without evidence on one person, what can you do?However, I have to do something about this. The evidence I have against this one guy is as follows :1) He is relatively new. He has been here 3 months, and we never had problems before that. However, there is building construction going on and a lot of contractors, plumbers, etc in the building over that time as well, so this is not iron-clad proof.2) One of the maintenance guys swears it's him. Says he saw the kid leaving the bathroom once, went in, and found soiled TP in the garbage. Again, circumstantial evidence.3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34. There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies. The suspect is one of them.Is this enough evidence to warrant confrontation? I cannot allow this to continue....
My god... this sounds like something that would happen on "The Office."I'm guessing that this guy has some serious GI issues. Maybe all he needs is a good gastroenterologist and a lesson in good bathroom manners. :toilet:
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Two things:(1) WTF type of bathroom is this that you can wipe your ### and put the used TP in the toilet? Please tell me the can is next to the throne, because the idea of this fool hoarding his ####-covered TP until he reaches the toilet is highly disturbing.(2) Make sure you give proper looks to the mainenance/construction crews. We had some crews come through about 8-12 months ago, remodeling the office next door and those ####ers apparently don't know how to use modern fixtures. Without fail, at least one, and more times than I can count, or more of the four available seats were "roadhouse/gas station" FUBAR'd. This was often accompanied by streaks not just on the backs of the seats, but midway on the sides as well. Add to this the ocassional smattering/wiping of #### on the walls of the stalls and our bathroom was more ape house than restroom for about 3-5 months.
The can is next to the throne, fear not. :D Believe me, I have not put it past the contractors at all, but there have been problems both in the warehouse bathroom and the office bathroom, which the contractors very rarely use. I also don't know if there has been more than maybe 1 or 2 guys that have been here the entire 3 months that the new kid has, and the problems started about 2 weeks after he was hired.
 

Fuller

Footballguy
If he's throwing used TP in the waste can, why not just throwed poop-filled undies in the can also?Sounds like someone who is disgruntled.
I can't imagine why anyone would be disgruntled... we don't have a lot of complainers here. I think someone just has serious problems with their bathroom habits, and all the evidence there is points to this kid. I just don't have the stone-cold evidence I need to really pursue disciplinary action.However, Florida is a right-to-work state, so I don't need a reason to blow this dude out.
Don't fire him yet, wait until Christmas Eve. "Have a Merry F'n Christmas, Mr. Crappants!"Nothing worse than having to fire people at Christmas. I let one go today, and have to let another go on Thursday. :bag:
 

Kleck.

Footballguy
:rotflmao: Thanks for the laugh EG. As long as I didn't have to smell it, this story is hilarious.

 

Joe Bryant

Guide
Staff member
3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34.  There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies.  The suspect is one of them.
Hi Eg,Dunno about the other stuff but out of 25 guys, only 4 will fit into a 32/34? Is it a donut factory or something?J
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: We have a lot of big dudes here for whatever reason. I'd say I am likely the next smallest office employee at a 36" waist. Our chemist wears a 46/31. :D
Sorry EG. Was just thinking out loud there.I had a guy one time that locked himself in the bathroom accidently (long story) and wound up kicking the door down from the inside. I figured it out by the shoe print on the door (and narrowed it down considerably by eliminating 98% of our guys that weren't goofy enough to do it. Of course, the fact he was big enough to kick a door down adds a slightly different angle to the confrontation afterwards... ;)J
 

NoVa

Footballguy
Install surveillance video. Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom? If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)

 

The_Colonel

Footballguy
Two things:(1) WTF type of bathroom is this that you can wipe your ### and put the used TP in the toilet? Please tell me the can is next to the throne, because the idea of this fool hoarding his ####-covered TP until he reaches the toilet is highly disturbing.(2) Make sure you give proper looks to the mainenance/construction crews. We had some crews come through about 8-12 months ago, remodeling the office next door and those ####ers apparently don't know how to use modern fixtures. Without fail, at least one, and more times than I can count, or more of the four available seats were "roadhouse/gas station" FUBAR'd. This was often accompanied by streaks not just on the backs of the seats, but midway on the sides as well. Add to this the ocassional smattering/wiping of #### on the walls of the stalls and our bathroom was more ape house than restroom for about 3-5 months.
The can is next to the throne, fear not. :D Believe me, I have not put it past the contractors at all, but there have been problems both in the warehouse bathroom and the office bathroom, which the contractors very rarely use. I also don't know if there has been more than maybe 1 or 2 guys that have been here the entire 3 months that the new kid has, and the problems started about 2 weeks after he was hired.
Is he a sandpaper wiper? This bizarre behavior sounds just like the sandpaper wiper in my office, I've commented on.
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
:rotflmao: Thanks for the laugh EG. As long as I didn't have to smell it, this story is hilarious.
I never used to undersatnd what the impetus was to post such stories on this board untiul I read some vintage stuff by General Malaise, Vivian Darkbloom, and others. As I busted a gut laughing, I realized the potential for comedy, even in the face of something as disturbing as this. Just wanted to add to the atmosphere here... :D Plus, I seriously don't know what the heck to do here and wanted to solicit some opinions, as there are a lot of smart folks here.
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
3) The soiled underwear were size 32/34.  There are about 25 men working in this building, and only about 4 or so would even fit into those undies.  The suspect is one of them.
Hi Eg,Dunno about the other stuff but out of 25 guys, only 4 will fit into a 32/34? Is it a donut factory or something?J
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: We have a lot of big dudes here for whatever reason. I'd say I am likely the next smallest office employee at a 36" waist. Our chemist wears a 46/31. :D
Sorry EG. Was just thinking out loud there.I had a guy one time that locked himself in the bathroom accidently (long story) and wound up kicking the door down from the inside. I figured it out by the shoe print on the door (and narrowed it down considerably by eliminating 98% of our guys that weren't goofy enough to do it. Of course, the fact he was big enough to kick a door down adds a slightly different angle to the confrontation afterwards... ;)J
:rotflmao: again.Yeah, this dude is about 5' 8" and maybe 150 pounds. I stand 6' 3" and 225 so I am not too worried about getting beaten on. I just would feel like crap (pun intended) if I were to unjustly accuse someone of something as gross as this. Something has to be done, though.
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Install surveillance video. Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom? If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)
We have video cameras in strategic locations around the building, but I don't think it's legal to have one pointing into a stall.
 
Install surveillance video. Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom? If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)
We have video cameras in strategic locations around the building, but I don't think it's legal to have one pointing into a stall.
Any you could point towards the bathroom door?
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Install surveillance video.  Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom?  If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)
We have video cameras in strategic locations around the building, but I don't think it's legal to have one pointing into a stall.
Any you could point towards the bathroom door?
I don't believe there are any in the bathroom at all.
 

NoVa

Footballguy
Install surveillance video. Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom? If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)
We have video cameras in strategic locations around the building, but I don't think it's legal to have one pointing into a stall.
Yeah- but you coudl put it on the door- and then do an hourly to bi-hourly check of the bathroom. If the TP in the trash is a regular thing- it will quikly become clear who is doing it.
 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
Install surveillance video.  Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom?  If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)
We have video cameras in strategic locations around the building, but I don't think it's legal to have one pointing into a stall.
Yeah- but you coudl put it on the door- and then do an hourly to bi-hourly check of the bathroom. If the TP in the trash is a regular thing- it will quikly become clear who is doing it.
That's a good idea, but there are no cameras in the little hallway leading to the restrooms. I may have to enlist a spy.....
 

Steeler

Footballguy
Well, just a random thought ... but you could call the guy into your office and confront him about it. Tell him you will give him the opportunity to fess up ... or you will be sending the soiled under-garments to the police for DNA testing.Make up some crap (no pun intended) about the soiled pants tossed into the ceiling is considered a felony terrorist act by the police because of the toxic germs that can be dispersed throughout the building.If he fesses up to save embarrasment ... can his ### (again, no pun intended).If he calls your bluff ... at least he is now clearly warned that you take the issue seriously and hopefully it stops.
I was thinking something along these lines. Not sure if the kid is naive enough to fall for that or not...
He might #### his pants out of fear if you confront him like this. If so, just follow him and see what he does with the newly soiled underoos.
 
Install surveillance video. Do you have any record of who was in the building or had access to the bathroom? If so, maybe call a lawyer and see how in-depth you can make an investigation (getting pants measuremnts for all employees, etc.)
We have video cameras in strategic locations around the building, but I don't think it's legal to have one pointing into a stall.
Any you could point towards the bathroom door?
I don't believe there are any in the bathroom at all.
No, not inside the bathroom, but outside. Something were you could at least seriously narrow it down.
 

Punchie

Footballguy
how do you know your chemist's inseam measurement?**just trying to blackdot this for future reference**

 

Evilgrin72

Footballguy
The kid just came in my office, talked to me for a second, then exited and made a RIGHT towards the bathroom rather than a left towards hs desk. Hang tight, we may be able to pin this tail on the donkey right now.....

 
The kid just came in my office, talked to me for a second, then exited and made a RIGHT towards the bathroom rather than a left towards hs desk. Hang tight, we may be able to pin this tail on the donkey right now.....
queue the mission impossible music.
 

coolbeans59

Footballguy
I had a guy one time that locked himself in the bathroom accidently (long story) and wound up kicking the door down from the inside. I figured it out by the shoe print on the door (and narrowed it down considerably by eliminating 98% of our guys that weren't goofy enough to do it. Of course, the fact he was big enough to kick a door down adds a slightly different angle to the confrontation afterwards... ;)J
Was it Maurile? No? oooo, ooooo .... was it Shick!???? or maybe Bruce Henderson ... he looks like a big boy.
 

Joe Bryant

Guide
Staff member
I'm making a move for the restroom.
This is just funny on so many levels... ;)The story is good but the idea that EG is giving us the headsup as he makes the move is just too much. :rotflmao: J
 

PewterFan

Footballguy
Well, just a random thought ... but you could call the guy into your office and confront him about it. Tell him you will give him the opportunity to fess up ... or you will be sending the soiled under-garments to the police for DNA testing.Make up some crap (no pun intended) about the soiled pants tossed into the ceiling is considered a felony terrorist act by the police because of the toxic germs that can be dispersed throughout the building.If he fesses up to save embarrasment ... can his ### (again, no pun intended).If he calls your bluff ... at least he is now clearly warned that you take the issue seriously and hopefully it stops.
Bingo! Do this.
 

Kleck.

Footballguy
I'm making a move for the restroom.
This is just funny on so many levels... ;)The story is good but the idea that EG is giving us the headsup as he makes the move is just too much. :rotflmao: J
:rotflmao: As we're all refreshing the thread for the next move.:FBG CSI:
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Users who are viewing this thread

Top