You should send her only one more text. Ever. And it should be this :Stage a succession of photos that make it appear as if you are abusing the dog something awful. Of course, you won't be, but let's make her think you are. Some suggestions :1) Hold the dog up in front of a white wall, holding him by his back leg, face down, out at a 90 degree angle from your body. Then, take a picture of a particularly steep and rocky cliff. Shouldn't be hard to find in the bay area. Hell, use the Golden Gate Bridge. A little Photoshop magic and you're dangling that mutt over his ultimate demise. Ahhh... mental torture. Now, let's step up the insanity.2) A picture of you naked behind the dog, but using the dog to cover your genitals. Hold the dog facing the camera, as you will be, waist-high. Have a joy buzzer mounted to your abdomen and use it to shock the dog's posterior right as the camera snaps. That should be sufficient to get the dog to make the surprised look that will make your ex think you're sliding good ol' Mr. Johnson right up little Frisky's s--t shooter. Of course, you throw your head back in "ecstasy" at the same time. Voila - you're banging the dog! But not really. Next....3) Get a few different colored paints. Dab some cotton balls in the various colors and then blot them on the dog's side, head, etc. Then set the dog down and have someone off-camera call for him. As he runs through the frame, snap a photo of him running, while you are your friends stand around pointing (empty) paint ball guns at him. Now she thinks you're inviting people over and blasting away at the dog with paint guns. Now for the piece de resistance...4) Put on a wrestling unitard, or whatever they call those stupid things. Give the dog a bowlful of hydrogen peroxide with some red food coloring in it. The dog will drink some of it, which will cause him to throw up not long afterward. It won't hurt him, it's actually what vets recommend you do if the dog accidentally eats chocolate or something harmful. But the red food coloring is key. This way, when the dog does spew blood red foam from its mouth, you pick it up and hold it around the stomach, wearing the unitard. Make your best Hulk Hogan-esque face as you gently hold the dog around its midsection and it will appear as if you're squeezing the hell out of it. The red foam and mist coming from the dog will make it look like you're crushing its internal organs.Now, send those 4 photos in a slideshow to the ex. The SECOND you send them, put through the call/text/e-mail block so she can't get a hold of you. She may call your folks' house, so immediately put an outgoing message on their phone, something like :(creepiest, most sinister voice you can muster) : "Sorry, we're not home right now. I've got some..... business to attend to...... MWUHAHAHAHA !!!" At this point, play the sound clip of a whimpering, injured dog you pulled off the internet. After you leave that outgoing message, take the dog out for a fun day in the park.... but not before dipping its feet in the red paint and leaving a few "bloody footprints" on the front walk, just in case she comes by.Game, set, match, No. 16.
The best way to show her how good of a person you are and can be is to be that better person to another more appreciative and respectful woman.
She's already playing with your head again and you can't see it.
She may not believe you're the stud you're hoping but it at least might put some doubt in her mind. Since you insist on communicating with her, next time she sends you a text at night ignore it until the morning.
