I'm living my best/worst life (1 Viewer)

[ChiefD]

until February

Since I've been here since April

It’s the trade off we choose. Except living in Kansas where it’s both brutally hot and cold.

I’ll take melting in the summer.

Yeah, we will see how this goes.

As I've gotten older I just hate the extreme heat and humidity. I think we will be ok with winter normal, but those Kansas winters basically end March 1. That will be the adjustment - when winter keeps going into March and April.

 

[BobbyLayne]

mid & west Michigan

Definitely not SE MI.

Anything below I-96 is sus.

 

[ChiefD]

Now is it my "best" life? I have no idea. But I am not lacking for anything. Could I do more? Could I be in better shape? Sure. But it's pretty darn fine how things are.

I need to think like this more often.

 

[pecorino]

Though I'm sorry to see that nirad3 and peak are both going through similar experiences as I am, I take some comfort knowing that mine is not an unusual situation. Very similar setup with a co-parenting thing going on, under the same roof, doing everything we can to insulate our kiddo (aged 9). Not the best of times but we do what we can...

 

[B Maverick]

Now is it my "best" life? I have no idea. But I am not lacking for anything. Could I do more? Could I be in better shape? Sure. But it's pretty darn fine how things are.

I need to think like this more often.

Yeah this is more directly stating what I was getting at...

 

[ren hoek]

That's the journey everyone is on. Honestly, anyone who ever lived and had mental capacity has sought to find meaning to their life.

Thousands of books and hundreds of films have tried to illustrate the human condition.

One thing that gives me a sense of relief is knowing that some of the most artful people in the world have suffered through great tragedy, loss, heartbreak, the blues. It's not new, and you're never really alone that way.

 

[Mookie]

Perspective is everything

I have been happily married for 31 years, and have two great kids who I am very close with. We live in a small town and are surrounded by friends and community. My career has been challenging and rewarding. I have been well compensated, but I am not wealthy. I have maintained a healthy work/life balance, riding my bike to work almost every day, enjoy 8-5 hours, and have coached and/or attended most of my kids sports and school activities. We have travelled extensively and have been on many adventures. I've had a few health challenges and have lost some dear friends and loved ones, but I am healthy and able-bodied. I can retire whenever I want as we have no debt and I have saved more than enough to continue our modest lifestyle. My life is really good.

My wife nags me about putting sugar in my coffee and drinking too much beer. My adult sons are struggling to launch into the career stage of their lives. My job feels like an endless hamster wheel of meetings, inane questions, and emails. I could've made a lot more money if I had focused more on my career. I've never accomplished anything major like running a marathon, sailing across an ocean, or being a scratch golfer. I'm 15 pounds overweight and can't lose it because I love snacking. I miss my parents and close friends who have died. We could've invested more in real estate and could be living on a beautiful estate instead of in a house that is showing its age. I don't know what to do with the next phase of my life and feel like I'm spinning. My life is hard.

 

[Zow]

I've checked in at the ymca 187 times this year. Rode my bicycle 1,000 miles. Cooked a lot. Read a little and gone for walks in the park and stuff. Fed the birds.

This all sounds incredible. You should feel wonderful about these things and we should celebrate you!

Was gonna say the same thing... super impressive.

 

[nirad3]

Though I'm sorry to see that nirad3 and peak are both going through similar experiences as I am, I take some comfort knowing that mine is not an unusual situation. Very similar setup with a co-parenting thing going on, under the same roof, doing everything we can to insulate our kiddo (aged 9). Not the best of times but we do what we can...

Sorry to hear that man, I fully get ya.

 

[SWC]

brohans we all have our tragedies and we all have our struggles and crosses to bear that is life and you can either get busy making things happy and positive and better for those around you or you can fall down into the hole of unhappiness but brothers so much of it is what you make of it i think that being happy is a choice and its one i make easily every day post heart attack knowing that im on the right side of the soil like and still in the game basically playing with house money and everyone else can make that same choice but the big deal is i hope it doesnt take you a shoulda died experience to realize it take that to the bank bromigos

 

[-OZ-]

My adult sons are struggling to launch into the career stage of their lives. My job feels like an endless hamster wheel of meetings, inane questions, and emails.

I feel this big time. Oldest son is struggling to find his way. Son #2 is an odd who basically has his career set during his sophomore year in college. The other 3, we’ll see.

I've never accomplished anything major like running a marathon, sailing across an ocean, or being a scratch golfer. I

Try it. You might be surprised at how much value a challenge like these can have.
By far the best personal decision I made this past year was mentoring a group of triathletes. It was an absolute blast and a few good friendships were made.
Next year, a group of 10-15 of us are doing an Ironman together. That will be a lot of fun.

 

[FairWarning]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.




























until February

Sounds an awful lot like mid & west Michigan. That’s my kind of living. Been in NYC for a quarter century but looking forward to retirement in the mitten.

Definitely the western side of Michigan.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.




























until February

Sounds an awful lot like mid & west Michigan. That’s my kind of living. Been in NYC for a quarter century but looking forward to retirement in the mitten.

Definitely the western side of Michigan.

All of my siblings & their kids are in and around Grand Haven-Spring Lake.

I actually prefer Muskegon County (Whitehall/Montague) but anywhere along Lake Michigan is great.

 

[urbanhack]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.




























until February

11. Meat Raffle?

 

[ChiefD]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.




























until February

11. Meat Raffle?

We have not done that yet. Haven’t seen any roadside signs near us.

Hoping to hit one this winter when we are looking for something to do.

 

[FairWarning]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.




























until February

Sounds an awful lot like mid & west Michigan. That’s my kind of living. Been in NYC for a quarter century but looking forward to retirement in the mitten.

Definitely the western side of Michigan.

All of my siblings & their kids are in and around Grand Haven-Spring Lake.

I actually prefer Muskegon County (Whitehall/Montague) but anywhere along Lake Michigan is great.

I have relatives in Montague. I’m at the very bottom in New Buffalo area.

 

[Godsbrother]

Retired In July and expected it to be great but due to circumstances I don’t wish to get into here, life has been hard.

Hoping for things to get better but 2024 has been the worst year of mine and my wife’s life.

 

[SWC]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.

until February

youve gotta try swearingens al gens in rhinelander my favorite fish fry place that is still open and it looks like al capone could roll in at any point the picture below is the place in the 30s and it is still going take that to the bank brohan

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[BobbyLayne]

Clearly we need a Midwest Livin’ is the Best thread

 

[SWC]

Clearly we need a Midwest Livin’ is the Best thread

i like the jib of your cut bobby and thats just how it is take that to the bank bromigo

 

[Zow]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.

until February

youve gotta try swearingens al gens in rhinelander my favorite fish fry place that is still open and it looks like al capone could roll in at any point the picture below is the place in the 30s and it is still going take that to the bank brohan

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I do miss fish frys made from fresh walleye caught that very day. Alternate between tartar sauce and catsup and wash it down with a New Glarus, or - going old school - a Premium Grain Belt.

I don't miss much about Minnesota/Wisconsin, but I do miss this.

 

[Zow]

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Checked out that picture after making my post. A guy in his late 20s riding to a fish fry with two girls. Now, that guy is living his best life!

ETA: And with trunk access!

 

[SWC]

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Checked out that picture after making my post. A guy in his late 20s riding to a fish fry with two girls. Now, that guy is living his best life!

ETA: And with trunk access!

that there is a called a rumble seat wozmigo and it was a whole god dammed great thing that safety laws killed take that to the bank brochacho

 

[SWC]

actually now that i think about it the only place in the world that the rumble seat would be safe would be in miac land minnesota where no one drives over 40 even in the fast lane take that to the bank brohans

 

[BobbyLayne]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.

until February

youve gotta try swearingens al gens in rhinelander my favorite fish fry place that is still open and it looks like al capone could roll in at any point the picture below is the place in the 30s and it is still going take that to the bank brohan

Log into Facebook

Log into Facebook to start sharing and connecting with your friends, family, and people you know.

www.facebook.com

I do miss fish frys made from fresh walleye caught that very day. Alternate between tartar sauce and catsup and wash it down with a New Glarus, or - going old school - a Premium Grain Belt.

I don't miss much about Minnesota/Wisconsin, but I do miss this.

7 month golf seasons

 

[Zow]

actually now that i think about it the only place in the world that the rumble seat would be safe would be in miac land minnesota where no one drives over 40 even in the fast lane take that to the bank brohans

At least they're probably passing the vehicle in the right lane unlike in Wisconsin where apparently all drivers exercise the buddy system and go miles parallel to one another!

 

[Zow]

Depends on the day.

Chiefs are 9-0, how many bad days can you be having?

Don't forget he is in Wisconsin now

Man, I love it up here. Since I've been here since April:

1. Have seen the northern lights a half dozen times. My wife and kids have finally gotten to see them for the first time.
2. Caught a 47" muskie
3. Fished last weekend in 45 degree, misty weather with my 16 year old. Would have never fished on that kind of day in Kansas.
4. Seen 9 deer at a time walk through our front yard
7. Seen about 20 turkeys walk through our front yard
8. Gone to a Friday fish fry multiple times at the (2) bars that are less than a mile from my house
9. Seen the incredible fall colors from an observation tower from the highest point in Wisconsin
10. Felt absolute quiet for the first time in a long time

I've "lived" more here in the last 7 months than I did in the last 15 years in KC.

I know you are just busting my balls, but this is a great place.

until February

youve gotta try swearingens al gens in rhinelander my favorite fish fry place that is still open and it looks like al capone could roll in at any point the picture below is the place in the 30s and it is still going take that to the bank brohan

Log into Facebook

Log into Facebook to start sharing and connecting with your friends, family, and people you know.

www.facebook.com

I do miss fish frys made from fresh walleye caught that very day. Alternate between tartar sauce and catsup and wash it down with a New Glarus, or - going old school - a Premium Grain Belt.

I don't miss much about Minnesota/Wisconsin, but I do miss this.

7 month golf seasons

Yeah, definitely don't miss that part.

 

[ChiefD]

I do miss fish frys made from fresh walleye caught that very day. Alternate between tartar sauce and catsup and wash it down with a New Glarus, or - going old school - a Premium Grain Belt.

I don't miss much about Minnesota/Wisconsin, but I do miss this.

My son caught two legal walleyes on Sunday evening. Deep fried them last night.

So good.

 

[SWC]

chief we need to introduce you and your son to the glory that is steelhead fishing on the south shore tributaries take that to the bank brohan

 

[SWC]

actually now that i think about it the only place in the world that the rumble seat would be safe would be in miac land minnesota where no one drives over 40 even in the fast lane take that to the bank brohans

At least they're probably passing the vehicle in the right lane unlike in Wisconsin where apparently all drivers exercise the buddy system and go miles parallel to one another!

you always say this but literally no one other than you believes this or has ever experienced this i can say with complete sincerety that if someone is jamming up the fast lane in wisconsin its 8 to 5 they have mudduck tags take that to the bank brochacho

 

[urbanhack]

Retired In July and expected it to be great but due to circumstances I don’t wish to get into here, life has been hard.

Hoping for things to get better but 2024 has been the worst year of mine and my wife’s life.

Sorry to hear that. Hang in there.

 

[ChiefD]

chief we need to introduce you and your son to the glory that is steelhead fishing on the south shore tributaries take that to the bank brohan

Yeah for sure. My nephew fishes that area quite a bit. We may try to get over there sometime soon.

 

[Gatorade]

Though I'm sorry to see that nirad3 and peak are both going through similar experiences as I am, I take some comfort knowing that mine is not an unusual situation. Very similar setup with a co-parenting thing going on, under the same roof, doing everything we can to insulate our kiddo (aged 9). Not the best of times but we do what we can...

I just watched the movie "Fireproof" last night. I saw it years ago when it first came out. You three might want to check this out. It has helped a lot of relationships.

 

[Bob Loblaw]

Definitely, worst life right now. Going through a divorce. We’ve been married for 21 years, have 3 wonderful kids together (19, 16, 13), but couldn’t work through the problems. We probably stayed together too long for the kids, wanting to give them a two-parent household. I wanted to try living together separated, but she wasn’t having it. She couldn’t let things go, needed to put me in my place about everything. Granted, some of it was warranted as I definitely made my share of mistakes, but no one is perfect, including her. So, now I am out of the house, renting a room in a condo in a neighboring city. I should move farther away for economic reasons, but then any savings would just get eaten up by gas prices when commuting for work, and when commuting to see the kids. I could change employers, but I’ve got a pension (couple of decades with the County), and don’t want to change that up right now.

Our oldest is in college, and “needs space” from communicating with me right now. She is my soon-to-be-ex’s best friend (or as our youngest likes to say: “her backup singer”). So, in her eyes, I am the enemy, everything is my fault. She’s unaware of the control that her mother needed to have over me, of the hurtful, demeaning things that her mother would say to me even before divorce was in the picture (I won’t disclose any of that to her right now, if ever). Our middle child is 16 and driving now, with a girlfriend and part-time job. He and I have always had sports and playing together as a bond, but now that I am out of the house, we don’t see each other as much, and are slowly growing apart. Privately, my soon-to-be-ex has said that he feels uncomfortable when he’s around me, so when I do come around the house to see him and our youngest daughter, sometimes he’ll find things to do with friends so that he can leave, which further makes it hard for us to connect. He loves golf, is on his HS team, and plays often (Youth on Course membership), but with my limited funds at the moment, I am unable to join him on the courses/links. I still see our youngest regularly. I come over and help her study for math quizzes and tests, I drive carpool on Fridays after school, on Sundays to lacrosse practices, and I am supposed to have “custody” of our minor kids on two certain days of the week, but that isn’t always consistent because the kids sometimes are doing other things already (which is understandable and I will not hold that against them). It’s difficult to be in the house because it’s not mine anymore. New pictures have been put up (and I’m not in them). When my soon-to-be-ex is there, understandably she’s got a chip on her shoulder, and inevitably wants to argue.

So much to unpack and talk about. I can’t even get through typing a couple of sentences without tearing up. Basically, I am out of my house, don’t get to see my kids every day, don’t get to see my dogs every day, am pinching pennies, wasn’t communicating with my own mother because of her hiding who my father was/is but now need to swallow pride and talk with her again because I need help, blah blah blah blah blah blah Bob Loblaw blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. On the plus side, I have been able to be more selfish (watch, eat, drink, consume what I want to, when I want to), to see friends that I haven’t been able to in a long time. I keep telling myself that this is only temporary and that it’s going to be hard/difficult, but it will get better. Not ready to start dating yet (both mentally and economically) and am actually a little scared of the process.

 

[Bob Loblaw]

Though I'm sorry to see that nirad3 and peak are both going through similar experiences as I am, I take some comfort knowing that mine is not an unusual situation. Very similar setup with a co-parenting thing going on, under the same roof, doing everything we can to insulate our kiddo (aged 9). Not the best of times but we do what we can...

I just watched the movie "Fireproof" last night. I saw it years ago when it first came out. You three might want to check this out. It has helped a lot of relationships.

Is this overly religious?

 

[dino259]

Definitely, worst life right now. Going through a divorce. We’ve been married for 21 years, have 3 wonderful kids together (19, 16, 13), but couldn’t work through the problems. We probably stayed together too long for the kids, wanting to give them a two-parent household. I wanted to try living together separated, but she wasn’t having it. She couldn’t let things go, needed to put me in my place about everything. Granted, some of it was warranted as I definitely made my share of mistakes, but no one is perfect, including her. So, now I am out of the house, renting a room in a condo in a neighboring city. I should move farther away for economic reasons, but then any savings would just get eaten up by gas prices when commuting for work, and when commuting to see the kids. I could change employers, but I’ve got a pension (couple of decades with the County), and don’t want to change that up right now.

Our oldest is in college, and “needs space” from communicating with me right now. She is my soon-to-be-ex’s best friend (or as our youngest likes to say: “her backup singer”). So, in her eyes, I am the enemy, everything is my fault. She’s unaware of the control that her mother needed to have over me, of the hurtful, demeaning things that her mother would say to me even before divorce was in the picture (I won’t disclose any of that to her right now, if ever). Our middle child is 16 and driving now, with a girlfriend and part-time job. He and I have always had sports and playing together as a bond, but now that I am out of the house, we don’t see each other as much, and are slowly growing apart. Privately, my soon-to-be-ex has said that he feels uncomfortable when he’s around me, so when I do come around the house to see him and our youngest daughter, sometimes he’ll find things to do with friends so that he can leave, which further makes it hard for us to connect. He loves golf, is on his HS team, and plays often (Youth on Course membership), but with my limited funds at the moment, I am unable to join him on the courses/links. I still see our youngest regularly. I come over and help her study for math quizzes and tests, I drive carpool on Fridays after school, on Sundays to lacrosse practices, and I am supposed to have “custody” of our minor kids on two certain days of the week, but that isn’t always consistent because the kids sometimes are doing other things already (which is understandable and I will not hold that against them). It’s difficult to be in the house because it’s not mine anymore. New pictures have been put up (and I’m not in them). When my soon-to-be-ex is there, understandably she’s got a chip on her shoulder, and inevitably wants to argue.

So much to unpack and talk about. I can’t even get through typing a couple of sentences without tearing up. Basically, I am out of my house, don’t get to see my kids every day, don’t get to see my dogs every day, am pinching pennies, wasn’t communicating with my own mother because of her hiding who my father was/is but now need to swallow pride and talk with her again because I need help, blah blah blah blah blah blah Bob Loblaw blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. On the plus side, I have been able to be more selfish (watch, eat, drink, consume what I want to, when I want to), to see friends that I haven’t been able to in a long time. I keep telling myself that this is only temporary and that it’s going to be hard/difficult, but it will get better. Not ready to start dating yet (both mentally and economically) and am actually a little scared of the process.

Hang in there. You just bumped yourself up on your priority list. Continue making the kids a priority but also realize they are their own people and have their own feelings. You seem to be doing a good job about this. Don't worry about dating, you don't need anybody, focus more on your friends. Be yourself.

 

[nirad3]

Definitely, worst life right now. Going through a divorce. We’ve been married for 21 years, have 3 wonderful kids together (19, 16, 13), but couldn’t work through the problems. We probably stayed together too long for the kids, wanting to give them a two-parent household. I wanted to try living together separated, but she wasn’t having it. She couldn’t let things go, needed to put me in my place about everything. Granted, some of it was warranted as I definitely made my share of mistakes, but no one is perfect, including her. So, now I am out of the house, renting a room in a condo in a neighboring city. I should move farther away for economic reasons, but then any savings would just get eaten up by gas prices when commuting for work, and when commuting to see the kids. I could change employers, but I’ve got a pension (couple of decades with the County), and don’t want to change that up right now.

Our oldest is in college, and “needs space” from communicating with me right now. She is my soon-to-be-ex’s best friend (or as our youngest likes to say: “her backup singer”). So, in her eyes, I am the enemy, everything is my fault. She’s unaware of the control that her mother needed to have over me, of the hurtful, demeaning things that her mother would say to me even before divorce was in the picture (I won’t disclose any of that to her right now, if ever). Our middle child is 16 and driving now, with a girlfriend and part-time job. He and I have always had sports and playing together as a bond, but now that I am out of the house, we don’t see each other as much, and are slowly growing apart. Privately, my soon-to-be-ex has said that he feels uncomfortable when he’s around me, so when I do come around the house to see him and our youngest daughter, sometimes he’ll find things to do with friends so that he can leave, which further makes it hard for us to connect. He loves golf, is on his HS team, and plays often (Youth on Course membership), but with my limited funds at the moment, I am unable to join him on the courses/links. I still see our youngest regularly. I come over and help her study for math quizzes and tests, I drive carpool on Fridays after school, on Sundays to lacrosse practices, and I am supposed to have “custody” of our minor kids on two certain days of the week, but that isn’t always consistent because the kids sometimes are doing other things already (which is understandable and I will not hold that against them). It’s difficult to be in the house because it’s not mine anymore. New pictures have been put up (and I’m not in them). When my soon-to-be-ex is there, understandably she’s got a chip on her shoulder, and inevitably wants to argue.

So much to unpack and talk about. I can’t even get through typing a couple of sentences without tearing up. Basically, I am out of my house, don’t get to see my kids every day, don’t get to see my dogs every day, am pinching pennies, wasn’t communicating with my own mother because of her hiding who my father was/is but now need to swallow pride and talk with her again because I need help, blah blah blah blah blah blah Bob Loblaw blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. On the plus side, I have been able to be more selfish (watch, eat, drink, consume what I want to, when I want to), to see friends that I haven’t been able to in a long time. I keep telling myself that this is only temporary and that it’s going to be hard/difficult, but it will get better. Not ready to start dating yet (both mentally and economically) and am actually a little scared of the process.

So sorry to hear this. I guess I should feel somewhat fortunate that, while my wife and I will at some point be divorced, we are able to co-exist under the same roof and there is no tension with the kids. We're here if you ever need to vent, whether that be publicly or in a PM.

 

[Gatorade]

Though I'm sorry to see that nirad3 and peak are both going through similar experiences as I am, I take some comfort knowing that mine is not an unusual situation. Very similar setup with a co-parenting thing going on, under the same roof, doing everything we can to insulate our kiddo (aged 9). Not the best of times but we do what we can...

I just watched the movie "Fireproof" last night. I saw it years ago when it first came out. You three might want to check this out. It has helped a lot of relationships.

Is this overly religious?

It was made by a Christian production company.

 

[urbanhack]

Saw this on LinkedIn today. I'm not usually into the life hack stuff as I think it's mostly common sense. But I love this list and try to do many of them for work and outside of work on a daily basis.

30 cheat codes I wish I knew earlier | Colby Kultgen | 452 comments

Let me know your best real-life 'cheat code'. ♻️ Repost this to your network. | 452 comments on LinkedIn

www.linkedin.com

 

[BobbyLayne]

Now is it my "best" life? I have no idea. But I am not lacking for anything. Could I do more? Could I be in better shape? Sure. But it's pretty darn fine how things are.

I need to think like this more often.

Yeah this is more directly stating what I was getting at...

@Gally & @B Maverick are on point here IMHO.

Cultivating a grateful heart is pretty clutch.

---

About a month ago I started working 3 days a week in the chemo lab of the Oncology Department at the Brooklyn VA medical center. I'm not doing anything technical, just taking care of the Vets there who are going through rounds of treatment and assisting the nurses with chores. I love it, everyone who works there has a phenomenally good attitude. SIDEBAR - the pharmacy hood is next door and I've become fast friends with Robert, the head pharmacist. Dang has it been nice to cut all the bureaucracy out of getting my meds filled lol.

You can't help but become invested in the patients and the families. It's grueling....sitting In a Lazy-e-boy, eating snacks, watching stoopid daytime tv, willingly pumping poison into your bloodstream in order to squeeze a few more years out of the end of life scenario. Those are some brave MFers. They're not doing this for themselves. They want those last couple years tacked on so they can keep on creating memories with their wives and grandkids.

I walk out every Mon-Wed humbled to the core, grateful I'm allowed to be a small part of their journey. Shoot, my life ain't so bad after all.

 

[Jayrod]

I'm fighting off depression....again.

But compared to 99.9999% of humanity in the history of the world, my life is amazing.

2 healthy teenagers who don't hate me, a beautiful healthy and good wife who let's me enjoy her 3-5 x's a month and a work from home job that provides good income with lots of flexibility.

Basically I'm just a whiny *****.

I've been thinking about this ever since I posted it. Why does my mental state not match reality?

I've come to understand it is simply my perception. I look at my bank account and don't see enough zeros. I look at my body and see I'm not 27 anymore (SHOCKING). I'm tired a lot and some days are a grind.

But so what? Isn't the point NOT to be rich or young forever, but to be with people who you love and who love you and do some things you enjoy? I have all of that. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself or be mopey no matter how late I have to work some nights or how early it gets dark or how I can't go on the SUPER AWESOME vacation this year and have to "settle" for something regional instead of the French Riviera. My kids have nice things and opportunities before them during their teenage years. My wife is a gem of a human and loves me.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, JAYROD!!! Now sit back and enjoy it.

 

[Gally]

I've come to understand it is simply my perception. I look at my bank account and don't see enough zeros. I look at my body and see I'm not 27 anymore (SHOCKING). I'm tired a lot and some days are a grind.

Perception is a b**** sometimes. It really is the block to happiness. If you realize that nothing really matters in the big picture and as long as you are essentially doing what you want (provided you are well enough off for this) it's all good.

It really becomes an issue when you want more and more and more. That's why I thought the question of living your "best" life is kind of odd. Things can always be better (more money, better health, etc) but is it necessary? For me, I am just fine where I am at. I could probably stand to get into a bit better shape but no need to get totally ripped and run a marathon. Much of that is all tied to your own perception. Figure that out and you (generic you not Jayrod specifically) can likely be really happy.

 

[B Maverick]

I've come to understand it is simply my perception. I look at my bank account and don't see enough zeros. I look at my body and see I'm not 27 anymore (SHOCKING). I'm tired a lot and some days are a grind.

Perception is a b**** sometimes. It really is the block to happiness. If you realize that nothing really matters in the big picture and as long as you are essentially doing what you want (provided you are well enough off for this) it's all good.

It really becomes an issue when you want more and more and more. That's why I thought the question of living your "best" life is kind of odd. Things can always be better (more money, better health, etc) but is it necessary? For me, I am just fine where I am at. I could probably stand to get into a bit better shape but no need to get totally ripped and run a marathon. Much of that is all tied to your own perception. Figure that out and you (generic you not Jayrod specifically) can likely be really happy.

Perception can get you for sure. I look around at my friend group, some of which go back 30 years and you can't help but sometimes think "what happened to me?". They have money, big houses, etc. Heck, I work for one of my college roommates. So we all fall into the trap of wanting what others have.

But then I remind myself: I have a place to live, a job, a teen daughter that is amazing and actually likes hanging out with me, decent relationship with my ex-wife to co-parent, new girlfriend who seems to be a better match than the ex, good family and friends, money to provide the basics and a little more. I have what I need. And if I wanted more, I can go get it.

Does it always work? No, of course not. But it could always be worse.

 

[SWC]

I'm fighting off depression....again.

But compared to 99.9999% of humanity in the history of the world, my life is amazing.

2 healthy teenagers who don't hate me, a beautiful healthy and good wife who let's me enjoy her 3-5 x's a month and a work from home job that provides good income with lots of flexibility.

Basically I'm just a whiny *****.

I've been thinking about this ever since I posted it. Why does my mental state not match reality?

I've come to understand it is simply my perception. I look at my bank account and don't see enough zeros. I look at my body and see I'm not 27 anymore (SHOCKING). I'm tired a lot and some days are a grind.

But so what? Isn't the point NOT to be rich or young forever, but to be with people who you love and who love you and do some things you enjoy? I have all of that. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself or be mopey no matter how late I have to work some nights or how early it gets dark or how I can't go on the SUPER AWESOME vacation this year and have to "settle" for something regional instead of the French Riviera. My kids have nice things and opportunities before them during their teenage years. My wife is a gem of a human and loves me.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, JAYROD!!! Now sit back and enjoy it.

that is the message and that is the path of the brohan it isnt about what you dont have its about what you do have and like my main man csny said love the one your with and that applies to your life because it is all about what you make of it take that to the bank bromigo