I read something interesting about this issue the other day, and the debate in this thread has followed it to a T: Somehow, whenever we start debating the league's response to these types of incidents, the discussion ends up shifting to the players instead.
Here's the best analogy I can think of: A plane crash is obviously a horrible thing for everyone affected by it. But crashes are relatively rare, and studies consistently show that traveling by air is the safest method of travel. So let's imagine there was a horrific plane crash tomorrow, and the airline and NTSB completely botched the investigation -- didn't look for the black box, didn't analyze the forensics, didn't interview any eyewitnesses, etc. So the whole issue gets dropped (I know that's not how NTSB investigations work, but just go with it). Then nine months later, TMZ somehow gets its hands on the black boxes, and it turns out the crash was caused by something scandalous -- say, the pilot and co-pilot were doing lines of coke off the flight attendant's cleavage. I'm sure that would be a dramatic story that would lead all the newscasts, but in terms of relevance and necessary changes going forward, I would want to focus far more on the botched investigation than the partying going on in the cockpit.
OK, maybe that analogy didn't sustain all the way through, but you get the idea. Domestic violence is a horrible thing and I would love to see it eliminated completely, but I also know that among a population of young males, it is a statistical certainty that there will be a certain number of DV incidents. However, given the studies showing those incidents occur less frequently among NFL players than among the general population, I think it's more important to focus on the league's institutional response to this issue, which I think we all can agree has been absolutely appalling. It displays a level of blindness and institutional rot that, at a macro level, I find far more troubling than the scattered number of DV incidents (and that's even more true when you realize that the incompetent responses frequently have the effect of allowing abusers to skate by with little to no punishment).