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Really need a section just for the funny stuff for those of us that come here just for a chuckle, the joke/laughter sub-forum. In the meantime, I'll start, came across this today, made me lol:
Really need a section just for the funny stuff for those of us that come here just for a chuckle, the joke/laughter sub-forum. In the meantime, I'll start, came across this today, made me lol:
Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You're in the right place. From clean knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and clever riddles, we've got the jokes guaranteed to bring on serious laughs.
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house."
Really need a section just for the funny stuff for those of us that come here just for a chuckle, the joke/laughter sub-forum. In the meantime, I'll start, came across this today, made me lol:
A little boy walks in on his naked mom, points to her private area and says mom, what's that? Mom says "Well son, yesterday your father hit me there with an axe." Son says "Wow, he hit you right in the ####!!"
Just received this internal email a couple days ago and my first thought was asking them how they pronounce "Dawn":
"As per the IRS, mileage rate is $0.535, the form we have received has the mileage rate as 53.5 cents . Request you correct this and send the form back for further processing ."
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house."
I may have told this before and it's old, but still makes me laugh.
A guy sits down in an old restaurant and the waitress comes by to take his order. She's an older, weathered, beehive hairdo, chain smoker right out of central casting.
"Whaddya want?" she barks as she drops a menu in front of the guy. He looks at the menu, which simply reads: "Grilled Cheese Sandwich - $5. Hand-job - $10." He looks up at her in surprise and says:
"Ummm.. Are you the one that gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yep."
"Then wash your hands and make me a grilled cheese sandwich."
There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...
The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.
But his snake lost its appetite, and soon stopped eating altogether; perhaps due to the stress of frequent travel and an irregular diet.
Wishing to save his prized pet, Attila sought help from the local chirurgeons and witch doctors. None of them could do anything for him, until a wizened sage suggested feeding the serpent only young female virgins.
Attila was pleased with this idea, and was delighted to find that a city he had raided just happened to have a Christian convent with a convenient supply of the recommended food for his pet.
But the snake refused to eat, or even touch any of the consecrated virgins from the convent. Enraged, Attila sent for the soothsayer who advised him to have him executed.
Standing before Attila, the old man calmly said, "Before thou killest me, may thee first bring the snake and one of the women to me."
Curious, Attila did as he asked.
Then the old man took some bread and gave it to Attila.
"Now hold these in both hands," he instructed.
Attila did so, and as soon as he did, the snake let out a terrifying hiss, and swallowed the virgin whole.
To an amazed Attila, the old man simply said,
"Thy anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, Hun."
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house."
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ll do absolutely anything that you want for £300 as long as you can say it in only three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Sure’ He pulls his wallet out and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’
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