Ineteresting times are ahead for us. We talked for a couple hours about things last night, and she certainly knows where I stand. We covered a lot of ground.
What was covered, other than her knowing where you stand? Any decisions made? Any changes implemented? Any actions taken?
A few things. She said one of the reasons she really let loose with the drinking that day was that it was the first time in a long that she was able to 'not think about the kids'. She knew they were safe with my parents, and knew we would see them the next day. So, no responsiblity for her. As a stay at home mom, I think she does indeed feel 'trapped' at times with the kids. That has to be a factor here for these actions.
I went over how me and Steve have completely different personalities. I asked her point blank if that's an issue for her. The posters here have pretty much pegged my personality, and have a decent read on Steve. She claims these differences are the reason she's with me. I told her that's great, but there's a big part of me that believes she's flattered and possibilty excited by the idea that she did something with the bad boy, since I don't fit that category.
She said any time a mother of two has anyone find her attractive, that it is an ego boost. The idea of something actually happening does not make her excited though.
This was a interesting point that she brought up. She said it became very clear to her as we talked this week that there aren't many boundaries with a certain subset of our friends. Not all of the people camping, but about half of them. She chalks this up to a few things. One is that for a year or two before we met, she was a 'one of the guys' kind of girl. She hung out with these guys a lot, strictly as friends. So, she was a lot more smartass and open with them than most women would be. Second, this led to all of us kind of being that way amongst each other, especially where spouse's were concerned. What's really interesting is that you can see a separation between the group that actually acts this way and group that doesn't. Same camping trip, same envinroment, just different ways of interacting. So, we both decided that will be much more careful about how we interact with certain people in the future.
As for decisions, we didn't get into too much of that. She actually brought up counseling, and is all for going to counseling together. We also figured out that we need to spend more time together than we do. We get awful busy during the week, and she works outside the house every other weekend, so it's tough for us to find time to just be together.
Consider this your warning MIYH. Seriously. This is her way of saying that she requires some affirmations from you that she is not getting.
A Warning how?A warning that yes, she is human and many women feel this same way - and this is something that MITYH (and anyone else) should be aware of for the interests of their spouse, self, kids, family?
or a warning that WifeITYH is somehow looking for something more and is suggesting she is more prone to cheating than someone else?
because the former is perfectly acceptable. The latter is a huge reach and overstatement like many in this thread... errr novel.
A warning that he isn't letting her know that she's attractive enough, and that hearing it from someone else actually seems like it's kind of a surprise to hear. If she hears it enough and in the right ways at home, she will not be swayed in the LEAST by another man's words.
Fair enough. She is human, she had needs, she has ego. MITYH needs to understand this or, indeed, things will head south. This is true of just about all relationships, however imo.
What a load of ####. So she didn't have her ego fed by him and was feeling trapped by the kids so she felt the need to at least grab another guys junk and let him feel her up AT THE LEAST?!?! Horse ####. If it requires MIYH to constantly feed her ego to keep her loyal then her ### needs to hit the curb.This is her fault all the way, to twist it to some of his responsibility for not feeding her ego/etc is a load of crap.
(1) Chill(2) Some context please?
(3) :lmao)
(4) Chill
I never said it was not her fault... but you (and many others here) are acting as if you and all of YOUR relationships are "above" this stuff.
1/2 of marriages end in divorce. Probably considerably more result in some infidelity. The fact is, is in marriage it is easy to slip into the taking each other for granted routine. It is hard to notice as this happens bit by bit, but in the end one or both of the parties feels neglected, or unloved, or unwanted, or unattractive.
To act as if WifeINYH is so unique and bad and different than, I dont know, 80% of YOUR wives (for those who are married) is arrogant and self serving.
It is not his responsibility if she cheated. It IS his responsibility to ensure that he gives her attention, loves her, works to make their marriage work. If he doesnt do these things, then HUMAN NECESSITY AND NATURE will take over and if no cheating occured here, I GUARANTEE it will in the future. And YES, MITYH would have SOME bearing of that responsibility. Don't act like because you are the man in the relationship that you dont need to make your wife feel fulfilled and can expect fidelity just because.
Oh, and the same can be said in reverse... WifeITYH, or any wife, damn better take care of her man as well, or HIS human nature and necessity will take over.
The fact is, it seems like we have a somewhat lonely wife, wondering what has happened to all the excitement in life... just like SO many people experience everyday. To think that MITYH has NOTHING to do with this is insane. It does not mean that the Wife is not ultimately responsible for her actions, but a husband and wife owe it to each other not to make one another feel so unloved, unattracted, unwanted that they do seek outside gratification / ego boost / sexual interaction.
I mean really, the people on this board talk as if something like this would NEVER happen to THEIR perfect relationships. That they will NEVER be the 50% that divorce. NEVER be to 60, 70 or 80% that cheat, get cheated on, or both.
Well news for you and most of the other posters - the only difference between you and MITYH is he is MAN ENOUGH to admit that something might have happened, is apparantly putting blame all around as he searches for an answer, and is looking to communicate with his wife before this becomes something that spirals out of control.
The rest of you, judging by your "judgementalness" and harsh opininions all around can walk through life assuming you are above all this - until one day you walk in and actually SEE your wife getting banged on your sofa, or come home to see an empty home because she already left.
MITYH at least recognized the issue and is willing to face it... perhaps he is lucky it only amounted to this before he found out there are some serious underlying issues in his marriage (which btw, is VERY normal for most humans... FBGs obviously not included since we are above this stuff apparantly)
man, you're poking the snake today, Scotty.
That was the first thing that stood out to me in his post. HTF do you just sit, idly by after a friend brings this to your attention? Your wife was wrong for drinking too much and following your "friend" Steve into his tall to begin, with, and Steve is a scumbag for taking advantage of her, especially in her condition. That being said, you completely dropped the ball. What do you do to fix this? Brother, you have so many issues here, I'm not sure where to begin. As I skipped 50+ pages, I may be posting after the fact, but I would ask my friends first, what it is exactly that they saw and then I'd confront Steve.Your wife? She has some serious issues. How you go about trusting her, regardless of her being inebriated, is another matter.
