My kid is a biter (1 Viewer)

[daddo39]

So your son is a Wachootoo?

 

[cstu]

Don't reward the behavior with a lot of attention. Kids will bite just to get (negative) attention from adults.

Tell him before he goes to the park that if he bites someone he's going home. If the kid bites someone calmly tell him that it's not acceptable and that you're going home because of it. Let him cry and ignore it.

This is pretty much what we do.

The other thing I wanted to add is that you should comfort the child who was bitten (even go overboard with attention) and ignore your child. Eventually your kid will get that the behavior won't be rewarded and he'll stop.

 

[El Floppo]

This situation can be impossible to solve. I know it will basically get you black balled at any daycare and private schools once you have a known biter.

While anecdotal and probably bull####, I have heard of parents getting on a CPS watch list because they used spanking to work with a biter that drew blood, and in a visit to the home CPS noted bruising (that wasn't related to spanking) and asked them if they spanked and they said yes. So they got the weekly random drop ins for a period of time including at the day care where the kid was moved to. Wife had to quit work because nobody would take their kid anywhere. Was a disaster.

so, good luck.

His current preschool is ok with it. I guess they see it a lot and it's not like he is running around biting all the time. It's just when he gets into a confrontation which is usually started by another kid. The school's advice has been basically to stop him anytime he tried to put anything in his mouth other than food. But it hasn't seemed to work yet. I'm hoping it stops before age 4!

I have heard about getting blackballed so fingers crossed on that one.

fwiw- every school we've looked at... and I'm talking super progressive, lovey-dovey places... they all had biting as their zero-tolerance worst offense.

 

[El Floppo]

Don't reward the behavior with a lot of attention. Kids will bite just to get (negative) attention from adults.

Tell him before he goes to the park that if he bites someone he's going home. If the kid bites someone calmly tell him that it's not acceptable and that you're going home because of it. Let him cry and ignore it.

This is pretty much what we do.

"pretty much"?

you need to be militant about it, if you aren't already- both of you. as soon as it happens, you grab him and you're out, explanation while grabbing and/or after the hysterics stop and you're away from the playground.

eta: I like ctsu's idea of you or mom apology to and checking in on state of other kid (and parent) as well. Helps promote the sense of empathy that will help keep Jr from biting in the first place.

Or beat the #### out of him.

 

[doowain]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

 

[El Floppo]

My kids never needed spanking- we've been able to nip this kind of behavior in the bud by talking to them and having a plan in place, such as removing them from whatever it is they want to be doing.

So why hit my kid? Have you tried rational (as rational as a 2-4yo can handle) conversation and discipline instead of spanking? What I've seen- not saying this is you- tells me that most people who spank either haven't tried or don't have the patience to try the alternative and use it out of impatience, anger-issues and/or laziness (again- not saying this you).

 

[(HULK)]

I don't spank my kids, mostly because my parents went nuts with spanking. I got hit with any number of items across my bare rear, including a metal spatula that drew blood. I often would have serious bruising on my rear. I was a straight A kid who almost never broke any rules either.

So, I won't do it. What I went through was pretty much abuse. My temper flares when I get angry with my kids... which is why I will never use any physical punishment. I don't want them to go through what I went through, and I don't trust myself to do it even handedly enough.

 

[shadyridr]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

I cant speak for anyone else but I spanked my kid once (forgot why) when he was two and I felt HORRIBLE after. Vowed never to do it again. Timeouts and an occasional slight tug of the hair on the back of his neck (this usually snaps them out of whatever #### they are doing) worked for me.

 

[sbonomo]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

 

[Sabertooth]

You know, there's something to be said for just ####### committing to the move. Biting is no half measure that's for sure. You basically have to consider that it's the end of the play date when you go in for the bite. I mean, your done, he's done, you are going to get your ### chewed out pretty good, probably no video games or TV, lots of lecturing, disappointed parents, loss of friends. All that and still he just says - "#### it, this kid's a little #####. He's been pushing me. He stole my juice box, #### it I'm biting this punk."

 

[sbonomo]

I don't spank my kids, mostly because my parents went nuts with spanking. I got hit with any number of items across my bare rear, including a metal spatula that drew blood. I often would have serious bruising on my rear. I was a straight A kid who almost never broke any rules either.

So, I won't do it. What I went through was pretty much abuse. My temper flares when I get angry with my kids... which is why I will never use any physical punishment. I don't want them to go through what I went through, and I don't trust myself to do it even handedly enough.

This is a good example of why you should not spank a kid. kudo's to you for knowing your limitations

 

[shadyridr]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

 

[mr roboto]

Spanking or not, if you aren't stern and consistent with your discipline it doesn't matter.

 

[El Floppo]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

you have kids, do you?

 

[Cjw_55106]

This situation can be impossible to solve. I know it will basically get you black balled at any daycare and private schools once you have a known biter.

While anecdotal and probably bull####, I have heard of parents getting on a CPS watch list because they used spanking to work with a biter that drew blood, and in a visit to the home CPS noted bruising (that wasn't related to spanking) and asked them if they spanked and they said yes. So they got the weekly random drop ins for a period of time including at the day care where the kid was moved to. Wife had to quit work because nobody would take their kid anywhere. Was a disaster.

so, good luck.

His current preschool is ok with it. I guess they see it a lot and it's not like he is running around biting all the time. It's just when he gets into a confrontation which is usually started by another kid. The school's advice has been basically to stop him anytime he tried to put anything in his mouth other than food. But it hasn't seemed to work yet. I'm hoping it stops before age 4!

I have heard about getting blackballed so fingers crossed on that one.

Just teach him the phrase "#####, I will knock your ### out!"

That should do the trick.

 

[sbonomo]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

Can you expand on this a bit? And no, l don't have kids. No interest what so ever. I would like to be able to spend time with my niece at some point though so any thoughts would be appreciated. ETA: my sister in law is the type of person that will not take advice from anyone so not sure how much good it will do but always worth a shot.

 

[El Floppo]

advice for you with SIL- not your kid... stay out of it and don't offer any advice.

Do your best to learn whatever approach they're trying to take with the girl so you can be consistent with it (if you want to help them out), or just do whatever the hell you want to do with the kid (if you don't).

 

[doowain]

My kids never needed spanking- we've been able to nip this kind of behavior in the bud by talking to them and having a plan in place, such as removing them from whatever it is they want to be doing.

So why hit my kid? Have you tried rational (as rational as a 2-4yo can handle) conversation and discipline instead of spanking? What I've seen- not saying this is you- tells me that most people who spank either haven't tried or don't have the patience to try the alternative and use it out of impatience, anger-issues and/or laziness (again- not saying this you).

I don't have kids yet. I've just always been curious.

 

[shadyridr]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

Can you expand on this a bit? And no, l don't have kids. No interest what so ever. I would like to be able to spend time with my niece at some point though so any thoughts would be appreciated. ETA: my sister in law is the type of person that will not take advice from anyone so not sure how much good it will do but always worth a shot.

A time out is only supposed to calm a kid down and/or remove them from the misbehaviour. A rule of thumb is 1 minute per year. So a 5 yr old would have a five minute timeout. I have no clue how else your SIL disciplines your child but I rarely have to give my son timeouts now. If I do a 5 minute one always does the trick. My kid never acts out. He has other issues (anxiety, crying if he doesnt get away, always wants to get his way, etc) but he never hits or misbehaves. I put an end to that a long time ago.

 

[cstu]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

Because it's not the most effective way to change behavior. Sure, you can beat a kid into submission over anything but I'd rather raise my kid to understand the cost/benefit of behavior without resorting to violence.

Some of you may look at this as "new age crap" but I can assure you it is not. You can be very strict with a child and teach them without hitting.

 

[shadyridr]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

Can you expand on this a bit? And no, l don't have kids. No interest what so ever. I would like to be able to spend time with my niece at some point though so any thoughts would be appreciated. ETA: my sister in law is the type of person that will not take advice from anyone so not sure how much good it will do but always worth a shot.

If you dont have kids you shouldnt give advice. If someone without kids ever gave me advice Id probably slap them across the face and say spank this #####.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

 

[pats3in4]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a time out whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days.

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

I suspect the half hour is due to the length of the tantrum, not the intended timeout. Kids need to learn how to self sooth and not get rewarded with attention, negative or otherwise, due to their tantrums.

 

[doowain]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

Because it's not the most effective way to change behavior. Sure, you can beat a kid into submission over anything but I'd rather raise my kid to understand the cost/benefit of behavior without resorting to violence.

Some of you may look at this as "new age crap" but I can assure you it is not. You can be very strict with a child and teach them without hitting.

Who is saying "beat them into submission"? I'm talking about a couple swats on the butt with an open hand. And I'm not saying that's the first avenue to take, but if "talking to him" isn't working....then maybe he'll respond to that.

 

[cstu]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

Parents, or people who are around kids, need to understand the concept of 'winning' in a child's mind. For them simply getting attention or being able to avoid something is a 'win'.

It sounds to me like your niece is getting what she wants - a lot of attention by throwing a tantrum. The best way to deal with that is to not look at her when she throws a tantrum, remain calm and tell her that she doesn't get anything fun until she stops crying.

My major issue with spanking is that it's a shortcut that doesn't fix the underlying problem of bad behavior. It works but the reasons for the behavior are still there in the child so I would rather teach a kid to understand the cost/benefit of certain behaviors instead of scaring them not to do it.

I want a kid who chooses to make good decisions because they are the right things to do, not because they are afraid of me hitting them.

 

[cstu]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

Because it's not the most effective way to change behavior. Sure, you can beat a kid into submission over anything but I'd rather raise my kid to understand the cost/benefit of behavior without resorting to violence.

Some of you may look at this as "new age crap" but I can assure you it is not. You can be very strict with a child and teach them without hitting.

Who is saying "beat them into submission"? I'm talking about a couple swats on the butt with an open hand. And I'm not saying that's the first avenue to take, but if "talking to him" isn't working....then maybe he'll respond to that.

What happens if those couple of swats don't change the behavior?

 

[shadyridr]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

 

[El Floppo]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

How long has he been doing this?

I''m hoping it's just a phase that he'll get through sooner than later. I'd say to keep at it... constantly making it clear to him what is going on. Unless he hates the playground and is using this as a crafty workaround.

 

[sbonomo]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

Can you expand on this a bit? And no, l don't have kids. No interest what so ever. I would like to be able to spend time with my niece at some point though so any thoughts would be appreciated. ETA: my sister in law is the type of person that will not take advice from anyone so not sure how much good it will do but always worth a shot.

A time out is only supposed to calm a kid down and/or remove them from the misbehaviour. A rule of thumb is 1 minute per year. So a 5 yr old would have a five minute timeout. I have no clue how else your SIL disciplines your child but I rarely have to give my son timeouts now. If I do a 5 minute one always does the trick. My kid never acts out. He has other issues (anxiety, crying if he doesnt get away, always wants to get his way, etc) but he never hits or misbehaves. I put an end to that a long time ago.

She will scream at the top of her lungs crying for 10-30 minutes when in time out. I am assuming that the time starts once they start behaving? She is a single mom with a deadbeat dad so i am sure there are other problems that are creating the behavior. When i am watching the kid myself an etremely stern look generally does the trick. Maybe because she is not familiar with me. Thanks for answering....

 

[shadyridr]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a time out whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days.

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

I suspect the half hour is due to the length of the tantrum, not the intended timeout. Kids need to learn how to self sooth and not get rewarded with attention, negative or otherwise, due to their tantrums.

When my son has a tantrum I tell him to go in his room I dont wanna hear him. Then he goes in his room and eventually calms down and tells me "Im done crying now" and hes allowed back downstairs.

 

[doowain]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

Because it's not the most effective way to change behavior. Sure, you can beat a kid into submission over anything but I'd rather raise my kid to understand the cost/benefit of behavior without resorting to violence.

Some of you may look at this as "new age crap" but I can assure you it is not. You can be very strict with a child and teach them without hitting.

Who is saying "beat them into submission"? I'm talking about a couple swats on the butt with an open hand. And I'm not saying that's the first avenue to take, but if "talking to him" isn't working....then maybe he'll respond to that.

What happens if those couple of swats don't change the behavior?

Good question.

My brother and I both got whipped as kids. I always learned from it. He did not. Why that is I don't know. Then again, I've always felt respect for my parents authority. I don't think my brother does or ever did.

ETA: And, FWIW, talking to him never worked either. It still doesn't.

 

[cstu]

To let you guys know, I'm not making this stuff up and have personally seen how it has changed my daughter. She's on the autism spectrum and is receiving 15 hours of ABA (applied behavioral analysis) therapy a week. She's also in an intensive all day program at UCLA that practices these techniques.

If they can do it with autistic kids with severe behavioral issues then it can work with typical kids who understand things much easier.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

We have kind of done that, but he only bites when other kids are around. There also isn't much else to do. ETA, I've taken him the children's museum and it is maybe even worse than the playground. Any activity in NY that is good for kids usually draws a ton of them.

Usually the day after an incident, we will walk by the play ground on our way to the park or Pratt campus where he can run around without other kids in close proximity. He wants to go in and we explain why we aren't going that day. Like I've said, I think he gets it but he still has the urge to bite when he is in a confrontation days later.

 

[El Floppo]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

Parents, or people who are around kids, need to understand the concept of 'winning' in a child's mind. For them simply getting attention or being able to avoid something is a 'win'.

It sounds to me like your niece is getting what she wants - a lot of attention by throwing a tantrum. The best way to deal with that is to not look at her when she throws a tantrum, remain calm and tell her that she doesn't get anything fun until she stops crying.

My major issue with spanking is that it's a shortcut that doesn't fix the underlying problem of bad behavior. It works but the reasons for the behavior are still there in the child so I would rather teach a kid to understand the cost/benefit of certain behaviors instead of scaring them not to do it.

I want a kid who chooses to make good decisions because they are the right things to do, not because they are afraid of me hitting them.

Agree with all of this- we've taken a similar approach.

I think kids are smarter and understand a lot more than most parents seem to give them credit for.

 

[sbonomo]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

Can you expand on this a bit? And no, l don't have kids. No interest what so ever. I would like to be able to spend time with my niece at some point though so any thoughts would be appreciated. ETA: my sister in law is the type of person that will not take advice from anyone so not sure how much good it will do but always worth a shot.

If you dont have kids you shouldnt give advice. If someone without kids ever gave me advice Id probably slap them across the face and say spank this #####.

I am a member of society and I am tired of parents forcing their brats on the rest of us though. Honestly i don't want to derail the OP's thread but your arguement makes zero sense. I am assuming you are not a politician but i am sure you have a political point or you are not a GM but i am sure you have an opinion on how your favorite team should be mangaged right? Just because i don't have kids does not mean that i can't have an opinion about them.

ETA: I do have an opinion on how you should raise your kid so I am in So Cal any time you would like to try slap me across the face -

 

[cstu]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

Because it's not the most effective way to change behavior. Sure, you can beat a kid into submission over anything but I'd rather raise my kid to understand the cost/benefit of behavior without resorting to violence.

Some of you may look at this as "new age crap" but I can assure you it is not. You can be very strict with a child and teach them without hitting.

Who is saying "beat them into submission"? I'm talking about a couple swats on the butt with an open hand. And I'm not saying that's the first avenue to take, but if "talking to him" isn't working....then maybe he'll respond to that.

What happens if those couple of swats don't change the behavior?

Good question.

My brother and I both got whipped as kids. I always learned from it. He did not. Why that is I don't know. Then again, I've always felt respect for my parents authority. I don't think my brother does or ever did.

Every kid is different and one kid (like you) might respond to spanking with "Oops, that's not a good thing to do" while another will respond with anger toward the person hitting him and authority in general.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

Parents, or people who are around kids, need to understand the concept of 'winning' in a child's mind. For them simply getting attention or being able to avoid something is a 'win'.

It sounds to me like your niece is getting what she wants - a lot of attention by throwing a tantrum. The best way to deal with that is to not look at her when she throws a tantrum, remain calm and tell her that she doesn't get anything fun until she stops crying.

My major issue with spanking is that it's a shortcut that doesn't fix the underlying problem of bad behavior. It works but the reasons for the behavior are still there in the child so I would rather teach a kid to understand the cost/benefit of certain behaviors instead of scaring them not to do it.

I want a kid who chooses to make good decisions because they are the right things to do, not because they are afraid of me hitting them.

Well said.

 

[cstu]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

We have kind of done that, but he only bites when other kids are around. There also isn't much else to do. ETA, I've taken him the children's museum and it is maybe even worse than the playground. Any activity in NY that is good for kids usually draws a ton of them.

Usually the day after an incident, we will walk by the play ground on our way to the park or Pratt campus where he can run around without other kids in close proximity. He wants to go in and we explain why we aren't going that day. Like I've said, I think he gets it but he still has the urge to bite when he is in a confrontation days later.

First of all, biting is normal at that age. Don't stop putting him those situations because he won't learn if you don't. Let him have fun at the playground/museum and have to go home in the middle of it because he bit someone. That will drill it into his head that it only hurts him if he bites people.

 

[doowain]

I've always been curious as to why parents don't spank their kids for things like this. I understand not spanking him for things that don't deserve it (eg - not finishing dinner, not putting away toys, etc). But in this case, I think the punishment fits the crime. Especially considering your current approach isn't working at all.

What's the reasoning behind not spanking him for such unacceptable behavior?

Because it's not the most effective way to change behavior. Sure, you can beat a kid into submission over anything but I'd rather raise my kid to understand the cost/benefit of behavior without resorting to violence.

Some of you may look at this as "new age crap" but I can assure you it is not. You can be very strict with a child and teach them without hitting.

Who is saying "beat them into submission"? I'm talking about a couple swats on the butt with an open hand. And I'm not saying that's the first avenue to take, but if "talking to him" isn't working....then maybe he'll respond to that.

What happens if those couple of swats don't change the behavior?

Good question.

My brother and I both got whipped as kids. I always learned from it. He did not. Why that is I don't know. Then again, I've always felt respect for my parents authority. I don't think my brother does or ever did.

Every kid is different and one kid (like you) might respond to spanking with "Oops, that's not a good thing to do" while another will respond with anger toward the person hitting him and authority in general.

Agreed. That's pretty spot on.

I think that's why the generalization of "spanking your kids is bad" is wrong. Every kid is different and should be treated as such. If a stern talking to doesn't snap a kid out of their bad behavior, other avenues have to be explored. Otherwise I'd think you were just letting that kid know "if I do something bad, I'm going to have to sit through 5 minutes of why it was bad, then I'm off the hook".

 

[pats3in4]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a time out whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days.

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

I suspect the half hour is due to the length of the tantrum, not the intended timeout. Kids need to learn how to self sooth and not get rewarded with attention, negative or otherwise, due to their tantrums.

When my son has a tantrum I tell him to go in his room I dont wanna hear him. Then he goes in his room and eventually calms down and tells me "Im done crying now" and hes allowed back downstairs.

Exactly. Our kids are entitled to their intense tearful emotions, but they do need to learn how to regulate them and are not entitled to figure this out in a room with others. If that takes 30 minutes in their bedroom, then so be it.

 

[cstu]

I am a member of society and I am tired of parents forcing their brats on the rest of us though. Honestly i don't want to derail the OP's thread but your arguement makes zero sense. I am assuming you are not a politician but i am sure you have a political point or you are not a GM but i am sure you have an opinion on how your favorite team should be mangaged right? Just because i don't have kids does not mean that i can't have an opinion about them.

ETA: I do have an opinion on how you should raise your kid so I am in So Cal any time you would like to try slap me across the face -

People without kids certainly have a right to their own opinion about raising kids. Before I did I had opinions and some turned out to be right and others turned out to be wrong. One thing to keep in mind though is that every parent is trying to deal with their individual child and they know that kid better than anyone else.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

We have kind of done that, but he only bites when other kids are around. There also isn't much else to do. ETA, I've taken him the children's museum and it is maybe even worse than the playground. Any activity in NY that is good for kids usually draws a ton of them.

Usually the day after an incident, we will walk by the play ground on our way to the park or Pratt campus where he can run around without other kids in close proximity. He wants to go in and we explain why we aren't going that day. Like I've said, I think he gets it but he still has the urge to bite when he is in a confrontation days later.

First of all, biting is normal at that age. Don't stop putting him those situations because he won't learn if you don't. Let him have fun at the playground/museum and have to go home in the middle of it because he bit someone. That will drill it into his head that it only hurts him if he bites people.

Probably true, and we don't stop, but don't usually return to the activity the day after. Maybe we should reconsider that.

I also thought I would mention that some kids' parents, like our preschool, are totally cool about this. If their kid gets the bite, they don't care and understand and are very supportive. Others go totally ape #### and yell at our son and blame us. That is why we started not immediately returning to the playground. What a pain in the ###.

 

[sbonomo]

I am a member of society and I am tired of parents forcing their brats on the rest of us though. Honestly i don't want to derail the OP's thread but your arguement makes zero sense. I am assuming you are not a politician but i am sure you have a political point or you are not a GM but i am sure you have an opinion on how your favorite team should be mangaged right? Just because i don't have kids does not mean that i can't have an opinion about them.

ETA: I do have an opinion on how you should raise your kid so I am in So Cal any time you would like to try slap me across the face -

People without kids certainly have a right to their own opinion about raising kids. Before I did I had opinions and some turned out to be right and others turned out to be wrong. One thing to keep in mind though is that every parent is trying to deal with their individual child and they know that kid better than anyone else.

Point well taken. I am talking in more generalities.

 

[El Floppo]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

We have kind of done that, but he only bites when other kids are around. There also isn't much else to do. ETA, I've taken him the children's museum and it is maybe even worse than the playground. Any activity in NY that is good for kids usually draws a ton of them.

Usually the day after an incident, we will walk by the play ground on our way to the park or Pratt campus where he can run around without other kids in close proximity. He wants to go in and we explain why we aren't going that day. Like I've said, I think he gets it but he still has the urge to bite when he is in a confrontation days later.

Have you ever asked him why he's doing it? I'm not expecting he'd know or be able to articulate it at 2.5... but could be an interesting way for him to start working it out.

 

[shadyridr]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a time out whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days.

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

I suspect the half hour is due to the length of the tantrum, not the intended timeout. Kids need to learn how to self sooth and not get rewarded with attention, negative or otherwise, due to their tantrums.

When my son has a tantrum I tell him to go in his room I dont wanna hear him. Then he goes in his room and eventually calms down and tells me "Im done crying now" and hes allowed back downstairs.

Exactly. Our kids are entitled to their intense tearful emotions, but they do need to learn how to regulate them and are not entitled to figure this out in a room with others. If that takes 30 minutes in their bedroom, then so be it.

Yeah but thats not really a timeout and hes not disrupting others like sbonomos neice.

 

[cstu]

Agreed. That's pretty spot on.

I think that's why the generalization of "spanking your kids is bad" is wrong. Every kid is different and should be treated as such. If a stern talking to doesn't snap a kid out of their bad behavior, other avenues have to be explored. Otherwise I'd think you were just letting that kid know "if I do something bad, I'm going to have to sit through 5 minutes of why it was bad, then I'm off the hook".

Parenting is trial and error. If a slap on the butt gets their attention and works then I don't have a problem with it. You have to figure out what works for your child.

I'm against long talks to a kid about their behavior for the reason you said. You need to be clear and concise and let them know the behavior isn't acceptable and follow through with not rewarding it (either by not giving them attention or taking them away from a fun place).

 

[shadyridr]

Nothing we have tried has worked to stop the behavior. We are not into spanking (our kid) or any of that, but if he bites we immediately intervene and explain that it's wrong, it hurts, and then we leave. I think he knows it is wrong and is embarrassed when he does it but it's like he can't help himself. My biggest fear is that the regular parents we know and kids that he plays with will stop playing with him. We did as much with a kid that was headbutting at the drop of a hat a few months ago because we didn't want our son to pick it up. It's worth noting that we have been moving around a lot the last few months in temporary housing while we work on our house (gotta update that thread) so he is under some stress on that front. But the biting predates the move.

Anyone had a similar experience? How did/do you handle it?

[SIZE=9.5pt]I would never tell someone how to raise their kids but how in the world does this work. My niece just turned five and is unbearable to be around because her mother does not believe in spanking either. She is issued a “time out” whenever she does something wrong which usually ends up in a half hour screaming temper tantrum. Honestly, it is so bad that I told my wife I am not going there for xmas this year. My opinion is that kids today need a swat or two to get their attention. I was swatted as a kid and have ended up just fine so not sure why society has deemed this unacceptable these days. [/SIZE]

time out isnt supposed to last half hour. shes doing something wrong besides "not spanking"

Can you expand on this a bit? And no, l don't have kids. No interest what so ever. I would like to be able to spend time with my niece at some point though so any thoughts would be appreciated. ETA: my sister in law is the type of person that will not take advice from anyone so not sure how much good it will do but always worth a shot.

If you dont have kids you shouldnt give advice. If someone without kids ever gave me advice Id probably slap them across the face and say spank this #####.

I am a member of society and I am tired of parents forcing their brats on the rest of us though. Honestly i don't want to derail the OP's thread but your arguement makes zero sense. I am assuming you are not a politician but i am sure you have a political point or you are not a GM but i am sure you have an opinion on how your favorite team should be mangaged right? Just because i don't have kids does not mean that i can't have an opinion about them.

ETA: I do have an opinion on how you should raise your kid so I am in So Cal any time you would like to try slap me across the face -

you can have an opinion but I dont wanna hear about it because its worthless if you dont have kids. Just like if you are GM Im not gonna react to what fans want their team to do

 

[El Floppo]

easier to handle these kind of things at home, IMO. it's always harder when it's someplace that's a pain in the ### to leave, IMO. Sucks heading to a restaurant, the Children's Museum or Zoo, paying an admission fare, and then dragging the kid out 5 minutes later because they're misbehaving.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

We have kind of done that, but he only bites when other kids are around. There also isn't much else to do. ETA, I've taken him the children's museum and it is maybe even worse than the playground. Any activity in NY that is good for kids usually draws a ton of them.

Usually the day after an incident, we will walk by the play ground on our way to the park or Pratt campus where he can run around without other kids in close proximity. He wants to go in and we explain why we aren't going that day. Like I've said, I think he gets it but he still has the urge to bite when he is in a confrontation days later.

Have you ever asked him why he's doing it? I'm not expecting he'd know or be able to articulate it at 2.5... but could be an interesting way for him to start working it out.

Every time. And it's usually, "he pushed me" or "he took the ball" etc. It's in response to confrontation, real or perceived. And then we tell him that isn't an ok responce and he needs to tell them to stop or ask for help. 90% of the time that it happens when I've been with him I see it coming and have tried to intervene first. I'm at risk of becoming one of those hovering parents who follows six feet behind him all day but what can you do? Most of the time nothing happens, but that one time it does is a killer.

 

[shadyridr]

As far as the spanking goes, there is enough evidence from my past and research to support both sides. Spank him and he won't do it again, or if you spank him you are reinforcing his instinct that violence is an appropriate end to confrontations. We decided a long time ago we aren't going to do it and we likely won't.

My son is not out biting for fun or to be an aggressor. It's a response to confrontation which I think is an indicator of other things going on with him. He feels threatened and it's his way of fighting back. It just so happens that way is not acceptable. If he were to slap a kid, no one would give a ####. It needs to stop but I'm not sure hitting him back is the way to do it.

We are trying the approach CTSU and Floppo are talking about and we are consistent. It's not a "time out," just removing him from the activity and explaining what he did is wrong, hurts the other kids, and has consequences. I want it to work, but it isn't getting us anywhere so far...

Why not just stop taking him to the park and tell him the reason you dont goto the park anymore is because he bites and once he stops biting you will start going back to the park.

We have kind of done that, but he only bites when other kids are around. There also isn't much else to do. ETA, I've taken him the children's museum and it is maybe even worse than the playground. Any activity in NY that is good for kids usually draws a ton of them.

Usually the day after an incident, we will walk by the play ground on our way to the park or Pratt campus where he can run around without other kids in close proximity. He wants to go in and we explain why we aren't going that day. Like I've said, I think he gets it but he still has the urge to bite when he is in a confrontation days later.

Have you ever asked him why he's doing it? I'm not expecting he'd know or be able to articulate it at 2.5... but could be an interesting way for him to start working it out.

Every time. And it's usually, "he pushed me" or "he took the ball" etc. It's in response to confrontation, real or perceived. And then we tell him that isn't an ok responce and he needs to tell them to stop or ask for help. 90% of the time that it happens when I've been with him I see it coming and have tried to intervene first. I'm at risk of becoming one of those hovering parents who follows six feet behind him all day but what can you do? Most of the time nothing happens, but that one time it does is a killer.

At least your son defends himself. I am worried whats gonna happen to my anxiety riddled kid as he grows up :(