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My teenage son has a lot of issues (anxiety, OCD, possible ADHD)- UPDATE (1 Viewer)

Regarding the baseball lessons it might be something but it could also be a nothing burger. My daughter is a senior and will be playing in college and I need to remind her the same crap all the time
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
 
I would highly recommend against add drugs, they have no long term effect only a short term effect. In addition they are made from amphetamine salts which will have a long term negative effect on heart health.

I can post more studies as well. No way will my kids ever go on it.

Did you read the article you posted. It really doesn’t definitely say what you are claiming.
 
I would highly recommend against add drugs, they have no long term effect only a short term effect. In addition they are made from amphetamine salts which will have a long term negative effect on heart health.

I can post more studies as well. No way will my kids ever go on it.

Did you read the article you posted. It really doesn’t definitely say what you are claiming.

I read 80% of it before my add kicked in, although I have read it completely years ago most likely when I was researching this. There is not a single study in a reputable medical or psychiatry publication that shows positive long term results from add medication.


This is about ~10 paragraphs down.

By three years in, the four groups had become indistinguishable on every measure3. Treatment conferred no lasting benefit in terms of grades, test scores or social adjustment. Eight years later, it was the same story4. “Nothing we did could tease out and say there's a long-term effect,” says Swanson, who was one of the lead investigators on the MTA.
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.
 
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.
That is normal of course. Did you ever feel like as a young kid he was socially awkward, struggled making friends, relating to other kids? Was his social development of things like babbling, talking, singing, hand gestures seem delayed as a baby? Does he have strict routines that are very difficult for him to break? Does he prefer communicating with adults over peers?

Again, I don't know your child, but these are questions I would consider when looking at ASD.
 
Hey Joba, would love to chat with you a bit more about this. I'm a Special Education Teacher and writing IEPs/ delivering services is what I do every day. So based on what I'm reading your son is classified as SLD (Specific Learning Disability) and based on what you've stated, it would seem that SLD is in reading or is it in another area (Mathematics)? Has your pediatrician asked the teachers or you guys to fill out the NICHQ Vanderbilt Assessment Scale Diagnostic Rating Scale out the Connors Scale for Assessing ADHD?
 
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.
That is normal of course. Did you ever feel like as a young kid he was socially awkward, struggled making friends, relating to other kids? Was his social development of things like babbling, talking, singing, hand gestures seem delayed as a baby? Does he have strict routines that are very difficult for him to break? Does he prefer communicating with adults over peers?

Again, I don't know your child, but these are questions I would consider when looking at ASD.
Never had an issue making friends. Never was socially awkward. No developmental delays. No strict routines. He prefers communicating with peers over adults.
 
Hey Joba, would love to chat with you a bit more about this. I'm a Special Education Teacher and writing IEPs/ delivering services is what I do every day. So based on what I'm reading your son is classified as SLD (Specific Learning Disability) and based on what you've stated, it would seem that SLD is in reading or is it in another area (Mathematics)? Has your pediatrician asked the teachers or you guys to fill out the NICHQ Vanderbilt Assessment Scale Diagnostic Rating Scale out the Connors Scale for Assessing ADHD?
His SLD is in reading.
We've never once talked to his pediatrician about our concerns. Honestly, even though he's always had these issues it is only recently when I started thinking adhd was a possibility and reading the symptoms now I feel guilty we didn't see this sooner. Should we talk to his pediatrician?
 
Hey Joba, would love to chat with you a bit more about this. I'm a Special Education Teacher and writing IEPs/ delivering services is what I do every day. So based on what I'm reading your son is classified as SLD (Specific Learning Disability) and based on what you've stated, it would seem that SLD is in reading or is it in another area (Mathematics)? Has your pediatrician asked the teachers or you guys to fill out the NICHQ Vanderbilt Assessment Scale Diagnostic Rating Scale out the Connors Scale for Assessing ADHD?
His SLD is in reading.
We've never once talked to his pediatrician about our concerns. Honestly, even though he's always had these issues it is only recently when I started thinking adhd was a possibility and reading the symptoms now I feel guilty we didn't see this sooner. Should we talk to his pediatrician?
You should absolutely speak to the pediatrician and get one of those scales for you and the teacher/s to fill out. When kids have ADHD and it goes unnoticed/ untreated, the situation almost always gets worse as they go through middle school and into high school. Both of my boys have ADHD and my youngest was actually put on meds, Focalin ER, which has changed his daily life dramatically. If he has ADHD, it is most definitely impacting his ability to improve in reading and that needs to be dealt with. They may even change his diagnosis to OHI (Other Health Impaired) and get him some real help with managing his daily life, therefore, changing his attitude toward reading, and many of the other issues he's having.
 
my son cried himself to sleep for an entire summer when he was 12 (21 now) because he tanned to dark and had brown skin. he’s half mexican and half white and he hated that he tanned and wanted to get a sunburn and turn red like most of his friends
 
my son cried himself to sleep for an entire summer when he was 12 (21 now) because he tanned to dark and had brown skin. he’s half mexican and half white and he hated that he tanned and wanted to get a sunburn and turn red like most of his friends
I assume by now he's realized how much better he is off tanning as opposed to burning- both health wise and appearance.
 
Never had an issue making friends. Never was socially awkward. No developmental delays. No strict routines. He prefers communicating with peers over adults.
Then I wouldn't have concerns over ASD. Of course listen to him and help him understand what ASD is and isn't. He is probably seeing the trouble concentrating and slipping grades and trying to figure out why. ADHD sounds way way more likely than ASD.
 
my son cried himself to sleep for an entire summer when he was 12 (21 now) because he tanned to dark and had brown skin. he’s half mexican and half white and he hated that he tanned and wanted to get a sunburn and turn red like most of his friends
I assume by now he's realized how much better he is off tanning as opposed to burning- both health wise and appearance.
yeah, now he tries to tan and get darker
 
I self-identified with several of the items you listed, like others. I'm guessing he will grow out of most, if not all; and eventually you'll be a grandad kicking back enjoying the circle of life.

Regarding one of your bullet items: What do "vegetables" look like in your household? If we're talking canned, boil-in-the-bag, microwaved, or otherwise soggy (like I was served as a kid), then hating vegetables is totally normal - in fact, I would encourage hating vegetables under these circumstances. If you're already roasting vegetables in the oven or in an air-fryer, then I don't have anything useful to say, but if not, give that a go. Maybe take it a step further and let him get his hands involved with the prep. Think of roasted potatoes as a gateway vegetable.
 
I would highly recommend against add drugs, they have no long term effect only a short term effect. In addition they are made from amphetamine salts which will have a long term negative effect on heart health.

I can post more studies as well. No way will my kids ever go on it.

Yeah, I would be extremely careful using psychactive meds on kids. That being said, sometimes they are the best option, and not all ADHD meds are amphetamines.
 
Sincere question... How would you rate his emotional intelligence? Based on your depictions, I'd guess well above average for a 13 yo. Don't overrate book smarts or ADD meds, as both get more credit than deserved IMO.

Start with these two questions more than any others and then redesign your anxieties around the answers...

Is he happy?
Is he growing?

Parenting is a labyrinth. I don't know the right approaches, but I do believe they start from the above questions. HTH.
 
Not a parent

But was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid.

My advice if I was in your shoes is to encourage your teen to explore their interests. I was a late bloomer to academics and did not excel until my mid 20s after flunking out of a plumbing apprenticeship. My parents and teachers didn't want me going to college and pushed me towards vocational schooling. I didn't get why but I'm now much more appreciate for it.

I wish I had the intervention that your kid could have now. I'm now graduating with a master's degree in data info science w/ high honors this spring. Being interested in a subject helped me excel at my career despite having a learning disability ( doing a co op at library of Congress was one of the coolest experiences I've ever had)

Are there any vocational high schools in your district? One of my nieces just studied culinary arts and is now off to Johnson and Wales University.
 
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Hey Joba, would love to chat with you a bit more about this. I'm a Special Education Teacher and writing IEPs/ delivering services is what I do every day. So based on what I'm reading your son is classified as SLD (Specific Learning Disability) and based on what you've stated, it would seem that SLD is in reading or is it in another area (Mathematics)? Has your pediatrician asked the teachers or you guys to fill out the NICHQ Vanderbilt Assessment Scale Diagnostic Rating Scale out the Connors Scale for Assessing ADHD?
His SLD is in reading.
We've never once talked to his pediatrician about our concerns. Honestly, even though he's always had these issues it is only recently when I started thinking adhd was a possibility and reading the symptoms now I feel guilty we didn't see this sooner. Should we talk to his pediatrician?
Has he seen an opthamologist? Might be helpful just to rule out eye problems.
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.

Yeah thats social anxiety and thats what I force myself to push through daily.

Basically anytime I have to "deal" with meeting new people its a INCREDIBLY draining experience. Ill add more to this in a bit. I goota get the kids off to school.
 
First off - I have to say this, Im not a huge fan of all the folks suggesting diagnosis and medication.
-The behavior you're describing isn't a "flaw" or "wrong" This is how your son is wired.
-Most mental health "experts" aren't great and I have found most to just to be too agreeable rather then helpful.
-Med change who you actually are. You can use them when you need them but they become a crutch

My number one reason not to see a therapist is - Before your child goes to a therapist, they're a normal, possible hyper kid. Then some hackjob tells them that they suspect they have xhsdjfhasdjkhadksj syndrome or it could be aaspbw3ekbwerhfwdhfs condition and now you have a kid who is questioning their sanity all while their body is changing due to hormones during the most challenging time of their young life.

Again, I would focus on the positives. He might be forgetful of everyday tasks but I bet he is a savant at together things, more than likely creative.
How much does he like video games? What state do you live in? Is there a video game developer near by? Can he get a job there as a intern or even just a errand boy?

Im kinda all over the place this morning because Im in a hurry but....

You have to be very careful what you focus on. You can focus too much attention of these "behavior problems" and they will self manifest into a complex. Do not let your child weaponize their "condition" to use as a excuse or a crutch. "I cant do it Dad, I have ADD!"

Just my .02 as somebody who has lived with this my entire life and has a 17 y/o who has been through all this and has come through w/o any medication.

Are you Irish? Cause all that therapy ish dont work on us anyway. 🍀:thumbup:
 
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Not a parent

But was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid.

My advice if I was in your shoes is to encourage your teen to explore their interests. I was a late bloomer to academics and did not excel until my mid 20s after flunking out of a plumbing apprenticeship. My parents and teachers didn't want me going to college and pushed me towards vocational schooling. I didn't get why but I'm now much more appreciate for it.

I wish I had the intervention that your kid could have now. I'm now graduating with a master's degree in data info science w/ high honors this spring. Being interested in a subject helped me excel at my career despite having a learning disability ( doing a co op at library of Congress was one of the coolest experiences I've ever had)

Are there any vocational high schools in your district? One of my nieces just studied culinary arts and is now off to Johnson and Wales University.

Awesome dude! How old are you? What are you gonna do with the masters? What do you do now?

Same here. I hated school and couldn't focus but that was because I was being forced topics I wasn't interested in. Now I can focus on specific topics and pretty much become an expert at anything Im interested in. Except math. Too many moving parts after Algebra.
 
my son cried himself to sleep for an entire summer when he was 12 (21 now) because he tanned to dark and had brown skin. he’s half mexican and half white and he hated that he tanned and wanted to get a sunburn and turn red like most of his friends

I have two girls, one fair complected and one very dark. they both did the same over the opposite reasons. :lmao:
 
Also it sounds like his grades are pretty good so I wouldn’t panic either. Perhaps he’s slipped a bit in math but sounds like he’s still doing alright. I would talk with him and see what he’s interested in doing. No matter what route you take, it’s going to work better with buy in from your son.
 
Hey Joba, would love to chat with you a bit more about this. I'm a Special Education Teacher and writing IEPs/ delivering services is what I do every day. So based on what I'm reading your son is classified as SLD (Specific Learning Disability) and based on what you've stated, it would seem that SLD is in reading or is it in another area (Mathematics)? Has your pediatrician asked the teachers or you guys to fill out the NICHQ Vanderbilt Assessment Scale Diagnostic Rating Scale out the Connors Scale for Assessing ADHD?
His SLD is in reading.
We've never once talked to his pediatrician about our concerns. Honestly, even though he's always had these issues it is only recently when I started thinking adhd was a possibility and reading the symptoms now I feel guilty we didn't see this sooner. Should we talk to his pediatrician?
Has he seen an opthamologist? Might be helpful just to rule out eye problems.
He wears glasses
 
I self-identified with several of the items you listed, like others. I'm guessing he will grow out of most, if not all; and eventually you'll be a grandad kicking back enjoying the circle of life.

Regarding one of your bullet items: What do "vegetables" look like in your household? If we're talking canned, boil-in-the-bag, microwaved, or otherwise soggy (like I was served as a kid), then hating vegetables is totally normal - in fact, I would encourage hating vegetables under these circumstances. If you're already roasting vegetables in the oven or in an air-fryer, then I don't have anything useful to say, but if not, give that a go. Maybe take it a step further and let him get his hands involved with the prep. Think of roasted potatoes as a gateway vegetable.
Just bought an air fryer. Love it!

Veges I'm talking greens.
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.

Yeah thats social anxiety and thats what I force myself to push through daily.

Basically anytime I have to "deal" with meeting new people its a INCREDIBLY draining experience. Ill add more to this in a bit. I goota get the kids off to school.


So basically every single time I have to go into the office or to a party (or sometimes just the grocery store) it goes like:

Pete: "Hey Mobbin, we're having a party and we would like you to come."
Mobbin: "Great. Ill be there. "(I say this because even though I really never want to leave my house, I know I should and I Pete is a dear friend)

Fast forward to the day of the party:
Mobbin: Aww man, why did I agree to go to this party?!?!?! Im not going to have a good time. Im always so awkward at meeting new people. Then I proceed to dread the entire thing all day long, subconsciously procrastinating to get ready while I think of a million excuses to cancel all the while trying to remind myself that if I go I will likely have a good time.

I get there and my entire body starts to sweat. I am flush. I cant sit still at the party. Im constantly moving at the party. Walk over here, go to the bathroom even though I dont have to go, it just buys me a minute of relief.

I never stay to the end of the party and I am (in)famous for my Irish Goodbyes.

As you can imagine its quite exhausting. That is what I experience every time. I am about to go to my work office, which I havent been to in about 6 months and its starting.
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.

Yeah thats social anxiety and thats what I force myself to push through daily.

Basically anytime I have to "deal" with meeting new people its a INCREDIBLY draining experience. Ill add more to this in a bit. I goota get the kids off to school.


So basically every single time I have to go into the office or to a party (or sometimes just the grocery store) it goes like:

Pete: "Hey Mobbin, we're having a party and we would like you to come."
Mobbin: "Great. Ill be there. "(I say this because even though I really never want to leave my house, I know I should and I Pete is a dear friend)

Fast forward to the day of the party:
Mobbin: Aww man, why did I agree to go to this party?!?!?! Im not going to have a good time. Im always so awkward at meeting new people. Then I proceed to dread the entire thing all day long, subconsciously procrastinating to get ready while I think of a million excuses to cancel all the while trying to remind myself that if I go I will likely have a good time.

I get there and my entire body starts to sweat. I am flush. I cant sit still at the party. Im constantly moving at the party. Walk over here, go to the bathroom even though I dont have to go, it just buys me a minute of relief.

I never stay to the end of the party and I am (in)famous for my Irish Goodbyes.

As you can imagine its quite exhausting. That is what I experience every time. I am about to go to my work office, which I havent been to in about 6 months and its starting.
Damn that sucks


My son does the bathroom thing
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.

Yeah thats social anxiety and thats what I force myself to push through daily.

Basically anytime I have to "deal" with meeting new people its a INCREDIBLY draining experience. Ill add more to this in a bit. I goota get the kids off to school.


So basically every single time I have to go into the office or to a party (or sometimes just the grocery store) it goes like:

Pete: "Hey Mobbin, we're having a party and we would like you to come."
Mobbin: "Great. Ill be there. "(I say this because even though I really never want to leave my house, I know I should and I Pete is a dear friend)

Fast forward to the day of the party:
Mobbin: Aww man, why did I agree to go to this party?!?!?! Im not going to have a good time. Im always so awkward at meeting new people. Then I proceed to dread the entire thing all day long, subconsciously procrastinating to get ready while I think of a million excuses to cancel all the while trying to remind myself that if I go I will likely have a good time.

I get there and my entire body starts to sweat. I am flush. I cant sit still at the party. Im constantly moving at the party. Walk over here, go to the bathroom even though I dont have to go, it just buys me a minute of relief.

I never stay to the end of the party and I am (in)famous for my Irish Goodbyes.

As you can imagine its quite exhausting. That is what I experience every time. I am about to go to my work office, which I havent been to in about 6 months and its starting.
Damn that sucks


My son does the bathroom thing

It sucks pretty bad. Now imagin how that work going to middle and high school. I was able to deal because there really is no other choice but it is incredibly exhausting. Buy deal I mean I flunked out of my high school because I skipped a lot of classes because I couldn’t deal all the time. 17 and started traveling the world, believe it or not, installing modular carpet tiles. It took me about a decade before I was ready to go back to school.

Also, If you were to ask people who know me, they will describe me as very outgoing.
 
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My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.

Yeah thats social anxiety and thats what I force myself to push through daily.

Basically anytime I have to "deal" with meeting new people its a INCREDIBLY draining experience. Ill add more to this in a bit. I goota get the kids off to school.


So basically every single time I have to go into the office or to a party (or sometimes just the grocery store) it goes like:

Pete: "Hey Mobbin, we're having a party and we would like you to come."
Mobbin: "Great. Ill be there. "(I say this because even though I really never want to leave my house, I know I should and I Pete is a dear friend)

Fast forward to the day of the party:
Mobbin: Aww man, why did I agree to go to this party?!?!?! Im not going to have a good time. Im always so awkward at meeting new people. Then I proceed to dread the entire thing all day long, subconsciously procrastinating to get ready while I think of a million excuses to cancel all the while trying to remind myself that if I go I will likely have a good time.

I get there and my entire body starts to sweat. I am flush. I cant sit still at the party. Im constantly moving at the party. Walk over here, go to the bathroom even though I dont have to go, it just buys me a minute of relief.

I never stay to the end of the party and I am (in)famous for my Irish Goodbyes.

As you can imagine its quite exhausting. That is what I experience every time. I am about to go to my work office, which I havent been to in about 6 months and its starting.
Damn that sucks


My son does the bathroom thing
You might want to talk to him about it. I never had anybody to talk to about that kind of stuff.
 
Not to alarm you but some of these things (hygiene slipping) falling grades could be a sign of depression. Even with alot of friends that could be the case. If you haven't already please talk to his doctor. Seeing a therapist is great but like others have said not all are the same.
 
Not to alarm you but some of these things (hygiene slipping) falling grades could be a sign of depression. Even with alot of friends that could be the case. If you haven't already please talk to his doctor. Seeing a therapist is great but like others have said not all are the same.
This would not surprise me in the slightest.
 
  • HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.

Have you tried comic books or graphic novels? Those often work a lot better and might have content he cares more about.
My son absolutely blazes through these. He does OK with a "normal" book, but prefers that me or my wife read those to him. But the graphical books? He loves those and will read for 30+ minutes before bed, sometimes longer if I pass out while he's reading. :lol:
 
Not a parent

But was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid.

My advice if I was in your shoes is to encourage your teen to explore their interests. I was a late bloomer to academics and did not excel until my mid 20s after flunking out of a plumbing apprenticeship. My parents and teachers didn't want me going to college and pushed me towards vocational schooling. I didn't get why but I'm now much more appreciate for it.

I wish I had the intervention that your kid could have now. I'm now graduating with a master's degree in data info science w/ high honors this spring. Being interested in a subject helped me excel at my career despite having a learning disability ( doing a co op at library of Congress was one of the coolest experiences I've ever had)

Are there any vocational high schools in your district? One of my nieces just studied culinary arts and is now off to Johnson and Wales University.

Awesome dude! How old are you? What are you gonna do with the masters? What do you do now?

Same here. I hated school and couldn't focus but that was because I was being forced topics I wasn't interested in. Now I can focus on specific topics and pretty much become an expert at anything Im interested in. Except math. Too many moving parts after Algebra.
I'm now in my mid thirties working for a big bank as a corporate UX librarian. It's a really neat job as someone who enjoys analyzing data and research. I moved up the ladder from public library to corporate jobs.
 
Not a parent

But was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid.

My advice if I was in your shoes is to encourage your teen to explore their interests. I was a late bloomer to academics and did not excel until my mid 20s after flunking out of a plumbing apprenticeship. My parents and teachers didn't want me going to college and pushed me towards vocational schooling. I didn't get why but I'm now much more appreciate for it.

I wish I had the intervention that your kid could have now. I'm now graduating with a master's degree in data info science w/ high honors this spring. Being interested in a subject helped me excel at my career despite having a learning disability ( doing a co op at library of Congress was one of the coolest experiences I've ever had)

Are there any vocational high schools in your district? One of my nieces just studied culinary arts and is now off to Johnson and Wales University.

Awesome dude! How old are you? What are you gonna do with the masters? What do you do now?

Same here. I hated school and couldn't focus but that was because I was being forced topics I wasn't interested in. Now I can focus on specific topics and pretty much become an expert at anything Im interested in. Except math. Too many moving parts after Algebra.
I'm now in my mid thirties working for a big bank as a corporate UX librarian. It's a really neat job as someone who enjoys analyzing data and research. I moved up the ladder from public library to corporate jobs.
Interesting. My brother works for a big bank as a content strategist.
 
I'll give you the highlights. My son is 13 years old:

  • He is obsessed with his height but the opposite what you would think. He doesn't want to grow. Measures himself multiple times a week. He is 5'2"
  • He refuses to eat out of paper plates. Says they smell funny.
  • He hates his skin color. Says hes "too white"
  • He doesn't like when his shirt rides up and exposes his butt (he wears extra long shirts). He is not fat by any means. As a matter of fact hes probably too skinny.
  • He has horrible eating habits. Doesnt like eating around others. Barely eats vegetables (we give him multivitamin).
  • He struggles in school. Has an IEP requiring questions be read to him and extra time on tests. Gets mostly mid 80s on all his grades but struggles on tests.
  • All his teachers say he is a sweet boy but has problems focusing and often stares into space. Struggles with multistep problems.
  • He HATES school in general. HATES reading. No matter what we have tried to motivate him. Refuses to do so.
  • He plays baseball. Hes very good/athletic (Ive mentioned some of his pitching exploits in the travel baseball thread). However, I notice that the coach will tell the kids to do something and he will constantly do it wrong because he wasn't paying attention.
  • He doesnt take constructive criticism well. When he is being coached I often have to remind him to look in the coaches eyes. This only happens when he is being corrected for something.
  • He constantly "forgets" to do simple things... brush his teeth, tie his shoes, put on deodorant, clean up after himself, etc. We are CONSTANTLY reminding him.
  • Hes been seeing a therapist for the past 6 months and we havent seen a lick of improvement. His therapist thinks he may have OCD and while I agree he obsesses over some things I see absolutely no compulsions so I don't necessarily agree with her. Not sure shes the right therapist but he likes talking to her.
  • He is very lazy. Never wants to put in extra work for school, sports, friends, etc
  • Despite all the above he has TONS of friends. Way more than I ever had.
Not a single person (a teacher, his therapist) has mentioned the possibility that he may have ADHD and/or need medication but the more I think about it the more I think that may be the case. This all came to a head this week as my son took an exam to get into Catholic High School and despite 2-3 hours/week of tutoring from Aug-Nov and an extra hour on the test (due to his IEP) he still failed miserably and didn't get into any of the Catholic HS he applied for. Therefore, he will be attending our zoned public HS (which by all accounts is a good school). My wife is more upset about that than he is but its upsetting as a father as just about every kid we know his age got into all the Catholic HS they applied for. Hes the only one that didnt.

Not sure where to go from here. I told my wife to talk to his Dr and his therapist about ADHD. I also told her to send the therapist his IEP. Obviously if he needs medication we will have to find a psychiatrist. The kid constantly says hes dumb and I worry about what his future might hold. BTW most of this stuff (except the learning part) started happening when he returned to school after covid lockdowns.
Just want to say that bolded above is my oldest. He is 19 now and making progress, just slowly. He has ADHD. Ill give a shoutout for "ADHD Dude" as a resource if it hasnt yet been mentioned. My son has significant Executive Function issues.

It gets better, but think it terms of years not weeks.
 
His math teacher just called and left a message on my wifes phone. Said his grades are slipping. Honestly not sure what to tell these teachers anymore. The kid is studying and trying. Last night he studied for hours for a Science mid-term.
Catching up on this thread

My oldest graduated highschool only because of a single extra credit assignment on the last day of school in spanish class. COVID was the-worst-situation for someone with his challenges. Son is now in community college with A's/B's. I believe his change is due to both consistency from parents but also simple age/maturity. Meaning, there is no silver bullet. There is no single exercise or behavior or therapist or book or drug. Simply time, support, and maturity.

I encourage you to not use grades as the barometer for their success. I would encourage anyone to use habits and conversation with them. Where is their head? What are they thinking about? What makes them happy?
 
My son actually told me last week "I think Im autistic"

Honestly I dont think he is. Some of his baheviors I mentioned are "weird" no doubt but he just started exhibiting them in the last year or so. He never had an issue with his looks or eating food or weird smells in the past. I think its more some strange anxiety/hormonal imbalance.
You said he has a lot of friends and is very social? Does he naturally do well in social situations?
Yes and no. Depends on what the environment is. If he goes to a party and doesn't know many kids he'll wanna leave. If he is at baseball practice he'll talk to every kid there.

Yeah thats social anxiety and thats what I force myself to push through daily.

Basically anytime I have to "deal" with meeting new people its a INCREDIBLY draining experience. Ill add more to this in a bit. I goota get the kids off to school.


So basically every single time I have to go into the office or to a party (or sometimes just the grocery store) it goes like:

Pete: "Hey Mobbin, we're having a party and we would like you to come."
Mobbin: "Great. Ill be there. "(I say this because even though I really never want to leave my house, I know I should and I Pete is a dear friend)

Fast forward to the day of the party:
Mobbin: Aww man, why did I agree to go to this party?!?!?! Im not going to have a good time. Im always so awkward at meeting new people. Then I proceed to dread the entire thing all day long, subconsciously procrastinating to get ready while I think of a million excuses to cancel all the while trying to remind myself that if I go I will likely have a good time.

I get there and my entire body starts to sweat. I am flush. I cant sit still at the party. Im constantly moving at the party. Walk over here, go to the bathroom even though I dont have to go, it just buys me a minute of relief.

I never stay to the end of the party and I am (in)famous for my Irish Goodbyes.

As you can imagine its quite exhausting. That is what I experience every time. I am about to go to my work office, which I havent been to in about 6 months and its starting.
Have considered going with a friend who is a social brdge? By this I mean someone who will carry conversations and introductions until you feel not so weird. It might help.
 
A lot of your points in the OP line up with my now 20 year old. The anxiety stuff mostly. He was somewhat short during his teens and is now taller than I am, I think 5’11” or so. It sounds like you’re on the right track with therapy and I think he’ll be just fine. Despite his prick of a father ;)
 
Not only would I suggest a different therapist, but I'd probably go a step further and consult your doctor and even a psychiatrist. At least here in Cali, I would not trust a regular ol' "therapist" to make any kind of these diagnoses.

I'm sure we will be going through something similar with my son. Heck, we already have to get him occupational therapy for food aversion. He has an IEP as well.
Took him to a psychiatrist. She interviewed him for about 15 minutes and said he had OCD, anxiety, and mild depression and recommended 5mg of Lexapro. She also said they offer ADHD test which isn't covered by insurance ($300).

BTW his OCD centers around a fear of growing up. He doesn't want to grow, his voice to change, hit puberty, etc.

Said we'd think about it. I'm still hesitant on medication. My wife wants to put him on it. I was thinking second opinion. One thing for sure, the therapy hasn't been working. My son does NOT want to take medication (I know ultimately we decide but we'd like him to be on board).
 
BTW he is doing great in school this year (high 80s/low 90s) and even made it to an advanced Science Institute for High School (which I am worried might be too challenging for him).
 
Is it normal for psychiatrist to recommend medication after talking to someone for 15 minutes only. She said if he's been in therapy for a year and hasnt helped that would be the next step. She also said half the kids she sees are on Lexapro. I honestly wasnt crazy about psych. She was asking my son about viewing porn and telling us about other patients.
 
Sounds like my 28 year old nephew that still lives with his grandparents.

When he took medications, he was functional. Now he's not and he's a complete catastrophe.

I'm not saying that your kid HAS to be medicated. But some people absolutely should.
 
Is it normal for psychiatrist to recommend medication after talking to someone for 15 minutes only. She said if he's been in therapy for a year and hasnt helped that would be the next step. She also said half the kids she sees are on Lexapro. I honestly wasnt crazy about psych. She was asking my son about viewing porn and telling us about other patients.
I think I'd go for a second opinion.
 
Is it normal for psychiatrist to recommend medication after talking to someone for 15 minutes only. She said if he's been in therapy for a year and hasnt helped that would be the next step. She also said half the kids she sees are on Lexapro. I honestly wasnt crazy about psych. She was asking my son about viewing porn and telling us about other patients.
I think I'd go for a second opinion.
To a psychiatrist? I found a place that specializes in CBT for children
 
Is it normal for psychiatrist to recommend medication after talking to someone for 15 minutes only. She said if he's been in therapy for a year and hasnt helped that would be the next step. She also said half the kids she sees are on Lexapro. I honestly wasnt crazy about psych. She was asking my son about viewing porn and telling us about other patients.
I think I'd go for a second opinion.
To a psychiatrist? I found a place that specializes in CBT for children
That I don't know, sorry. But I do know my nephew had at least one psychologist that didn't serve him well.
 
Is it normal for psychiatrist to recommend medication after talking to someone for 15 minutes only. She said if he's been in therapy for a year and hasnt helped that would be the next step. She also said half the kids she sees are on Lexapro. I honestly wasnt crazy about psych. She was asking my son about viewing porn and telling us about other patients.

The viewing porn question is a huge red flag to me. Nearly every teenage boy views porn. The fact that she would ask seems really odd to me.
 
Not only would I suggest a different therapist, but I'd probably go a step further and consult your doctor and even a psychiatrist. At least here in Cali, I would not trust a regular ol' "therapist" to make any kind of these diagnoses.

I'm sure we will be going through something similar with my son. Heck, we already have to get him occupational therapy for food aversion. He has an IEP as well.
Took him to a psychiatrist. She interviewed him for about 15 minutes and said he had OCD, anxiety, and mild depression and recommended 5mg of Lexapro. She also said they offer ADHD test which isn't covered by insurance ($300).

BTW his OCD centers around a fear of growing up. He doesn't want to grow, his voice to change, hit puberty, etc.

Said we'd think about it. I'm still hesitant on medication. My wife wants to put him on it. I was thinking second opinion. One thing for sure, the therapy hasn't been working. My son does NOT want to take medication (I know ultimately we decide but we'd like him to be on board).
According to Dr. Google, your son was prescribed half the normal dose of Lexapro. That implies to me that your son's psychiatrist is starting low on the meds, which I would take as a very tentative good sign. I imagine that's SOP though.

You know this, but it is completely normal for kids to be worried about puberty. For some reason, we have collectively forgotten that fact recently.

If it were me personally and this were my kid -- it's not me and it's not my kid -- I would go ahead and start the Lexapro and also seek a second opinion. I don't know that these need to be mutually exclusive, and you can always discontinue the meds if the next person advises against them. In the meantime, I'd try it and see if it helps. Good luck regardless.
 
Is it normal for psychiatrist to recommend medication after talking to someone for 15 minutes only. She said if he's been in therapy for a year and hasnt helped that would be the next step. She also said half the kids she sees are on Lexapro. I honestly wasnt crazy about psych. She was asking my son about viewing porn and telling us about other patients.

The viewing porn question is a huge red flag to me. Nearly every teenage boy views porn. The fact that she would ask seems really odd to me.
I thought the exact same thing FWIW. I had a halfway decent stash of Playboys by that age, acquired during an era when you actually had to work at this sort of thing. Of course he watches porn on the internet.
 

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