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My wife is a very messy cook (1 Viewer)

Baloney Sandwich

Baloney Sandwich

Footballguy
She is probably an above average cook but by no means great.  She cooks the majority of meals and I end up cleaning up.  She always leaves the kitchen a mess, tons of dishes that she dumps in the sink no matter how many times I tell her not to put them in there because I have to pull them all out before washing or loading the dishwater.  If she makes a salad for dinner, the lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc. are all left out.  Granted, she works and  we have two kids so she is running around getting dinner ready but is it really that hard to put away ingredients when you are done?  It pisses me off that I'm cleaning up for a while for a dinner that is decent but not great.

I really want to address it with her but pretty sure that is a disaster waiting to happen.  Anyone been through a similar situation and have thoughts on how to best address?

 
An open honest discussion is the way to go. Maybe mention that her sister or best friend looks like she's lost a few pounds first to set the mood.

 
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TakiToki said:
An open honest discussion is the way to go. Maybe mention that her sister or best friend looks like she's lost a few pounds first to set the mood.
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She doesn't have a sister so gonna need a new intro.  I'm fearful the conversation is going to go as badly as when I told her that I pay 75% of our bills/expenses so I expect her to handle 75% of the childcare and cleaning.

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She doesn't have a sister so gonna need a new intro.  I'm fearful the conversation is going to go as badly as when I told her that I pay 75% of our bills/expenses so I expect her to handle 75% of the childcare and cleaning.
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Dude.  Bad idea.  Never break down the percentages of who earns/does what.  That never ends well.

 
Wife is the same way. #### all over the sink, uses way too many utensils/tools, doesn't put stuff away. She hears about it from me every time but she doesn't cook enough to turn it into something serious. 

 
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Just be thankful your wife works all day and is willing to come home and cook.  Just clean the ####### kitchen, I can't imagine it's any harder than the cooking she does.

 
AAABatteries said:
Just be thankful your wife works all day and is willing to come home and cook.  Just clean the ####### kitchen, I can't imagine it's any harder than the cooking she does.
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She works as a consultant and it isn't full time although she pulls in a decent amount of hours.  I'm 30 minutes into the cleanup tonight for a salad and something she tossed into a crock pot...WTF

 
AAABatteries said:
Just be thankful your wife works all day and is willing to come home and cook.  Just clean the ####### kitchen, I can't imagine it's any harder than the cooking she does.
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That that I don't agree that he should just clean the kitchen and avoid this fight, but the bolded just isn't true.

There's nothing easier than walking into a clean kitchen, whipping up a (mediocre) meal, then walking away from the mess you made to let someone else clean it up. Cooking is fun. Cleaning up the mess is the only thing that makes it feel like work.

Baloney is totally right here to be pissed off. Unfortunately, this is marriage, so he's best off to just bend over and take it in the keyster.

 
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I don't cook.  I don't do the dishes. I really can't stand either.  I take out the trash and pay for house cleaner. She likes to cook.  She likes a clean kitchen. I never say anything if she doesn't clean up that night. 

 
This is the most important question in my mind.  What is she doing while you're cleaning up? 

If she is doing homework with the kids, playing with the kids, other household work; then I have no issues with the arrangement. 

If she is grabbing a bag of Doritos and going to the couch, then I think you just need to talk to her.  Yes she may get mad, but I don't think it is asking too much to help clean up together. 

 
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Not worth it, but...

I've noticed my wife can't multi task in the kitchen. So while 'cooking' she can't clean up. When I make breakfast (eggs, bacon, potatoes, pancakes, diced fruit) I prep, toss bacon in pan, put other bacon away, turn bacon, crack eggs in a bowl and whisk, pull bacon, add potatoes, then potatoes take like 6 minutes so now I toss egg shells in garbage, cut fruit up, put fruit in bowl, turn potatoes, screw my wife, take potatoes out, serve all those foods then make pancakes after cleaning all those items. When mrs comes back to the kitchen all that's out is the pancake pan and one bowl :shrug:

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She doesn't have a sister so gonna need a new intro.  I'm fearful the conversation is going to go as badly as when I told her that I pay 75% of our bills/expenses so I expect her to handle 75% of the childcare and cleaning.
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Is there a thread for this conversation?

 
mr roboto said:
Not worth it, but...

I've noticed my wife can't multi task in the kitchen. So while 'cooking' she can't clean up. When I make breakfast (eggs, bacon, potatoes, pancakes, diced fruit) I prep, toss bacon in pan, put other bacon away, turn bacon, crack eggs in a bowl and whisk, pull bacon, add potatoes, then potatoes take like 6 minutes so now I toss egg shells in garbage, cut fruit up, put fruit in bowl, turn potatoes, screw my wife, take potatoes out, serve all those foods then make pancakes after cleaning all those items. When mrs comes back to the kitchen all that's out is the pancake pan and one bowl :shrug:
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Im going to try this recipe.

What can i substitute for the wife?

 
Some battles are not worth fighting. What do you have to gain? Not doing some dishes? What do you have to lose? Not Having a dinner made and a wife going nuclear for hours upon hours over a mess that takes 30 mins to clean up.  Plus she now has ammo for later saying you don't appreciate her. 

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
No, I've lucked out there so far and have been pretty clear regarding the consequences if she all of a sudden she is buying size 8 or 10.
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So you rule with an iron fist if she gains weight and goes to a size 8.....but you're on a message board asking strangers how to ask her to put a tomato back in the fridge?  I call BS on your "pretty clear consequences".

 
Cjw_55106 said:
No offense, but you sound like a ####. Maybe life would be better if you cooked dinner? 
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None taking.  I cook a fair amount, not as much as her but it isn't like I'm Archie Bunker sitting in my chair reading the newspaper while she puts supper on the table.  The times I do cook though I always manage to clean as I go.  The way she destroys a kitchen when putting a meal together is uncivilized.  She gets it from her mother, I've observed enough holiday meals to pick up on that one.  I can't imagine pointing that out will go over well though.

 
If this guy feels this way about his wife leaving out broccoli or some crap and tells her she cant gain a pound  imagine what he says to his kids.

 
TakiToki said:
An open honest discussion is the way to go. Maybe mention that her sister or best friend looks like she's lost a few pounds first to set the mood.
Click to expand...
:lmao:   I have the same issue at my house.  I only bring it up when I'm well rested and ready for the #### to go down heavy.  

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She is probably an above average cook but by no means great.  She cooks the majority of meals and I end up cleaning up.  She always leaves the kitchen a mess, tons of dishes that she dumps in the sink no matter how many times I tell her not to put them in there because I have to pull them all out before washing or loading the dishwater.  If she makes a salad for dinner, the lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc. are all left out.  Granted, she works and  we have two kids so she is running around getting dinner ready but is it really that hard to put away ingredients when you are done?  It pisses me off that I'm cleaning up for a while for a dinner that is decent but not great.

I really want to address it with her but pretty sure that is a disaster waiting to happen.  Anyone been through a similar situation and have thoughts on how to best address?
Click to expand...
get her a mop for Mother's Day.

 
I think "clean as you go" is a genetic trait foreign to the fairer sex.  I can't stand a messy kitchen so clean as I go like a Prussian Drill Instructor.  

Anyhow BS, I think your best course of action is to start back on the drugs and slowly enjoy the cleanup experience...listen to good tunes, sip a nice wine.

 
sleep with her husband, alone, on the couch, after the conversation, which is going to go oh, so well for you

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She works as a consultant and it isn't full time although she pulls in a decent amount of hours.  I'm 30 minutes into the cleanup tonight for a salad and something she tossed into a crock pot...WTF
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30 minutes to clean up that?

You sound like you're just as bad at cleaning as she is at cooking and making a mess. I can clean up a holiday meal where we entertained guests in less than half hour. I think you might want to look at your process to clean because I think something might be awry there.

I can almost guarantee there's a thread at purseladies.com about some woman's husband who takes 30 minutes to clean up a salad and she doesn't know if she should tell him that it's OK to not shine each dish until he can clearly see his full reflection. 

 
pollardsvision said:
That that I don't agree that he should just clean the kitchen and avoid this fight, but the bolded just isn't true.

There's nothing easier than walking into a clean kitchen, whipping up a (mediocre) meal, then walking away from the mess you made to let someone else clean it up. Cooking is fun. Cleaning up the mess is the only thing that makes it feel like work.

Baloney is totally right here to be pissed off. Unfortunately, this is marriage, so he's best off to just bend over and take it in the keyster.
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We can just agree to disagree - I hate to cook and I'm not good at it.  My wife is a decent cook and a little messy but it almost never takes me longer to clean up.  How hard is it to put on music and clean some dishes?  I would consider agreeing if it was like a day or two later when everything is dried on but it didn't sound like that's the case.

 
Let's see: Your size 6 wife works, cooks and takes care of the kids, puts up with your "it's all about me" attitude and you're upset that you have to do the dishes?  If it takes you 30 minutes to clean up after dinner, why would it take her less to clean up while she cooks? Does she know a secret path to the refrigerator that's a shortcut?  Can she twitch her nose and make pots and pans jump into the dishwasher by themselves? You should definitely teach her a lesson and divorce her (the lesson would be that she can find better).  

 
I see the thread has taken its usual turn, about to consume our hero, using his own words against him. 

Happens ev-ery time. 

 
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apalmer said:
Let's see: Your size 6 wife works, cooks and takes care of the kids, puts up with your "it's all about me" attitude and you're upset that you have to do the dishes?  If it takes you 30 minutes to clean up after dinner, why would it take her less to clean up while she cooks? Does she know a secret path to the refrigerator that's a shortcut?  Can she twitch her nose and make pots and pans jump into the dishwasher by themselves? You should definitely teach her a lesson and divorce her (the lesson would be that she can find better).  
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She is a size 4 and it doesn't become an issue until she hits double digits.  She made plenty of comments when I had put on weight and it served as a great motivator.  Would it be better that I not express my feelings and resent her if she blows up?

 
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