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My wife is a very messy cook (1 Viewer)

Do the cooking. Make her do the dishes. You can..ahem Pearl Harbor from behind while she is at the sink or loading the dishwasher.

This is solid advice.

 
You should probably S'T'FU and be happy she cooks and is reasonably good at it. If I want to eat something other than a baloney sandwich, I'm cooking. And cleaning up the mess.

 
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Baloney Sandwich said:
She is a size 4 and it doesn't become an issue until she hits double digits.  She made plenty of comments when I had put on weight and it served as a great motivator.  Would it be better that I not express my feelings and resent her if she blows up?
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It would be better if you realized how good you have it, stopped griping about doing the dishes and showed her a little respect.

Amazing that with all the things in my post, the only thing that was worth a response was the fact that your wife is a size 4, not a size 6.

 
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comfortably numb said:
Whats a size 8/10 look like?
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article-2199694-14E10E78000005DC-166_306x730.jpg


 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She is a size 4 and it doesn't become an issue until she hits double digits.  She made plenty of comments when I had put on weight and it served as a great motivator.  Would it be better that I not express my feelings and resent her if she blows up?
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So now I'm curious.  What are your plans if she does gain the weight to become a size 8 or 10?  Chain her in the basement and limit her food intake?  Tie her to the bumper of your car and make her do roadwork?  Withhold your amazing lovemaking skills from her?

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She is a size 4 and it doesn't become an issue until she hits double digits.  She made plenty of comments when I had put on weight and it served as a great motivator.  Would it be better that I not express my feelings and resent her if she blows up?
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This is horse ####.  After all you make 70% of the household income, you should be able to weigh 70% of the household weight.

 
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If it takes you 30 minutes to clean up after dinner, you're doing it wrong.

I could clean literally every dish,pot,pan and utensil in my kitchen, wipe down the counters and swifter the floor in less time than that. 

 
Also, why do you have to take out all the dishes from the sink to load the dishwasher?  You realize they can go directly in from the sink, right? 

 
AAABatteries said:
Just be thankful your wife works all day and is willing to come home and cook.  Just clean the ####### kitchen, I can't imagine it's any harder than the cooking she does.
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I would much rather cook and leave everything a mess any day.  Would you rather throw clothes in the washer and then the dryer...or take them out of the dry and fold them all and put them away??

 
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1. Wife does not clean after cooking family meals.

2. Wife cannot go above size 6.

3. Wife needs to respect 75/25 split of duties bc of 75/25 disparity in earning.

Quite the trifecta.

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
None taking.  I cook a fair amount, not as much as her but it isn't like I'm Archie Bunker sitting in my chair reading the newspaper while she puts supper on the table.  The times I do cook though I always manage to clean as I go.  The way she destroys a kitchen when putting a meal together is uncivilized.  She gets it from her mother, I've observed enough holiday meals to pick up on that one.  I can't imagine pointing that out will go over well though.
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This is your answer right here.  After the next holiday meal your MIL cooks just bring up what a mess the mother makes in the kitchen when she cooks.  Start off with a compliment and then make sure to bring up the specific stuff you have a problem with your wife doing but in the context of her mom.  "I love your mom, but I have to laugh at the mess she makes when she cooks.  She doesn't clean as she goes at all and the kitchen ends up looking like a bomb went off when she's done".  Easy game, bro.

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
She is probably an above average cook but by no means great.  She cooks the majority of meals and I end up cleaning up.  She always leaves the kitchen a mess, tons of dishes that she dumps in the sink no matter how many times I tell her not to put them in there because I have to pull them all out before washing or loading the dishwater.  If she makes a salad for dinner, the lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc. are all left out.  Granted, she works and  we have two kids so she is running around getting dinner ready but is it really that hard to put away ingredients when you are done?  It pisses me off that I'm cleaning up for a while for a dinner that is decent but not great.

I really want to address it with her but pretty sure that is a disaster waiting to happen.  Anyone been through a similar situation and have thoughts on how to best address?
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Christ, I could have written this post about my wife's cooking methods.

It's just a cascade of problems. First: she just starts cooking without unloading dishwasher and clearing sink and counters. So her work station is cluttered before she even gets started. So since her work area isn't clear, she just dumps all her dirty bowls, pots, and utensils in the sink (because the dishwasher is still full of clean dishes). This blocks the garbage disposal (single-basin sink), so she just throws food scraps on top of the dishes. She basically just piles one mess on top of another. Then, when she's finished, she just starts chowing down without rinsing out cooking pans (because the sink is full). She's in there 30 minutes and the kitchen looks like a disaster area. I've told her many times to stop cooking this way, but she keeps doing it. I try to stop cleaning up her messes, as much as it pains me to have a messy kitchen, but since we take turns cooking, this is hard for me to maintain.

I do feel like I'm finally getting through to her. She's been a bit better lately, because I held my ground about not touching the piles of nasty dishes she leaves in the sink. I know she grew up with someone cleaning up after her, so it's a hard habit for her to break now, but I'm making progress. Next task is to get her to stop leaving her empty la Croix cans all over the  house.

 
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Here's how you get around this entire issue.  You start doing all the cooking.  This has many benefits:

1.  You get to eat what you want

2.  You can cook the quality that you want

3.  She has to clean up

4.  She'll be so happy having a man who cooks that you'll receive hummers galore

5.  It's relaxing (both the cooking and hummers)

 
James Daulton said:
Here's how you get around this entire issue.  You start doing all the cooking.  This has many benefits:

1.  You get to eat what you want

2.  You can cook the quality that you want

3.  She has to clean up

4.  She'll be so happy having a man who cooks that you'll receive hummers galore

5.  It's relaxing (both the cooking and hummers)
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I'm definitely a lot happier and more relaxed on nights when I get to cook. But I clean up while I cook, so she really doesn't have to clean anything those nights (which is fine by me).

 
James Daulton said:
Here's how you get around this entire issue.  You start doing all the cooking.  This has many benefits:

1.  You get to eat what you want

2.  You can cook the quality that you want

3.  She has to clean up

4.  She'll be so happy having a man who cooks that you'll receive hummers galore This is a lie.

5.  It's relaxing (both the cooking and hummers)
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pantagrapher said:
I do feel like I'm finally getting through to her. She's been a bit better lately, because I held my ground about not touching the piles of nasty dishes she leaves in the sink. I know she grew up with someone cleaning up after her, so it's a hard habit for her to break now, but I'm making progress. Next task is to get her to stop leaving her empty la Croix cans all over the  house.
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I'm with you on this but they aren't empty.  They're all 1/4 full.  The worst is her office where she'll have literally 15 cans on her desk.  Since I don't ever have to go in there I don't really worry about it but on the off occasion that I do, it's amazing.

 
Kanil said:
I'm with you on this but they aren't empty.  They're all 1/4 full.  The worst is her office where she'll have literally 15 cans on her desk.  Since I don't ever have to go in there I don't really worry about it but on the off occasion that I do, it's amazing.
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:lmao:

Actually, this is correct. Those last few sips must be poison.

 
pantagrapher said:
:lmao:

Actually, this is correct. Those last few sips must be poison.
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One day I took all the cans (multiple flavors) she had and combined them into a full one and placed it on the counter near where she was at.  She took a sip and looked puzzled.  Once she saw me laughing she knew something was up.  She made it almost 3 days after that without leaving a can out.

 
I'm speaking from personal experience bub.  If your experience hasn't been the same, you're doing something wrong.

 
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This thread speaks to me.  My wife is a slob, but she cooks the meals and I clean up.  I put on headphones, tune out, and do the cleanup in 15 minutes.  Sure, she could put stuff away while she cooks and not make such a mess, but it's not worth fighting.  The same goes with recycling.  She knows we have separate containers for cans, plastic, glass, paper, cardboard, but she just throws everything into one bin for me to sort.  It's annoying but takes me about 5 minutes per week.  If I were to raise the issue, I'd hear about all of the ways she contributes to the family unit where I don't and then I'd get the cold shoulder for a few days.  It's just not worth it.

I am sure that there are things I do that bug her (I don't pack a lunch often enough, drink too much expensive beer, and go overboard at Costco), but she largely leaves these issues alone and appreciates that I am the primary breadwinner who is under a lot of work stress and does a lot of shopping.  

Instead of making a big issue out of this stuff, we tend to take little humorous jabs at each other, but accept these faults as a price of admission for being married.  Letting this little stuff get to you is a great way to be miserable.  I choose to be happy.  

 
Mookie said:
This thread speaks to me.  My wife is a slob, but she cooks the meals and I clean up.  I put on headphones, tune out, and do the cleanup in 15 minutes.  Sure, she could put stuff away while she cooks and not make such a mess, but it's not worth fighting.  The same goes with recycling.  She knows we have separate containers for cans, plastic, glass, paper, cardboard, but she just throws everything into one bin for me to sort.  It's annoying but takes me about 5 minutes per week.  If I were to raise the issue, I'd hear about all of the ways she contributes to the family unit where I don't and then I'd get the cold shoulder for a few days.  It's just not worth it.

I am sure that there are things I do that bug her (I don't pack a lunch often enough, drink too much expensive beer, and go overboard at Costco), but she largely leaves these issues alone and appreciates that I am the primary breadwinner who is under a lot of work stress and does a lot of shopping.  

Instead of making a big issue out of this stuff, we tend to take little humorous jabs at each other, but accept these faults as a price of admission for being married.  Letting this little stuff get to you is a great way to be miserable.  I choose to be happy.  
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If everything is thrown into one bin...thats where it would stay.

 
In fairness, I should point out that my wife is by far the cleaner of the two of us.  I'm no slob but she's borderline OCD with the cleaning she does.  She works 50 hours a week and still probably spends 5 hours a week cleaning the house.  We did just recently hire someone to come in every Friday and do a good cleaning so we don't have to spend the first 2 hours of our weekend cleaning.

 
Kanil said:
In fairness, I should point out that my wife is by far the cleaner of the two of us.  I'm no slob but she's borderline OCD with the cleaning she does.  She works 50 hours a week and still probably spends 5 hours a week cleaning the house.  We did just recently hire someone to come in every Friday and do a good cleaning so we don't have to spend the first 2 hours of our weekend cleaning.
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I for one am very happy you provided this clarification.  Was just getting ready to pm you suggesting you file for divorce from such a horrible person.

 
gianmarco said:
30 minutes to clean up that?

You sound like you're just as bad at cleaning as she is at cooking and making a mess. I can clean up a holiday meal where we entertained guests in less than half hour. I think you might want to look at your process to clean because I think something might be awry there.

I can almost guarantee there's a thread at purseladies.com about some woman's husband who takes 30 minutes to clean up a salad and she doesn't know if she should tell him that it's OK to not shine each dish until he can clearly see his full reflection. 
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Just read this one and that was my thought instantly. I've cleaned up after Christmas dinner with my FIL, parents, wife and 3 boys and it has never taken me anywhere near that long and that's with things that I have to hand clean and can't throw in the dishwasher. Half an hour? That is just sad. Does he buff the damn silverware every night?

Suggestion #1, buy some paper plates and bowls and after dinner, just take the utensils off and put them in the dishwasher. Based on his sloth-like cleaning, that should shave 15 minutes off of it. Suggestion #2, pre-fill the sink (left sink if you have a double bowl*) with hot water and dish soap and please don't forget to put the plug in the drain. Then step 1 of cleaning is to dump all pans/big utensils/whatever you don't put in the dishwasher. While doing the plate/cups/utensils throw away/dishwasher load the pans et al will soak and do some of the cleaning for you. Suggestion #3, from the * above, make some changes in your kitchen/dishwasher/supplies so you can throw stuff in the dishwasher not already polished. All in all should take you 5-10 minutes tops to do a big dinner and 30 seconds if you do something easy.

 
Acknowledge you appreciate your wife doing the cooking and you are more than happy to clean as part of the dinner deal.  But then request that she do a few things to make your job easier...put food away in the fridge, leave pots/pans on the counter top, whatever.  If she has this all-or-nothing, black-or-white attitude where she can't meet somewhere in between, you probably have some bigger issues than her destroying the kitchen every meal.

 
Kanil said:
I'm with you on this but they aren't empty.  They're all 1/4 full.  The worst is her office where she'll have literally 15 cans on her desk.  Since I don't ever have to go in there I don't really worry about it but on the off occasion that I do, it's amazing.
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Damn it!!  Dead on here!  

The waste, the mess ...I think I am starting to hyperventilate.

 
stbugs said:
Just read this one and that was my thought instantly. I've cleaned up after Christmas dinner with my FIL, parents, wife and 3 boys and it has never taken me anywhere near that long and that's with things that I have to hand clean and can't throw in the dishwasher. Half an hour? That is just sad. Does he buff the damn silverware every night?
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Yea, nothing personal, but this is a load of crap. If you truly cook a holiday meal, you are roasting a turkey or ham or something big. You have large pans, baking dishes, etc. No way in hell you are cleaning up in 30 minutes. Ordering a fully cooked meal that you bring home in a box? Yea, maybe. But truly preparing a holiday meal? Zero chance you are cleaning up in under 30 minutes.

 
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