My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)

[simey]

It's all about want-to.

This might be true in some sense, but I think it oversimplifies. My wife really really really wants to lose weight. Probably more than anything else in the world. The reason that she's overweight and I'm not has nothing to do with me wanting it more. People have different struggles in their lives. For a lot of us, it isn't really all that hard to stay relatively fit. For other people it's a really difficult challenge.

One of my best friends from college is a large woman, and she really wants to lose the weight, but she hasn't. She has never been slim, but in college she was just a big boned girl who was a little thick, but not fat. After college she started gaining more and more weight. She found out several years after college that she had a thyroid condition, and that was one of the things that was making her gain weight. She got her thyroid condition under control (although she had a problem with it about 3 years ago again), but she continued to gain weight as time went on. She has had some personal issues over the last few years, and she is on anti-depressants which she says some of the medication made her gain more weight, but overall her biggest culprit is her eating habits. She is more than 100 pounds overweight. I'd do a workout program with her if we lived in the same city, but we don't. I live an hour 1/2 away. She is very self-conscious of her weight, and I don't know what it will take for her to start losing some pounds. Sometimes I wonder if she has given up since there is so much weight to lose. I don't bring it up to her, because she knows she is fat, and it would only hurt her feelings. She has joined a gym in the past, but doesn't stick with it. She used to get exercise walking her dog, but her dog died around three or four years ago, and she hasn't gotten another pet. She plays golf, but rides in a golf cart. She mentioned a few months ago that she can retire from teaching in something like 6 or 8 years, and she can't wait to play golf and drink wine every day. She won't have the health to enjoy retirement if she doesn't lose some of that weight.

 

[Steel Dillo]

The correct move here is to toss it, and leave it and have Mix-a-lot pull up quick to retrieve it.

 

[eoMMan]

The correct move here is to toss it, and leave it and have Mix-a-lot pull up quick to retrieve it.

What is a Dillo?No offense, but every time I see your name, I think "steel dildo".

 

[mr roboto]

The correct move here is to toss it, and leave it and have Mix-a-lot pull up quick to retrieve it.

What is a Dillo?No offense, but every time I see your name, I think "steel dildo".

Me too.

 

[chet]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

 

[datonn]

Well of COURSE it's difficult/tough! It's no different than anything else worth having/doing. i.e. the person who has a clothes/shoe fettish and $10,000 in credit card debt they can't pay off...walking past a store in the mall. Or better yet, not going to the mall in the first place.

You're take, quite frankly (no offense) is such a cop-out. An excuse. Giving your/her power away. If your wife really wanted to lose the weight, more than she wants to feed her face, she'd do it. And not because 99% of the rest of the planet wouldn't love to feed their face if there were no financial, health/fitness, or "appearance" consequences. Rather, because others have decided that looking good and/or staying healthy is more important than those few seconds of pleasure that their taste buds send to their brain.

Until she gets serious and walks even 5-10% of the talk, it's all noise. Kinda like a meth addict saying they're gonna go clean, then surrounding themselves with dealers and druggies without any change in personal habits whatsoever. Your wife may think she wants to lose the weight, but she doesn't. She just wants to have her cake (eating more than she should, eating the wrong foods, not exercising enough, et al) and eat it too. But if she really, REALLY gets serious about dropping those pounds, she'll let other people eat that cake...and eventually never even buy it in the first place.

While I absolutely agree that it takes will and discipline, losing weight is not simply an issue of willpower.

Sorry to be standoffish...but yes, yes it is all-about willpower. The power to look at that piece of pie/cake and say "no thanks." The power to buy more fruits, vegetables, and grains at the grocery store, versus whatever sugar/cheese/chocolate flavored snack happens to be staring at you from five feet away inside a colorful package with a "toy inside." The power to make yourself a healthy dinner instead of rolling into a fast food joint to get your 1,500+ calories of ___________. For a very-few people, there are issues outside of their control (i.e. the thyroid condition someone mentioned earlier, or a lengthy bout of being laid-up after an injury, etc.). That said, as an adult, there is only one person who controls what food and beverages I put inside my mouth, and how much of said food/beverages I consume: ME. And unless you're telling me these people are chained down to a table (unable to exercise) and are being force-fed sweets, fatty foods, et al through a tube, there is only one person who is responsible for the fact that said individuals cannot consume less calories and/or eat more healthy foods: the people who ##### about being too heavy.

I'm not free from the finger pointing here either! Like I said, when I was on those meds for a while, my weight ballooned up from 185 to ~214! But ultimately, the ONLY thing that got me on the right path and helped me drop all those excess pounds was to stop playing the blame-game or "poor me" card and:

1. Admit that my lack of willpower and self-control was causing me to eat too much food, or the wrong kinds of food, and

2. Exercise through the pain. Exercise is going to hurt. Particularly the more out of shape one is. But if I didn't push through that pain, I was going to be a fat-### until the day I died.

So until anyone who is having a pity-party about their weight and not looking good can look themselves in the mirror and say "I am to blame for letting it come to this...and only I can take responsibility/control to change myself for the better," it'll always be 2-3 steps forward, 1-2 steps back. Sounds harsh, but it's meant as tough love.

 

[beavers]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, very wrong. I have no idea how to communicate with women ... My only credential is that I am a woman AND I was married to a woman (a fat one) for 8 years who did lose weight while we were together. I have no clue here.

 

[[icon]]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

Chet :knowsstuff:

 

[[icon]]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, very wrong. I have no idea how to communicate with women ... My only credential is that I am a woman AND I was married to a woman (a fat one) for 8 years who did lose weight while we were together. I have no clue here.

What are you under the influence of that made you think any of the above conversation was about you?!

 

[Jobber]

To sum it all up...

Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:

- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.

- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

 

[Bamboo Bill]

Well of COURSE it's difficult/tough! It's no different than anything else worth having/doing. i.e. the person who has a clothes/shoe fettish and $10,000 in credit card debt they can't pay off...walking past a store in the mall. Or better yet, not going to the mall in the first place.

You're take, quite frankly (no offense) is such a cop-out. An excuse. Giving your/her power away. If your wife really wanted to lose the weight, more than she wants to feed her face, she'd do it. And not because 99% of the rest of the planet wouldn't love to feed their face if there were no financial, health/fitness, or "appearance" consequences. Rather, because others have decided that looking good and/or staying healthy is more important than those few seconds of pleasure that their taste buds send to their brain.

Until she gets serious and walks even 5-10% of the talk, it's all noise. Kinda like a meth addict saying they're gonna go clean, then surrounding themselves with dealers and druggies without any change in personal habits whatsoever. Your wife may think she wants to lose the weight, but she doesn't. She just wants to have her cake (eating more than she should, eating the wrong foods, not exercising enough, et al) and eat it too. But if she really, REALLY gets serious about dropping those pounds, she'll let other people eat that cake...and eventually never even buy it in the first place.

While I absolutely agree that it takes will and discipline, losing weight is not simply an issue of willpower.

Sorry to be standoffish...but yes, yes it is all-about willpower. The power to look at that piece of pie/cake and say "no thanks." The power to buy more fruits, vegetables, and grains at the grocery store, versus whatever sugar/cheese/chocolate flavored snack happens to be staring at you from five feet away inside a colorful package with a "toy inside." The power to make yourself a healthy dinner instead of rolling into a fast food joint to get your 1,500+ calories of ___________. For a very-few people, there are issues outside of their control (i.e. the thyroid condition someone mentioned earlier, or a lengthy bout of being laid-up after an injury, etc.). That said, as an adult, there is only one person who controls what food and beverages I put inside my mouth, and how much of said food/beverages I consume: ME. And unless you're telling me these people are chained down to a table (unable to exercise) and are being force-fed sweets, fatty foods, et al through a tube, there is only one person who is responsible for the fact that said individuals cannot consume less calories and/or eat more healthy foods: the people who ##### about being too heavy.

I'm not free from the finger pointing here either! Like I said, when I was on those meds for a while, my weight ballooned up from 185 to ~214! But ultimately, the ONLY thing that got me on the right path and helped me drop all those excess pounds was to stop playing the blame-game or "poor me" card and:

1. Admit that my lack of willpower and self-control was causing me to eat too much food, or the wrong kinds of food, and

2. Exercise through the pain. Exercise is going to hurt. Particularly the more out of shape one is. But if I didn't push through that pain, I was going to be a fat-### until the day I died.

So until anyone who is having a pity-party about their weight and not looking good can look themselves in the mirror and say "I am to blame for letting it come to this...and only I can take responsibility/control to change myself for the better," it'll always be 2-3 steps forward, 1-2 steps back. Sounds harsh, but it's meant as tough love.

Agreed and for those who can't do this or don't have what it takes, then go see a therapist. There are obviously emotional issues inside which you are compensating for and eating is what takes the pain away.

 

[VA703]

My wife has lost 18 pounds in 10 weeks and 27 since she had our daughter. She weighs less now then when she graduated high school. I've lost 16 in 10 weeks. No exercise for either of us. We chose to quit eating fat. I've had one steak since Easter. No more mayo or ranch. Absolutely nothing fried. No cheese Baked chips instead of regular. Lots of subway turkey sandwiches on wheat and chicken tacos on corn tortillas. Lots of grilled chicken breasts instead of ribeye.

It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

replace with lettuce wrap

 

[[icon]]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

I love the subway order: Footlong Tuna w/ Chips & Large Soda.... Topped with Extra Mayo. I've seen what had to have been half a cup of mayo added to a Tuna sub before.... then heard the woman saying something about a diet and that being why she started eating at subway.

 

[TxBuckeye]

All I'm saying is that different people can find different things difficult. I know myself and my wife. I've never been more than maybe 15 pounds overweight. I don't go on special diets, I have gone through long periods where I'm fairly sedentary, I don't do anything special. It's easy for me to not be fat. It is not a constant struggle. For my wife it is.

I just wanted to say, in response to this specifcally, there is a whole lot of middle ground here. Lots of people stay fit but believe me, they aren't in your boat. It is a lot of work. And yes, my wife and I are included. I weigh, at almost 50, what I did in college. My wife is fit and in shape too. But unlike you, we DO have to watch what we eat. And we DON'T have sedentary periods. In other words, for us, staying in shape IS hard and it IS a lot of work. We both watch what we eat, and we both work out five days a week. Nothing about it is easy. As I get older, everything hurts after a workout. So yea, it is a struggle and it is hard and it is a lot of effort. But we do it. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it can't be done if you want it. Life is a struggle. You either make the effort, or you suffer the consequences. Saying you don't do it because "it's hard" is, I'm afraid, an excuse. And not even a good one. Most things worth doing in life take effort. They don't just fall is your lap. So I guess I have to side with the folks here that say, if your wife wanted to lose weight, she'd do it. Maybe she thinks she wants to lose it, but apparently not enough to give up the garbage foods. So I guess she really doesn't want to lose it THAT badly. Because if she did, she would. I don't mean to target your wife specifically WR. This is really a post in general for anyone who has a problem with weight or who has a spouse or SO with weight issues. I'm just addressing your post because it seemed to hit at the heart of the issue.Edit to add: I see Datonn covered this pretty well while I was typing.

 

[Nipsey]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

 

[eoMMan]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

I love the subway order: Footlong Tuna w/ Chips & Large Soda.... Topped with Extra Mayo. I've seen what had to have been half a cup of mayo added to a Tuna sub before.... then heard the woman saying something about a diet and that being why she started eating at subway.

People always look at me weird when they see me eat tuna out of can (in water) with just some salt and pepper. All that extra stuff is just filler, imo.

 

[[icon]]

My wife has lost 18 pounds in 10 weeks and 27 since she had our daughter. She weighs less now then when she graduated high school. I've lost 16 in 10 weeks. No exercise for either of us. We chose to quit eating fat. I've had one steak since Easter. No more mayo or ranch. Absolutely nothing fried. No cheese Baked chips instead of regular. Lots of subway turkey sandwiches on wheat and chicken tacos on corn tortillas. Lots of grilled chicken breasts instead of ribeye.

It isn't hard. You just have to commit to doing it.

replace with lettuce wrap

Lettuce wraps are nice... but can be a pain to deal with. I'm a big fan ofTumaro's Whole Grain Tortillas (60cal : 2g Fat : 7g Fiber : 4g Net Carbs : 6g Protein)

ETA: I'm not big on pure low-carb / atkins style eating... but there is a LOT to be said for cutting way way back in stupid areas.

 

[sjslacker]

One of the biggest and easiest things most folks can do is DON'T DRINK SUGAR/CARBS (includes fruit juice and diet sodas)!

 

[nysportsfan]

So after all this bull####, did you decide on how to proceed?

 

[gianmarco]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

Actually, it's not the carbs either. It's simply a matter of calories. Carbs just are more calorie dense than other foods, but there's nothing inherently bad about carbs. I was able to drop 25 lbs recently without any limitations on carbs or anything else for that matter.Losing weight from a "diet" standpoint is simple math:Take in fewer calories than you expend. If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it. Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food, but in the end, it's about calorie consumption and calorie expenditure. Whether you want to do it by simply limiting calories or adding in exercise to burn more calories doesn't really matter. Adding in exercise is healthy for you and is encouraged but isn't necessary. If I had you locked in a room for a month and fed you nothing but a bagel a day, you'd lose weight. 100% carb diet but minimal calories. In fact, a pound of pasta only has about 1600 calories. You could eat 3/4th of a pound of pasta a day (which is a lot) and lose weight if you ate nothing else.The key is finding foods that are filling but don't have a ton of calories and sticking to those foods in appropriate portions with NOTHING ELSE. No extra snacks. No extra juices. No extra sides. Even just picking up a banana to snack on is an extra 100 calories. Small yogurt: tack on another 100-150 calories. In those 2 small snacks, you can add 250 calories just like that. I can eat 2 eggs and a couple of slices of ham and consume fewer calories and be more full than those 2 snacks. Set a calorie goal for the day and find a way to stay under it. Simple math.ETA--Oh, and a couple other points:1) Don't eat late in the day. It's ok to go to bed hungry. In fact, it's easy to do since you'll fall asleep and won't be aware of it and have to suffer through the "hunger". I found eating a late lunch actually helped me eat a very small dinner or no dinner at all at times. You don't HAVE to eat just because it's a specific time of the day.2) Drink lots of water. Oftentimes, what may seem like hunger is actually thirst. Drink 1-2 glasses of water before eating to help you get "full" faster. Eating slower will help that as well. The first 2-3 weeks can be tough if you cut down from what you're used to, but then it gets easy and your body gets used to it.

 

[Nipsey]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

Actually, it's not the carbs either. It's simply a matter of calories. Carbs just are more calorie dense than other foods, but there's nothing inherently bad about carbs. I was able to drop 25 lbs recently without any limitations on carbs or anything else for that matter.Losing weight from a "diet" standpoint is simple math:Take in fewer calories than you expend. If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it. Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food, but in the end, it's about calorie consumption and calorie expenditure. Whether you want to do it by simply limiting calories or adding in exercise to burn more calories doesn't really matter. Adding in exercise is healthy for you and is encouraged but isn't necessary. If I had you locked in a room for a month and fed you nothing but a bagel a day, you'd lose weight. 100% carb diet but minimal calories. In fact, a pound of pasta only has about 1600 calories. You could eat 3/4th of a pound of pasta a day (which is a lot) and lose weight if you ate nothing else.The key is finding foods that are filling but don't have a ton of calories and sticking to those foods in appropriate portions with NOTHING ELSE. No extra snacks. No extra juices. No extra sides. Even just picking up a banana to snack on is an extra 100 calories. Small yogurt: tack on another 100-150 calories. In those 2 small snacks, you can add 250 calories just like that. I can eat 2 eggs and a couple of slices of ham and consume fewer calories and be more full than those 2 snacks. Set a calorie goal for the day and find a way to stay under it. Simple math.

You're talking about starving yourself. I'm talking about avoiding certain foods. The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

 

[beavers]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women. You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, very wrong. I have no idea how to communicate with women ... My only credential is that I am a woman AND I was married to a woman (a fat one) for 8 years who did lose weight while we were together. I have no clue here.

What are you under the influence of that made you think any of the above conversation was about you?!

He responded to my post, saying I was wrong with the assessment that you can't communicate with women.

 

[Chaka]

Oh dear me. It is not simply a matter of willpower. For many overweight and obese people the key component is lack of knowledge about what to eat more than lack of ability to control how much. That is not willpower that is education. And for many others there are clear genetic components that go far beyond the thyroid issue that gets tossed around as if it is the only possible genetic issue people might have that predisposes them to gain fat. This thread has many clear examples of suggestions about what to do and/or eat that don't hold up to scrutiny but they get repeated over and over again and the conventional wisdom continues to prevail. "Fat people lack willpower", "Fat people need to exercise more", "Fat people need to eat low fat diets that emphasize whole grains" etc. (all have been stated in this thread) And the cycle continues.

Keep it simple. Start by being active and eat natural foods that are as close to the source as possible. If you're hungry, eat just make good decisions about what you eat. If you want to know how to make a good food decisions this is a good place to start.

Be patient about your weight loss, you didn't gain it overnight and you won't lose it overnight either.

 

[jwb]

Anyone here ok w/ simply not being classically "thin"? There is a middle ground between "in shape" and "riding the rascal at walmart" fat.

I'm 6', 230. 46 y/o. Not slim by any means. I work out a decent amount (because I like to), can bench my weight, can do several miles on the treadmill easily, etc. But I also like to eat and drink, and I do. According to the doc, my "numbers" are great, and I feel great.

My wife (50 y/o) is 5'10", 190. Like me, not slim by any means, but she wears it well and looks fine to me. We're pretty active - ride bikes, walk, take our dog for a hike, and so on.

We eat what we want, do what we want, etc. We've both been about the same weight for the last decade. Neither of us will ever be "slim" again, and I'm pretty sure neither will be super fat, either. Just not wired that way.

We enjoy life, and neither of us can imagine a strict regimine to keep a certain weight, etc. I mean, for what? To look like we did at 25? Or to tack on another five years in our 80's? Please.

Pour me another beer, willya? And my wife wants to see the dessert menue.

 

[[icon]]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, very wrong. I have no idea how to communicate with women ... My only credential is that I am a woman AND I was married to a woman (a fat one) for 8 years who did lose weight while we were together.

I have no clue here.

What are you under the influence of that made you think any of the above conversation was about you?!

He responded to my post, saying I was wrong with the assessment that you can't communicate with women.

... and yet you somehow took that as him saying YOU can't communicate with women? (see bolded) It's like Woz w/ a ######.

...wait....

 

[General Malaise]

Can't we just legalize greenies and be done with it already? Give us some speed and we'll all be skinny again.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

Probably just needs better marketing. If people are willing to eat diet foods and supplements that are supposed to give you diarrhea, I think they'd be willing to try the Nazi diet if presented in the right way.

 

[General Malaise]

Anyone here ok w/ simply not being classically "thin"? There is a middle ground between "in shape" and "riding the rascal at walmart" fat.

I'm 6', 230. 46 y/o. Not slim by any means. I work out a decent amount (because I like to), can bench my weight, can do several miles on the treadmill easily, etc. But I also like to eat and drink, and I do. According to the doc, my "numbers" are great, and I feel great.

My wife (50 y/o) is 5'10", 190. Like me, not slim by any means, but she wears it well and looks fine to me. We're pretty active - ride bikes, walk, take our dog for a hike, and so on.

We eat what we want, do what we want, etc. We've both been about the same weight for the last decade. Neither of us will ever be "slim" again, and I'm pretty sure neither will be super fat, either. Just not wired that way.

We enjoy life, and neither of us can imagine a strict regimine to keep a certain weight, etc. I mean, for what? To look like we did at 25? Or to tack on another five years in our 80's? Please.

Pour me another beer, willya? And my wife wants to see the dessert menue.

SUBSCRIBE!!!

 

[Abraham]

I had a thread here 18 months ago about how I ate breakfast at everyday at McDonald's. I went back and looked and was horrified to find I had been having 700 calories and 60 grams of fat each day for breakfast.

Eta - I still drink as much beer and tequila as always.

 

[gianmarco]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

Actually, it's not the carbs either. It's simply a matter of calories. Carbs just are more calorie dense than other foods, but there's nothing inherently bad about carbs. I was able to drop 25 lbs recently without any limitations on carbs or anything else for that matter.Losing weight from a "diet" standpoint is simple math:Take in fewer calories than you expend. If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it. Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food, but in the end, it's about calorie consumption and calorie expenditure. Whether you want to do it by simply limiting calories or adding in exercise to burn more calories doesn't really matter. Adding in exercise is healthy for you and is encouraged but isn't necessary. If I had you locked in a room for a month and fed you nothing but a bagel a day, you'd lose weight. 100% carb diet but minimal calories. In fact, a pound of pasta only has about 1600 calories. You could eat 3/4th of a pound of pasta a day (which is a lot) and lose weight if you ate nothing else.The key is finding foods that are filling but don't have a ton of calories and sticking to those foods in appropriate portions with NOTHING ELSE. No extra snacks. No extra juices. No extra sides. Even just picking up a banana to snack on is an extra 100 calories. Small yogurt: tack on another 100-150 calories. In those 2 small snacks, you can add 250 calories just like that. I can eat 2 eggs and a couple of slices of ham and consume fewer calories and be more full than those 2 snacks. Set a calorie goal for the day and find a way to stay under it. Simple math.

You're talking about starving yourself. I'm talking about avoiding certain foods. The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

No, I'm not talking about starving yourself. You can choose how far below your calorie expenditure you want to be. If your body uses 2000 calories per day, you can choose to take in 1900 or 1500 or 1000. All of them will allow you to lose weight, just at different rates. You can still take in calories, not starve yourself, and lose weight, just at a slower pace. That is actually better for you in the long run anyway as it's easier to do, more sustainable, and easier to keep off than a drastic dropoff.SImilarly, you can be on the greatest diet in the world and eat the best foods, but if you're taking in 2100 calories/day and your body is only using 2000, you simply won't lose weight. There's no reason you have to avoid any types of foods. It's just a matter of what you want to endure. You can eat a slice a cheesecake and lose weight. The problem is, that cheesecake likely contains close to your entire goal calorie load which doesn't allow you to eat anything else for the rest of the day. The cheesecake isn't inherently bad and by itself isn't going to cause you to gain weight if you eat nothing else for the rest of the day. But, if go after foods that are more filling with less calories, it will allow you to "eat more", not feel so hungry, and still lose weight simply because your total calories is where it needs to be. Again, there's nothing magical about it. There's no special foods you have to go after or foods you have to avoid. Figure out a goal caloric intake and stay under it. That's it. If you continue to choose calorie dense foods, it's going to be really hard to accomplish that without feeling hungry all day long but it's still possible. Doing it in moderation is the easiest way. It's very easy to have a filling breakfast under 300 calories. Have a nice 800 calorie lunch (can be quite filling). Throw in another 400-500 calories for dinner and you're easily under 2000 for the day and can likely lose weight. The key is finding the foods to fit those requirements that will satisfy you enough to do it on a regular basis.

 

[General Malaise]

The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

Probably just needs better marketing. If people are willing to eat diet foods and supplements that are supposed to give you diarrhea, I think they'd be willing to try the Nazi diet if presented in the right way.

Soup Nazi is wildly popular. I agree, it's all about marketing here. Also, don't underestimate PBR as a delicious source of diarrhea.

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

All I'm saying is that different people can find different things difficult. I know myself and my wife. I've never been more than maybe 15 pounds overweight. I don't go on special diets, I have gone through long periods where I'm fairly sedentary, I don't do anything special. It's easy for me to not be fat. It is not a constant struggle. For my wife it is.

I just wanted to say, in response to this specifcally, there is a whole lot of middle ground here. Lots of people stay fit but believe me, they aren't in your boat. It is a lot of work. And yes, my wife and I are included. I weigh, at almost 50, what I did in college. My wife is fit and in shape too. But unlike you, we DO have to watch what we eat. And we DON'T have sedentary periods. In other words, for us, staying in shape IS hard and it IS a lot of work. We both watch what we eat, and we both work out five days a week. Nothing about it is easy. As I get older, everything hurts after a workout. So yea, it is a struggle and it is hard and it is a lot of effort. But we do it. Just because something is hard doesn't mean it can't be done if you want it. Life is a struggle. You either make the effort, or you suffer the consequences. Saying you don't do it because "it's hard" is, I'm afraid, an excuse. And not even a good one. Most things worth doing in life take effort. They don't just fall is your lap. So I guess I have to side with the folks here that say, if your wife wanted to lose weight, she'd do it. Maybe she thinks she wants to lose it, but apparently not enough to give up the garbage foods. So I guess she really doesn't want to lose it THAT badly. Because if she did, she would. I don't mean to target your wife specifically WR. This is really a post in general for anyone who has a problem with weight or who has a spouse or SO with weight issues. I'm just addressing your post because it seemed to hit at the heart of the issue.

Thanks. Yes, I know that some people really struggle with weight and emerge successful. You and your wife should be very proud of what you've managed. I was mostly just responding to the people that were saying stuff like "it's easy" or "I was 20 pounds overweight and I just did X and I've been fine ever since." Not everyone is the same. What's easy for one person can be difficult for another.

 

[Invaded?]

So after all this bull####, did you decide on how to proceed?

I'm going to sit down with her this weekend and talk about how I really want to support her with her goals. I'm going to offer to help more in planning grocery trips and cutting out any extra crap we don't need to have in the house so she's not tempted, and focusing even more on cooking with fresh ingredients. I'm going to suggest that we both keep food logs (and check out myfitnesspal... I think keeping food logs will lead to some revelations about either her bad habits or portion control). I'm going to suggest that we find time in the mornings to do something together, or at minimum I will offer to help in whatever way I can (kids, etc.) to give her the time she needs to workout every day.I just plan on really conveying how I want her to be healthy and happy, and while I don't want to be the diet/exercise nazi, I do want to do more to support her. We've had the conversation before, but I am going to try to present some specific things that I plan on doing to help her.

I may come out of it with only 5 hours of sleep a night, but I have to give it a shot, and I want my healthy, happy wife back.

 

[[icon]]

Also, don't underestimate PBR as a delicious source of diarrhea.

 

[belljr]

I tend to eat more crap when I'm working out.....

 

[Nipsey]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

Actually, it's not the carbs either. It's simply a matter of calories. Carbs just are more calorie dense than other foods, but there's nothing inherently bad about carbs. I was able to drop 25 lbs recently without any limitations on carbs or anything else for that matter.Losing weight from a "diet" standpoint is simple math:Take in fewer calories than you expend. If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it. Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food, but in the end, it's about calorie consumption and calorie expenditure. Whether you want to do it by simply limiting calories or adding in exercise to burn more calories doesn't really matter. Adding in exercise is healthy for you and is encouraged but isn't necessary. If I had you locked in a room for a month and fed you nothing but a bagel a day, you'd lose weight. 100% carb diet but minimal calories. In fact, a pound of pasta only has about 1600 calories. You could eat 3/4th of a pound of pasta a day (which is a lot) and lose weight if you ate nothing else.The key is finding foods that are filling but don't have a ton of calories and sticking to those foods in appropriate portions with NOTHING ELSE. No extra snacks. No extra juices. No extra sides. Even just picking up a banana to snack on is an extra 100 calories. Small yogurt: tack on another 100-150 calories. In those 2 small snacks, you can add 250 calories just like that. I can eat 2 eggs and a couple of slices of ham and consume fewer calories and be more full than those 2 snacks. Set a calorie goal for the day and find a way to stay under it. Simple math.

You're talking about starving yourself. I'm talking about avoiding certain foods. The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

No, I'm not talking about starving yourself. You can choose how far below your calorie expenditure you want to be. If your body uses 2000 calories per day, you can choose to take in 1900 or 1500 or 1000. All of them will allow you to lose weight, just at different rates. You can still take in calories, not starve yourself, and lose weight, just at a slower pace. That is actually better for you in the long run anyway as it's easier to do, more sustainable, and easier to keep off than a drastic dropoff.SImilarly, you can be on the greatest diet in the world and eat the best foods, but if you're taking in 2100 calories/day and your body is only using 2000, you simply won't lose weight. There's no reason you have to avoid any types of foods. It's just a matter of what you want to endure. You can eat a slice a cheesecake and lose weight. The problem is, that cheesecake likely contains close to your entire goal calorie load which doesn't allow you to eat anything else for the rest of the day. The cheesecake isn't inherently bad and by itself isn't going to cause you to gain weight if you eat nothing else for the rest of the day. But, if go after foods that are more filling with less calories, it will allow you to "eat more", not feel so hungry, and still lose weight simply because your total calories is where it needs to be. Again, there's nothing magical about it. There's no special foods you have to go after or foods you have to avoid. Figure out a goal caloric intake and stay under it. That's it. If you continue to choose calorie dense foods, it's going to be really hard to accomplish that without feeling hungry all day long but it's still possible. Doing it in moderation is the easiest way. It's very easy to have a filling breakfast under 300 calories. Have a nice 800 calorie lunch (can be quite filling). Throw in another 400-500 calories for dinner and you're easily under 2000 for the day and can likely lose weight. The key is finding the foods to fit those requirements that will satisfy you enough to do it on a regular basis.

I simply disagree. You eat 2500 calories worth of pasta a day and i'll eat 2500 calories of meat a day. If we both started at 250 pounds and taking exercise out of the equation, I guarantee i lose weight and you don't (or not as much). 500 calories of carbs with no or little fiber is not the same as 500 carb free calories when it comes to weight gain/loss. It's not.

 

[gianmarco]

Btw, healthy competition can be very helpful as well.

Does your wife have other friends or relatives that want to lose weight? Engage in a healthy bet with them (or even with you). Having a "partner" with a specified goal and date can do wonder vs. the nebulous "I need to lose weight at some point".

Get a clear start date, clear end date, clear goal, and clear reward (bet) to get there. There's a reason the Fatballguys Challenge existed and actually helped so many people actually lose weight. A lot of people can't do things on their own without set deadlines and consequences. Add in competition with dates and all of a sudden things get more real and easier to do and want to do.

Offer her an amazing vacation she's always wanted to go to if she hits X amount of lbs. Make her earn it and want to earn it.

 

[Invaded?]

Anyone here ok w/ simply not being classically "thin"? There is a middle ground between "in shape" and "riding the rascal at walmart" fat.

I'm 6', 230. 46 y/o. Not slim by any means. I work out a decent amount (because I like to), can bench my weight, can do several miles on the treadmill easily, etc. But I also like to eat and drink, and I do. According to the doc, my "numbers" are great, and I feel great.

My wife (50 y/o) is 5'10", 190. Like me, not slim by any means, but she wears it well and looks fine to me. We're pretty active - ride bikes, walk, take our dog for a hike, and so on.

We eat what we want, do what we want, etc. We've both been about the same weight for the last decade. Neither of us will ever be "slim" again, and I'm pretty sure neither will be super fat, either. Just not wired that way.

We enjoy life, and neither of us can imagine a strict regimine to keep a certain weight, etc. I mean, for what? To look like we did at 25? Or to tack on another five years in our 80's? Please.

Pour me another beer, willya? And my wife wants to see the dessert menue.

As I said earlier, I'm not looking for my wife to end up skinny. She's always been on the thicker side of average, and that's fine with me. If I wanted some super skinny chick I would have married one.But there's a difference between 60-70 pounds over the average weight for her height and 10-20 pounds. I'd be pretty happy if she got down to 10-20 pounds over.

 

[beavers]

What's even better, is that you just proved that you have no idea on how to communicate with women.

You need to relax, dude.

Couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, very wrong. I have no idea how to communicate with women ... My only credential is that I am a woman AND I was married to a woman (a fat one) for 8 years who did lose weight while we were together.

I have no clue here.

What are you under the influence of that made you think any of the above conversation was about you?!

He responded to my post, saying I was wrong with the assessment that you can't communicate with women.

... and yet you somehow took that as him saying YOU can't communicate with women? (see bolded) It's like Woz w/ a ######.

...wait....

I hope you're fishing because if not, then :whoosh: Let me break this down for you ...

1. Throughout this thread, you've given questionable advice on how to approach a weight problem with his wife.

2. I questioned your ability to communicate with women (given your advice and experience with me), thus putting your advice in question.

3. Chet said my assessment was wrong - My assumption is that Chet believes you communicate well with women.

4. I stated my credentials of dealing with women (I am a woman, I date women, and I was married to a fatso for 8 yrs) to give credence to my assessment.

What are you not getting here?

 

[Maude]

I still want to know what the wife is eating. It's one thing to eat 100 turkey sandwiches per day and be 60-70lbs overweight. It's quite another to be eating a grand slam breakfast, a couple of big macs, some ding dongs, and a quart of ice cream every day.

So which is it? And what is she eating exactly?

 

[gianmarco]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

Actually, it's not the carbs either. It's simply a matter of calories. Carbs just are more calorie dense than other foods, but there's nothing inherently bad about carbs. I was able to drop 25 lbs recently without any limitations on carbs or anything else for that matter.Losing weight from a "diet" standpoint is simple math:Take in fewer calories than you expend. If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it. Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food, but in the end, it's about calorie consumption and calorie expenditure. Whether you want to do it by simply limiting calories or adding in exercise to burn more calories doesn't really matter. Adding in exercise is healthy for you and is encouraged but isn't necessary. If I had you locked in a room for a month and fed you nothing but a bagel a day, you'd lose weight. 100% carb diet but minimal calories. In fact, a pound of pasta only has about 1600 calories. You could eat 3/4th of a pound of pasta a day (which is a lot) and lose weight if you ate nothing else.The key is finding foods that are filling but don't have a ton of calories and sticking to those foods in appropriate portions with NOTHING ELSE. No extra snacks. No extra juices. No extra sides. Even just picking up a banana to snack on is an extra 100 calories. Small yogurt: tack on another 100-150 calories. In those 2 small snacks, you can add 250 calories just like that. I can eat 2 eggs and a couple of slices of ham and consume fewer calories and be more full than those 2 snacks. Set a calorie goal for the day and find a way to stay under it. Simple math.

You're talking about starving yourself. I'm talking about avoiding certain foods. The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

No, I'm not talking about starving yourself. You can choose how far below your calorie expenditure you want to be. If your body uses 2000 calories per day, you can choose to take in 1900 or 1500 or 1000. All of them will allow you to lose weight, just at different rates. You can still take in calories, not starve yourself, and lose weight, just at a slower pace. That is actually better for you in the long run anyway as it's easier to do, more sustainable, and easier to keep off than a drastic dropoff.SImilarly, you can be on the greatest diet in the world and eat the best foods, but if you're taking in 2100 calories/day and your body is only using 2000, you simply won't lose weight. There's no reason you have to avoid any types of foods. It's just a matter of what you want to endure. You can eat a slice a cheesecake and lose weight. The problem is, that cheesecake likely contains close to your entire goal calorie load which doesn't allow you to eat anything else for the rest of the day. The cheesecake isn't inherently bad and by itself isn't going to cause you to gain weight if you eat nothing else for the rest of the day. But, if go after foods that are more filling with less calories, it will allow you to "eat more", not feel so hungry, and still lose weight simply because your total calories is where it needs to be. Again, there's nothing magical about it. There's no special foods you have to go after or foods you have to avoid. Figure out a goal caloric intake and stay under it. That's it. If you continue to choose calorie dense foods, it's going to be really hard to accomplish that without feeling hungry all day long but it's still possible. Doing it in moderation is the easiest way. It's very easy to have a filling breakfast under 300 calories. Have a nice 800 calorie lunch (can be quite filling). Throw in another 400-500 calories for dinner and you're easily under 2000 for the day and can likely lose weight. The key is finding the foods to fit those requirements that will satisfy you enough to do it on a regular basis.

I simply disagree. You eat 2500 calories worth of pasta a day and i'll eat 2500 calories of meat a day. If we both started at 250 pounds and taking exercise out of the equation, I guarantee i lose weight and you don't (or not as much). 500 calories of carbs with no or little fiber is not the same as 500 carb free calories when it comes to weight gain/loss. It's not.

You can disagree all you want but you're wrong (for the most part).What will change is your body's metabolism based on what you're taking in. If you take it to the extreme in your example, taking in that much protein is going to alter the way your body metabolizes its sources of energy which will affect your daily metabolic rate and baseline calorie expenditure. You can lie in a bed and do nothing and your body still will burn a certain amount of calories just to survive. That rate will change with various things such as what's going on, starvation mode, exercise, muscle breakdown, etc.But, with a diet based on moderation, those changes will be relatively minimal. If I'm burning 3000 calories/day and you're burning 2500 calories/day, it's simply impossible for you to lose more weight than me if we both take in 2500 calories no matter where those 2500 calories come from. You can disagree all you want but it's how it works.

 

[Nipsey]

To sum it all up...Ask any non fat person over the age of 35 how they stay fit. The answer will always be that they don't eat a bunch of crap and they sometimes (or oftentimes) exercise. There's no secret. Just common sense and willpower. A friend of ours always complains that she keeps gaining weight. Here are her two favorite foods:- McDonalds Filet-o-Fish with extra tarter on the side.- At a restaurant always orders a Caesar salad to start. I think she believes this is healthy because her 500 calorie fat-laden "salad" is healthy because there is some green stuff in it. <--COMMON SENSE FAIL

In her semi-defense, the extra tarter sauce and fat-laden part of the salad isn't making her fat. It's the bread on the sandwich and the croutons in the salad. I knew a nice lady who who used to brag about eating healthy at lunch as to lose weight. Her go-to was a large veggie sub at subway. "There's no fat on the sandwich," she'd brag. She never lost weight though and couldn't figure out why. Her problem like so many was thinking fat in foods equates to being fat. It's the carbs that do it and eating a loaf of bread every day for lunch isn't going to shrink your waste line. My dad called me last year and talked about how he wasn't eating eggs for breakfast anymore as he was trying to lose weight. "Just going to have a bagel with fat-free cream cheese from now on."

Actually, it's not the carbs either. It's simply a matter of calories. Carbs just are more calorie dense than other foods, but there's nothing inherently bad about carbs. I was able to drop 25 lbs recently without any limitations on carbs or anything else for that matter.Losing weight from a "diet" standpoint is simple math:Take in fewer calories than you expend. If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it. Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food, but in the end, it's about calorie consumption and calorie expenditure. Whether you want to do it by simply limiting calories or adding in exercise to burn more calories doesn't really matter. Adding in exercise is healthy for you and is encouraged but isn't necessary. If I had you locked in a room for a month and fed you nothing but a bagel a day, you'd lose weight. 100% carb diet but minimal calories. In fact, a pound of pasta only has about 1600 calories. You could eat 3/4th of a pound of pasta a day (which is a lot) and lose weight if you ate nothing else.The key is finding foods that are filling but don't have a ton of calories and sticking to those foods in appropriate portions with NOTHING ELSE. No extra snacks. No extra juices. No extra sides. Even just picking up a banana to snack on is an extra 100 calories. Small yogurt: tack on another 100-150 calories. In those 2 small snacks, you can add 250 calories just like that. I can eat 2 eggs and a couple of slices of ham and consume fewer calories and be more full than those 2 snacks. Set a calorie goal for the day and find a way to stay under it. Simple math.

You're talking about starving yourself. I'm talking about avoiding certain foods. The Pianist was skin and bones living on nothing but potatoes but nobody's rushing to go on the Nazi-hiding diet.

No, I'm not talking about starving yourself. You can choose how far below your calorie expenditure you want to be. If your body uses 2000 calories per day, you can choose to take in 1900 or 1500 or 1000. All of them will allow you to lose weight, just at different rates. You can still take in calories, not starve yourself, and lose weight, just at a slower pace. That is actually better for you in the long run anyway as it's easier to do, more sustainable, and easier to keep off than a drastic dropoff.SImilarly, you can be on the greatest diet in the world and eat the best foods, but if you're taking in 2100 calories/day and your body is only using 2000, you simply won't lose weight. There's no reason you have to avoid any types of foods. It's just a matter of what you want to endure. You can eat a slice a cheesecake and lose weight. The problem is, that cheesecake likely contains close to your entire goal calorie load which doesn't allow you to eat anything else for the rest of the day. The cheesecake isn't inherently bad and by itself isn't going to cause you to gain weight if you eat nothing else for the rest of the day. But, if go after foods that are more filling with less calories, it will allow you to "eat more", not feel so hungry, and still lose weight simply because your total calories is where it needs to be. Again, there's nothing magical about it. There's no special foods you have to go after or foods you have to avoid. Figure out a goal caloric intake and stay under it. That's it. If you continue to choose calorie dense foods, it's going to be really hard to accomplish that without feeling hungry all day long but it's still possible. Doing it in moderation is the easiest way. It's very easy to have a filling breakfast under 300 calories. Have a nice 800 calorie lunch (can be quite filling). Throw in another 400-500 calories for dinner and you're easily under 2000 for the day and can likely lose weight. The key is finding the foods to fit those requirements that will satisfy you enough to do it on a regular basis.

I simply disagree. You eat 2500 calories worth of pasta a day and i'll eat 2500 calories of meat a day. If we both started at 250 pounds and taking exercise out of the equation, I guarantee i lose weight and you don't (or not as much). 500 calories of carbs with no or little fiber is not the same as 500 carb free calories when it comes to weight gain/loss. It's not.

You can disagree all you want but you're wrong (for the most part).What will change is your body's metabolism based on what you're taking in. If you take it to the extreme in your example, taking in that much protein is going to alter the way your body metabolizes its sources of energy which will affect your daily metabolic rate and baseline calorie expenditure. You can lie in a bed and do nothing and your body still will burn a certain amount of calories just to survive. That rate will change with various things such as what's going on, starvation mode, exercise, muscle breakdown, etc.But, with a diet based on moderation, those changes will be relatively minimal. If I'm burning 3000 calories/day and you're burning 2500 calories/day, it's simply impossible for you to lose more weight than me if we both take in 2500 calories no matter where those 2500 calories come from. You can disagree all you want but it's how it works.

Try the NipseyBurger Couples Weight Loss Challenge. You and your SO want to lose weight. You get 2 lettuce wrapped cheeseburgers with all of the fixings. She gets 2 hamburger buns with nothing inside but vegetables. I guarantee two things: first, your meal has more calories. Second, you will lose weight and she won't.

 

[General Malaise]

So after all this bull####, did you decide on how to proceed?

I'm going to sit down with her this weekend and talk about how I really want to support her with her goals. I'm going to offer to help more in planning grocery trips and cutting out any extra crap we don't need to have in the house so she's not tempted, and focusing even more on cooking with fresh ingredients. I'm going to suggest that we both keep food logs (and check out myfitnesspal... I think keeping food logs will lead to some revelations about either her bad habits or portion control). I'm going to suggest that we find time in the mornings to do something together, or at minimum I will offer to help in whatever way I can (kids, etc.) to give her the time she needs to workout every day.I just plan on really conveying how I want her to be healthy and happy, and while I don't want to be the diet/exercise nazi, I do want to do more to support her. We've had the conversation before, but I am going to try to present some specific things that I plan on doing to help her.

I may come out of it with only 5 hours of sleep a night, but I have to give it a shot, and I want my healthy, happy wife back.

Good luck, man. You're pretty easy to root for. I need to lose about 20 pounds, but it was 40 pounds not all that long ago, so I'm always interested in hearing how people go about doing it. With regards to the gym, have you considered signing her up in advance for a few months of Body Pump or Boot Camp? I did both of these at the rec center in my neigborhood and enjoyed both of them very much. Wasn't very expensive (rec centers are cheap) and it's a great, one hour work out (2-3x a week). Body Pump will help your wife build core strength and tone up all muscle groups while burning calories (workout to exhaustion all muscle groups - speed lifting, no breaks). They have them nationwide. I recommend it highly as a starting off point and she can go at her own pace with regards to amount of weight she lifts.

I plan on signing back up in the fall.

 

[gianmarco]

I simply disagree. You eat 2500 calories worth of pasta a day and i'll eat 2500 calories of meat a day. If we both started at 250 pounds and taking exercise out of the equation, I guarantee i lose weight and you don't (or not as much). 500 calories of carbs with no or little fiber is not the same as 500 carb free calories when it comes to weight gain/loss. It's not.

Some helpful information

There was no meaningful difference in weight loss among the participants, no matter which of four diets they were assigned to follow. The diets were based on nutritious foods with similar calories, but the ratio of fat, carbohydrates, and protein in the diets varied by group.

Don't get me wrong, in the end, cutting out some carbs is going to be helpful. Not because the carbs are "bad", but simply because the carbs are so calorie dense that people will feel hungry earlier eating those than they will other types of foods. Eating less calorie dense foods allows you to eat more which allows people to sustain their "diet" longer because they aren't as hungry. But from a pure weight loss standpoint, 250 calories of cake vs. 250 calories of fruit will have no difference on weight loss other than the cake person will want to eat sooner than the fruit person.

 

[Invaded?]

I still want to know what the wife is eating. It's one thing to eat 100 turkey sandwiches per day and be 60-70lbs overweight. It's quite another to be eating a grand slam breakfast, a couple of big macs, some ding dongs, and a quart of ice cream every day.So which is it? And what is she eating exactly?

She's not a gross over-eater.Typical day might be:- some cereal (non-sugary), toast, or fruit for breakfast- sandwich for lunch, maybe with some chips or something- dinners vary greatly... mostly some combination of a meat/veggie/carb... we probably eat more frozen stuff than we should (those packages of veggies with a sauce, etc.)I don't see her snack a lot when I'm home on the weekends, but I don't know about during the week. We don't keep boxes of ding dongs, etc. in the house. Most "junk food" we have is popcorn or cheese puffs that the kids eat, maybe some cookies. Lately she has given up regular and diet soda completely. She bought some of the naturally flavored sodas you find in places like Whole Foods though... not sure how good/bad those are. As far as I know she doesn't eat fast food during the week. If she does it's something like a grilled chicken sandwich and fries from Chic-fil-a. We probably go out once every weekend for pizza or a burrito place or something.

 

[Invaded?]

---

 

[Nipsey]

I simply disagree. You eat 2500 calories worth of pasta a day and i'll eat 2500 calories of meat a day. If we both started at 250 pounds and taking exercise out of the equation, I guarantee i lose weight and you don't (or not as much). 500 calories of carbs with no or little fiber is not the same as 500 carb free calories when it comes to weight gain/loss. It's not.

Some helpful information

There was no meaningful difference in weight loss among the participants, no matter which of four diets they were assigned to follow. The diets were based on nutritious foods with similar calories, but the ratio of fat, carbohydrates, and protein in the diets varied by group.

Don't get me wrong, in the end, cutting out some carbs is going to be helpful. Not because the carbs are "bad", but simply because the carbs are so calorie dense that people will feel hungry earlier eating those than they will other types of foods. Eating less calorie dense foods allows you to eat more which allows people to sustain their "diet" longer because they aren't as hungry. But from a pure weight loss standpoint, 250 calories of cake vs. 250 calories of fruit will have no difference on weight loss other than the cake person will want to eat sooner than the fruit person.

On one hand you're saying that a calorie is a calorie and on the other you're saying that they're not. I'm saying they're not and not only because you want to eat more when consuming certain types of calories. You're over simplify the deal in one paragraph, you contradict yourself in the next.

If you burn more calories than you take in, it's impossible to not lose weight. Nothing magical about it.

Sure, different styles of eating and diets will affect how your body metabolizes food

<>

 

[General Malaise]

Nix the sodas entirely.

 

[sbonomo]

So after all this bull####, did you decide on how to proceed?

I'm going to sit down with her this weekend and talk about how I really want to support her with her goals. I'm going to offer to help more in planning grocery trips and cutting out any extra crap we don't need to have in the house so she's not tempted, and focusing even more on cooking with fresh ingredients. I'm going to suggest that we both keep food logs (and check out myfitnesspal... I think keeping food logs will lead to some revelations about either her bad habits or portion control). I'm going to suggest that we find time in the mornings to do something together, or at minimum I will offer to help in whatever way I can (kids, etc.) to give her the time she needs to workout every day.I just plan on really conveying how I want her to be healthy and happy, and while I don't want to be the diet/exercise nazi, I do want to do more to support her. We've had the conversation before, but I am going to try to present some specific things that I plan on doing to help her.

I may come out of it with only 5 hours of sleep a night, but I have to give it a shot, and I want my healthy, happy wife back.

This sounds like basically the same approach you have taken before. Why do you think the results will be any different than before? BTW, this has been a very good thread (even better with the ifight with beavers and icon).

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

Offer her a new husband.

It does seem as though the only real power a person has to try to change their spouse is to make a sincere threat to get a divorce. I'm just not willing to do that, though.